baybi_dreamer

Retirement

2011-05-14T09:12:00.002+08:00

I dont understand how some people can be such morning people.
Its Saturday and its not even 9am, and there are people at the shopping centres walking around when 3/4 of the shops are still closed with their gates down. Why do they even bother coming so early when the only thing open ins groceries?
Which is another thing, who goes shopping for groceries at 8am?? lol I understand the older people, coz its like a retirement home at Coles this morning, but still.. the sales only come up at the end of the day when they try to get rid of all their "fresh" produce before the week is out. You're meant to still be in bed at 10am Saturday morning - I would usually be.

Only reason why today is different is because I had to drop the boyfriend off to work. *yawn* I got paid in maccas breakfast though lol - sausage and egg mc muffin with OJ :) ftw!

Cept I had to drop him off early, and so im waiting outside the library in the morning cold. brr. And I just hogged the whole bench lols. my bad (some lady just looked at me and is now sitting on the cold limestone wall- LOL)

Anyways, Im not sure what this blog is about. I just wonder why people are in such a rush on a Saturday morning. I saw a lady before standing outside CUE and she was knocking on the door (this is 8.30am) trying to get the shop keepers
attention to let her in. lol.. seriously? shopping for clothes at 8.30? she couldnt wait til.. 9? LOL. craziness! If i were the shop keeper id cut sick at this woman coz I would still probably be half asleep lol.

Actually if it wasnt for the maccas and me having to drive this morning, I would probably be half asleep still. Haha I like my weekends in bed. *sigh* I don't know why people judge us who like to sleep in. lol we wake up early every week day,
can't you give us two days of extra sleep time? *zzz*

Ew. i just semi yacked in my mouth. LOL tastes like very acidic OJ... lol. *random* hrmm, maybe coz i downed that OJ a tad too quickly before coz I didn't think I would be sitting out here waiting for the library to open for so long. URGH

I wonder, when I grow old, will I be like these old people so early in the morning, having nothing better to do than to wait for the library to open at 9am, or shop for my groceries at 8am... =/ lol. ahh, I can't wait to get old. :) Kinda...

Kinda as in, growing old with someone, not having to work any more and just looking after the grandkids. :) Sounds pretty nice to me. And kinda just chillin every day and taking it easy.

Anyways, my train of thought has long gone.. about an hour ago..
this always happens when I start doing something else.. lol my bad. sorry yal.

til next time :)

- dreamer

i don't know how....

2010-09-16T02:01:00.003+08:00

it hurts seeing something you love fall apart. something you have known for all your life come crumbling down. and you feel so helpless when you are left there not knowing what to do - trying to make it better but then never succeeding. now what do you do? now you are left with nothing? broken and lost inside.

you start questioning things, wondering why and how things could change so quickly and so easily. you put yourselves in their shoes and think how could one person be so selfish and how can someone change so much just like that. what ever happened along the way. did we do something wrong? how could this happen?

i dont know what to do to make things better. but i know i have a say. but then again, i duno what to say. and i do not know how to say at all. urgh. its just such a puzzle to me how something so good can be broken just like that. and with no proper explanation. just done. poof. - well i hope theres no poofing around anytime soon. i will try and fix it. sigh. i have to.

anyways, the other day a friend of mine lost his father. sigh. something no child should have to bare at such a young age. your parents are meant to be there for you while you grow up and watch you get married, walk you down the aisle and play with the grandkids as they slowly tumble in. they arent meant to leave you at 21. sigh. my poor benn. i am so sorry that i am not there for him to help him through his grief. at a time like this, one needs their friends and people who care about them around them to lighten the pain. sigh but im not there. and im so sorry. :(

rest in peace mr balford. although i had never got the chance to meet you.. i have heard much about you. and your kids loved you and cared for you like there was no tmro. i was jealous of the relationship that you guys had coz he would put me on hold to talk to you for hours :) and your kids would arrange lunch for everyone to meet just for you. your daily talks and visits. sounds like you guys were so close. and i was looking forward to meeting you when i got back from my trip. :( but this was so sudden and so tragic... i am in shock and i am sad i never got the chance to be englightened by your presence. however, you are in a better place now and may you rest in peace with the angels above. :) you will be in the hearts of many. *s2*

sighs. its scary how life can be so short and so unpredictable. one day you are on the phone talking about your day, laughing over old times and planning a future meeting.. and then suddenly, its all taken away from you. and sometimes you dont even get a chance to say goodbye.

makes you realise that you really cant live life with regrets and that you must take every opportunity that you get. there is no point being sad and angry over something. no point to hold a grudge. life is seriously too short for all that bs. sigh.

i guess actions speak louder than words. but its so hard to try and show her this and make her listen to me. sigh. i guess i can never understand the pain that she is in. i know it must be killing her inside and i feel so sad every time i see her. but i dont know what i can do anymore. and i wish i could help her take the pain away. but i dont know how... i just dont know. and it hurts me inside. and i try to be strong, coz someone has to. and everyone around me seems to be breaking down.

its so easy to run away from it all. to just pack up my bags and leave. sigh. but i know that they need me. and iv made him a promise. sigh. i gta do it. i just dont know how...

i really dont know how...

withdrawl symptoms

2010-06-13T04:43:00.004+08:00

so its getting a little bit stupid now huh?
sigh, it sucks a bit. i find myself coming home from the clubs and the first thing i do is log onto gchat, hoping that today will be the day i finally get to talk to you again. but every morning, its the same. your name is not highlighted green, and you are not there. what am i do to. sigh.

yes it is very stupid considering you technically werent mine. i cudnt touch you, hug, kiss or hold you. sigh. but i am still hooked on you j. and i miss you so much sometimes.

im used to coming home at 5am from the clubs or a big night and i know that you would be there waiting for me :) all id have to do is drop you a msg or poke you. and ud be on like that *click* :) and you would always make me smile! :)

you're like a drug that i cant get over. an addiction. now im suffering from withdrawl symtoms. sigh. i want you back j. come back please. you always seem to make things better.

sigh.

gosh i sound so emo. =/ i been feeling very weird since last night..

i might also add, on a more positive and happy note: GODSKITCHEN was last night and man oh man it was pretty damn good! the line up was definately boss! roger shah, markus schulz and gareth emery <3 very big names of progressive trance, taking us to places we never been before.... hahahaha no not really, but man it was seriously some good trance beats all night :D

but yeah, i think maybe right now i am suffering from post party depression. this always happens after a huge rave or festival.. sigh.. the hype.. then the event.. the epicness.. and then the come down :'( which sometimes takes a long time. lol. hahaha.

ahhh.. sigh, last night was jsut goood. the music was seriously great! and everything was happy dayze :) maybe missing a few variables... hrmm. but even so, it was a good night :) one to rmber for sho! heheh :)

but going home alone.. makes thins sad sometimes. u rmber the times where.. things were different. and even witout physical company, there was always you b. and you made it all worth while. :) wud top my night and id fall aslp next to you :) ahh sigh *love*

come back soon j. you're dearly missed. and i know that i shud get over you.. drugs are obviously bad for you. hahah spesh when youre hooked like i am. argh. that.. is not good.. hahaha. but in slight moderation.. cant be too bad right?
*excuses* hahaha..

ahh time will tell.. ~~

- dreamer (missed out the england v USA soccer game. *devo* - must wake up tmro to watch the replay and cut myself off the world so the score wont be ruined for me!!! lols)

(also, obvi (LOL sigh), missing you j.e.j.)

x

escape

2010-06-10T22:12:00.002+08:00

i miss you more than ever now.
i realised this week how much i needed you, and as selfish as this is going to sound, i realised why i needed you. all the things iv sed about love and the perfect guy, still stands the same, dnt get me wrong.. but what iv realised this week is you are my escape! (i know iv already sed this before; you being my bubble and all)

but the past few weeks have really been hell. and i havnt been myself. sigh. all this stress, lack of sleep etc. and just everything has been getting to me. more so when you suddenly disappeared. *sigh*

not to sound over dramatic or anything, but my whole world seemed to have jsut fallen to pieces when you walked away. sigh. really! im on the verge of poverty (lol okay that one is a bit extreme talk), but im down to one job which is really only one shift a week, no study, no family still, friends are being shitty, still no bf, and no you.. and you my dear, you were my escape, my "bf" in our bubble - you are my break from reality, my escape.

and you have been this escape for me for 4 months now.. and with you suddenly gone, itjust feels soo weird and so wrong, like something is missing. and wen things go wrong, and i get angry, or i have a bad day. i dont have you anymore.. i cant run to you and forget about my shitty day and you aren't there to tell me things to cheer me up and smile.. sigh

i know it sounds all a bit selfish, that i want you as my escape, as my distraction. but its not just that you know that right b. <3 sigh.

but its true.. im losing it. the past few weeks.. i duno wats wrong with me but i am just so over it.. it being.. everything.. sigh life. friends. relationships. work. etc.. omg.. soooo over it! i really jsut feel like leaving and running away for a while.. to get away from everything.. sigh to have some time on my own or just away from perth i guess. lol.. sigh...

i want something new. i want something different. i dont want to have to deal wth the same stupid shit from the same stupid people every day. argh. not until they grow up and man up. im really over their shit. soo soo soooooooo over it. lol sigh..

i miss you j.

i wish that you would come back soon and bring back some stability in my life.. or really, just give me back my sanity. lol. it was nice having you around. you were my smething different, my escape from my real life.. its nice to talk to someone that isnt associated with the life that i lead every day. so we dont hav to talk about the same boring shit about the same people. its always different and unexpected with you. a suprise :) a nice one. i loved it. sigh. i love you.

please come back soon. i miss you.

- dreamer (dreams)

i will remember you s2

2010-06-07T14:20:00.005+08:00

im not too sure what i am feeling right now but i think it might be a slight emptiness.
maybe its be the shows that iv been watching, with new love and love broken, death and life and such.. and it might have to do with the sappy love and breakup songs that i am listening to now.. lol. yes, i think that might be it..
also that its a public holiday and there is nothing much to be doing, and i am slightly tired and aching and cant be bothered getting out of bed - no motivation at all.

sigh. but also coz i think i really do miss you.

its times like these i wish that you were here next to me. we would sleep in and only wake up for food when we are hungry :) and then you'd tell me that you love me while you spoon me and kiss me gently.

sigh.

but i will never have that with you.. ever. and the thought of that sucks real bad b.
it was bad enough, that i couldn't touch you, hold you, feel your lips against mine.. but now this.. it feels like a part of me is missing. coz it's been a while baby and iv been so used to seeing you and hearing your sexy voice over the line every day.. and on days like these...

do you remember that sunday we both just stayed in bed chilling out together with asot 2009~~ :) it was nearly perfect.. besides you being 14,000 miles away... ha! sigh. that part was the worst! i dont know how we did it. boy, i dun even know what we were doing.. but you were perfect to me.. you were everything that i am looking for, everything that i want, we were great.. ~

and now writing this, you might find it stupid. and i guess, maybe it is a little.. but we do crazy things when we fall for someone.. even if it was just a bubble, an escape from reality.

you gave me hope. you made me smile. you made me feel something i haven't felt in a very long time. and the fact that we had never touched or physically met.. makes it even more crazy that i fell for you.

you are right; that we have created this bubble where in each other's eyes we are just perfect for each other. we have created a love that no one else would understand, and no one else had a part of. :) it was literally just you and me every time we talked.. :) it was just me and you baby.

and yes, we were both right in thinking that this was just a dream, and wish and hope that it would come true. but the reality is that we live so far apart and we are just two people on a laptop screen. haha. sigh.

i do miss you. i miss the thought of having you. i really wish that one day my dream will come true. and i love you for making me feel special every moment we talked. i love you for giving me hope. i love you.. or at least the thought of you.

i knew that this bubble was going to pop eventually but i didn't think it was soo sudden. and i told myself from the beginning that even if it did pop i wouldn't be so emotional over it. hahaha. ahhh..

honestly im not too sure how i feel. its a weird feeling. coz i knew it was going to end one day, and so i only have myself to blame for feeling the hurt i am feeling right now. however i do not regret.. it was crazy - you and me. but it was great. it made me feel alive again, made me feel warm and loved. you definitely made my days brighter with your cheeky ways and smile.. and il never forget them green eyes babe <3 ehehe.

i don't know how i feel. im so glad i met you. but im so sad you're "gone". its a mix emotion. in a way i feel like i just got out of a relationship.. well, technically i just did huh. but wheres my closure? hahaha. maybe that's why im stuck. you left without saying goodbye :( and i know its not my fault, and things be crazy over there.. but.. no goodbye. it sucks..

my perfection, my escape, my guy that iv come to have known and loved over these 4 months.. suddenly out of my life... its hard to cope with.. its hard to adjust.. i don't really want to adjust.. i kinda want you back. (or the real you, here.<3)

~~ never fade away.. never fading out.. stars aren't so bright, when you're not here.. i'll wait forever my dear... your love, your love.. won't ever.. disappear ~ :)

thankyou for everything b.

i wish that you would come back. and it would be a dream come true if you did come like you said you wanted to. :) it'd be crazy. it would be fun. i'd really be a fairytale. :) haha but thats just a crazy dream that i have. lol. "we" had... ahhh.. "...(yes we are in a relationship)..." hahaha. oh j.

i love you.

and i will remember you. ~

- dreamer (hope)

click

2010-06-05T02:10:00.002+08:00

sigh. i feel so emo, this is stupid. lol. and yes this is about a guy...
but its not the same as any of the other guys that i have mentioned on this epic blog of boy rambles :P haha. *sigh*
this guy... he was different...

he was my perfect guy <3

we made a bubble, which was just so perfect...

just you and me,
our perfect, made up reality

he made me smile, he made me laugh.. he could cook, he loved his family and parents, he was sweet, caring, romantic, funny, lame, dorky!, cute, retarded, totally hot, amazing smile, green eyes, tall, sexy, charming, smart, he loved life, he loved music and he could even dance.. he said what was on his mind, he would tell me that he loved me, tell me that he missed me and cared, that i mattered and that i was amazing :) he.. was.. amazing. :) he really was perfect.

its crazy. spesh if you actually know the whole story. our "relationship" is definately not an ordinary one. :) which.. i dont know, is good and bad.. there are times where i thought that this is just very bad and unhealthy for both of us.. and cant be doing any of us good lol. sigh.. but in the end, he was always there for me when i was down and needed cheering up. or even when iv had a great day, he just made it that little bit more better :) and he wouldnt even have to say a thing... we cud just stare at each other for hours and not say a word.. and just the thought that he was right there beside me made me feel so much better :)

wow i sound like a hel emo who just got dumped! lols... when and if i decide to spil how it all went down etc. you'd lol and be like o.O""""""" ahahaha sigh. really something that you dont do in your every day life...or relationships.. i hope. lol :) which makes him.. and us all the more special <3

he loved for me for me and genuinely loved spending time with me :) it has nothing to do with sex and money. it was all about us. our bare selves (not literally). of course there was a physical thing going on, but because of the circumstances, that had nothing to do with our relationship.. sigh...

he really was.. is my perfect man. :)

and now it sucks so bad, coz he is gone. and its going to be so hard to find a new guy like him.. coz in our bubble, he is the one. the one that i want to end up with in the end. my perfection. i didnt really know it at the time, but now i see it. he was like a fairytale, my dream...

and yes, we all know that dreams come to and end and we must wake up eventually. and that bubbles.. no matter how pretty they are when they glisten in the sunlight, and how peaceful they look when they just float and bounce in the air... in the end, it pops, and the magic is gone.

i knew that our bubble was going to have to pop eventually, but i didnt think that it was going to be this sudden. :(

*oops, this always happens.. i get distracted, or tell someone about what im thinkn on msn and then i lose track of my flow lols.. and then i always end the blog hel random and suddenly.. fails!!*

sigh.

anyways. i miss him already. i hope he comes back soon.

x

a new year (:

2010-02-06T01:58:00.002+08:00

well hello again (:
its been so long since iv written here. hehe. sigh. and it seems like the only time i come back to write is when i have guy problems huh! hahaha..

well, dont worry. today isnt so much like that (kinda) :) its just a new year - 2010 :) so its time to look.. back and forward i guess; look back on the events of 2009, and look forward for the new year and hopefully all the great memories to come :)

sigh. well id have to say that 2009 for me was truly an eventful one :) one of the best years iv had in my life so far :) the new friends that i have made this year.. and the things that we got up to ;) haha.. seriously epic times! and friends that will be in my life forever i hope <3

*sigh* - dw its a good sigh..i think. haha. i duno, i just watched one tree hill (yes i know its a hel oldskul show.. haha and NO its not some stupid highschool series like the OC and 90210!!) yeah.. but OTH is just.. so like.. deep! haha. and its not like those other bullshit highschool series.. coz its actually about life. and its not fully dramatic (cept for that crazy nanny scene)! but its a good show and im suprised iv watched 7 seasons of it.. haha crazyness... i am not sad okay! :(

sigh. i honestly not sure what i want to talk about.. haha i jsut hav a weird feeling inside of me right now.. its a kind of heavy feeling.. but its not bad.. i duno, just thinkn about things... lost in deep thought abbout life... lol i duno, nothing in specific really... just looking back on my life so far :)

my playlist right now is helpin with this feeling i thnk. lol. its all slow acoustics :) with deep meaningful lyrics hehe~

(gosh, things havnt changed much with me huh - all my blogs still dont make sense and are a complete essay of rambles =P my bad. hehehe)

sigh.. life..

what to do what to do...

im a bit scared honestly. i know i may have said this a few times, but it is really time for me to grow up. and to get my life sorted and on track for real..

oops, i did it again..like i always do.. hah i left my blog to do somthing else.. and umm.. 2 hours later... lols =X my bad...

sigh now its time for me to go to sleep. will cntinue this another day when i feel emo again... lols...

- dreamer xx (missing u.. kinda, maybe, perhaps, possibly...)

rest in peace

2009-07-02T16:11:00.003+08:00

*sigh*

yesterday morning one of my besties dad passed away.. :(
its so sad. and so unexpected.. and i duno what to say to him to make him feel better *sigh* coz iv been thru 4 deaths myself.. 4 people in my highschool, my year.. all passing away..one year after the next.. its not something you want to experience... sigh

makes you realise that.. life really is too short. you never know what is going to happen tmro and when all things are going to end.. sigh. firstly, i wish that my friends dad is in a better place now where ther is no pain and just full of warmth :) i hope that he is resting in peace up there, wherever he is right now. and he will be at peace and happy~~

sigh, i cant imagine how my friend is feeling right now.. :( i rmember when mel passed away.. i was in shock and couldnt believe it.. sigh and when the funeral came.. i broke down.. couldnt take it anymore and couldnt believe that she was actually gone and we had to say bye to her forever.. *sigh*

i hope that he is okay. and i feel so bad because i am all the way over here in malaysia and i am not ther for him *hugs*

sigh. sry im stuck for words.. sigh. bleh *tears*

- dreamer (r.i.p)

we are a picture in my mind..
when i wana find you, i just close my eyes...
youwl never be that far from me so dont say gdbye coz..
uwl never be that far from me..
im telling myself that I,
I will remember yoouu...
and all of the things that we've gone through...
there is so much I can say..but words get in the way
So were not together...I will rememberyou

x

honeymoon over..

2009-06-04T11:42:00.002+08:00

i thought before i start the hardcore study today i will blog here and tell you about whats been happening. lol. sigh. its been a while since iv blogged and i hav so much crap that has been botteling up inside of me. and i havnt had a chance to let it out sigh. :(

yes, laugh all you want, its about boys again. haha. same boy. hmm, nothing new has really happend. he still lives on the other side of the country and i am still living here. apparently, he still likes me and wants to keep trying but.. i duno, things have felt different since i last saw him.

maybe its the fact that we dont know when we are going to see each other next. and so its kind of dying out because reality has hit us that this isnt going to work at all now. =/ i dont know. sigh.

its been different.. hes been acting different.. i guess, that honeymoon period is long gone and over. lol. so theres no more of that lovey dovey i miss u and shits. which i used to think was too much but then now im starting to miss it. because.. lately its just been nothing. sigh.. he tells me that he does miss me and nt to worry and that he dont need to tell me all the time and just know that i know he does... lol. that didnt really make sense just then did it? lol. =/

anyhoos, i duno what to do. thing is. we cant talk anymore.. and also, maybe i dont feel like talking to him as much anymore either.. is that a bad thing? lawl. sigh. thats prob a sign towards badness.. -_- zzz hahaha. the doubts, and now the lack of talk and emotions.. uh oh! ahhaha. this relationship was never meant to be from the very start.

ahhh.. sigh. hes a sweet guy, but also hes a guy. and i still get that stupid jealous feeling every now and then with him. hmm, there is things he does.. and says.. which gets to me.. -_- hes flirty with this girl... and yeah, i duno. they are friends.. but i mean,.. i duno. maybe thats me over thinkn. hahah but iv askd a few of my other friends and they are starting to think that maybe there is something dodge and sus about him.. lawl. hmm, you would never guess that.. coz he just.. yeah, sweeet.. gentleman like.. you wouldnt think that he would be like that... but then again, boys will always be boys.. n matter how nice or sweet they are. they are all the same. they all want the same thing. and bad enough that i hav uber trust issues hahaha... ok not uber. but.. iv had my fair share of experiences...

bleh, so now what to do?

im graduating soon. so then after this imma disappear anyway for a while. who knows how long. so then who knows how long we can keep talking to each other. we might not see or talk to each other for ages. especially since i wont have a phone over where i am moving to for the next 2 months.

right now, im kind of hoping that this whole thing with me and dd will die out. spesh with me moving away. hopefully it will just fade (into the background - lol sorry hahaha.. ne yo is playing) (8)

im sure he will be fine and i think we can walk out of this ok. :)

i duno, i do like him and i do miss him sometimes but i think im gettin to the point where im just giving up on us. and i cbfd with this. coz he is the type of guy who doesnt express any feelings!! he never smiles. hes emo as. and he wotn tell me how he feels. so it just gets f'ing fustrating trying to get anything out of him.

when i try to talk to him about us, he just ... i duno, ignores it. or says "iduno" or "sighs" or bleh. i duno, something stupid and then we let it go....

after exams, i think i gta hav a good long talk with him. sigh. theres way too many "ifs" in this relationship. hm, come to think of it, the whole relationship was based on an "if". - if he comes to perth end of the year to work... *blah*

if only he could read this blog lawl. it be easier than sayin it to him sigh. hes too nice. i dont want to hurt him..

anyways, i better get to the study. time is running out. lawl. and is only hitting me. i think its time for me to start stressing and gun down! hahaha. zzz

- dreamer (goodluck for exams all)

Flight of the Conchords - Sello Tape

2009-05-29T00:45:00.001+08:00

lol* was watching this ep just then and this song is jus clever :) haha made me smile so i came back online to find the lyrics to post it up here to spread the love hehehe -------------------------------------------------------------------

Lives are like retractable pencils
If you push them too hard they're gonna break
And people are like paper dolls
Paper dolls and people, they're a similar shape
Hmm hmm hm
Love is like a roll of tape
It's real good for making two things one
But just like that roll of tape
Love sometimes breaks off before you were done
Another way that love is similar to tape
That I've noticed
Is sometimes it's hard to see the end
You search on the roll
(search on the roll)
Search on the roll
(searching round the roll)
Search on the roll
(search)
With your fingernail
Again and again
And again and again
And again.
Brown paper, white paper
Stick it together with the tape
The tape of love
The sticky stuff
Brown paper, white paper
Stick it together with tape
The tape of love
The sticky stuff.
People people Chorus: Brown paper, white paper
Paper paper Stick it together with tape
Paper paper The tape of love
People people
People people
Pencil pencil
Pencil pencil
Paper paper
Put the pencil to the paper
Give the paper to the people
Let the people read about the sello tape
Oh baby baby
Yeah

the hole, holier than perth.

2009-05-27T11:01:00.003+08:00

i thought this would be an event that i must blog since i dont blog too much now adays..

umm, on the 23rd may, i got on a plane and flew to adelaide. lol
yeah, who would ever think that i would end up flying there for a weekend? haha =/ sigh.

anyways, it was only a short trip, two nights and 3 days. got back midnight monday..both plane trips up and down failed pretty damn hard. haha. specially the one back actually -_- the guys in front were just argh. i wanted to punch em in the back of the head lol =X ehehe..

anyways... adelaide...

its not too bad. it is a hole. and i kinda felt like i was in the country towns when i was there.. eveyrthing was just so wide and spread out. lol. but it is pretty..
like the beach.. glenelg.. that was really pretty - sucks i didntn have enough time to check out the place for longer. would have been nice and i would have taken more photos. :)

umm, yeah the weather was aiite.. hmm, the clubs.. well the one i went to failed me hard. haha but yeah im sure it cant be too bad? iwl hav to go back one more time and check out the bigger clubs :) but this time bring my perth crew along so i wont be soo bored. lol. (cof.adeholians cant dance.cof) hahahahahha. i saw a bitch fight there at the club too. lol.. hmm, eventful.

we also went to barossa valley on sunday. checked out the wineries and stuff :) i have to say, the wines are pretty damn good over there. its very consistent compared to margs. everything tasted pretty decent. :)

i have to say, the bestest thing about adelaide is.. their foood! o m g! their food is seriously epic. haahaha. ok, no, i over exhadurated. lol but it is really goood! sigh. i love the food. from what i tried. it was lke 90% awesome! hahah.

sigh, what else.. hmm oh yes, the boy lol. well, the boy is.. good. :) cept the whole matter is still.. weird. haha., as in, duno where its going.. but.. in the moment, we are good. we are always pretty good when we are together... but we arent.. so that fails hahaha..

ah wells i cbfd gettin into the specfics. its.. complicated is all i can say.

anyhooos, lemi find a pic. see if there is anything decent to post onto this blog :)

- dreamer

hahah ok nah i cbfd attatching..will take too long. lol
i also just rmbered that we went to watch the footy game too: crows v the blues.
carlton got their arse handed to them! spesh in the first half.. they were down by like 50! it was shameful lol. but yeah, was ok. goodtimes :) havnt watched an afl game live in ages :)

well, that be it from me for a while. gta start studying. exams are around the corner :(

John Mayer lead me the way...

2009-05-15T05:45:00.002+08:00

here is your pre-warning: its is 6am in the morning so im sorry if this blog does not make much sense at all haha..

anyways, hi all. its been a while. and today i would like to talk to you about John Mayer. lol, yes John Mayer the singer who sang those popular songs such as "your body is wonderland" and "clarity". haha.

well, what sparked this topic?

its all began last night...

haha. being a few hours ago :S

anyways, i spent all of last night at uni. studying... lol and maybe some chitter chatting. haha. anyways, you knw when it gets to that time of the night../morning really.. at about 3am when everything switches off and your thoughts start drifting.. lol, these are the times when dnms are unleashed....

so we started talking, two of my mates and me.. we talk about life, relationships, future, ...and so im nt going to go into everything because it was a full 2 hours of it... =/ hahah anyways...

john mayer comes up in the relationship section of our convosaton. hrmm, as some of u know.. or maybe iv told everyone who reads my blog =/ lol. i hav found this guy and we get alng really wel... mainly because he is just like me =/ we are alike..too too alike! which... is probably.. well is not a good thing..but we will go into that another time.. lol

anyways JOHN MAYER.. lately nelly has been listening to him heaps..so its been gettin to me and iv started listening to him again heaps.. and so nellys been introing all these songs which i have never heard before.. and so iv been downloading all this random john mayer songs....

haha and so we wer talking about my relationship, how he isnt relaly future husband material, but for now..he will do.. haha as in right now, in the moment, we like each other..so why ruin it? is all good now :) we are all happy... sometimes future is just depressing to think about yea?

anyways, john mayer.. city of love.. is now my song. haha because its about two people who are infatuated with each other, in the moment, but usually and for future.. this isnt meant to be..and shouldnt be.., so really this relationship is all fun, and living in the moment kinda stuff.. :)

so that be the definition of my current status.. lol

and then my frend told me of another song, called... umm. somethink about rain and city? i duno.. cant rmber.. haha but its about.. a couple who are together and life is just tough atm and so they are both leaning on each other really to get through tough times..

which once again, kinda semi defines my situation again.. hmm, there are things going on that are not the best and so.. the one thing that brightens his day is me.. so.. i am more than willing to be his shoulder to lean on :)

so then i said.. yes ok. i know this. this whole relationship isnt really gettin anywhere.. really, its all based in the moment.. and future is scary to think about, thus we are avoiding it.. not totally but.. for now.. is all good, we are happy.. so.. lets just stick to what we are doing right now. let just wing it.. :)

but then i ask.. sigh. ok, i know everything i just said/wrote is faill haha.. so john mayer.. tell me what to do..sing me a song that will tell me what to do when the fun is all over and it gets serious..when it becomes a step more than fun.. the point where people start gettin hurt, and emotions get in the way....

song choice: slow dancing in a burning room

hahaha, john mayer really has it all lol...

oh wait.. forgot, gravity! lol. this song kinda fits in between just before slow dancing.. hehe.. its about a couple again who is good in the moment, however, they know that taking one more step, that last step to .. love and full emotions, may screw everything up.. things will be hurt and things will fall. sigh. so thus, a song wishing that things will just stay the same, not having to think about the future soo much and just to live inthe moment so no worries and all happydayze.. haha

so now we get to slow dancing in a burning room...

this song is about.. ending a relationship. john sings about how it was all fun and games but then now its coming to an end and we both know it.. wev tried but its failing.. in reality we knw its not going to work and we have to part our ways... its time to leave.. we are slow dancing in a burning room...
an ending that we already knew was coming.. but one that we have avoided because it was just easier.. and at that time, in the moment.. it was fun.... but now.. reality has struck..its time to wake up.. and face the truth...... its time to end... lol

sigh, depressing huh. lol.. but yeah, that is what i have to get to i guess.. sigh but how to actually tell him that?? should keep making him lisetn to the song haha maybe it will get to his subconscious and he will one day wake up and be like omg ..we are slow dancing in a burning room! hahaha.. sigh sigh sigh....

so yes, now john mayer has described my current relationship live/status hahaha.. wooot. that was the whole objective of this blog lol .. hahahah =X sigh...

ahh sigh, then i listened to another song because john mayer made me depressed lol.. note; the first time i heard this song, slow dancing in a burning room, was when me adn my ex broke up.. he made me listen to this song to let me understand how he felt.. lOLL! sigh maybe i should do it to this guy..

anyways yes the song be.. another you - cascada :) heheh once again another song which helpd me recover from my ex hahah. sigh

ooh and now im lisetning to kelly clarksons - already gone.. and its the same as slow dancing in aburning room

"Remember all the things we wanted
Now all our memories, they're haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye"

hahaha damn all these emo songs.. maybe i shud make a mix tape and send it to him...... LOL sigh.. ok no haha i dont want to end it yet.. like the second song "covered in rain" (yes that is the song) lawl.. hahah bad times..must stick together.. its nice to always have a shoulder to lean on, someone to spoon, on them days wher u just feel down, depressed adn alone.... so im here :)

ahhahaha ok what a great blog!!

goodmornings to u all and i think its time for me to go home haha :P

- dreamer (john mayer is awesome)

the lakehouse

2009-05-02T00:54:00.002+08:00

i just watched that love story called the lakehouse with sandra bullock and keanu reeves.. :) and its really sweeeet! haha. sigh.

it made me smile. and now im in a weird emo mood. lol. the movie has made me semi hopeful about love again and happy endings haha. sigh.

after my ex.. i duno, everything changed.. my whole perspective on love and being happy and guys... lol i learnt from my mistakes... i realised that waiting.. is..just wasting your time.. sigh, well at least i havnt found anything worth waiting for yet. lol. sad yes.. haha i also started living with the theory of life is short.. and just to enjoy life as much as possible.. no one person should ever tie you down. its not worth it. once again its a waste of time.. sigh..

now its been nearly one and a half years of being single. yes iv had a few guys along the way.. met them, dated them etc. but.. no one has matched up to my ex yet. sigh. and now its been soo long.. during this time of me being single, living life on the edge, partying every weekend and enjoying single life to the fullest,.. my ex has had two girlfriends! lawl. what does that say?! sigh...

i duno, btw. i would like to add that im over him. hes a sweet guy he is. and he will always have a part of me that still cares and loves him. but its different nw. i duno, im happy that hes happy. hehe. dispite my semi dislike for his new gf. =/ hmm, that is a long story that i shall nt discuss here.. haha but um, yeah.. me and him have a really nice.. some might find weird..relationship :) and im happy! hehe. we can spend time together without too much crazy emotions that we once had for each other...its good :) its an understanding..and its one crazy friendship :)

i dont think i can get him out of my life completely. he would be the one guy ..person..really who knws me inside out and back to front! no other person in this whle world knows me as well as he does :) hehehe. sigh. anyways, i saw him the other day..and i realised..that imissed all this.. sigh. its been such a long time being single, all that partying..all the alcohol and boys.. its all.. soo old now. sigh...

its time to move on? to settle down?! sigh.. but then.comes the next problem....who? hahah.. who who who!?

anyways, this lakehouse movie..made me.. sigh! hahah. its such a sweet mvie.. based on ..fate :) and destiny... two worlds apart and they still end up meeeting up and falling in love!! hehe. that is sweet :) sigh.

and ok, yes i know its all just a movie. hhaha but it just.. gave me hope again.. hopethat.. maybe one day.. i wil find that guy. and one day he will find me :) coz in every lifetime ther is at least one person out ther for everyone.. one perfect person :) that will fit perfectly with you. for the rest of your life :)

sigh,

yes during this time i been thinkn about my new boy too.. lol. sigh, honestly i think im starting to really like him.. and some would say that is goood.. but.. lol. he lives so far away. i dont know what to do about him.. sigh
iduno if i told u in the previous post, but he is the first guy since my ex who has made me feel like this :) the first guy i hav let my guard down..and let myself actually feel something serious.. sigh...

ever since my ex, my guard has been up like crazy high! haha. due to the fact that my heart was broken. bad. sigh. and learning from mistakes? sigh.. never let a guy get close to me again.. but this boy..he gets to me.. he makes me smile.. and i miss him sigh. lol. i duno wat to do.. maybe its the company i miss? haha. bleh see ther i go again haha making up excuses.. so now i duno what is real anymore.. lol =/

im confused.

sigh, i dont know the point to this blog really haha. i jsut thought that id ramble on and on like i always do ..about boys! hahah sigh.

i guess i just wish that love and life will be kind..and my prince will come soon to sweep me off my feet! heheh :D

oh yea, thing about this movie is.. sigh makes u realise.. well.. not realise..but... life is so unpredictible?!.. he/she could be standing right in front of you all this time.. you may hav crossed paths sometime in your life.. and you would hav never ever thought it to be him/her.. sigh...

haha ok sry im becoming delusional. sigh. love stories/movies make me weird hahaha. make me wishful and hpeful again.. sigh...

oh btw, he told me that he is very hopeful and wishes that he could b here so he would be my bf. :) lol. sigh. i duno what is goin to happen.. i cant do long distance and he says hes going to come to perth to live/work.. but.. that is end of the year.. and he might not even get a job here.. n dude i duno.. my mind is a mess.. damn this stupid movie lol sigh.. hahahaha

makes me think stupid things.

i dont know what i want in the future..but i think right now.. iwant him. lol but.. it sucks life does..how you can never get what u want.. sigh
i just wish he was here.? lol

- dreamer (missing you)

Throw Rocks at Boys

2009-04-23T16:08:00.004+08:00

i was talking to my friend earlier today about boys.. as we girls always do. haha. boys boys and boys!
it sucks how right now my life is revovling around boys. i have to change it sigh. iv been stuck for soo long. i guess maybe coz i havnt got anything else to occupy my mind and also i am alone. so.. keep me company....boy! hahah

anyways, we were talking about my currently fail situation with my guy. well, no not my guy. haha he was only my guy for 2 weeks. sigh. hmmm, currently i am stuck!
dont know what to do about the whole thing. since hes left its been a tad awkward. awkward in the sense that we both already know that we like each other and we miss each others company already. but then.. we both know that it cant happen ever. coz he is soo far away.. ok no, ever is a bit extreme..who knows what can happen right? (being hopeful lol)

but yea, so now how do we act? tell each other the truth about how we feel? that we miss each other? .. hmm but then, doesnt that make things harder for both of us? coz we are still talking like we are a couple missing each other.. and that means that we are talking in hopes that things will still be okay.. but in reality.. it isnt! right? lol. coz in reality he lives too far away and its jus too hard to have a long distance relationship. i am totally nt the type to do such a thing. it never ever works. sigh. so then.. if we think of things in a more realistic way.. shudnt we jus stop talking or just not talk as much and ignore it.. like it never happend..and try to move on.. sigh..

its such a mess..

anyways, besides that we were also tlaking about reboundage.. hmm it sucks how in order to move on from ur ex or last crush u gta find another crush?! im not saying it happens to everyone..but most of the time.. to get over one..u gta find..another one.. haha so its like a never ending cycle..so best is if u just stay single and never hav a first gf/bf hahaa jks. sigh.

but yeah, how fail is that.. ahh all in all.. boys suck and we suggest throwing rocks at them :P hahaha.

anyways i just realised the time and i gta run. sigh another fail blog. haha i was into it til i left it too lng.. sigh. iwl write more later hahah :)

- dreamer

Got myself into another boylemma

2009-04-22T17:23:00.000+08:00

20 april 2009: 3:12am

What am i supposed to do? sigh. i thought that i was stronger... i guess it goes to show that you cant control your emotions and how you feel for somebody.
sigh. well well its been a while dear blog and boy has alot been happening. haha. sigh, well just to quickly update on the current topic at hand in my head..
i met a guy about two months ago.. he is a friend of a friend and he came over from the east for one weekend of drunkedness and partying! :) little did i knw that this guy has turned out to be my big dilemma tonight.
anyways, this random tool of a guy that i have never met before forgot to book a hotel for his weekend stay, so my friend asked me whether he could crash at my house for the weekend...
at first i thought.. wat the f. lawl. what a loser. and why should i let a random into my house? will i get attacked? haha. jks. hmm, well i guess for a friend (a really good friend) it was has hard to say no. and so, i picked up this random white boy off the streets that night and shelterd him for a weekend.
lawl.! over this long weekend. so much happend! it was one of the most eventful three consecutive days iv ever had in my life! haha.

not only did i pick up and shelter a random hobo white boy i met a few hours earlier, but i also got into a car accident the very next day, paid a stupid amount to go into a festival and ended up kissing the random hobo. lawl. SIGH. it was a well and trully epic weekend!! (and this was nearly two months ago)
anyways, yeah as my summary states in my previous sentence, me and hobo imma call david hooked up. lawl. but then.. he left.. as he had to, since he lived over east. and we thought. ok wat the hel. it was all fun times. drunk times. just a kiss or two. was nice knowing you.. ;) haha that sort of thing...
but.........

oh big big but! haha we ended up talking on msn and smsing etc. heaps while he was back home, and i was here... sigh. and that be a good.. sigh i guess.. he really is a nice guy, a true gentleman and he is such a sweety!
and soon enof i fell for him and told him that i had a crush on him, maybe i liked him.. and that it cant happen....lol. sigh. mainly because of the distance thing... which is true. if you gys reading this knw me well enough, you will very well know that me and long distance is the biggest fail ever! and cant happen! haha
it wont work, its too hard, and non accessable (hehehe.inside joke) SIGH. big big SIGH!

ahh well, didnt want to make thngs too akward since he was planning on coming back to perth and stayng at my house again. so i was stuck in a dilemma. still stuck!! (yes, i have a thing with these..things.. always gettin stuck because of boys.haha. damn boys. they like my kryptonight)
anyways, now.. he is here.. no no, now it is his last night here. hes spent two weeks in perth this trip already. and.. sigh. its been too goood :) when im with him it feels like i have a boyfriend again. we hold hands, we hug n kiss.. sigh its sickenning lol. but hes made me miss it so much. to hav someone to hold. and to be held to bed at night :)
its the sweetest feeling ever...
but.....

yes yes big buts again.... sigh. hes going.....

what do i do now?

i have fallen for him pretty bad. i like him.. quite very much! lawl. and i think i teared for him just before (ok yes i teared zz lawl) sigh. but i feel soo stupid coz... from the very beginnning we both knew it wasnt going to happen. and i was so soo certain that i wouldnt let my guard down and like him lke i do now. sigh.
i told myself that i had to be strong, fend off his sweetness and all. coz it wasnt gona work full stop. he lived wayy too far away..and it was all for fun that day in march.. sigh.
now look what iv gotten myself into! sigh. this two weeks. we just been spending endless amounts of time together..and its just too nice. and im liking him wayy too much than i should. sigh. now im just uberly stuck! sigh. so stuck!

ahh, i gta man up. sigh. it wasnt meant to be. we both knew it.. sigh. life is mean lol. its an iffy situation now too because our friend is one of my closest friends ever. sigh. and i dont want things to be too akward.
bleh. man, why do i always get myself into all this shit. lawl. my friend sed to me last night "at least hes not in germany" hahaha -_- FAIL i say FAIL! hahaha.

SIGH!!!!

anyways, i guess... i duno.. i duno wat to think. i just feel cut. and stupid. haha sigh. iwl be right. :)
just thought itd ramble it all out to you is all :)

sigh..

gooodnights!

- dreamer (stuck on you.)

Cheaters and Liars

2009-01-14T01:39:00.000+09:00

Man they are all the same. No matter what they say. Don’t believe them!
Sigh. On Sunday I found out that the guy I had been seeing for so long now asked some other girl a week ago to be his girlfriend. I was just shocked! I didn’t know what to feel at the time. My heart was just racing and I really don’t know. I wanted to punch something. I wanted to cry. Most of all… I was so fucking angry! Sigh. But in the same time I was relieved and I knew that it was going to happen but this bad? A girlfriend?

After all those conversations we had about how he liked me and he missed me and that I would be his perfect girlfriend, but he can’t commit to me coz of his ex. So man I even pitied him and I made him feel better about himself, telling him how he is a good guy and if it weren’t for the drug any girl would line up to have a shot with him. I can’t believe I was stupid enough to fall for that crap!

Ok well you people reading should know that I kind of stayed strong yea? Lols. I mean I knew he was bad from the beginning, that’s why I always kept my distance and never let myself really fall or like him coz I knew in the end he would break my heart! And guess what… that is exactly what happened!

He is dodgy! And he did cheat on me but lucky he didn’t break my heart coz I never gave it to him to break it  Sigh! Anyways, its definitely fate that me and the girl met. I actually met her a few months earlier at metros and we’ve taken photos with each other, and on Sunday arvo I was looking at my friends facebook wall and saw her so I thought I’d add her. And so we started talking and man it all came out and we were both so shocked it was hard to believe this shit was happening to us.

Anyways, we talked and we both dumped his sorry ass! And I thought that it would be over by now. Obviously we both found out and we both left him coz he is a liar and a cheater! And so basically we both told him to get fucked! So you would think its over. You know this guy, man he didn’t even bother calling either of us. He was too pussy too! He’s such a coward and thinks that he is all hot shit and can get away with anything he wants! But man, he is so wrong!

The next day I got a msg from him telling me that he’s sorry and it didn’t mean to end up like this and it’s not what it sounds like etc etc. all bull shit! Well I wasn’t going to buy his crap so I told it to him straight again that guys like him are just fucking dickheads and are fail! So fuck him and fuck off coz I don’t want to hear from him ever again! Guys who cheat are just a big waste of space and don’t deserve anything good to come to them!

So I guess anger arose coz he just got denied by two girls in one day! Lol. He would have never guessed that me and her would ever know each other and this shit would ever ever come out! Haha he is wrong! Karma fucking came back and kicked him in the ass hard! And man I hope its not over for him yet! Karma will get him back a second time and this time even harder!!

So from being all apologetic his tone and attitude towards me changed and he started the abuse and the swearing and now today we got to a whole other level… THREATS! I mean seriously! What guy threatens a girl! He tried to convince the other girl that it was all my fault and that I was just some crazy obsessed chick who was trying to break them apart so I was telling her lies and making her hate him. But honestly and Kris if u ever get to read this… we aint fucking stupid! U fucked up so bad and it’s your fault that everything happened! Man cheaters… liars… fucking watch your back coz it will come back to get you!

Anyways, threats! Another low! Fuck first he tries to blame everything on me and turn us against each other! Gosh you should see the smses and emails that he been sending to us! The amount of crap that he can pull out of his ass… man! He is so full of it! I’ve never met such a serial liar! He wont admit that he was wrong! He wont admit that he fucked up but he is pissed coz he lost two girls in one go and so he wants to push the blame on someone else! He can’t hack loosing that fag!

Sigh! So he msged me threatening me and telling her that he was going to get back at me! And I have been ignoring all his bullshit talk and sms all day so I wasn’t pushing him to do this to me! Man. If I remember correctly the last message before all the threats was nice-ish! Well the nicest I can be in this situation! I was telling him how im over it and to get over it and let it go. It was his fault and just own up or else none of us will ever forgive him (and its not like we will anyway) and he should stop cheating because I know that he’s better than that!

Gosh, why am I so nice to him still even after all this crap he put me through! All the money iv wasted on him smsing him arguing to him and telling him off for dogging me out! So after one of the threats and all the shit he was saying about me… I msged back telling him to get over it coz I am so over it and I don’t want anything to do with him anymore and that if he ever threatens me or msgs me again I will go to the cops about it! Bleh!!

I mean seriously, I’m not provoking shit! If someone was saying shit to you, made up, stupid bullshit, shit! Lol man I wouldn’t stand up for it and listen to their crap! Fuck that shit! You’re not allowed to talk shit about me or treat me like crap when I didn’t do anything at all to deserve all this abuse! So fuck you and get lost coz I don’t have time to waste on that crap!

Sigh. So after my warning I thought that it would scare him off! But no. that self loving ego centered prick msged me back and threatened me again! WTF! He has some nerve! He just thinks he hot shit and he cant kick my ass and scare the crap out of me and that I wont actually go to the cops and fuck him up if I have to! So I thought, fine bitch! Wana play like this. Iwl fuck you up! And so I went to the cops and after that I msgd his cousin to get him to tell Kris that I did what I did!

Honestly, if he has got even a little part of a brain in that thick head of his… he would know not to fuck with me ever again! Like ever! Coz I can do him so much damage he going to regret fucking with me! Man. Sorry there is soo much hate in me for him at the moment! I just never ever thought in a billion years that something so dramatic and crazy could ever happen to me! And it sucks yea but man its such a waste of my time!! Arghh! Bleh bleh bleh!

Anyways there is more but im so tired now of thinking about him and typing his name and this story out over and over again so I am going to sleep! Iv wasted enough time on this fag!

- dreamer (So over it!)

i feel so weak.

2008-12-28T22:10:00.002+09:00

sigh. well this week has been fuckin epic. a uberly epic rollercoaster ride. sigh.. an emotional one!.. bleh.

a few days ago i was happy :) very happy! wat i wanted deep down inside.. came true! and i thought it was all going to work out..with me and my boy. he basically told me that he liked me, missed me and cudnt stop thinkn about me. gosh. iwas happy :)

but then all that changed yesterday. bleh. yesterday was just fuckin epic full stop. it was just so fuckd up! so much drama. bleh. fucking boys!

i not going to bother going into it. but fuck. basically we "brokeup". bleh. and its fuckd. id uno. my emotions are fucked. i duno wat the hel to feel. bleh.
part of me is relieved that its over finally...coz i guess from the very beginning we both knew it was just not ever going to happen. sigh but then another part of me really misses him now and wishes that he didnt just say all the things he said.

bleh! thats what really fucks me over. coz a few days ago we wer good! very good! it looked hopeful! bleh. but then all of a sudden.. it all came crashin and it fuckn burnt goood. bleh. it ended. kapish. over. done. the end.!

i duno wat to feel. bleh and i went out last night to try to get my mind off things. hmm drank ..a bit. lol =/ sigh. obviously went thru an emo stage which sucked balls. big big balls. bleh. :( sigh oh and i also lost another guy. well not lost lost. coz inever wantd him to fuckn begin with. but he did ask me out on a date tmro but i saw him last night slutting around so i pretty much told him to get fucked.

so i got rid of two guys in one day!.... good job me!

bleh!

its nearly the end of the year and it had to end soo fuckin epicaly? bleh lol. sigh.
and now me and one of my really good friends.. sigh we are in the shits with each other and he just made me fkn cry. like wtf. too much emotions are flowing thru me bleh. i dno wat is happening but im breaking down! :( argh.

i really cant wait til this year is over. i am seriously over it! fuckin really over it! its not like i had a bad year. i wud say it was a fun year. iv done things i never thought id do and iv learnt new things. bleh. again i got semi fuckd over by a guy.but bleh.. wer girls.thats just what happens.. zz. hm but idnt regret anything :)
just that al this shit that happenign now.. argh. its fuckin with me. and i just wana leave it all behind in fucking 2008.

2009. clean start. clean slate. new year. a better year? sigh. just leaving all the crap behind. :(

sigh. i miss him!

i know i know. hes not good for me. iknow i deserve better. and i know hes bein an immature prick about this whole thing right now. fuckin double standards too! selfish adn unfair! argh. i know all this but yet i still like him. wtf is wrong with me lol :(

hmmm i know iwl b ok. i can live witout him. bleh. just that in this moment..this period in time.. i like him. and i do miss him.. sigh adn it sucks right now.. so bad. coz i wish i was still with him :(

my sensible is soo weak! lol. i know wat to do and iknow us breakin up at this time is perfect.. end of the year. new year etc. but gosh. i feeel soo fkn weak. sigh. the desire is burning so bright. even brighter now than before. bleh and im being so stubborn and selfish maybe? sigh.

i duno. im hurting.

- dreamer (lonely)

letting my guard down

2008-12-18T15:55:00.002+09:00

I was told by a friend that the reason why he might say the things that he says... is that he doubts himself to commit but in the same time he does care for me.. or else he wnt ask the things he asks. but that in the same time is a very selfish thing to do. lol.
hmm, i think me and him are about the same. cept i know that if i really like the guy and if i am with a guy (as in bf- man even if not bf.. see how im quite very commited to this guy) i wont fuck around. at all. im not like that. sigh. but yeah. we are both very selfish. we want each other but we still love being single? hmm maybe not. ok. common point = selfishness.
my reason for not wanting to like him anymore that i already do is...im scared of him. he is a nice guy. he makes me laugh and hes smart. he really has the potential to be so perfect. but. im scared that he will break my heart. iv had my heart broken before so its hard for me to let my heart go again. and espshlly to this boy. hes already been screwing around and were not together. and our relationship. scares me coz i cant imagine what hed do if we were actually dating and together. argh. its really scary ahhaa. so i guess, part of me wishes and is glad that he is still like how he is and he cant commit to me. coz... i know that once he tells me that he wants me and only me .. i will let my guard down and.. then i will be screwed lol. coz i will start liking him more than i want to.
hmm.. confusing huh. lols. i thought that i was over this stage. but i guess after that "serious" talk we had the other day. it made things clear, yet very complicated in the same time. hahaha.
now we both know that we both do like each other and we do want to keep seeing each other. but in the same time he cant commit to me. and in the same time. since im soo fkn confused. i dnt know if i want him to either. so.. hmm confusing as hel. rofls.

oops i left my blog for an hour hahaha. =/ i will write more later. train of thought derailed lols.

- dreamer

im so confused.

2008-12-18T01:38:00.002+09:00

i am stuk.
he askd me tonght. why i liked him.... and like always.. i didnt reply.. lol kinda just ignored.. silence for a bit then.. change of topic lol =/
i do. but i dont want to. im not sure if i really do too.. -_- i confused. lols
i like his company. i miss havin somebody. i knw hes not good for me. i like him? i dont? i duno! hahaha. woot. sigh.

i think im crazy. zzz.

- dreamer (sigh. i duno wat to do.)

"Happily Ever After"

2008-12-17T12:10:00.000+09:00

"Happily Ever After" (Monday 15 December, 2008 @ 3.38am)

It starts with true love's first kiss.

I want my happily ever after dream come true. To meet the prince of my dreams. That one who would make my heart flutter and skip a beat. Like in the fairytales, when a simple girl who sings and talks to birds and chipmunks every morning, suddenly falls out of a tree and falls into the arms of her Prince Charming who rescues her from her fall.

Happily ever after. If only it were true in reality. To not have to search of look for the one of your dreams, because if it's fate and meant to be it will just come true. He will appear out of nowhere and when you both lock eyes with one another you instantly know that he is the one. The one that you are going to spend the rest of your life with. The one who will make you happy for ever and ever.

Prince Charming where are you. I used to believe in fairy tales, in happily ever after. For that one to love me forever and never break my heart. But in reality, life is harsh and love is pain. I still would like to believe that it is fate. That I don't need to search or look for that one, and that he will come find me when the time is right.

Sometimes I just wish that it would hurry up. That my prince will come sweep me off my feet. For someone to look me in the eyes and tell me from the bottom of their heart that he does love me and that he will always love me forever and a day. To give me my perfect happily ever after. To be mine and only mine. My prince for live. My prince who will love me and only me.

I've been through alot of hurt and I've met alot of people and been through enough that I have started to loose faith. It hurts me to think that such a beautiful fairytale doesn't exist in reality. I think about when we were young. Little girls dressed up in cute snow white princess dresses with glittery pink tiaras sitting on their heads. Dancing around and smiling. Innocent hearts believing in love at first sight. Knowing that one day when the time comes, their Prince Charming will catch them when they fall and that will be the day when they fall in love and will love that man for the rest of their lives.

I don't want to ruin this blog but in reality... reality itself is painful. So much innocence has been ruined. I used to be a romantic, to write poems and sing love songs. But now, I havn't written a love letter or poem in over two years. It hurts. The only poems I have written have been sad break up poems. Where I get my heart broken or I am waiting and wishing for that guy I used to think was "the one" to come back and love me again.

Love shouldn't be like that. I wish it was like the fairytale. I wish that I could believe again. To be in a fairytale. To wake up every morning smiling to a sunny day and beautiful blue birds chirping on my window sill. To sing and be so hopeful and happy every day. To have no worries and no doubts. To know that he is out there somewhere and he is looking for me. That there's always hope and always love.

All around me, my friends have all been finding their other half. They have all got someone to call their own. Someone's somebody. To be loved. To be held and hugged every night. Someone to wake up to and smile every morning. I think it is really getting to me. I've been through alot this year. It has been crazy. This year 2008. I've learnt alot and reality has really hit me. The fairytale has been tainted and my beliefs faded.

I wish that my prince will soon come to me. And I will be able to feel how I used to feel. To love and be loved in return. Hopefully he will be my prince forever. My prince who will grant me my happily ever after.

It is so much easier to be a kid again. To be happy and not know the harsh reality of what they call life. To dance around in a pretty little dress with all the dreams and hopes in my mind. With not a worry or doubt, no fear and no pain. To keep the fairytale alive. Saving my very first kiss for the one of my life. For my Prince Charming.

True love's first kiss to begin to my happily ever after.

Boys and Booze

2008-12-17T11:11:00.002+09:00

7 december, sunday.

The worse combination ever. They both make you do such stupid things. Things that you regret the next morning. Things that hurt other people. Boys and Booze.

I did a very stupid thing last night. I chose a boy over my bros. And this wasn't the first time I've done this. Sigh. You would think that one would learn after the first and maybe second time that they make the mistake. But for this boy. I made the mistake again.

The worse thing is, he isn't even my boyfriend. He's not my man. He's not my guy. Hes just a boy. I've never done something so stupid before for a boy. Especially just a boy. Maybe I do like him more than I tell myself that I don't. Maybe I want him to be my boyfriend. My head is just a mess and the booze made it alot worse last night.

Alcohol; makes you do really stupid things and your judgement... What judgement?
I had a bit too much to drink last night. A combination of crazy mixed shots of pure alcohol and more pure shots! Don't get me wrong, I love my alcohol. I drink it nearly every weekend. (Bad, Yes I know) but I think it's time to stop. Or cut down at least.

I wish that I didnt do what I did. But in the same time, im glad that I did because I had an amazing night. It's complicated because this boy isn't even mine but in the same time he is. Ok maybe I am selfish. But it's only normal to be selfish. That is life. And what he makes me feel is jealousy. If only things were different.

Anyways morale is. Boys and Booze is a very very bad mix. Makes you do stupid things. Very very Stupid things.

- Dreamer

Examinations and Distractions

2008-12-17T11:09:00.000+09:00

10th November 2008

Examinations and Distractions

SIGH well, I think I have failed my first university unit :( AFM! sigh. big big. epic sighs! and fails! lol. epic epic fail :( I really really hope that I can scrape through this unit. All I need is a 50% ! All I want is a 50% ! haha. it was that bad, I walked out 30 mins early coz I was thinkn.. man what a waste of time.. sigh SIGH SIGH FAIL :'(

bleh, anyways I have three more to go and they are all clumped together in one big bunch argh. and on the weekend too bleh. I kinda wish it was before the weekend.. or later in that week. I want to go out lah lols :P

Hmm, yes well that be the examinations. THis semester has been really bad for all of us. maybe just coz its the end of uni. final year.. eeks.. its soo scary sigh. i dont really want to go yet. bleh. sigh at least i got another semester of it.. im really. scared hey.. ahh sigh. i gotta grow up though and get out there.... *sigh*

Anyways, distractions....
well the obvious, boys boys boys. the guy that i met last sat on my bday msgd me the other day telin me that he wants to see me again..=/ haha.. hmm i duno.. didnt know what to say.. hmmm, well exams are now..so not ..now =/ maybe later.. we shall see what happens... and i doubt much will happen so.. lol.. yeah.. lalala...

second distraction would be... my.. yeah him.. at the back of my mind all the time lol.. =/ i have been doing goood... i havnt really talkd to him or seen him in 2 weeks.. over two weeks? i duno.. it feels like its been along time lah lols. i wish that things were different........

bleh anyways, this was a quick blog to say hi =] its been a while.. i will update more when i finish exams.. lalala.. yawns.

for now all i really pray and hope is that i passed afm overall so i dont have to do it ever again *sigh* pleassseeeeeee!!!

ah, bleh . well.. good luck to all whos examing now =]

- dreamer (exam stress)

hmmmm...

2008-11-04T20:07:00.003+09:00

well first of all i would like to say thanku to all of my friends who came out for my bday and the awes presents..lol :)
it had a great sat night :P

hmm anyways, the reason why i came to ramble here tonight. is the same reason why i always come here to ramble. lols. hmm, emo much?
*yawns*

well, atm i am at uni studying for exams. sigh. but its so boring and argh. i jsut want to go home and sleep. which is what i might do very soon lol. hahaha
sigh. well, what to write. umm.. boy problems? no problem atm. just thinking a bit too much. as usual.. haha shuttup.

i am lonley. :( i miss him sometimes. i guess he was the closest thing i had to someone this year. and it sucks that it all blew up in my face and ended like how... i knew it would end. lol sigh. its been hmm nearly two weeks? havnt seen him. ah. the past few days been rainy and cold too. makes me sad. lol hahaha. i kinda miss having him hug me :( lols gaar.
and all this random hooking up. bleh. its gettin old. lol i really just want someone. i miss kissing someone and just huggind them and having them hold me at night. and the whole waking up next to someone every morning. argh. lol. *emo*

blehhhh i think its the mass amounts of food iv eaten today and exams that making me feel like crapz haha. sigh zzz.
i gta stop thinkn. lol sigh. i need a switch to flick emo off.
i wish that he would miss me...=/ lol. sigh. it not good for me. i know. but. i still miss him =/ for all the wrong reasons? zz. sigh tmro morning? :)...
lol. ahhh

- dreamer (stupidly wishful thinking...)

My Love At First Sight.

2008-10-21T23:12:00.002+08:00

My Love At First Sight.

Every morning you make me smile.
The sun shining bright and the birds flying up high.
Cool morning breeze blowing through my hair.
Skipping down the road, dancing without a care.

You brush past me, smelling so sweet.
My heart flutters and it skips and beat.
You sit by my side and look at me and smile.
Inside I sigh, you make my mornings worth while.

The rest of the day my thoughts drift to you.
I count down the time til the end of school.
Its so hard to concentrate as images flood my head.
I want to go home and be with you instead.

Waiting at the bus stop I see you stand.
My heart races, I just want to hold your hand.
On the bus once again side by side.
Morning and evening I love our bus rides.

Slowing down the bus begins to stop.
We are outside your house and you get up.
I watch as you walk to the door and down the steps.
Looking behind as you walk our eyes meet.

You make me feeling like im floating.
Inside something starts tingling.
I don't know who you are, but you are my light.
My bus boy. My love at first sight.

[ ok note: those who know me and what my situation is and who i am talking about here. rofl you know its not.. yeah but its just like.. haha just nicer if it was.. lol ahh i dont think im making sense..but i hope u understand its just a poem rofl and some of the words like the L word lol. is.. yeahh used very lightly here lol. hmmm but if... lol then yea =) ok.. i am crazy and was bored.. zz ]

- dreamer

hmmm

2008-10-21T20:14:00.002+08:00

blogging time eyy eyy..
wells i duno what is wrong with me.. and why im feeling this way atm.. lol but i think i kinda..miss him =/ or maybe i just miss having someone. hmm. i think that it might be the latter. lol hmm. iv been online for a bit now and i find myself keep looking on my list to see if hes online. lol and then i find my mind wandering to thoughts of him ..=/ shit lol hahaha.
i think the lonliness has kiked in again. on sat night i found myself ..odd number wheeling lols. so many couples. its kinda depressing lol.
ahhh, sigh .. its been a while.. i kinda miss him. bleh.. also it doesnt help when my friend keeps talking to me about him and encouraging it lol haha. i duno wat to do anymore. i guess iv got what i wanted. hmm. i kinda wish that it would work out ... lol but..i know i am dreaming lol. haha. i dun even know why i want it to work out coz i hav a feeling. a very strong feeling. that in the end it wouldnt work out for us anyway and i would get hurt. hmm. sigh. i dont want to msg him rofls. but i do! lol. im trying to wait it out lol. msg me please mister! rofls.
hmmm lalala. exams are coming up really soon too. its bloody scary rofls. i havnt been studying at all.that is why rofls. and now for some reason my net is dyin =/ bleh. sigh.
hmm ok i am going to post this before net dies..lol iwl write another time :)

-dreamer :)

sigh i sigh i sighhhh!

2008-10-09T20:25:00.002+08:00

hmm, well hello its been a while.. i havnt had internet in ages u see, and a few weeks ago my laptop kinda died.. lols so i havnt been having ANYTHING at home :( its been a very very lonley few weeks for meee *sigh*
and so what do i do when im lonley as crapz... i go out.. clubbing. wayy too much and drink.WAYY too much and.. dont rmber half my nights :'( *sigh* im not liking it very much and tryna cut down big time !
hmm, so if im not out clubbin on the weekends.. i am at uni.. i come in about 8.30am and leave at midnight.. =/ gosh.. thats how sad my life has become.. its gone downhil.. and being at uni for soo long just kills me and makes me go crazyyy!!!
so i cant stay at uni for long hours, if im at home im bored shitless i go crazy, and drinkn too much alcohol is jsut not good for you!

SO WHAT THE HEL DO I DO?

*sigh* super sighs...!

hmmm, ok i just eased my craziness by watchin this vid:
http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=e0AJQXmIux8&feature=related
hahaha.. its cute lol....

*fall for you - secondhand serenade*

lol anyways, now i shall try and do some work..unless i can find prison break somewhere online that i can watch hahahha XP

- dreamer

springtime :)

2008-09-14T17:06:00.003+08:00

hey all, well its been a while.. sorry i havent had my net fixed yet obviously lols.. n the other day my laptop charger kinda died so currently i am borrowing my friends in order to turn on my lappy and hopefully i shall have myself a new laptop soon :)
not sure which one to buy yet thou..im a noob when it comes to laptops =/
any suggestions? ehe..

anyways, i have been sick for the past.. 4 days now i think.. *bleh* feel soo crap. at least its not as bad as it was.. iv gotten slightly better. :) but it sucks. coz i cant sing a full.. sentence without going in a coughing fit lols :( *sobs* and been having to resist the alcohol lols.

last night we went out to celebrate brennos 22nd. we went to the elephant and wheelbarrow to wtch the man u v liverpool match.. (liverpool won 2-1). then went to nandos for some dinner..followed by the deen, frisk/bar open and then the ultimate destination for all asians in perth.. metro city! lols =X haha sad but true..

but seriously, i have to defend metro city. i like that place lols. i know we all go there way too much but the music is good! and the stripper chick who likes to flaunt her stuff on stage in her corset and stockings and lacey underwear...omg she is hot lols :P last night shaun, col and i stood at the front of the stage watchng her do her stuff for ages haha til she went off :P

also, like all clubs, the company. if you go with a good group of friends then its always awesome :P and metro city.. its just awesome lol hahaha i love it :P

ahh, what else has been happening?

well tmro will be the start of study break! exams are the week after bleh.. i am soo screwed for AFM its not funny... i duno how to start studying for either of my units sigh. they are just soo boring =/ and so much effort..and seriously one week to study two units =/ argh kill me lols.. going to get owned.. accounting and finance! why am i even doing it lols.

*yawns* the past few days iv just been dying in bed lol. so much sleep lols. no study. no nothing. :( such a waste of life lol haha i hate being sick bleh.i wouldnt wish this ..watver sickness i have on anyone..bleh. but i think its contagious haha. so i would stay away rofls. i caught it from joyful and hao *grrr* shakes fist!!

and now we talk about the boy life.. lol

well, basically.. its happening ;) hahaha nah jks. i duno.. its complicated.. but its not. its not official.. but its not really happening? lols haha. i think theres that big issue of trust still. and probably always. thus not really ever going to happen? lol. but something currently is happening.. hmm and im liking it. but its nothing serious haha. bleh. confusing? hmmm, it sounds it. i think it might get there. but atm its not that confusing between us. lol i think. hahaha. i duno rofl. maybe it is? i hope that i have confused all of you lols :P muhahahahahahhahaha

oh my head hurts lols

and i think the internet is slowly dying.. hmmm
i hope i can even publish this post lols =P

- dreamer (sick sick sick)

boys boys boys

2008-08-12T18:35:00.002+08:00

sigh well... today be day 1.. i decided yesterday that its time for a change.. i have decided to stop msging him.. lol and so if he really does want me hes gona hav to miss me then msg me :( hahaa.. sigh. but knowing him, he wont msg me anytime soon..

hmm, why am i soo caught up in this? bleh well.. i duno.. i guess.. hmmm i duno.. hahah
im confused right now.. and im soo tired.. got so much stuff to do and catch up with.. but so little time :( haha.. stressing out big time lately.. sighs
the past two weeks have been soo.. argh.. a big mess.. so un-organised.. i gota sort my shit out real fast real soon lols.. arghh

hmmmmmmm......

well yes i wonder how long i can make it.. sigh.. i think i only miss having a guy.. i miss having someone to wake up to inda morning and hold me every night :( hahaha.. ahh yes.. emo time.. lol. well, singleness is taking its toll..on everyone lately lols.. its all falling apart.. ahh.. time to sort shit out.. bleh

anyways, i have to get ready to go out on a..coffee..thing.. =/ argh.. i shall tell u and update u on that later.. haha.. sigh..

ahh i cant handle nemore.. soo tired.. lalalala..

kk well i really gta roll..

- dreamer (wish me luck lol)

PS. I Love You

2008-07-19T21:54:00.002+08:00

*cries*

i want to be in love again.. i want to be loved again.. i want someone to hold me tight from behind, keeping me safe and warm every night.. i want to wake up in the morning and see your beautiful face again.. i want to kiss someone and feel that sweet tingling feeling deep down inside of me.. i want a boyfriend again..

*sigh*

i just watched PS. I Love You and omg it is the sweetest chick flick that i have ever watched.. EVER! it owns A walk to remember !! hahaha.. this movie made me cry so much.. and my heart aches.. :( i miss having someone as my own and someone who loves me for who i am and as much as he does.. (he in the movie.. ahh dont worry im not going all emo and soft missing rog..lol sigh)

if you havnt watched this movie before i suggest that you do!

haha, what is me and watchin such great movies lately lols hahhaha.. ahhh, ok the dark knight and ps i love you is on a whole differnt level of liking.. sigh.
this movie is seriously sweet.. i think i am going to buy the book the next time i go to kinokuniya *ahhh*

- dreamer

PS. I Love You

x

THE DARK KNIGHT!!!!

2008-07-19T01:10:00.002+08:00

I dont usually walk out of a cinema saying OMG.. and still with a huge grin on my face say OMG an hour later!!

THE DARK KNIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!

it has got to be one of the BEST movies i have ever seen in a very very very long time! and this is even better than alba movies okay..rofsl.. im being dead serious about this hahaha..if u havnt already watched it..i dont know whats wrong with u but go get ur arses out there and watch it already! LOLS....

seriously, OMG! hahaha i cant even explain it.. rofls.. and i dont wana spoil it for anyone either..rofls..

if u liked batman begins..man this movie will BLOW U AWAY! rofsl.. i didnt like batman begins..i found it pretty average.. but this one..seriously.. im in love with batman !! hahahah

the cast was awsome.. with special mention to mr heath ledger.. (RIP) sigh.. it is such a waste... accidental overdose ;(.. ledger deserves this oscar!! im not sayin this because of his sudden death.. he really REALLy TRULLY did a great job in this movie!!! he was friggn scary lol and just WOW!!

hahaha this is a terrible review..im just soo glad i watched it hahah and i would watch it again! lols.. its just AWSOME!

for everyone out there..

GO WATCH THE DARK KNIGHT!!!!!

U WONT REGRET! lols

i duno wat else i can say right now hahaha.. ahhh its just..
THE MOVIE OF THE YEAR :D

- dreamer

rip. heath ledger

morning sunshine

2008-06-13T11:11:00.002+08:00

wow well once again its been a very long time since my last post. did ya miss me? haha.. i cant actually rember when my last post is coz i forgot to chek before i clicked this button haha so im not sure what you know? lols =/
hmmm anyways, whats been happening?
*update*
well, mostly, uni has been taking over my life.. haha.. well.. iv been spending quite ALOT of time at uni these days.. its been.. great fun! lols here on weekends and weekdays.. ahh its my second home during these times (exams) haha :P
hmm nah its okay im not complaining.. it gets boring and lonely at home all the time anyways.. when i come to uni people are here :) and i can socialise while study.. good times hahaha -_-

hmm yes, exams are coming up .. my first one on wed (18th) and then friday (20th).. then i plan to hit the town on the 21st! hahaha :P a little break after a week worth of study and exams.... lols its only fair.. haha a bit of study here and a bit of play there ;) hahah everyone should do it ! lols.. its boring sitting around at uni all the time and studying.. we need social lifenesss.. hahah :P

i may be going out tmro too.. LOl *shakes head* hahahaha -_- hmmm imma crammer ok.. i cant study when its soo early lols.. hmm and i have been at uni every single day for the past week or two! hahah i deserve a bit of a break :D hahaha

hmmm lalala.. wat else been going on...

hmm note: i must catch up with lots of people before i go on holiday.. ahh sigh, i found out that it was mels bday during the break when im out of the country :( meaning that iwl be missing out on her 21st birthday party! OMg.. sigh that is gona be aws!! i mean, missing out on it would suck but if i could go it would be aws! hahah sigh knowing mel..she got all the boys after her and they usu quite pretty lols.. so it would be an aws night filled with alot of good looking people! hahahaha ;) ahhh *sigh* *sobs* o wells.....

anyways.. i would also like to talk about my morning today.. hgahaha..
its the first time in a whle iv woken up so early just to come to uni!.. yes i woke up at 6ish to get to uni before 8! hahaa.. its nice to watch the sun rise actually :P and its quite refreshing, the morning cold.. lols hahah.. wakes u up .. and if u got a tummy filled with good food/breakfast goodness.. lols.. its goOOD! hahaha.. i bought two cans of V today but i dont thnk i even need it anymore.. hahahah
*i say that now..but wait til about 5pm* hahahah -_-"

lalal.. yes, today has been good.. i actually been gettin work done.. hmm :) if only i had the motivation to wake up so early every weekday and come to uni at 8 :) and in the same time hopefully see my dearest bus boy! haha who is still hawt i would like to add.. hahaha.. hm okok, not super drop dead.but he is very nice to look at :) and smells very nice..HAHA and im not a stalker !! zz -_- i know him now ;) hahaha.. we are friends :P... loL! hahaha

ahhh anyways. hahah i best get back to study :P i just thought that id drop by to say hii :d hahaha

OH and i am going to get a new laptop during the holidays.. but i dunno anything about the new models and wat not.. hmm any suggestions? lols.. lalala..

kk well.. hav a good day peopolies :D

- dreamer (sunny smiles)
x

new love

2008-05-17T15:03:00.002+08:00

ahh well im listening to this guy named chris cendana..some filo guy..and man is he ..heavenly to listen to ..omgosh..sigh..he can sing and play guitar..omgosh.. his voice is jus (L) ahhh

anyways.. right now.. i feel soo.. ^_^ happy lols..
its been soo long since iv had good time to myself outside :) in my summer clothes lol :P hahaha sigh... im downstairs at reid cafe.. on my laptop typing a blog to uu lol and lookin out at open grass and ducks waddeling around :P ahahah and sun shining in :) cool breeze.. and the sounds of chris cendana singing in my ear :)

oh god im in love hahhaa..

sighh..its just a good day :) but it may soon be ruined by IA lols..

argh ia.. hahaha

anyways yea i better start ia now..lols..

- dreamer (smiles)

mMmmm eye candy :P

2008-05-11T16:52:00.001+08:00

yes and i think now u are updated.. hahah

well not updated..bt those be the blogs i wrote while not havin internet.
i wonder how long this internet will stay for me this time round :D i hope it lasts at least til i go on holiday..lol

im terribly deprived of this internet... lol sigh

yes well i can taste last nights alco in me stilll.. and today been a very very good day ahahha..since yesterday..:D hahaha sighhhhhhhhhh..gooooooooodtimes :P

whats sexy: hot guys who know how to dance :D:D:D:D:D

mmm

- dreamer (loves her eye candy)

sunday mornings rain is fallinggggggggg

2008-05-11T16:51:00.001+08:00

27th April 2008
sunday morning rain is falling..

today i must say is the best sunday morning i have ever had! it is almost perfect! :D
the rain is falling and i have my sunday morning music playing in the background.. and i have been in bed all day :) lols
well i did wake up to have a shower lah lols.. but im back in bed haha and been in bed for a long long time.. havnt really done anything at all...
haha yes, no its not good lol and i should really be studying and cleaning up the house etc. but.. we all need some time to relax yes? :D today be a relax day for me.. :) and it is the best sleep in i have ever had in my life.. lols :P

almost perfect because all i am missing is someone to wake up to inda morning and to bring me breakfast in bed LOL ;P aahahah and mayb someone to do my assignments and clean up my house.. hahaha sigh jks :P today is pretty good i must say :D although its a bit of a gloomy day .. its been raining on and off all day.. and its quite dim.. but i like it.. not too bright and not dark.. rainy days :D

actually, now im just gonna contradict myself.. coz.. rainy days.. i find quite sad and depressing lol coz rainy days are those days where i wish that i had my boy still and he and i would just lie in bed and hug each other :) and keep each other warm.. hmmm but i think.. i am over it all.. lol.. i have to learn how to be independent..from boys that is.. lols :P and recently ..big news! hmm, my dear rogerms found himself a new girlfriend.. so i guess that is the final nail to that coffin of ours.. mm so that saga is finally over :) and it kinda feels good hehehe.. i took it quite well i think :) i didnt cry.. obviously got a bit jealous.. and argh emo i guess? haha but yeah, so far its been okai :) and besides, i knew tat it was going to happen eventually and if he is happy.. i guess that is all that matters :) he deserves to be and i want to be happy too.. so that means letting go of him and to live my life witout him :)

you know what, today is also such a .. writting day hahaha.. to not think about anything else and not worry about study and blog :) hahaha. if only i had internet.. sigh lols.. -_-" then i can actually post this up.. bleh lols.. gosh i really need to get my net sorted..=/ iv been putting it off heaps lols..=/ i just cbfd.. and yeah i dun even know what im doing lol and whether i got the right modem and stuff? *bleh tarded..

anyways lets not ruin this blog.. sunday mornin.. rain is falling.. i cant rmber the rest of the song off by heart.. hahaha but omg its 5pm! LOL yes 5 PM man iv soo wasted the whole day hahah.. sigh :) it feels good but i feel guilty hahaha.. ahhhh i wish i could sleep in like this every sunday :)

omg kenny g just came on :) wow such a nice song hahah sunday morningish too lol.. well its not technically morning anymore.. ahaha o wells.. lalalala
maybe i should put on some piano music for the rest of this nice gloomy sunday day :)

i always believed that sundays should be a chillaxiing mellow day :) .. if possible with family and the ones you love.. but if you cant..i guess its just time for yourself :) to chill out.. and to not worry so much and reminice.. on the week? or on.. anything :) like earlier this..afternoon.. i was looking through my photos from last year :) and sigh.. they make me smile.. like i said, i have taken a new perspective on things.. especially after the roger news and the end of that saga.. its all good times and memories now :) no more holding on and waiting.. i was looking back at photos that we took together last year and they make me smile.. hehe we really did have some great times together :) and i know that i will never forget them ..and i hope that he doesnt either ^^

ahh photos... they say a thousand words dont they ! hahahaha.. i wana print some out actually..from everywhere so that i can put into an album.. i have heaps though so its going to be hard to choose and expensive too =/ but i think its nice.. to have it in an album.. i used to decorate them heaps too.. back in highschool when i didnt have my own laptop.. lols sighh.. i wish life was still soo carefree and easy like this sunday day..

iv been kinda scared lately..thinking about the future and stuff.. sigh.. i dont know what i really want to do yet.. i cant see myself out there working.. =/ full time and actually earning a living..=/ zz.. i dunoo if you can call that immature.. i duno.. its just that .. im not ready for that.. i cant see it happening =/.. maybe its coz i havnt worked before? mmm.. i think i still need to build up the confidence.. i dont have enough yet to face the working world.. lols i think..why would anyone want to hire me -_- hahaha.. i dont want to stuff up someones accounts lol or tell tem to invest in something that totally tanks lols.. ahhh sigh lol life..

anyways.. i thiink i am going to finally get out of my room lol.. and i am going to make some cookies :) it will complete the sunday..

in my mind.. a perfect sunday...

i wake up in the morning and when i open my eyes the first person i see is the guy i love who gives me a hug and kisses me good morning.. then we get up to cook breakfast together..:) we turn on some nice sunday music :) and sing/dance along randomly :) hahaha and the whole day is just chillaxing and carefree.. not worrying about anything and just taking it easy.. every meal cooked on sundays too :) a nice lunch and dinner.. tv music and just company of the ones that i love :)

..hmm doesnt necessarily have to be with one guy.. that perfect sunday is one that i hope to hve to in the future..when i get married and such.. lol hmmm a perfect sunday for me now..would be.. waking up to the smell of food in the kitchen.. breakfast already made by my mom :) and kenny g playing in the background (coz my dad likes kenny g and its just perfect sunday music :P) .. i get up to have a nice family breakfast with everyone and we just spend the whole day together :) chillaxing.. heehe... i would help my brother out with some of his homework and at the end of the night we will all sit back relax and watch some tv together before going to bed :)

that sounds quite perfect to me ^_^

anyways now i shall make some cookies and prepare some dinner..so at least my house will smell warm and filled with freshly cooked foods hahah.. a step closer to my perfect sunday :)

i hope all of your perfect sundays come true ~
relax and take some time off just for yourself :) its good trust me hahaa :P this really is one of the best days i have had in a very long time :)

- dreamer (*big smiles*)

dont know when i wrote this one..lols this is like super mass bloggin sesh :P

2008-05-11T16:25:00.000+08:00

why hello! haha. its been a while since i last blogged and im in a typing mood atm so i thought why not start rambling on here since you guys havnt heard from me in a month or so haha :)

anyways, atm i am watching prison break.. its near the end now.. of season one that is.. yes slow i may be to watch this series..but i am watching it now okay.. and its good.. its taking up my time lol and soon it shall be finished and i shall be ready to study study study.. sigh damn uni starting lols.

which brings me to my first day of uni for 2008! haha. i had two lectures.. and i only went to one.. crap! hahaha man the slackness has already began lols. but u can cut me some slack ok.. its a public holiday and uwa has to start school today. damn this uni and not giving us public holidays! boo! unfairness haha. and getting to uni on public holidays is a bitch and a half for me especially. sigh. o wells..

half a day of uni for me.. well, 2 hours worth of uni! haha. it was good to see everyone again :) uni is good.. the daily routine sense of things. to get things in order again and have a set timetable to follow. so that my body clock can start functioning normally again. ... hopefully. lols.

anyways hahah im back to prison break for a bit. i shall type more soon. lol my typing urges have been settled for now.. hahaha :)

ok now that was written on the ... 3rd of march, monday! hahah
and now today is the 5th because its 2am :) lols.. gosh why am i even awake still?! lol i got into bed at 11pm and now its 2! :S and im still awake! hahaha.. well, iv been watching a movie okay.. but it finished about half an hour ago.. but the tiredness has seemed to have faded away. hmmm

well, whats been happening?

iv been going ..emo over roger.. iv been missing my boys lol and iv been slacking off uni haha while spending time with my dad :) hahaha.. its been a tarded few days i tell u.. lols..

we shall start with roger.. once the most important in my priorities but now dropping down the ranks lols.. which is good righT? hahah..well, as u all should know and can tell by my adventures overseas.. in beijing especially lol. the roger problem should be over by now. and i thought it was too and that i was doing really good the first week back in perth. but then on saturday it hit me again for the first time in like nearly 4 months! man i think i was just having a stress attack. thinkn too much about stuff.. and the wei wei thing kinda affecting me too! sigh.

but yeahh.. roger.. saturday and i think it was monday.. yeahh.. been going sad and emo over him :( i would be lying if i said that i didnt miss him or love him still.. sigh. but i know that i cant have him anymore so iv put my feelings away and i dont like him like i used to any more.. but u know, the love will always be there and i still miss him coz its so nice to have someone you know. i guess.. when i find another guy then will i completly stop thinking about him.. hahah in an emo way i mean :)

but yeah, i thought that i was doing good coz since iv been back iv seen him about three times ithink. and its been good! i didnt cry i didnt go emo!;) i was good :) and i thought that we were pretty good too! like we get along really well still and yeah i guess that's where the thinking started again lol. me thinking that we are still good for each other and get along well. hahah sigh. well, he obviously doesnt think that way anymore. he wont even go and watch a movie with me :( zz hmm its like he cant be seen in public with me but he can see me alone... :S hmm yeah sigh its a bit dodgy! o wells... serene u gta stop thinkinG!

hmm my next problem is.. wei wei chuah! sigh. well wei wei.. back in the day..highschool days.. we used to be really really close! and i considered him like my brother :) so when he told me last week over the phone that he doesnt even consider me as a friend any more and that it was over a long time ago.. how do u think i felt?! sigh.. i teared.. i cried.. it really hurts to lose an old friend after soo long and especially if u dont know why!!!

yes i do not know why the hel he is so angy at me and why he doesnt want to be my friend any more!!? i asked him over the phone and he said that if he told me that it would just break me real bad and iwl start crying!..? zzz wat the hel! and besides, if i did something THAT bad..i think that i would remember it!? that bad that our friendship just ended like that!!! zzz

i asked him whether he even cared how i feel.. coz he just suddenly stopped talking to me and whenever i try to ask him out to catch up and all its always a no..but he always seems to have so much time for the rest of the leeming girls.. i askd him why he treated me differntly to the rest and he said "its because they are my friends"... blehh! sigh. it really hurts i told him.. coz he just suddenly rejected me and i dont even know why..and in return he told me that he doesnt care how i feel and that i should not try so hard to be friends with him again.. and to let him come to me instead when hes not angry with me any more and forgives me!? what the hell does that mean! blehh!! @@@ sigh :(

sigh it seems that 2008 isnt looking as bright as i had hoped for :( sigh.

anyways next issue in my current life lol. *scrolls up*
OH! hahahah ok well this isnt really an issue..its more a complaint and a deprivation! lols =/ hahaha. sigh. i think its probably due to the roger problem too! haha sigh.. i feel lonley! i miss having someone as my own sigh but i know thaht i cant have the boy that i love and that i probably cant and wont be finding a boyfriend any time soon lol so that leads me to thinking about the boys iv met in beijing! haha! yes sad i know. but im sad coz i dont have a boyfriend or roger so give me a break! lol.

mmm yes deprivation.. of boys :S lol.. dodgy yes it may sound but.. like boys.. girls need their daily doses of guy! hahaha. sigh. i mean i got my guy friends.. so im not feeling as shit as when i was overseas hahah. if i blogged about it..i forget? lol. but yeah. this time its just.. having somoene and having someone kiss me and hold me :( zzz.

honestly, i dont think im really looking for a boyfriend or wanting one any time tooo soon!! of course i would lilke one. man once youve had a boy/girl u know that its so much nicer than being single. although singleness has its obvious advantages! lols ;) hahah but yeahh. sigh so anyways. since im not really looking. Oh which comes to something that iv planned to stick to this year! haha to not look and to wait! lol. although, after what happend last year, waiting didnt do me tooo good either. hmmm. lols. zz.

in kl i went out to lunch with my mom and her friends and i was lectured and told stories about their love life haha. no not in a ew way! but like. how they met their husbands and fell in love and knew that it was love. :) and how they are all still together right now hehhehe. its really sweet actually. sigh. i would love to get married :) and have a husband who really loves me and will be with me forever and ever and a day :) sigh. makes me miss roger lol coz i thought that me and him would be together forever and a day :( he used to promise me that and want to marry me and told me that he loved me every single morning and night :( sigh. gaaar.. the promises the guys make u! zzz. guys can be such asses sometimes lols hahaha. sigh but its not just the guys fault i tell u. its the girls faults also for being so stupid and beliving them and our need for wanting to be loved and cared for by a boy.

anyways back to the lunch. lol they were telling me about their husbands and how they met them etc etc. it was quiet sweet actually :) how they all first met and they knew it was meant to be etc haha. one of them was saying how she thought it was love at first sight. how he walked into her work and she was like wow hes the one :P ahahah but then later she thought that he was married! coz he had a ring on his wedding finger lol so she was crushed and backed off. lols but then sumhow found out that he wasnt and that ring was from his mom? or grandma? lol i cant rmber haha. but yeah in the end they got married :D and awww..lols. it was love at first sight! hahaha

another lady was telling us how she met him and he kept chasing after her. lol coz at that time she already had a boyfriend lol.and she wasnt looking. but this guy kept chasing after her and blah blah lol.. i couldnt really understand what she was sayin to tell u the truth lol. she had a very strong umm.. african/french accent! hahah. it was hard to understand lah lol. but i got bits of it and in the end they got married lah hahahaha.

moral of all their stories were: its FATE! zz hahah and that you cant force someone to love you. if its meant to be its meant to be! and if they love you they will come back running and chasing after you. thats when you know that they really do love you and will love you forever. :) sigh and yeah its all fate. just to enjoy life and then when the right one comes things will just naturally work out :) hehe to be patient :)

its quite sweet if you think about it. lols but like i dont know if i really believe in fate? lol hahah. i dunno, maybe just because my heart has been torn out by roger already lol and it hurted so much that i dont believe in happy endings too much anymore. sigh. but i stil believe that im a romantic :) hahaha. but i dunoo.. i guess the love isnt there anymore and the hope has kinda faded. sigh but im sure in time it will be restored. maybe when i find a boyfriend again hahaha. or find someone worth fighting for :)

haha well that was great! my rambling has done what it always finds itself doing! hahah rambled my way off topic :D hahah woot woot go me lol :P but it was a good topic wasnt it? lol about love and fate hahah =/ sigh
but after all that ive been through with boys i mean.. hmmm i find myself thinking that having expectations and planning too ahead into the future wont do you no good either. wishing in a fairytale or a prince...these things just kill you in the end coz theres no such thing as a perfect relationship or a happily ever after. i mean yes ok..happily ever after is finding the guy of your dreams and for him to love you forever and trully..and then marrying him and growing old with him :) but... love and life isnt perfect, people have their hiccups in between..its just normal! sigh and never to plan things too far ahead when ur with someone coz most of the time it just comes crushing down on you and you go your seperate ways. sigh. how depressing lols.

haha speaking about breakups. i think this year may be breakup year! LOls. alot of my friends seem to be calling it quits with their partners :S:( its not a good thing no lol. sigh but maybe...hopefully its just a temporary thing :) hehe. this year is meant to be lucky and to be good! its 2008! such an asian year hahah for good luck and such :D lets hope its true :)

anyways back to the topic we were on before i started rambling about fate and the lunch with the ladies hahaha. boys! hmmm, i miss jun! :S lol haha sigh i wish that i had met him earlier, like instead of tom :S sigh. coz tom in the end just turned out to be a slut. mmm probably the same with jun =/ zz hes such a bad boy lol but gosh sigh. i wish i met him earlier and saw him every one of them fridays :) sigh *dreams* hahaha..

yea this is my boy problem. im thinkn about the past too much. zz well this be partly due to..jun being extremely gorgeous and such a sweet talker and to have only had that one friday night with him *argh* sigh. hmm n yeah ahhaha there are no nice hot guys in perth! zz and perth is just so small that word gets around so fast! duude. man me typing my shit here.. is also probably a terrible idea because people read it and then it could get passed on and blahblah and then soon iwl find that half my friends know what happend or how i feel and blah.. lol. hm but i guess thats my fault that i type my shit out on a blog haha. woot go me. double wammmi zz. but if i dont i got nowun to share and spill my insides to hahaa. hmm thahts why my tactic is to ramble as much crap as possible so that nowun actually reads the whole blog hahaha. it gets them distracted lols and then they dont really read everything :D haha woot woot! sigh im soo lame! no i dont actually ramble on purpose.. its just me ok. zz.. my blogs must be so entertaining! hahaha. and soo full of crap :D woot ! :P

i love blogging hahahaha

anyways prison break! lol i finished season one finally lol and omg the ending is so arghh! and i forgot to bring back season two from beijing! so now ihave to wait! OMG zzz they really had to end it with them on the run and about to get caught! arghhh! lol.

why did i start prison break soo late? lol hahah. well i think back in the day when it started i was already hooked on other shows like house and the oc or sumtink lol i duno.. haha no not the oC i got over that after about season one and a bit of two. lols :) man the OC was pretty cool at the start ok. hahaha but then it went lame lols. and it was just soo dodgy haah. zz

hmm i watched like parts of season one and two of prison break throughout the years but i never properly followed it! ...hmm yes i think i know why.. because it was showing on the same time as house or ncis. i forget lol but channel seven couldnt beat channel ten lols.. they should have aired it at a differnt time or day! raar! gawd they should replace home and away and neighbours with proper shows zz.

oh gosh which brings me to another problem that i have.. hahaha. *the list just keeps going and going huh hahaha* TV is a problem in my household now. WHY? because, before i left to beijing my vcr which is hooked onto to my tv because our remote control for the tv died a long time ago so we connected the vcr to the tv to control it.lol. well the vcr died and there is a tape stuck in it which wont come out. and coz it wont come out the player keeps screwing up and turning off. meaning, we cant control the tv.. meaning NO TV! zzz

no im not that stupid, i did try to just connect the antenna to the tv but we couldnt find any reception and so no channels..thus again no TV sigh. cries.
i dont use the tv that often but i cant live without a tv! gosh i get so bored sometimes i need to watch the tv! argh sigh and there are so many good shows out now adays. sigh. cries. i need my tv back :(

bleh anyways iv been blogging away for 37 mins exactly now. i shall go to sleep lol. i got uni tmro haha. but i think iwl go to the 3pm class instead of 9am hahaha :P hmm sweet dreams all and hope you enjoyed my rambling :P:P

- dreamer (goodnights)

02 04 08

2008-05-11T16:20:00.000+08:00

*020408* @ 2145

i am once again in a typing mood lol so i shall blog here..and when i get the chance to post it i shall..lols :)
hmmm so whats been happening?

today was a painfully long day at uni.. weds are my.. bleh days.. starting at 9 and finishing at 5.. lols..-_-' gosh how am i going to cope with working life...ahahah :P
anyways.. yeahh long day at uni.. alot of classes etc.. and stress over my dear shaunus's bday dinner :) hehehe.. see, i plan to give him a suprise bday dinner :) hehehe.. woot. i really hope that its gona work out.. lol it kinda nearly backfired today!! thats why it added to my.. stress and long long day today :S sighs...
hmm anyways, ive already booked a table at hogs breath cafe :) and iv invited all..and going to pre order peoples food..lol so we dont have to wait forever for them to cook like..20 steaks! HahAHa -_-" hmmmm.. oh yes, more stress.. i dont know whos actually going anymore! aARGH! @@

people are now telling me that they got things to go to tmro night..lols =X bleh i hope that we get at least 10 people!! or else..thats just terrible :( and sad :( and not cool :( and i wont be happy! LOL hahahah.. jks.. hmm sigh.. iv been tryna call/msg people all night to tell them that its on and to remind them to give me their orders by tmro!! argh..sigh soo stressful! lols..but i like organising :D hehehe.. sigh why am i doing commerce..its painfully boring after a while! bleh

hmmmm.. anyhooos, im sure this blog shall be safe... from shaun that is.. unless he somehow stubbles across it tmro night before he goes to hogs breath! lol :P
sighh.. argh my head hurts. im watching numb3rs atm.. just finished house :) .. i wish that ncis was on weds too!! :(

bleh man i really shouldnt be watching tvee right now tho..i need to get studying! man i got an exam coming up and a report due in one and a bit weeks!!! ARGH! stresssssss!! its starting to get to me now! lols ahhah sigh -_-" what to do what to do! argh i need to study!!!!! but i soo cant get myself into it yet..bleh O_O hahaha.. sigh.. sigh sigh.. pls tell me how to study! rofsl =X

hmmm anyhooos...i shall end this blog here :) i will type more later..

- dreamer (deprived of internet)

My Undecided and Unforeseeable future

2008-05-11T16:18:00.001+08:00

wow this is old.......

Blog: My Undecided and Unforeseeable future
3rd feb

I am seriously wasting my time here. There’s nothing for me to do here. Sigh. I kinda wish that I got that job at Slumberger but I didn’t… work permit stuff and all. Man, which brings me to my next point! Im such a slacker! Man, its not good at all! I really got to get my act together this year! Yes, I know ive said it many times before.. but this time, seriously! Its my last year at uni and I still havnt had a job and I just.. I don’t think I should be allowed out into the work force yet!! Hahaha im still so young? :S hahah and I don’t know… truth is, im just scared 

I don’t really wana leave uni actually! Id rather keep studying for a few more years til im a bit older and I really know what I wana do! Sigh. Man, I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT I WANA DO! Omg.. bleh this is so screwed!!

Well, I think I definitely don’t want to do accounting and finance for the rest of my life… I don’t like it too much but I know that its useful and I will need it for my… future… my very undecided and unforeseeable future! Haha. Its scary though. Coz now adays its harder to get a job, even if you are a graduate! Its all about good grades and connections mostly I guess? Sigh stressful!

I think I wana get more into the marketing side of things…I would like to work for a cool brand and then help them with their marketing and advertising and stuffs hahaha  that would be fun! Something im sure that I could… possibly enjoy!? Hahaha

Sigh lately iv been really scared about this whole future stuff coz this year im not going to be a teen anymore! Twenty man Twenty!! Its really scary stuff this whole growing up thing! Sigh I regret

..and i didnt even finish writtin it..lol

OMG I MISsS U MY DEAR INTERNET

2008-05-11T14:00:00.001+08:00

lol hahahaha omggg internet.. i havnt used intnert at home in soooooooo long.. i miss it soo much lols.. arghhh hahha now i can finally blog and put up some facebook photos..and ....find some hot guy on facebook that i met...well not really met...but we know each others name and did alot of eyeing......lols omg hes hot and he can dance..!! very sexy i tell u... sighhh hahah *DroOools*

anyways i shall find some blogs that i wrote a while back and post them now :D

ah its good to have internet back :D *big smiles* so far today has beeen.. AWESOmE! lols :D:D

- dreamer (very happy dreamer!! hehe)

Bust a move

2008-03-31T13:50:00.003+08:00

GO EVAA I BELIEVE IN UUU!! MAKE A MOVE ;D

doot doot..

hmm i believe that if you want something in life u have to grab it before the opportunity slips you by! ;)

waiting is painful.. takes too long..lols.. but yes u cant force everything..but if all the signs are clear (and they are very clear evaaaa lol) then u shud make a move and go for it ;) so then u wont hav to wait any longer... and he will be urs..all ursss.. NOWww hahahah :D doesnt that sound goood?? :P

*sigh*

anyways what has been happening with me?.. i havnt had net for.. nearly a month as u can see.. zzz... im very very deprived and it feels soo good to be online and bloggin after soo long.. *bleh*
see waiting sucks eva..lol hahahaha...=/

hmm, i got a class in one hour.. im at jasmine chickns house lol.. shes a partime vlogger hahahah ;) and youtube singer ;) hahahaha... and she got one GIGANTIC house.. omgosh..green with envy i am lols

hehehe.. sigh..anyways, alot has been happening lately.. soo much emotion.. so much.. alcohol..lol.. craziness.. hahaha and i realised tat i am very much attracted to dodgy guys! X_X lols.. the guys that i go for..or want..are all..dodge..lols -_-" great work serene :D hahahah

hmm i shud really be studying but i love internet too much lols

blog more laters hehe =)

- dreamer

stress attack! bleH*

2008-03-12T21:08:00.003+09:00

hmm well i have been stressing out heaps since i last blogged here..sigh
so much has been happening..uni and rog related.. haha yes =/ still rog related..shuttup..do u wana listen or not haha =)

anyways.. uni..man i fkd up my degree ey hahaha.. instead of graduating this year like i was supposed to.. i am now graduating next year first sem.. sigh.. so that means not graduating with all my dear friends :( booo hahaha.. sigh but thats not a big thing i guess.. id rather spread out my study load and pass my units than overloading and not passing...any hahah.. hmm lols zz

so this sem im only doing 3 units.. slack huh hahaha.. o wells.. and the next im doing 4 and next year iwl be doing two :) thats if i pass everything this year..and sem.. lols hahaha..

blahhh

anyways.. today been a super stressful day for me!! argh.. uni and rog!! = crazy stress day !! blehh

firstly i arrived about half an hour late for my first lecture which isnt ilectured! blehh coz of the stupid traffic..sigh and 9am classes..arghh i hate 9am classes hahaha bleh.. dont get me started on 8! gosh..i havnt done a 8 class ....ever hahahah.. maybe once or twice in first year but i gave that up ...fast :P hahaha
ahhh what a slack person i am hahaha =X

blehh but anyways now im startin to stress coz arghh im going to graduate soon and i havnt done any internships or anything..bleh no work experience..nil! -_-"
WHAT AM I GOING TO DO WITH MYSELF... sigh.. im soo stressed out! i duno where imma be in a few years..and wat im going to do with my life and blehhhh sighhhh WHYyY :( i dont wana grow up!! :(

anyways.. i got sidetracked just then with msn lol.. umm roger.. man iv seen him wayy too many times today bleh.. i mean like at uni! hha sigh. back in the day when we went out we didnt even see each other that much at uni :( lol. but that was okay coz i saw him every morning and night.. most of the time we go to uni and back from uni together :) ahh good times.. sigh so yeah during uni hours we dont see each other too much.. we meet up for lunch every now and then but yeah uni is friends time :) which was a good system..anywayyys..enough about the past.. wat happend today is..i saw him about three times! bleh.. coz hes doing alot of comm now and we both do one unit the same :S which is not very cool AT ALL.. blehhhh just finding that out stressed the crap shit fk out of me :( *cries*

blehh sigh well i duno.. roger..just makes me sad..to think that he has changed soo mcuh sigh..i still wish that we could be ok and still be good like we were in first year =( sigh.. but i dont think that is going to happen anytime soon which really sucks and breaks my heart..sighh i wish that things were different bleh i wish that he still loves me deep down inside hahahahah.. arggh wishful thinkn..dont get u nowhere!!

baaaaaaaaaaaaah..

sighh sheep noises..gosh my head is a mess today!! lol blehhh

anyways yea i think iv rambled and complained enough today lol.i just went crazy to my friend lol.. i shud hav let it out on here instead of him haha but u know.. live..immediate response is alot more funner ..lol funner is a word? =/ haha..

hmmmm ok im going to shower and watch a movie or sumtink..zz

- dreamer (stressed out big time)

start!

2008-03-05T23:18:00.001+09:00

Aus Day 08

2008-01-28T00:18:00.000+09:00

"i am you are we are australian"

that was one of the many songs that we sang last night while we walked back from zouk to ascott hahaha.
last night was oz day and as u know im in kL but.. luckily brenno is here too and so we decided that we have to celebrate australia day..its our duty ! hahaha

so we set out at night through the city of kl haha and walked to zouk nightclub.. according to the rules of the club we werent allowed in haha.. coz they didnt allow guys with tshirts and you had to be 21 to get in.. but im not 21 lol and brenno was wearing a tshirt..lol but we talked to the guy and he told us that it was okay :D we explained how were from australia and today was a special day to us hahaha. we had to celebrate and the hotel was too far away to go back.. haha

hm so we went to this club..i think its part of zouk.. and they have the same club in singapore but.. better haha.. hmm velvet underground! :D it was small..but nice.. hmm and dark haha.. at first the music was slow and very loungey..so i got scared that the whole night would be just this kinda music -_-" but luckly it picked up the pace..

but eventho, it was good slow music..singable :D haha by the end of the night i lost my voice..it was all croaky and manly hahaha bleh but we still sang songs as we walked down the road back to my place hahaha we sang the national anthem, waltzing matilda and the qantas song haha over and over again..and sang other random australian songs hahah -_-"

it was good tho! the night overall :D our dj was awsome..he was from amsterdam haha.. he played all the songs that i requested so me was happy :D hahah alot of dancing and alot of redbull vodkas!!

it was a good night hahah no fireworks but who cares..lol doing ur own fireworks is soo much better hahah XD

happy australia dayyy peoples 2008

- dreamer

Freshman ^^

2008-01-26T14:17:00.000+09:00

The Verve Pipe

The Freshman Lyrics

When I was young I knew everything
She a punk who rarely ever took advice
Now I'm guilt stricken,
Sobbing with my head on the floor
Stop a baby's breath and a shoe full of rice

I can't be held responsible
She was touching her face
I won't be held responsible
She fell in love in the first place

For the life of me I cannot remember
What made us think that we were wise and
We'd never compromise
For the life of me I cannot believe
We'd ever die for these sins
We were merely freshmen

My best friend took a week's
Vacation to forget her
His girl took a weeks's worth of
Valium and slept
And now he's guilt stricken sobbing with his
Head on the floor
Thinks about her now and how he never really
Wept he says

I can't be held responsible
She was touching her face
I won't be held responsible
She fell in love in the first place

For the life of me I cannot remember
What made us think that we were wise and
We'd never compromise
For the life of me I cannot believe
We'd ever die for these sins
We were merely freshmen

hey yeah
hey yeah
hey yeah

We've tried to wash our hands of all this
We never talk of our lacking relationships
And how we're guilt stricken sobbing with our
Heads on the floor
We fell through the ice when we tried not to
Slip, we'd say

I can't be held responsible
She was touching her face
And I won't be held responsible
She fell in love in the first place

For the life of me I cannot remember
What made us think that we were wise and
We'd never compromise
For the life of me I cannot believe
We'd ever die for these sins
We were merely freshmen

For the life of me I cannot remember
What made us think that we were wise and
We'd never compromise
For the life of me I cannot believe
We'd ever die for these sins
We were merely freshmen
We were merely freshmen

Bubbly

2008-01-26T14:12:00.001+09:00

Bubbly - Colbie Caillat

Will you count me in?

I've been awake for a while now
You've got me feelin' like a child now
Cause everytime I see your bubbly face
I get the tingles in a silly place

It starts in my toes
And I crinkle my nose
Where ever it goes
I always know
That you make me smile
Please stay for a while now
Just take your time
Where ever you go

The rain is fallin' on my window pane
But we are hidin' in a safer place
Under cover stayin dry and warm
You give me feelins that I adore

They start in my toes
Make me crinkle my nose
Where ever it goes
I always know
That you make me smile
Please stay for a while now
Just take your time
Where ever you go

What am I gonna say
[Bubbly lyrics on http://www.metrolyrics.com]

When you make me feel this way
I just-mmm..

It starts in my toes
Make me crinkle my nose
Where ever it goes
I always know
That you make me smile
Please stay for a while now
Just take your time
Where ever you go

Dada dada dadada dada dum..
Mmm mmm..

I've been asleep for a while now
You tuck me in just like a child now
Cause every time you hold me in your arms
I'm comfortable enough to feel your warmth

It starts in my soul
And I lose all control
When you kiss my nose
The feelin shows
Cause you make me smile baby
Just take your time now
Holdin' me ti-i-ight

Where ever, Where ever, Where ever you go
Where ever, Where ever, Where ever you go

--------------

oh i love her voice and her.. shes jus..wow :D

25th jan ~ deprived

2008-01-26T13:47:00.001+09:00

oops i accidently posted this blog on the wrong..blog lols

i think im really really deprived of boys hahaha..-_-" and also of typing, hence why i logged onto my blog today lols.. hahaha

mmm jasmine probably thinks that i am absolutely crazy at this point in time coz i have spent about an hour talking to her about soo much random crap! haha and its not just simple two word answers or one sentence..its.. a very long sentence hahah or paragraphs..and i dont think im making much sense at all..lol jus non stop rambling..just coz i miss typing hahah..

like i told her.. man i love the sound of the keyboard as it clicks when u type really fast.. it sounds soo nice..and i love typing..i actually miss doing assignemnts and essays too coz of the typing.. if i knew how to write books lol mann i wud be going crazy hahaha.. but..i dont lol.. my minds not that creative enough.. bleh and my english as u can tell is terrible hahah..

sometimes i think that writtin like this.. in short form.. is making me stoopid!! hah coz my english is gettin worse and i realise i cant spell words anymore..=/ hmm not good.. maybe i should start writting properly again! hahah.. besides, its the end of uni for me soon and i will have to be gettin out there into the "real world".. the working world.. and people speak proper english there..=/ not childish msn grammar.. sigh uh oh!

i am going to type proper english from now on.. for this blog only haha. but screw the caps.. i really cbfd..and i think you'd rather me say "cbfd" then "can't be fucked"? ok! serene has officially gone insane haha.. talking to myself about how to write english..-_-" hmmmm *slaps*

LOL well.. one hour later..hahahah i got carried away with msn.. im not typing deprived anymore lol so i shall blog another time when i actually got shit to say hahahaahha goodnights =)

- dreamer (crazy)

iPod touch

2008-01-23T23:47:00.000+09:00

when I found out that my brother got an itouch for his 15th birthday...yes I was slightly jealous lol anyone would be if thier liddol brother or sister gotta present like 4x more expensive than yours lol..hmm n along with the ipod u got some really awsome, sexy as, blue glowing speakers!! may I say again..very funky n sexy!! lol

hmm now I find out that it can connect to wireless thus use the Internet for free n type this blog out using my right pointer finger LOL n MSN, use facebook etc in the palm of my left hand...lol duuude i am not slightly any more but instead hmm let's see...full of envy!! haha
ok no I'm exhaduratin a tad lol hmm I'm jealous yes..more than the beginning lol you would be too o
ok =]

its just wow! and so convenient coz I got the whole world in the palm of my hands n I can almost access and do everything LOL n not only that...the itouch is daymn nice n sexy!!!!! LOl

I know that there are many PDAs and phones which can do the same thing but duude this is stylish too .. omg the thiness n the colour lol argh the only thing that I don't like is the touchpad system..yes I know that's what makes the itouch stylish and sexy thin but it can be soo annoying to type n it has this auto correction thing which is good and bad...I guess u just gta get used to it.mmm coz sumtimes it auto correct for u but u dun want that word coz in fact ur writting a a
word in short..SMS type zzz but they don't recognize it n writes sum other crap without your conc
sent zz n then sumtimes u accidently click things that you don't mean to but cant help it coz your fingers are too big LOL or you accidently brush it zz then u gta rewrite everything again..zzz I hope I didnt jinx myself now LOL bleh

hmm well this blog was just about how aws this thing is..it has its flaws but all things do yea n there are just things u can adjust to like the touchpad..

hmm well I gta wash the dishes ..just has supper..mm satay lol yummy hehe

ok latahhhzz

-dreamer

Someone to Watch Over me (8)

2008-01-23T19:14:00.000+09:00

Someone to Watch Over me - Linda Ronstad

written by George and Ira Gershwin
© 1926 WB Music Corp (ASCAP)
copyright renewed

There's a saying old, says that love is blind
Still we're often told, seek and ye shall find
So I'm going to seek a certain
lad I've had in mind

Looking everywhere, haven't found him yet
He's the big affair I cannot forget
Only man I ever think of with regret

I'd like to add his initial to my monogram
[ Lyrics found at www.mp3lyrics.org/4sFg ]
Tell me, where is the shepherd for this lost lamb

There's a somebody I'm longing to see
I hope that he turns out to be
Someone who'll watch over me

I'm a little lamb who's lost in the wood
I know I could always be good
To one who'll watch over me

Although he may not be the man
Some girls think of as handsome
To my heart he carries the key

Won't you tell him please to put on some speed
Follow my lead
Oh how I need
Someone to watch over me
Someone to watch over me

~~ someone just sang this song on the american idol auditions for this year lol.. its such a nice song :D i rember singing it in the chior back in the days..lols.. good ol times.. haha =)

hmmm lalala.. anyhoo i shall write another blog later.. back to idol for now :D

- dreamer

Heath Ledger.................and Utt

2008-01-23T11:46:00.000+09:00

omg i cant believe that mr heath ledger is dead.. =( its shocking.. cant believe it coz hes soo young and hes doing soo well .. he was only 28 man. wat the heo.. its scary.that anyone can die like..anytime.. i dont think anyone expected that to happen.. sigh
i wonder what happend? they sed they found him lying face down on his bed naked and some sleeping pills next to his bed.. but then the pills werent like scattered all over...meaning that.. he didnt try to kill himself? =/ they say that it might have been an accidental overdose.. sigh thats terrible..

RIP Heath Ledger (f)

anyways why would u wana kill urself..duude!! lols.. zz thats just..stoopid.. sigh.. hmm ..

i duno what to type atm.. im a tad blur.. hmm lately iv had a crush on vj utt again hahaha -_-" hmm hes soo hot..=X lol oops major change in subject lol (i just randomly added utt in the title jus then hahaha)

hmmm, iv been watchin wayy too much mtv here..and all i see is UTT :D hahaha he makes my day lol..but lately his hair is long.. and i dont like it..-_-" id rather short hair..very sexy utt.. mmm man i wana meet him and take a photo with him hahaha =D mm and a hug? lols.. hahaha theres a guy at my uni who kinda looks like him.. :D *drools* lols but hes ..hmm i duno.. hes nice lookin too hahah =D but i duno him yet.. i gta make friends with him..... lol =X

oh shit i forgot that i was blogging hahaa..hmm yes utt.hes soo hot haha.. daymnit haha if only there where good looking guys like that back in perth ahahha.. mmmm uttt :D;D::D:D:D:D mannn im soo boy deprived.. help me hahaha

- dreamer

deprived

2008-01-22T01:22:00.000+09:00

hmm well its 1230 in the morning and i cant sleep.. im feelin a tad sick coz of all the food that iv been eating here in malaysia.. zz its soo good i cant stop eating lols hahah.. its not healthy at all.. zzz and im puttin on soo much flab hahah.. and im still slak as usual so i dont gym or swim.. and lately i cbfd shoppin either hahah so ther goes the walking..and now its just sittin or lying around watchin tvee hahaha..

sigh..its depressing.. i feel like im wasting my life.. i could be doing something but instead im on my ass all day doing shit all lols.. zzz its holidays yes..but man my holidays always go on for wayy too long. it gets really boring and tiring after a while.. zz sigh.. but i miss my family and thats why i stay for months.. sometimes people dont understand that.. and they say that im lucky and all.. zz hmm some people just dont understand at all.. duude life isnt easy.

anyways right about now im blabbering on to eva about sometink and i dont think im making much sense at all hahaha. sry eva. zz im not thinkn too straight atm.. hmm my minds kinda all over the place.. and in the same time im at a huge blank. hahaha tarded i know.. -_-"

well, its been about a month now since i left perth.. hmmm its been good and bad.. suprisngly i had a good time bak in beijing and i didnt wana leave soo soon lols.. hahaha zz no comment.. but ever since i been here in kl.. everythings jus been going down hill...as in its soo daymn boring.. zzz i gta start makin more malaysian friends back in perth who go bak home often lol so that when i come here to visit the family i got friends to go out and club with in the same time.. hahaha or else imma be shit bored here..

which comes to my deprivation..im missing my boys lols.. i havnt been around guys in too long..-_-" coz usually im always with them.. as in like i miss col alan shaunus and jht!! =( hahha and jus ...guys in general lol.. after the puregirl incident i think.. lol i cant stop thinkn and it got me started..and blehh i duno lols.. i cant really explain and i dont really want to ..explain lols.. zz its .... tarded lah..-_-"

hmmm i duno what im going to do when i go back to perth.. sighh.. perth is seriously a hole.. theres nothing to do and there are no nice guys there lols its depressing sometimes.. haha zzz after going to puregirl and meeting all these internationals and shit.. man its soo much more fun zz hmmm... i dont think im making much sense.. theres alot of things that i wana say and im thinkn about lol but its jus gona sound wrong and not make too much sense if i type it out here..-_-" hmm sigh..

arrgh anyways my tummy is making weirdo noises..like digesting or sumtink lols..i shud really go to sleep soon..its like 2am. zz and i need to get up to eat breakfast..or else there be nothing left for me like this morning... hAHHAaha -_-" sighhh today i woke up wayy too late and by the time i got down to the restaurant it was closed ..zz so no breakfast for me today.. or lunch =X zz

hmmm lalala anyways im going to call it a night.. i shall blog more when i got time and its not like 2 int he morning.. zz i still need to start on the travel and food blog.. theres a few things i wana do and change this year. iv got it all planned.. kinda.. hahah well not planned but listed rofsl.. lets hope i can make some of them come truue this year yea =) hahaha
oh and i got the book list started again this year..another 10 or more =) iv alredi done two and a half.. ^^

man if i was rich i would buy soo many books... obviouisly read them all lol and then hav like a library in my house hahah.. omg that would be aws!! hehehe =) sigh.. i dream too much lol..i got all these imaginations and plans in my head..but hahahah if it will ever come to action lols.. hmm we shall see.. sigh.. hahah if only* =) magic words that piss me off lolx..

kk well i shall go to slp now.. cant miss breaky tmro ~

- dreamer (full of thoughts i cant explain...)

new year 2008

2008-01-10T02:46:00.000+09:00

lol gawd that was a long post hahaha.. and random yes i know -_-

hmm i havnt been bloggin coz i really cbfd haha and nothing too interesting has been happening..since the last post lols =X haha.. hmm i guess i shall start by wishing a very happy new year everyone?!! hehe^^

lol..ok no i really cbfd atm.. im going to sleep..its nearly 2am..im soo tired..iv been up since 8am this mornng..blehh need to sleeeeep..and im sick too -_-" argh lols..

iwl write later lah.. my life isnt that interesting!! lol go and read each others blog instead eva and jas -_- lols hahaha

byyyebyeee

- dreamer (sleeepy)

the catch that got away

2008-01-10T02:42:00.000+09:00

lol this i forgot about haha..i wrote it a while back as u can see..its ..lol random and about beijing.. written on the night i was leaving.. (last night in beijing..awww) hahah suprisingly i actually started to miss that place..sigh.. although hard to get around and stuff.. i made some very interesting memories and friends there over the three weeks i was there lols..hahaha if only i made friends earlier huh hahaa
anyways here it is..dont laugh.. i would like to say here now..today..that i think im over itlol haha uwl understand later.. it was a liddol crush hahaha =) crushes are fun lols :P

"The Catch that got Away" 30th december 2007

This holiday, my last holiday, in Beijing, i discovered ..nightlife! something that i knew was always there for me..but i never had the chance to go or anyone to go with! (and i still dont)

If only i had found this earlier then i would have never been complaining about coming over here and leaving my friends every christmas and new years for the past three years!!

Hmm, anyways it started to become part of my weekly schedule! lol.. every friday night my brother and i would go out and explore beijings very cheap nightlife..lols..

yes, sad it is.. my brother is the only one i went out with to explore these friday nights lols.. *shakes head* -_- anyways i dont crowd over him and his friends.. im merely a babysitter.. but..lols after a while sometimes i guess it ends up being a bit of my night too lol and i dont wana go home so early hahaha.
kids these days..lol cant party hard nemore lols.. they go home at around 3 to 4ish.. lol people who know me.. hahaha i love dancing the night away. lols and 4 is still earli lol. the night is still young! hahaha.. ok no not that young..but another hour cant hurt anyone ;) lolx

hmmm, so anyways these friday nights became a habit..lol so for the past three fridays iv been in beijing iv been going out..and going to the same bar - puregirl. hmmm...

its a liddol bar in the middle of barstreet.. hmm small.. cheap cheap drinks.. friendly atmosphere ;) lols but fkn dirty..lol for example, the first friday i went there..someone threw up in the middle of the walkway..and they never cleaned it up for a ..very long time.. arghh and the toilet..man dont.. even.. arghh.. toilets in china in general is jus.. ewww full stop lols.. hahaha.. ok this one luckly isnt tooo bad.. (compared to some of the ones iv seen and ..smelt in china lol -_-)

Anyways, overall.. great place..lol if u like the drinks.. the music is average..but the people are fun and friendly.. not random old china men waiting to take advantage of people when they drunk.. but theres alot of international peoples there ^^ very fun! hahahah very very fun! ;) lolx

hmm i made myself a few friends there too -_- lols.. hmm some from england, sweden, canada, france and a few other randoms lols..

But this blog isnt all about the bar.. and the people..its about that one catch that ..unfortunately i cant have.. hmm why cant i have him? what/who is this catch..? lol.. zz that in time i shall reveal.. LOl (Sounding like a tOOol)

hmm, so every friday right.. the first two weeks i just met the same people =) a group of friends travelling and their bro and friends who live in china.. lols. i dont think i should mention any names.. just..coz.. lol

theyr a nice group of guys.. fun to talk to and drink with lol ^^ tequilla sunrises~bottoms up!* lolx hahah hmm but this catch..the last friday out in beijing.. (note: for a very very long time.. =(..) hmm i met him.. man if only i wasnt soo wasted..-_- lols.. and thinkn straight.. sigh.. i was a tad too drunk lol so wen sum serious shit was happening..my mind was just at a blank and i didnt even respond..=/ lolx.. man he must have thought i was a fkn ditx lols -_- hahahaha

o wells, like he also said.. its not like anything could happen coz we both live soo far away..hmm lol.. he was a sweety tho.. i wish i met him two weeks earlier.. fun to dance with, pretty daymn fine lol, mm nice bodaey..hahaha mmmmm.. alot of nice things lol hahaha *sigh* if only he lived in perth.. or if only i met him two weeks earlier.. and i was stayn for longer! arghhh IF ONLY! lols =X

hmm maybe u thinkn im a tad crazy since i onli just met him lols.. hahah zz mm i think i may be over reacting a liddol too haha but.. for now..he was a great catch.. and i think still after a while..iwl rmber him lols.. reli sweet guy..mmm tall.. body..arghh body lols..hahah the way he jus..does things..talks..lol ahh*drools* i wish hahaha

and man it sukd soo bad that my bro was there too and i had to babysit him (yes lah "bbysit") lols -_- ahahah his friends all left about 4ish.. lol i didnt really pay too much attention that night coz i was caught up with the "fish of the night" LOL =/ hahaha (sry im getting really lame..and this is such a tarded blog lols..)

BUT MAN SIGH! HAhaAHha~

it sucks man ..coz i doubt we will ever meet each other ever again lols.. =/ coz we live on the different sides of the globe.. and nowun in their right mind would fly the other side of the world for a girl or guy lol..specialy one that they only met once lols.. hahahahaha

no dw..im not going that crazy..i know that im talkin retard crazy talk atm lol.. mm but..im just saying..that it would be nice.. very very nice if i could have him or even hav a chance of gettin to know him better in person and seeing him again..lol sigh.. *if only* hahaha -_-

yes..dream on serene lol =/ i hear u.. lol zz

hmmm.. oh well..memories.. i got photo proof haha ^^ and facebook too =)

beijing isnt that bad after all.. lol next time, when i get back i know where to go! hahah and who to call lols ;) but next time hopefully iwl have friends with me so brother dear doesnt need to tag along..lols hahaha

hmm u know what else i need.. zz
i need a reli good girl friend..=/ hahaha sigh.. if u guys know me well enough..i think u know my history with having really close chica friends.. zz.. and i myself keep coming to the conclusion, and it keeps gettin backed up.. hmm chics.. they can be backstabbing bitches!!! lolx hahaha.. yes imma girl myself.. but its true.. girls are bitches by nature.. even if they dont show it..deep down inside.. lols.. bitch -_-

hmmm why i need a really good chic friend.. its not like i dont have one currently.. i have a few really close gal friends =) and ilove em dont get me wrong ^^ but ...sometimes they are too innocent lol. or jus.. i duno..

me.. hmm me.. lol.. im .. iv been and done alot? (NOT TO SOUND DODGE omg) but i mean.. iv experienced many things.. eventhough im still a teen..my teenaged life..lol has been very hectic.. trust me.. zzz alcohol, drugs, boys, love, bakstabbing, dodgeness (lol) etc etc..

imma bit of a rebel (OH and im not sayin iv done all of the above.. they are experiences im talking about lols.. hahaha not necessarily me being a party directly involved lah lols X_x) hmmm.. iv done the whole sneaking out thing.. underaged clubbing and drinkn etc.. lol. u know, when i turned `18.. clubbing and drinkn to me was like..old school hahaha..and i got sick of clubbing..and didnt hit the clubs too often when i was 18 lol =/ hahaha.. coz i started early at about 15ish? lol..

hmm my friends i gues..lol the ones that i chose to hang around with bak in year 11ish.. mm hahah theyr great guys lol but coz of them i was a liddol rebel lols and did everything underaged hahaha.. but!! underaged clubbing, drinkn etc.. more fun and exciting!! lol coz.. its the thought of gettin caught..and doing something that you shouldnt be doing! lols hahaha.. adrenaline rush!? lols.. the feeling of nearly gettin caught.. gets ur heart beating lols.. good times!! hahahah and them times are still rollin baby! hahah

hahaha anyways, wat was i on about..? hahaha.. oh yeah, friends. being gals..! lols.. hmm all those who know me, know that i love my boys! hahaha.. as friends and all lols^^ i get along better with them all and im known as a "boys gal" lol.. and im proud of it! i dont care if gals talk behind my back coz i hang out with too many guys and they think imma....but im noT!!! zz

like i sed earlier, iv had...reli shitty experiences with having really close galfriends.. i remember one tried to turn the whole year against me..and accused me of shit i didnt do.. zz shared our secrets to heaps of people.. MAJOR BACKSTABBING people lols =/ zzz

then later another one.. we went through alot .. zz and she fkd me over not once..but twice!! zz.. being a bitch.. sayn shit about me behind my back... going bitter and cold at me for no reason.. zz hmmm... bleh! and a few more.. sigh.. you would think that if uv known a person for SOOO many years.. and ther nothing ever been wrong between u two.. friends for ages, go to same school.. u would think that they wouldnt suddenly turn on u and bitch along with the rest.. zzz arghh

bleh argh o wels, i dont care! sigh.. that was a while ago.. and altho i didnt really do shit about it.. we are still "ok" and we talk still..still friends.. juust not close nemore.. and since highschool i havnt really been close to any gals..at all lol -_- iv stuck with my boys and met more boys! lols and it seems like most of the time..its a group of guys and then me! hahaha =)

bleh but its times like these i need a galfriend lol.. i mean, u cant tell u guy friends about the boys u meet at random clubs, bars.. and u cant go out with them and they help u pick up? hahaha.. thats why its called a "girls night out" lol.. coz all gals go out..single.. hav fun..party..dance..drink.. find guys.. everyone together chek them out lol.. choose who they want..hahah help each other out to get their number.. LOls hahahah *ahh i watch too many movies LOL*

hahaha ANYWAYS.. sighhh i wana share my last fri night experience in beijing with someone.. arghh but nowun to tell lol.. if i simply tell my guy friends they will jus .. they wont understand lol. they cant respond. zz blehhh
i dont know if anyone knows what im on about..lol argh sigh hahaha.. but yeah. zzz.. bleh

i should shuttup.. i keep rambling lol.. from just talkin about my catch i end up talking about galfriends and bitching lol -_- hahahah..

arghh sigh, im leavin tmro.. my bros pretty cut.. hes gona miss it here in beijing.. i think im startin to miss it too.. wev been here for three years.. i mean, if i were in his position.. havin to leave my friends and all.. after three years..and leaving my gf/bf.. hmm i wouldnt be able to handle it.. i would be crying right now.. lol and not at home probably lols.. prob wont be home for many nights in a row lols hahaha =/ out saying goodbye to everyone and spending heaps of time with my gal/boy sigh

today, phil came over .. hmm imma miss that kid.. hes a good guy.. leos friend.. iv seen him quite a bit this time round coz he comes drinkn with us lols hahaha.. phil phil phil lols =) hes a sweety lols ^^ iwl miss him.. and iwl miss wen too.. pretty gal..loves to dance..music..alcohol LoL a liddol version of me..hahah sex drugs and rock and roll baby!! hahahah ;P

hahahaha sighhh yeah phil.. iwl miss him.. when he left today i got a hug too lol..haha aww he reli is a sweeety hahaha eventho hes not reli my friend..but leos.. i alredi miss him haha -_- sigh i can only imagine how leo feels *sigh poor kid* right now hes on the phone with his gal.. sighh.. shes a great one too that one.. i met her on my second night out in beijing.. shes gorgeous.. cute hahah short..lols australian LOL ozzie ozzie ozzie OI OI OI!!! lols =D

aww man, this past three weeks here in beijing have been fun! =) lookin forward for every fridays lols hahaha.. goood times =) met some really fun people ;) that i have on facebook now too!! hahah and who live all over the place..lols and many photos hahahaha photos are always gooood XD hehehe.. memories that last foreverss!! ^_^"

i wish that we could spend new years here tho..it would be great.. party party partyy hahah..coz now i got friends here =D lols hahaha zz but no.. we gona be in malaysia.. wit no friends =/ lol hahaha.. o wels.. zz thats wat iv been doing for the past 3 years now..X_X sigh

thats life for u.. international life..lols. hahaha no not really.. that we shall get into another day..lols.. i already planned to talk about that..lol *doot doot doot* hahahahha

rmber how i made another blog to do with just travels and holidays =D heheh hmmmmmm shuttup serene..-_-

im going to watch american gangsta now ^^

man u shud see this house now..lol.. all empty -_- lukily theres still a tv hahaha.. unfortunately no net tho *boooo* iv tried a few times.. sigh no luck! =( so i shall post this another time when i do finally get internet =)

but for now.. til we meet again..

good bye beijing.

good bye my catch. lol

good bye pure girl.

good bye phil, wen, kirti, chris, shakar haha (and the rest)

good bye cold cold winters in beijing

good bye bowling in lido hotel =(

good bye apartment

good bye cheap ass clothing and dvds/cds

good bye 11 hour plane trips to china.. =) LOl

mmmm til we meet again!

happy new year 2008 everyone *^_^* may u all have a great year ahead !! and all ur wishes and dreams come truee =)

adios!

- dreamer (*smiles*)

its been a while

2007-12-20T16:06:00.000+09:00

well well, i just made a new blog for my travels but like i sed in the post for that blog.. blogger is fkn me over as usual and wont let me upload a new template for it yet so its ..boring atm lols..

hmm yes, anyways.. whats been happening!?

well, today be rogers birthday! hmm i think im doing good lols.. i wasnt here online last night waiting for midnight to happen so that i could wish him a happy 21st..!!
instead i was out bowling and when i got home i jus sat in front of the tv and wtched movies....LOls hahahahaha

and this morninig i didnt purposly wake up earli or borrow my dads mobile to msg him a happy bday... infact i havnt even talkd to him all day yet..-_- lol sigh...
hmmm

am i happy? lols.. well, yes and no.. i reli hope that he does hav a good time! =) coz he deserves it..its his bday! everyone deserves to be happy and hav fun on their birthday ! =) hehehe..

hmmm its kinda sad tho..that i couldnt be there.. as his girlfriend i mean.. hmmm.. wer over now tho .. the hurts not that bad nemore so thats good.. =) hmm but u know, theres still that hope.. and wishing that maybe he will realise that he fkd up and wnts me back lols. hahahaha *hoping* but.. even if that doesnt happen..im sure iwl do fine!

i alredi know..that i can live witout him.. i told him this myself..but the thing is.. id rather not.. coz i wna live with him! its nice ..me adn him..were prefect bak in the days..and its sad to think that after three years.. he can jus throw it away and forget that it ever happend.. hmm that part sucks big time!!

and the thought that we gta start new again.. find a new person to be with and then start the whole gettin to know u thing.. and being comfortable with that person..and building another huge long relationship with them.. zz that part sucks too hahaha...
i sumtimes think that its a waste to end our relationship coz firstly its been soo long..and secondly all the above.. the whole gettin to know someone new.. etc etc..
hmm.. sigh

o wels, i wont talk about him nemore..=)

hmmm what to talk about..

well...... im in china atm. its fkn cold ! lols.. and im bored shitless lols.. my brother has gone out..my moms out.. my dads working.. and im sittin online.. how sad! and worse thing.. nowun is online talkin to me lols.. sucks big time! hahaha sigh

oh col says hi..-_-

cols a fag =) hehhehehehe

hmmm i shall post another one soon i gta go prep some food for dinner before mother comes back or else iwl get my ass butchered!!! not choppped but BUTCHERED !! zzz lolx

bbs!!
- dreamer

To have you back..

2007-11-12T16:11:00.000+09:00

hmm the past few days been reli hot..sighs.. dying and dehydrating.. and dying..
hmm i randomli wrote this poem just then..
cant study.. im tired..its too hot and i miss him.. sighs
its pretty random i gues.. i duno zz
my poems are all retarded lols

To have you back..

What do i have to say for u come back?
what do i have to do, what is it that i lack?
i miss you so much, you cant even imagine
the tears that i cry, the pain that im feeling

every night it's so hard to sleep
i always toss and turn and begin to weep
i miss the nights you held me tight
telling me you love me and its all alright

when your gone i fall apart
why did you leave me with a broken heart
you said you loved me forever and a day
you told me that we would live together one day

all these promises now washed away
and all i do now is watch time pass day by day
it hurts not being yours
it hurts not calling tigger ours

and as the hours pass us by
i keep finding myself asking why
why did you have to leave and break my heart?
did you even love me, even at the start?

if you did, why did you leave me here
broken hearted and left in tears
you were my dream come true
you were the one, i love you

but you keep pushing me away
making the hurt deeper and deeper ever day
what do i have to say for you come back?
what do i have to do, what is it that i lack?

*imissu rL*

kk well im going to shower and start studying again sighs.. exam tmro!

- dreamer (missu)

get stuff off my chest

2007-11-05T23:27:00.000+09:00

argh i havnt studied for tmros exam all day =/ sighs now im starting to stress lols coz its nearli midnight -_- and tmro..is very very soon! LOL =/ *dies*

my fault for not studying earlier today rofsl..or studying at all today =/ lols..
well u cant blame me..not after cfp exam..sighs *dies*

hmm anyways.. before i can fully get into it..i gta get sum stuff off my chest..
hmm i reli dont know wat stuff it is..but i duno.. im thinkn things..sigh and i need to let it out..but i dont wana let it out on my friends nemore coz theyv helped enough and theyv had enough! sighs lols hahah zz yes sorry peoples =(

hmm.. i duno.. i cant even put into words what im feeling.. sighs.. i jus miss him =/ eventho he puts me thru hell half the time.. i reli still do miss him sighs..
and i was thinkn..wat to do during this hols...=/

i purposely stayed behind this year for him.. and now hes not mine.. wat do i do!? sighs.. and he sed that hes going to be busy and working most of the time..so he prob dont hav much time for me anyway sighs =( but.. bleh sif he wants to spend much time with me righT? sighs....

bleh i jus miss them times when he used to come home to me after work.. sighs.. knocking at my door late at night after his work and then bringing bak goodies lols and then him sleeping by my side and waking up ..by my side.. every morning sighs..

i wish that it could happen again sighs.. i wish that me and him were still okay sighs.. man if we were..right now we would both be studying together at mcl.. and man i wouldnt even be bloggin atm sighs.. coz i would be studying hard and id be with him.. and happy and hav nothing to complain about.. cept for myb cfp and all my other exams coming up ! lols .. but thats like everyone.. sighs

hmmmm yea and im jealous of his friends.. the 2nd years he made friends with at mcl this year.. sighs.. hes there soo often now =( and he spends so much time with them.. bleh sighs..i saw them today after cfp.. and blehh it jus suks.. i used to be the onli one..but now theres so many of them lols =/ .. yes that didnt make sense..and in my head it didnt reli make much sense either..but bleh.. point is.. sighhh iv lost him to everyone else...

i used to be.. all his.. everything he ever wanted.. the onli person he wanted to spend time with and be with.. sighs.. but then now hes gone and iv lost him to everyone else.. sighs.. it suks.... i just wana be his again.. bleh sighs

raaar..

anyways at least some shit is off my chest lol.. i better get back to study now.. the clock is reli fkn ticking fast tonight i tell u rofsl =X

my fault for watchn.. californication! BUT OMG ITS SOO GOOD LOLS

hhahahah oki welllll....

study time!!

good luck for exams peoples =)

- dreamer (sigh..missing u)

today it shall begin...

2007-11-01T12:54:00.000+09:00

hmm well i think its about time i get my shit together and start studying for exams... lols sighs.. exams are next monday..tues..thurs then another the next week.. lols sighs
blehhh i duno how to reli start tho.. and wat to study for..

but last night i was at gp3 til 1am studying.. fsa and cfp.. zz i dont think much got in my head but im going to try again tonight lol =/hahaha

today..it shall be.. cfp articles now.. thens.. some fsa and then some more cfP...

hmm kk well im going to shower now..=)

- dreamer (in weirdo bleh mood..sigh missing u)

happy birthday to me

2007-10-31T11:51:00.000+09:00

firstly, thank you everyone for the birthday wishes =) heheh

hmm yesterday was a very eventful day... i woke up at 830 in the morning to catch a bus and meet up with teresa in the city for breakfast at 915.. then we went to her work at subi to get my hair straightened ....TWICE! =/ zzz.. i could have got it curled but then yeah she had to straighten it twice..so yeah.. no time.....

which made me late for my dimsum! X_x which i arranged at 1130..but i ended up showing at about.. 1215 =/ sigh *SRY* big big big srys to jasmine and andreww lynesss lols =( but i wasnt the only one late lah.. lam and liza were late too =P they came after me hahah =D

hmm after that we went to iceyice..thens after that i went to uni to do a lil bit of study.. =/ hahah yes study on my bday.. i did one ilecture.. but nearly passed out on my table lols..coz i was soo tired.. sighs..

mm then got home at about....6 sumtinks and kod for a bit again then had to get up and get dressed to go to dinner with roger..mm it was meant to be a surprise lol he askd trisha fuzzy kal and shay to come out.. it was very sweet coz us 6 havnt been together in two years..! wow lol hahaha so long zz...

sigh it was reli nice.. reli reli sweet of roger... sigh but it suckd coz they were all still togther and we all went out around in the same time...so they are all hitting our 3 years soon..sighs.. and it sucks coz me and roger arent together nemore sighs..and the other two are.. zz and man it would be so nice if we all were still together and still happy sighs

*reminiscing*

man i miss them days..sighs i miss it heaps.. i wish that things were still the same and this bday would have been soo nice coz the surprise wouldn't have been ruined.. and sighhh it would be really nice and all happy days sighs.. happy daays.. sigh
i dont think them days are going to happen ever again lol.. =/ sighs..

it sucks but i guess its time to let go soon.. sighs zz cannot hold on to sumtink that might never come back to me sigh and someone who keeps sayin never to me now adays and pushing me away sighs.. bleh...

o wels.. we shall see what happens.. there's another one and a half months left.. i wonder if we will be okayy.. sighs.. zzz so far..i don't know.. it doesn't seem too very good at all blehhhhh...

argh o wels... wat will be will be...

anyways im reli hungry.. i gta cook me some foood!!!

thanku again to everyone and...

happy birthday to DADdy, DanNNy, ElAINe, bRian, aMa, wai yAn, wOngy, pEtaa, suE-li and LynNna.... and iwl happy bday the others coming up when they come up rofsl =P

- dreamer (missing us)

October

2007-10-28T23:19:00.000+09:00

well October is ending, and this month has really been hectic!

not only the birthdays every single day .. for the next 5 days or so lols.. but my big problem, roger.
in fact, everything was going really well this month..although the usual occational fighting.. we were "ok".. we had an understanding and we were going to get through the year like that.. sigh..
but two nights ago it kinda came crumbling down.. we had a fight but man this fight is like none of the other fights!
this was was.. THE fight.. the major fight which killed me and it was bad that i dont think its possible for me and him to get over it for a very very long time.

its so bad that what we agreed to do (i shall tell u soon) doesnt make any sense at all and yes i do know its stoopid so dont have to remind me thanku.

hmm yes, we had a big fight which ended up with him saying that me and him will never be together ever again.. never! he said never! sighs =( he sed it a few times too.. so that really broke my heart..sigh into a billion pieces which i dont think can be put back together for a very long time.. sighs..

it sucks.. hearing never.. especially from someone who u thought u could see FOREVEr with.. and spent so many years with him and then now its all over.. and to think that its completely over.. and theres no more hope.. it really sucks.. big time.. sighs

i wish that things were different..and i didn't fight wit him..and we never broke up and i didn't do this and that.. and sigh.. i wish that he still loved me.. *tear*

anyways.. today we came to a very retarded agreement.. that me and him be "ok" until i leave to Singapore.. which is in about two months.. but about one month coz of exams.. sighs.. ok yes stoopid..but the main reason for this is.. coz of my bday and his bday..and man i really wanted to be here for his 21st..and it would be our 3 year anniversary too.. if we lasted..sighs (U) o wels.. its the past right.. i gta start thinkn like that =/ zz *bleh* as much as i hate it and it hurts..sighs

mmm yea so now..i should be treasuring it right? and trying to spend as much time as i can with him? sighs or like the time i have with him i should make the most out of it..sighs maybe it might leave a good impression..well no not impression, but he will remember the good times and reconsider his stoopid never.. !?

ok no wishful thinking serene..sighs zz

anyways.. i dno.. ilove him still... and man this goodbye is going to be sad..and long..and painful.. tears.. i wish that things were different and everything was still good between us..and we would have our 3 years and a happy bday for both of us.. something that we would remember forever.. sighs... *heartbrokened*

but yes we all knew that this was coming to an end eventually.. this whole craziness that wev had this year sighs.. and yes jh is right im in denial atm lol =/

bleh lets hope that things go good this last two months..and maybe hewl come crawling back like the other one.. =) lols.. *fingers crossed*

no matter what happens i know that i will always love him.. first love.. hard to let go.. sighs.. tears..

- dreamer (loving you always)

"life is 10% of what happens to you and 90% of how you respond to it"

bday bday bday

2007-10-21T14:44:00.000+08:00

IT DIDNT RAIN YESTERDAY and i was not prepared for my own bdaay lols.. i expectd it to rain and thought that it was gona be cancelled lol so i didnt do anything..
and then yesteday morning i woke up and it was sunny! OMG

zzz so i went shopping before hand and bought everything lols.. then went to cott.. to find that there were no bbq pits there and the one up the road at some nice random park.. HAD A WEDDING of all days man..

so had to relocate up the road to swanbourne beach lols.. and bbqed there lols..
it was sucha windy day =X lols.. zz but o wels..

thank u to all those who showed =D

photos are up on http://serenery.multiply.com *^-^*

- dreamer

LINKIN PARK

2007-10-19T16:13:00.000+08:00

last night...
i went to LINKIN PARK!!

omg it was awsum! like seriously greatness to the maximus! =D *big thumbs up*

best of all.. we migrated from GA2 to GA1 lol =X *shush* hahaha.. we got in line pretty earli so we were quite near the front =) and thens we gave the people our GA2 tickets.. and ran.....no stop..walked lol into GA1 =D ANDDD we got TO THE VERY FRONT OF GA1!!!!!!!!

like literally 3 rows from the front.....this be before we got pushed to the side and back a bit lol =X aahahha..but still we got pretty good places to stand coz we were on the side and so we were central!!!!!!!

it was reli gooooood =D reli awsummmmmm !! reli greatttttt =D hehehe..

they are reli good live..mann..omg.. it was soo fun =D besides the pushing and all the sweat =X and fat people around me =x zzz.. fat people know how to pusH.. zz not fair.. sighs...

anyways.. i recorded alot of stuffs..but my recorder on my fone and my camera is shit so i couldn get many good photos/vids..but when i get them uploaded iwl put sum up on the blog!! hehehe =)

it was great..singing..screaming the night away =D lols

then later we went to pizzaa lols =D

mmmm pizza hahahaa..

omg im still listening to LP... two days in a row now lol non stop LP only!! =Pp

ilove LP!!! come bak to perth again!!! =)

- dreamer

pretenders

2007-10-19T15:35:00.000+08:00

hm wel today i shall blog two blogs.. first sad then good.. so the good will be on the top =) ie.less emo and depressing blog impression lol =/

hmm anyways.. yesterday was all good actually.. i had the time of my life.. but then it all came crashing down on me again today..
and u know wat, suprisingly.. it wasnt because of him this time.. he didnt even hav any slight influence =/ lol sighs...

instead it was friends.. and just me shutting myself down =/ sighs..

im meant to hav a beach bday bbq tmro arvo.. but the weather doesnt look very good for tmro.. its going to be 19 and raining =/ sighs.. thts definately not beach weather.. hmm so anwyays.. i decided to keep it going however, if it rains its called off.. which is fair enough right coz its going to rain?

hmm sighs.. so today i was meant to go out with a fw uni friends.. who i thought i was reli close with .. sighs.. but then i was proven wrong like i usual.. sighs..

wong told me the other day..that i hav shit friends and if they were real friends they wold come to my bday no matter rain or shine and would change work so that they could come down etc..

he sed that if they were real friends..when they got the invite.. or i askd them..they should say yes straight away like..wong and alvin and the rest of the boys =) sighs.. they are reali good friends sighs..and ilove em and thank them heaps for everything that theyv helped me with ..and juz being for me ..all the time!
iloveu boys!

sighs anywyays.. today was meant to go shopping and maybe hit the beach for a bit..to make up for tmros shitty beachy condition in advance.. sighs nothing much.. just sumtink small relaxing and simple with a few peoples..
but then it turns out.. bleh.. theyr just like all the other friends..
at least one of them tried for me.. he actually made an effort to ask people and try and make it happen for me.. sighs.. =)

the other one.. man i tought i was reli close to that one..sighs he reli made me sad..sighs.. he juz knda like.. kept makin up excuses..and it seemd like he didnt reli wana do anyting anyway..sighs and bleh.. it kinda reli suks.. n hurts.. to find out that those who are ur close friends.. are all jus fake and not reli close at all.. theyr jus friends.. and arent reli there when u need them to be there..

cries

iv really lost a whole lot of friends ..sighs.. i dont even hav a reli close friend nemore.. bleh sighs.. roger keeps telln me that i complain too much and tahts its annoying ..bleh sighs its not complaining..sigh its me being sad..sighs.. my life has reli been crumbing every day sighs .. man this year has been reli reli bad to me. sighs.. i dont know why.. its probably karma.. i havnt done many good things in my life..sigh i guess thats how imma get punished..by whoevers up ther =/ sighs

sighs life reli suks..

i hate all them people who pretend to be ur friends but then.. they reli want wats best for themselves.... and only invite u to bdays for presents or smtink like that.. sighs..

man iv had soo many problems with friends this year..sighs.. not fun at all =(
some people are jus so fake.. they pretend to be ur friends.. sighs.. its jus dodgyy.. i hate it...

i want someoen who will be truthful and not say shit behind my back.. and who will be there for me whenever i need them.. even if i dont ask .. they will know i need them there n be ther for me no matter wat..sighs

i miss my chris.. were not that close nemore..sighs but.. i still reckon hes the closest thats ever gotten there.. hes the bestst friend iv had.. ever..sighs.. the onli thing he doesnt meet..is being ter for me physically coz hes in singapore =( which reli suks..sighs.. i reli wish he were still here.. sighs.. i never reli gota be bestest bestest friends with him while he was here..coz he left soo fast sighs..

imiss u heaps chris and love u so much *Hugs* thanku for everything that uv done for me.. for all the times uv leant me ur shoulder.. no wait.. ear and phone to cry on =) lols.. and all the crap u hav to put up with.. sighs.. ur the bestest out there!

loveu chris

anyways..iwl get to the good news now..=) i juz had a kitkat.. it made me happier a bit =) hehehe

- dreamer

uni sucks!

2007-10-11T21:46:00.000+08:00

rule 1: do not expect anything from boys

2007-10-06T15:41:00.000+08:00

sigh.. last night was the asia cocktail! it was good lol.. very packed like usual bt yeah..good =) alot of people i knew this year was ther coz they finally over legal age..like me rofsl =X haha...
mmm but this year went with roger too.. hmm as the ex lol ..interesting sigh..
big mistake! lols sigh.. he got a bit bleh near the end of the night.. (the end in his books..sigh still earli inda night for me) and got pissy at me..and we ended up yellin at each other in the club sighs...

mmm..but yeah besides that it was good.. i think got a total of ..11 drinks that night =).. that wat i love about the cocktail! free drinks everywhere and freee entry coz of selling tickets! lols =D hahaha so last night i didnt spend a cent! =D hahaha

good times good times =)

hmm yes with my blog title..lols...

roger roger roger sighs..

cant expect anythng from them boys.. they will jus end up disappointing u half the time.. and then yeahh ur back where u started..with nowun lols.. and it suks but this time u get ur heartbrokend too.. and i dont think im makin any sense! hahah blEH*

i dont understand wats happening with me and him agains.. its alwasie retarded.. been retarded for nearli a whole year..! mans..we onli went out for two years..and this year.. we havnt been together.. but we hav been togther sometimes..lols..mannn retarded! blehhhh

i duno..i cant think atm.. head hurts a bit..

but yeahh..roger..sighh i wish things would juz clear up soon and ..yeahh move on..or b with him.. i duno.. we cant juz keep going at this for years =/ may as well b e married lol.. no wait that dont reli make sense either huh lols

hmm bleh oki well im going to do some study sighs..iwl write more later when my head working properly lols =)

- dreamer (loving u)

goood days!!

2007-09-30T11:51:00.000+08:00

its been a while since i blogged..lols..i cant rmber wat the last blog was about..
i dont suppose i told u all about my very terrible mid sem mark for cfp? sighs..
wels..it was terrible..like iv never ever gotten so bad before terrible lols sighs hahaha

anyways.... it was all forgotten last friday.. as in two days ago ! when we went to cott beach =D hehehe *woot woot*
it was like perfect day hehehe..nice and sunny =D

it took us a while to set up the vball net tho..rofsl. like nearli an hour? haha =X coz firstly it was too high up and aarons net is juz..screwd lols =X

hmm but yea i was good lols..playd vball.. went swimming.. ok no not went swimming.. got thrown into the water..lol =/ no not reli thrown too.. more like TAKEN DOWN! zzz
jun hao tan!! sighs lol ahaha

hmm got taken down inda sand too lol..by dear jht! lols =/ zz soo immature that boy lols hahah =D

mmm ..yes.. i duno wat else to say about fri..lols jus that i was reli nice.. relaxing sigh..) sun sun hehehe.. fun fun !! =D

a full day of bumming.. no uni..no studying..nothing..juz bumming =) and relaxin in the sunn hehe good days~**

after that we went to nb to hav dinner too and bbt =D.. made them all go to korean kimchee house lols..opp tea fusion! lols X_x =P its yum i thought..but yeah not enough for soo many guys lols hahaha.. wasnt enough for me either =X lol...
but yummi..!! yes? sighs

then ended up bumming at jht house.. no ..mansion! lols =P hahah wata rich boi haha =D .. played some table tennis lols.. taught jh and col how to hula hoop rofsl.. hmmm.. started learning how to play chinese chess? hahah

hmmmmmmmm....

sry if i not makin sense..im gettin hyped over joe lol..eventho im not going tonight sighs lols...

tonight be the playas ball at metroz and my dear dear joe is going!! sigh.. why doesnt any of my friends know who joe is!!? lols.. hes the rnb singer..who sang stutter!! sighs..hes like.. omg joe! lols hahahaha blehhhhs

i wanted to see him reli bad.. but nowun wantd to go with me.. sigh onli rogers friens are goin..and i dont wana bumw ith thems lols =X blehhhs....

o wels.. sighs..

i wna see vin too but i dont think anyone wants to see him with me either!!!!
takin a photo with vin dieselL!!!!!!! sighsssssss =(
arghhhhhhhh

blehhhhh o wel.. iwl shuttup..im going crazy
i shud be doing cfp llols =x

bbyyyyyyyyyes

- dreamer

"just one of em days"

2007-09-19T21:46:00.000+08:00

mannn i forgot to tell u guys about the bestest day of my week! lols NOT!
monday.. well actually i think friday is going to be a pretty bad day too..lols.. cfp exam.. dies.. that is going to be a super killer..like.. death to mee! sighs..

man i reli gta start gettin my shit together again..sighs.. iv alwasie been reli slak when it comes to studying.. but i know i am smart.. i mean, i made it into uwa.. witout reli studying for tee =/ that means i can be smarter if i werent so lazy and actually studied right? sighs hahaha =/ bleh

anyways, this blog isnt really about that lols...

im here to tell u about my very very bad monday!! lols...
it started on sunday night.. coz i couldnt sleep at all for some reason! sighs.. i got off the fone and was in bed at 1am..but i didnt get to sleep until 3.30ish...
my back was killing me and i kept coughing.. and for two hours and a bit i kept rolling around tryin to get comfy and go to fkn slp! lols..but mannnn it was soo hardd! ..in the end i rmber i took a panadol coz my back was really killing me and i just wanted to sleeep soo bad sighs hhahaha

anyways..that must hav definately contributed to my reli bad bad day! lols...

have u ever had one of them days..where nothing goes right! everything that you planned to do and get done..just never gets done..coz everything along the way goes wrong and it jus screws up your whole day!!??

hahaha well i had one of them days...

i planned that day to get alot of study done and to do all my tutes so that i could jus concentrate on cfp exam !! sighs.. but then coz of the lack of sleep the night before i couldnt get up by the time that i wanted to.. and so thus i couldnt catch the bus that i needed to catch to get to uni on time! lol blehhh

anyways.. i also thought that i had a meeting to attend at 2pm .. so i planned to get some shit done and hav lunch and all and then go to the meeting at 2 at the lib..
well, i got there early and waited for people to show up..

hmm waiting....

waiting.....

still waiting......

and i called them like 15 times! and NO ONE picked up! mannn i started to get pissed.. i had been waiting there for 30 mins alreadyy! all by myself.. and mannn think about how much study i could be gettin done!!
i had an assignemnt due in on tuesday too (the following day..if u guys arent following lols)

sighhhs....

so i gave up and i walked off towards the lab so that i could print off my stuff and finish off my assignment! as i was walkin there i bump into one of my group members and was like..OMG where were u!??! and then he was like..its at 4pm!!!!

IM LIKE....OMG!!!!! and then i felt the tears lols =X

OK no i dont cry for no reason! lols.. altho yes..sometimes, if u read my blog, i cry for him and its pretty no reasonish ! hahaaha..but..blehhh i dont juz break down in the middle of uni over a group meeting!! lols..X_X sighs

blehh i thinks its just coz im super stressed lately coz of the exam and then all the assignments piling up...quickly! lols.. and yeah the lack of sleep and nothing working out inda mornings...

so yeah i sat on the limestone and i had a liddol tear..and tried to calm downs
...then i msgd ger..coz he alredi knew i had a bad start coz..i msgd him earlier inda morning too lah lols =X hahaha =)

yeah and then i ended up crying..lols..u know how sometimes ppl say..."stop crying".. and then the opposite usually happens lols and u cry more hahaah =X o wels.. lols
but then after a while our convo went sour somehow and then we ended up gettin in a fight..and i dont even rember wat it was about..=X bleh it was jus stoopid adn then he hung up on me in the end!!! BLEH made me cry more lols...

so i went to be a girly girl..=X lols and i went to the toilets and cried for about 10mins... lol u know..iv never ever done that before..go to a toilet and juz cry lol =X hahaha.. its not me lols O_O hahahahah

sighs yeah anyways.. i got out and thens i met up with a friend coz i had to return sumtink to them.. i arranged before i started crying la lols.. and yeah so they came and i obviously started crying again lol sighs =X blehhhh... but that didnt last for too long.........i think lols hahah =X sighs...

anyways finally got off my ass and then went to print off the stuff for my assignment ... thens went to the group meetin at 4..=/ zz sighs.. that didnt even last for long..man it was pointless to go even blehhhh sighs....

anyways after that i was jus reli tired coz of all the crying.. and i went online for a bit.. and talkd to rogers again.. and it was all going good until we had another misunderstanding and then blehhhh he ended up tellin me to get lost and to not talk to him..so bleh wt the fuk.. that lead to me tearing =X zz sighs....

sighhhhhhhh..anyways i decided i couldnt take it at uni nemore.. no study for me..sigh.. so i took a walk up to jasmines house.. and it was nice walk i gues.. gota cry a bit witout ppl lookin at me lols.. and yeahh.. sighh

at jasmines we didnt do much..bummed around..watched tv.. simpsons.. fear factor!! lols =D hehehe then later she dropped me home while she went to baddy ...
at home.. roger called me and we talked again.. no more fighting lah i gues..
bt yeah it was sad.. i dno.. coz i was like.. bad dayy...
so i guess angry and sad.. and juz blehhhhhh lols....

sighhhh yeahh it all ended i guess when i went to slp? ROFLs

hahahah sighs.. hmm ilove him for being able to put up with my crap lol sigh.. the fights that we had that day were reli unnecessary.. sighs.. blehhhs sighs
duno...

i jus expct too much from him i gues..sighs.. but i cant anymore right coz hes not mine nemore..sighs (U) <-msn lols hahah

yeahh i mean like, if he were my bf..i wish that he would come down straight away and give me a hug and keep me company that night.. sighs....
coz he would b e the onli one who can really make me feel b etter..sighs and all i wanted to do was to see him and huggg himm sighs =(

bleh bleh how emo.. how depressing...

WATA SHIT DAY HUH? lol hahaahha

sucked coz i didnt slp til like 2am that night too..and then i had to wake up early to finish off my assignment =/ blehh sighs.. and i was late for class.. not late..i misssed it hahah =X zzz..

o wels.. life suks.. =X hahaha.. my life anyways...

and yeah, today i found out that i faiiled my exam..sighs.. i reali wished that i could hav jus passed tat one..sigs coz i knew that i wasnt gona be easy since i didnt relai go to lectures..and there was alot of lecture material in it sighs.. =(

blehhhh

o wels.. i guess it serves me right for b eing soo slak lately.. especialy this year.. sighs.. mann i been a mess sighs.. and im soo slak!! mannn someone gta kik me in the ass and make me do shit arghh blehhhh

that wat i miss about highschool! sighs.. they tellu wat u hav to do and wat u hav to study for and u got deadlines and they will chase u up and blehh sighs.. mannnn =(
im still sucha kid.. i gta grow up soon sighs.. its nearly the end of uni! blehhh

its sucha scary thought! bleh sighs i hate it actually zz ..i dont even know wat i wana do sighs.. wat i wana be.. blehhh sighshhh... i wish life were easier! Rofsl hahahaha =X

okkki i better not slak nemore..bleh sighs..
im going to read some cfp! lols =X sighs..

- dreamer

Sickness!

2007-09-16T19:20:00.000+08:00

hmm wells i think ive been sick for two weeks now lols =/ not good not good at all! =(
i usually dont get sick very often during a year.. maybe once or twice max. but this year.. mannn.. my immune system been really weak i guess sighs... emotional stress lols.. lets just blame it on that hahah sighs.. that leads to many more problems.. trust me lols =/

hmm yes anyways.. i forgot if i blogged about my friggn scared the shit out of me hospital visit lols =X hahahaha.. sighs.. that reli scared me..i thought i was gona die lols =X hahaha or sumtink reli reli bad happend to me.. blehhh FAGGS hahaha sighs

anyways.. the fever/headache went away after about 4-5 days..=/ and then it was juz a cough.. hmm but then on thursday night the fever and headache came back agains..and mann fri i died lols hahaha.. i shivered non stop pretty much the whole day =X sighs...

sat mornings i woke up with a bit of a fever too..but thens.. it got better during the day at night i went to attend heidi and macys 21st =)mmm then laters went to metros for brennos ^^

ehhehehe overall.. gooood sat night =D heheheh.. best weekend iv had in two weeks..considering iv been sick for that long and been trapped at home in my own virus contaminated house..no..room! LOLS =X eww.. zzz

nahh it cant be that contaminated..coz the people who came to visit arent sick yet lols..

mmmms sigh well i gta get bak on track and start studying again ..gta do alot alot and i mean ALOT of catching up for uni...=/ zzz *sighs*...*CRIES*

oki well i better start then huh..zz

- dreamer

hard to say goodbye

2007-09-13T13:12:00.000+08:00

Sigh.. wells, yesterday my friends bro passed away..sighs (may he rip) sigh...
life is soo short.. theres not enough time for us to be angry and sad at each other..
we gta be happy and live life to the fullest.. gta smile and live with no regrets~

It sucks..loosing someone so close to u.. sigh i cant imagine wat my friend is going through coz ..he lost his bro! if i lost my bro. mann.. i wouldnt stop crying..

sigh hes lucky though..coz he gta say goodbye to him.. when melmo passed away..she didnt tell us how bad her condition was.. she jus left.. coz she thought that it would be easier for all of us.. sigh

death isnt easy for anyone.. no matter wat way they leave us..sighs
but we gta move on eventually... they wouldnt want us to be stuk and unhappy forever.. sighs...

i havnt lost anyone as close as my friend.. sighs.. iv lost my grandpa.. but he left when i was pretty young..both of them did actually.. i only rember my moms side more clearly coz they brought me up and looked after me when i was younger =)

the first time that i had coffee was with my granddad =) hehehe. i rmber us sitting in the kitchen of my grandparents old house in singapore.. and everyone was napping lols coz it was in the middle of the afternoon...^^
and then i was sittin on his lap while he dipped biscuits into the coffee =D hehe and then fed me =P sighs...mmm i love coffee and biscuits =)

ilove my granddaddy.. sigh i wish he was still here to see us all grow up.. i owe him and my grandma soo much for lookin after me ~sighs.. *tears*
mann i miss everyone back in singapore.. ilove them soo much..sighs
it sucks being soo far apart sometimes.. and only gettin to see them once a year.. sighs..

well this be a liddol poem that i wrote for melmo.. and for all them whov lost someone special..a friend..a brother..family.. sigh..

its hard to say goodbye...but we gota let go in the end..and theywl alwaise be ther for us..lookin down..lookin after us.. =) *hugs*

[Hard to say goodbye]

The day you left us
was the day that we all fell apart
You can't even begin to imagine how much I cried
You should have seen how many people came to see you

We love you with all our hearts
And we miss you more than ever
Your smile, your laugh..
The way you used to do that thing you do

You brightened up our worlds
Gave us all many great memories
You'll be in our hearts forever
No matter how far we are apart

I wish i could have been there to say goodbye
I wish that things were different
And you would be here
Sitting next to me, laughing...

It's hard to say goodbye
But i know iwl see you again
Looking down, looking after us..
We miss you with all our hearts melmo~

Much love forever*
RIP melmo 05-04-06

***************

- dreamer (reminiscing)

imiss u gonggong (heheheh granddadddy =Pp *s2*)

the good ol days~ 2o05

2007-09-06T15:02:00.000+08:00

i think my favorite year out of all the ones that i have lived through so far has to be 2005!! hehehe

that be the year that roger and i started going out..
the final year for highschool at leeming senior! :(
the year that everything was soo carefree and fun
the year that we were all happy and together..and sigh...

the good ol' days!

about 3 hours ago i was looking through old random dvds finding out wat were on them lols.. and i came across 2005.. the period while i was in perth.. i think started about septemberish onwards =)

hmmm... first off.. the final year 12 luncheon.. sighs.. great great memories there! =) hehehe.. seeing everyone again and them talking hehe and laughing..sigh.. man those were the days.. the happy days.. but also sad coz we were all parting..
sighs.. but we definately made the most of it bak in year 12 =D hehehe

sighs seeing everyone again made me smile =) hehe big big smiles ^_____^ and made me happy again lol hehehe.. we all lookd quite young still back then hahaha.. good memories! good memories!

the next lot of clips where my bdayy! =) ehehe when i turned 17 =D hehe we were all at scarbourah beach lol on a RAINY DAY..hahaha sigh.. but man it was funnn.. and we were al havin soo much fun and best of all.. we were all together! sighs...

oki some of u ppl might think im crazy coz i keep sayin we are all together lols.. who is we!? hahaha.. wells.. bak in the day.. there used to be a very happy bunch of people.. we were all coupled.. well most of us.. hehe =) and we would always bum around together n it jus be great..and happy! ^___^

there was.. joel and jen, fuzzy and trisha, roger and me, kalvin and shay.. =) mann it was the bestest days of our lives back then lol.. sighs..

hehe and at the bbq me and roger prepared waterbombs lOl and attacked everyone hahaha i cant rmber if anyone got sick the day after lol but i wont be suprised hahaha.. sigh *smiles*

it was a fun dayy! hehehe =) i wish i could go back to that.. and smile and be trully happy again!!! sighs...

sigh anyways the next vid clip..........LOL well...hahaha actually this was before my bday hahaha.. originally there was a clip of me and roger.. i dont know wat we were doing..if i rmber correctly.. we were sittin in my tv room on the floor against the couch and singing songs..=) hehe and taking random pics and jus being stoopid hehehe.. *sigh*

but then i rmber when i went to china.. i didnt want my parents to see it hahahaha. so me and my brother did stoopid stuff instead to overwrite it lol =X sigh.. wat a waste..hahaha but o wels.. i still rmber!! =D thats all that matters hehehe and i got photos still =D heheheheh

yupyup...

next up was.. ama lees bday.. hmm i duno.. i didnt smile too much when watching that rofsl.. i kinda fast forwarded thru it lol.. hahahaha not like i dontt want to rmber.. haha bt.. mmm.. yeahh sighs hahahaha.. it was a tense bday party rofsl.. =/ alot of conflict! hahahah no comment....

hmmm.. next be...i thnk a lil clip of valedictory! nothing much there..jus lookin at the crowd of leemingers =D hehehehe

arghh im forgetting wats next lols hahaha.. i fnks its may have been rachs maccaz bday hehehe.. it was the last day that i saw courtz too..sighs =( i miss that girl lol.. she was my bestie bak in year 6 ya know haha.. and we used to play hand tennis... rofsl hahaha.. yes sigh hahaha *memories*

mmm and i think that was the end of the dvd lol =)

great great memories =D eheheh sighhh

i reli wish i could go bak to them days.. they were soo much easier and less stressing.. and sighhhhh soo carefreeee... =( *teaars*

ahh wells...
memories ^___^ *smiles*

kk well i shud study for my exams =X im going out in an hour to jennies steamboat party Lols hahahahah =Pp

yummi steamboat =D hahaha...

- dreamer (reminiscing)

deferred exams

2007-09-04T19:18:00.000+08:00

well, as i told u in the last blog lol.. i went to the doctor yesterday morning at uni to get myself a med certificate lols =) hahaha so that i could defer my exams..coz sunday night..my slp was just as bad as the nights before lols.. haha sighs.. and in the morning.. man my headache was a killer..

sighs.. anyways went to uni for the appointment.. and.. hmm.. wel.. first she did the usual.. chekin temp and blood pressure.. and heart beat.. and then.. she told me to strip..? =/ wat the.. lols.. so.. i had to strip down to underwear rofls =/ and then she chekd if i had any rash or somethink? i duno.. its a symptom of sumtink..? lols i dunooo.. but NO i dont hav any rashes rofsl =X hahahaha

anyhoos.. after being prodded and inspected in my underwear rofls.. i got dressed again and then she told me that.. she wnts me to go to the hospital......

O_O...

hospital? lols.. she scared the shit out of me lol...
i was like..oh....okay then...

wat now? LOL

then shes like..yeah iwl call a cab for u now and then i want u to go to the ER and then one of the doctors there will consult u.. lol =x hahahaaha

me (thinkn) = OMG

hahahaha.. i was soo scared shitless rofsl..

so.. i went downstairs to wait for my taxi.....=/ and then went to the ER at Charles Gairdner.. hahaha.. down the road from uni ..

hmmmmmm do u know how long i sat ther for......

2 and a half hours! sighs!!! soooo friggn long... *dies*

and do u know how long the "appointment" with the doctor was for...?!

hmm about.. 10 mins.. LOl =/ nothing more than 15 mins .. hmmmm

OMGGGGGGGGGGG

lols hahahaa.. sighs..

sighs (yea im not reli concentrating on this blog atm so it might not make any sense.. hahah im running up and down watching ncis.. eventhough iv alredi watched this episode..)

hmm yes well.. err doctor was hot :D hehehe.. irish sounding guy lol..omgosh nice eyes.. and juz..aww nice hahaha sighh =D i like i like hahahahaha

yupyup.. wat else....

yeah i reli cant think now hahha..mind it not focused lol.. its a big mess.. sighs.. =/ well actually a big blank coz im doing too many things at one time.. X_x

hmm kk wells..
this mornign i went back to the docs and now got my exams deferred =) hehe and so now no exams til.. dno when...

i did one of them today tho.. it was a small one tho and easy so its all good =) hehehe

kk wells.. i shall finish off my ncis =) hehehe

goood luck for exams ^^

- dreamer

sick sick sick.. so much pain

2007-09-01T22:09:00.000+08:00

*cough cough*
the sickness has finally caught up to me.. lol sighs.. everyones been sick the past month and iv been going strong lol.. but then last night it hit me..and it hit me goooD!

i caught a fever last night.. i was shivering like crazy but i was extremely hot sigh.. it wasnt good at all..and i think its the worse fever iv ever had soo far..and i really hope that i dont experience anything worse hahaha

i think my fever developed coz i went from a reli warm room to a freezing temperature..
coz my room was heated and warm..but then i went outside and it was freezing.. espech since i been sittin in a heated room for hours.. hmm sighs..

anyways..it was not good at all.. even when i was sittin in front of the heater..i will still freezing.. and if u people know my heater.. if u get reli close to it..it burns! lol.. like realy burns hahaha.. but mann i was soo cold.. and i was shaking like insanely.. i couldnt even pour water properly...haha bleh sighs

hmm yeah so last night was not a good night.. i didnt get to sleep til about.. 4am sighs.. and then in the morning..the fever came back and i started shivering again bleh sighs.. not good!

and iv been in bed all day literally.. i tried to study but..it so not easy sigh.. my head was like throbbing all dayy.. its still hurting now bleh sighs..

hmmm sigh i feel like eating chocolate...lol =X it would make things worse!? hahaha i had chocolate and chocolate cookies this morning for breakfast in bed.. =) rogerness got them for me and fed me lol sighs..

ooki well im gettin cold again X_X so imma go and lie down sighs...
if this keeps up..imma get my exams deferred.. zz i cant take this lols.. sighs..
but i dont want to either coz i dont wana do it by myself.. that would suck lol sighs.. blehhhh must get better!!!!!

heheh kk well gdnites ppl and good luck for exams!

- dreamer (sick sick sick..sigh)

magical mystical moonlight

2007-08-27T20:23:00.000+08:00

wow i just found out that tonight there is gona be an illusion with the moon.. and we gona see two moons tonight =P haha.. im googling it atm haha =X iwl paste info here soon lols
and also tmro is gona be the first time in three years that the moon is gona turn red...!! hahah omg.. red..bloood red moon! omgosh.. magic i tell u!! magical sighs...

a lunar eclipse huh hehe..omgosh cant wait..imma bring my camera to uni hahaha =P iwont miss it! lols =P tonight is a full moon too heheh the moon is soo big and round and bright..and jus wow sighhh....

magic can happen on these nights lol hahahaha...ok that sounds lame..but i duno.. jus wow...lol sighs... this is gona be coool =D

THE moon will fall into Earth's deep shadow on Tuesday, taking on a lustrous red or orange hue during the second total eclipse of 2007.

The moon does not disappear from view during a full eclipse, but is shielded by Earth for about 90 minutes from the sun's direct light.

A total eclipse can only take place at full moon, and only if the moon passes through the zone, called the umbra, in which the Earth blocks all of the sun's rays.

The colour cast by refracted light - which can range from bright orange to blood red to copper to dark grey - depends on the amount of volcanic gas and dust in the atmosphere blocking the sun's light.

In the absence of recent eruptions, the moon should be a vivid red or orange, according to NASA.

Total lunar eclipses normally occur roughly every couple of years, but this year there will have been two, the other having taken place on March 3.

The next chance to see the moon slip entirely into terrestrial shadows will be on February 21, 2008, but after that the wait is longer: December 2010.

omgosh ....excited!!!!!!!!

hahahhaha kkweli better stdy!lols or else i wont tonight hahahah X_x
go look out at the mooon ppl! lols =P u dun wana miss it hahaha

- dreamer (mystified!)

got myself in a big muddle lol =/

2007-08-24T19:20:00.000+08:00

haha muddle..wat a funny word =X
hahaaahah anyways the muddle being... a guy lol sighs.. i think.. well its pretty daymn obvious to everyone tat he likes me.. =/ and im scared lol. sighs
i dont like him taht way lah zz sigh hes a friend sigh and hes a nice guy..reli nice and all..and smrt and would prob make a reli good bf..but no..lols hahaha
sighs..
hes the kind of guy who goes out with girls for like 2 months longest.. lol sigh and hes just very flirty.. haha sigh..
the thing is.. he likes me.. more than a friend.. bleh
and me.. sigh i like being around him and flirting with him. but.. bleh i dun see me and him going out.. sigh to me...hes jus a friend..=/ bleh and i think that be all he is for now..sighs =(

i mean, hes a great guy and all..but sigh.. i duno.. im friends with him.. IF we do go out.. we wouldnt last for very long AND.. then it would be akward after that..=/ lols.. coz like he started as a friend... then bf? err.. lol sighs

and jus no.. i dont like him that way.. man i still got the thing for rogerness sighs

bleh i duno wats up wit this month rofls.. =/ alot of boy related things been happening =/ sighs..
the exs are back and then this new one =/ bleh lols..
well not back back..but.. they are back in a way..llol i cbb explaining rofls =/ but m0st of u shud know wat happend hahaha sighs..

hm yeah sigh..big muddles..=/ i duno wat to do lols hahaha..
i duno how to tell him er...no! lol X_x i dont wana hurt h is feelings lah sighs =( hes a nice guy and i like being with him ...AS A FRIENd sighs.. but howww.. hahaha sigh
it jus be akward ...argh omg..no comment sigh im soo tired lah..i wana slp.. =( *zZzzzzzzzz*

hmmm sigh anyways, midsems are coming up..imma juz ignore everyone hahaha =X and try and study and yeahh sigh

oh shit.. on sunday ther is a trade expo too! =/
had to make up a song, sing, dance and choreo..lol omg..dies.. hahah i hope i dont die of embarassment lols hahah sighs

hmmm sigh ok well imma start the ilectures..

- dreamer

(btw i think iv gottn fatter rofls.. been eating alot of shit lately rofsl haha sigh..soo unhealthy blehhh i feel soo shitty sighs and not enough slp too sighs blehhh mann iv been stressing like shit lately lol sighs.. cries.. okkkkiiiii ilectureeeee)

such a nice dayy todayyy

2007-08-18T14:22:00.000+08:00

wow today is one of the nicest days.. well no..todaay IS the nicest day since the day i got back from singapore/china lols...
its like..perfect! =)

not too hot and sunny.. but ther is sun shinning lols =P and not much wind..only a cool warm breeze =) hahhaa.. man its really nice outside..

i wana go out but i duno wat to do lols.. i could do gardening..but that would jus ruin the nice day.. coz i wont be enjoying the gardening lols.. hahaha..
i was thinkn about running around leeming..but... its a bit random since its 2.30.. nowun runs around at this time of day lols.. hahah =/

hmm..sigh.. its too nice today.. im wasting it by sittin here in my room lols.. and going to study too! omg.. zz.. i feel like studying outside..rofls..but i duno where haah =/ i got a table outside but its under the shade..i want sunnnnn! hahaha and iv gone crazy? rofsl =X

i wish i had a hammock..
if i did, right now i would be lying in it and reading my book.. while listening to the birds chirping in the bakground and the sound of the trees swayin side to side.. sighhhhhh *imagines*

or i dont mind if we had a picnic today lols.. its seriosuly perfect picnic day! lols..
but nowun knew today wud be such a nice day lols.. sighhhh...

i wish my family were here today sigh.. man today iv been missing them heaps.. coz its such a nice saturday day! lols.. and sat.. everyone is all at hme today.. and then i would be making my s2 tarts with my mom in the kitchen.. and then i duno wat my bro and dad b e doing.. but then we would go out sumwher i guess..and the whole kitchedn will smel like chocolate and raspberry =) and when they are cooked..we would eat them while they are fresh and hot.. and eat them outside lols on our outdoor table lols... haha
and throughout the house will be music playing..hehe nice music =) sighhhhh

mannnnnnnn.....

instead im sittin here alone in my room lookin outside the window..sighs....

dreaming...

hmm i wish i could draw too...
i would be sittin out there and drawing the ..err trees and all lols =P hahaha..scenery! sighs..

man i wish i had a car.. lols..
i wouldnt be here now.. i would hav driven to piney lakes..and sat ther in front of the pond and doing my hwk or jus relaxing.. sigh.....

mannnnn i cant take this nemore rofls.. i need to go outside for a while......

appreciate life and nature? lols aahaha.. sighs its tru tho.. zz im online wayy too much now adays.. sighs...

man perfect songs on my playlist atm too hahaha...
mr kenny g jus came on!! haha sighhhhh....

from the duets album
sorry seems to be the hardest word*

~~ sigh kenny g.. lols... see, this be wat id play in the house today haha if my family where here.. relaxing music hehe and the whole house will smell like choco and raspberrys...
and ..sigh itd just be perfect! sighs.....

omg i must stop dreaming lols..
i gta study or sumtink lols...
going out tonight =)

hehee..

kk.. write more laters...
GO OUTSIDE PPL! lols =P

- dreamer (sigh dreamy world)

hehe yayers

2007-08-16T20:56:00.000+08:00

i finally did it!! its been soo long.. lol sgh..
roger came over today after uni..and i cooked us some dinner.. then after that we went out to bullcreek to buy some foood =) hehe.. and ..then that was that! lol =X

he went home after that! and i didnt say anything! i didnt cry! i didnt ask him to stay longer! lol.. man it was .. wow hahaha.. its taken me like 8 months to get to this =) lol...

sigh i still do miss him at times..but.. i guess.. i dont reli wana be hurt soo bad again..
i do miss him..and i still do hav a place for him in my s2
but hes so gta earn it back if he wants it lol.. and if we go out again..iwl be leaving him if it ends lol!
haha sigh..

yeahh anyways..im the most bored person atm i think.. besides jasmine..shes pretty bored too! hahaha.. why isnt anyone online tonighT? sighs..
i would study..but i really am NOT in the moood! =/ iwl start tmro! lols.. i got the whole day to study tmro! i shall make the most out of it =D hehehe..

its time to get things bak on track yes? sigh =) hehee.. gta catch up on everything and yeahh.. cant keep holding on to ...the past.. =) sighs..

serenes back !! =D heheh

mmm yes anyways.. i duno wat to write..im soo bored atm lols hahahaha...
i am actually trying to enrol into some competition but..its not working.. i dno..i cant find out where to enrol lols X_x it says to loook at the site..but i am! and its not ther !

hmm yeah for some reason..everything is lagging too..
maybe im not even online nemore...rofls..stoopid adsl connection! lols =( sighs
blogger cant even save my post atm rofl...
"could not contact blogger.com"
and nowuns recieving my msgs on msn! =( ...

noooooo im being lonered sigh =( stoopid net..pls work! haha sigh

mannn im soo bored!!!!!
why didnt roger ask to stay longer sigh.. LOL =X
argh i wish that he did..sigh i didnt wana ask him tho..coz..that jus be wat i alwasie do.. sigh.. so i gta make him ask if he wana see me right? blehh

mann going soft! LOL.. arghh hahah man i going soft soo fast! so not good!! LOls..gta be strong.. *raaaaar* lols...

kk well i dno wat else to ramble on about....

hmmm.. yeah..no nothing hahhaha =X
i hpe this can be posted =/ zzz

*ctrl c* ahahaha

- dreamer

jealousy!

2007-08-15T21:16:00.000+08:00

argh im soo jealous!!
im on su yins site again and man.. she is soo pro she makes me feel super noobie lols haha..
for those who dont know who im talkin about rofl or havnt read my old blogs lol.. she is PRO!
lols..she is like..super cake decorator and chef and just pro pro pro! lols hahaha
i reckon that she should actually go and make a book and then id buy it for sure =D hehehe..

anyways.. yeah..LOL thats really all i came to blog about roofls.. coz im eatin my very late dinner.. very late and shitty dinner! lols =( sighs.. and yeah..mann hers is soo pro! i wana cry lols haha =(

blehhhh

ok lOL i better study! lols..

- dreamer

i shall make somethink this weekend! jus u wait and see =D

growup time..sigh

2007-08-15T19:26:00.000+08:00

man im such a noob..sigh im soo slow and behind in everything atm..
ITSTIME TO CATCHUP!!!

sighs.. hahahah mannn first up im going to finally get my stoopid licence and then get a job! lol. sigh.. its reli scary actually.. sigh the past few days.. =/ hmmm..
most of my uni friends..they are all soo.. determined!? sghs.. they all.. know wat they want and they all wana do vac work in huge accounting firms and do l ike CA and CPA.. *eeks*

all that stuff scares me.. alot actually!...sighs.. =(

i went to a careers evening on monday night... hmm there they had all the big firms and ppl just talkin about the company and how u can apply etc.. hmm its all accounting and finance firms.. like the big 4.. X_x zz

i duno.. i dont think im really into all that..sigh. im more.. to the simpleness lol? i duno.. i juz. never reli thought i would get stuk in a office doing accounting and finance?? lols..

me, personally would rather marketing and sales..lols..=/ haha i know that it doesnt pay as well and all.. but.. hmm.. i duno.. the whole big 4 thing... it dun really interest me too much..and mann my friends are all jus soo determined man.. sigh =( (which is a good thing..lols but it jus makes me hel scared)

they all got jobs... man some of them got really good jobs.. sighs and they are all into things like shares and investments etc.. and im like..WAH? lol sigh.. i feel like such a noob..sighs
man i dont even hav a resume.. yes laugh all u wnt.. bleh..lol sigh yeahhhhhhh.. arghhhh

i think i lack alot of confidence actually.. zz sighs.. im afraid of rejection? zz im sure everyone is.but me.. sigh hahaha.. idno =/ thats jjust me...

gta learn serene! lol sigh..bleh and im talkn to myslef..sigh how sad..

hmmm.. i shall go find a job and get my licence by the end of this year..=) .. licence.. i doubt i can get by the end of the year..but lol..hahahah =X iwl try =)

hmmm i duno...

i dont see myself in like firms such as deloitte, kpmg, pwc etc.. zz i dnt know.. i can see myslf doing marketin tho.. helping out in a kik ass branded store lol haha helping them with their advertising and marketing =) thats more wat im going for..? i think? sighs...

ir eli dont know actually..imma mess lol hahaha and im graduating soo daymn soon! i dont know wat to do =( sighs.. arghhhh i feel soo stoopid and nooby and i dont like it at all..sighs =(

arghhhhhhhhh time to grow up huh!..sighs.. i wana earn my own money.. sigh everyone else does ..bleh i wana drive myself around instead of fkn busing it all the time..sighs... and i dun wana use my passport to enter all the time lol.. man cards! hahaha.. bleh..

---------------------

oops i didnt finish blogging rofl.. i got distracted hahah this be one hour later now..lols

hhmm i just had a shower.. gettin really hungry now and house is on..nooo lol sigh, man i reli gota study! see..thts just the thing..i cant concentrate..lol i just learnt today that my friend takes drugs to study! lol... so that it will keep him awake and high! lol =X hahaha.. hmm maybe i need some rofls...mm but no!lols..

drugs are bad mmkay!

hahaha okay well..im going to find food to eat/cook!
iwl write more another day =)

- dreamer

i did it!

2007-08-15T07:57:00.000+08:00

wow i actually did it..by myself too! hahah its been a while.. a very long while!
hmm wat did i do? lol i woke up at 73oish ! lols hahahaha...

last night i was soo dead and buggered.. and coudlnt even think so i went to sleep instead of doing my fsa tute..which is at 11am inda morning lols..
and so i told myself that i would wake up at 7am to do it inda morning..lol..

you see, usually when i say that..i dont usually wake up in time.. i would wake up and be like.. fuk! *jump out of bed and run to bus stop* LOL hahaha coz i cant wake up =( hahaha.. sighs

but omg i woke up rofls..and now im doing my tute =D hehehe. waking up early is good! lol shud do it more often! lols..then i can actually have breakfast and stop dying in classes..lol =/ sigh..
but being slak is good too.. man..sleep rofls.. i love the beD ahahahah

okkkkk noooooo must stop thinkn about sleep! rofls
im going to get some cornflakes =D hehehe..
and study study study! LOLS

- dreamer (gdMORningS!!^^)

waste of the weekend...

2007-08-12T20:10:00.001+08:00

hmm waste of the weekend..
waste in not a bad way.. mm... meaning i was planning to do alot of study this weekend..but.. instead was out everyday lols hhahaa..

hmmmmmmmmm.. i didnt finish this blog..lols

anyways.. the past few daays been all going out! lols

hmm friday was in the city all night.. well doing uni stuff..but i was out..til about.. 11ish.. hmm..
saturday.. i did somethink on sat.... i forgot tho lols =X hahaha... but i know id idnt study at all =X lols.. OH YEah saturday.. hmm i went to southlands with mish to do some more uni stuff..but then after that i went bk home and weiliang came over with TWO pizzas =S lols and then we had dinner n watched a movie.. =) hehe then he went to pick up kimmmi ^^
then after that alan came over and we watched another movie lols..then i was on the fone til about.. 4am =/ zz
hmm sunday.. door knocking day! lols.. hmm sold 7 in about 3 hours lol =X zz.. it was okay tho..

and now today.. ther was an info session tonight at the convention centre til 8.. hmm after tat nish alan shaun and i went to nb for dinner and bbt.. =) hmm got home at 11..=/ lols

hmm yes now..im not doing anything.. i shud reli go to slp soon tho.. i gta wake up earli to catch bus sigh..and then tmro is going to b e another very long day...

i gota board meeting and then diinner after that..then gta do tutes for wed..=/ omgosh going to die.. sighs =X

hmm kk..well.. nitesss ~

- dreamer

weekends

2007-08-11T13:14:00.000+08:00

hmm i thnk iv been doing good the past week!? =)

iv had maybe one cry i think..lol sighs.. but i think this week iv managed to keep myself quite the busy! ^^ hmm.. yesterday me and mish went around to nearly every shop in the city to give out letters asking them if they wnted to support and donate stuff to us lols hahahah X_x..
overall it hink we did okAy :) hehehe

actually i think we pulled a big first prize =P hehehehe.. im hoping that we do! lols.. im waiting for a reply ! heheh =D i shall tell u when it happens..if it happens rofls =X

hmm yes.. wat else.. on thursday night went late night at garbo with shaun alan and mish.. didnt really buy anything..but had maccas? lols =/

hmmm i duno.. rofl maybe nothing much lols.. just that i need to keep myself busy during the night lols..=X hahaha.. hmm today i duno wat im going to do tho ! lols..might be emo today hahaha.. hmm i just vacuumed the house.. going to mop soon after this blog...

i was thinkn of going to target actually to wlk around a bit and buy some milk...

i shud be doing my hwk tho.. catch up on cfp =/ im going to die this sem lols haahaa..sighs.. mm but then its so hard studyin at home..cant concentrate..zz.. n i just heard that the library is closed.. sigh....

but its such a sunny day too lols..i wana go out..but nowun wants to go out..lols or nowhere to go sighs.. wat to do wat to do! =(

hmmmmm..

okay well im quite the blur atm.. i shud do some weed pulling.bt.. lols.. i cbfd =X hahaha

omg thers soo much stuff i have to do :( sighs.. i need to pick up the slack! =X sighhhhhhhh

stress stress...

kk well.. going to mop the kitchen now =) omg and wash the toilet =X lols...

sigh..

- dreamer

bored

2007-08-07T23:02:00.000+08:00

finallyyyyyyyyy!!

iv been tryin to blog for the past two days but my net has been acting up on me big time! lol sighs..
hmmm but now im on i dnt know wat to blog about.. lol *mental blank*

hmmm..wells, last night was weirdo.. i woke up like 2wice and then woke up completely at 8amish.. and went to uni til 8pm..and didnt fall aslp! Lols.. but now im mtired like shit lols.. my eyes are sore.. sighs =/
iv never had such unko slp before..ever =/ hmmmm.. i duno wats wrong with me.. lols

hmmmmmmm..

oh, on sunday we went to the canningvale markets to try and sell our herbS lols..=X hmm response wasnt too great lol.. but we sold 5 lol =X eeks..
i put up some random pics that we took that day on...

www.thegreenwayahead.blogspot.com

hmm yes, ok well im very blur atm..and im going to go lie down and slp lols =)

gooodnights~!!

- dreamer

time to say goodbye

2007-08-03T12:13:00.000+08:00

i guess its about time huh..
man hes put me thru soo much pain and shit this past half year..
hes always thinking that hes right and so i am the one who always have to say sorry and make things better between us..
sigh u know wat, i dont know if i wana do that nemore..hmmm.. i dont think that i should have to say sorry to him all the time when clearly its not always me.. or if its both of us.. i shouldnt have to take the blame for it all...
its not fair...
its really unfair actually.. tears

man, it hurts alot.. i just msgd him saying that.. maybe we should just say bye now coz obviously he doesnt feel the same way and his actions, not sayin sorry and hanging up on me when i try to make things better.. sigh.. obviously he doesnt have time for me anymore.. and he doesnt care as much anymore.. or he would have said sorry to me.. sigh or at least listen to me..
but instead he hangs up.. he doesnt bother msging back to say sorry.. it hurts..

i dont know if i can keep waiting anymore.. it hurts soo bad to wait for .. maybe nothing at all.. sighs.. i cant deny my feelings for him.. i do love him.. sigh but i dont know if this love is fair and going to work anymore.. i wana be happy again.. sigh i dun wana cry.. i hate feeling jealous sigh.. and i wana stop thinkn about him soo much.. cries

sigh i msgd him to say goodbye.. i told him that.. its quite clear now... that theres no more space left in him for me.. sighs that maybe its best that we say goodbye now.. coz he doesnt seem to care as much anymore.. he doesnt care when were together as a couple, and he doesnt care to even keep our friendship strong.. he just uses it whenever he wants.. sighs..

man i duno wats happening atm.. sighs i told him happy bday, merry xmas and happy new year in advance coz we prob wont be seeing each other when the time comes.. sighs.. he replied sayin that i shud not think too much and do something else or else i might regret saying wat im saying.. sighs..

maybe i shud hav left it..? but i replied sayin that its obvious were really screwed and for him to be happy.. i have to go...

tears.. its going to be hard not talking to him or seeing him ... but i guess its all for the best.. cries.. its probably going to kill me..and i am going to regret..cries.. but doing wat me and him are doing now.. isnt gettin anywhere either...

he gives me false hope..cries.. he makes me cry non stop.. but eventho its probably going to kill me.. i guess its for the best.. if he does care.. and want to try..he'wl come back and talk to me and try to make things okay... sighs...

i wonder how long i will last...

i already deleted him off my msn again.. sighs.. man how long is that going to last.. sighs..
how long can i take pretending that im okay.. and that it doesnt hurt.. and to put on my fake smile once again... sigh in front of all the couples.. cries.. mannn.. i cant take it already... tears..

man why am i soo stoopid.. to let myself belong to him.. cries.. he controls me.. man nowun has ever made me cry soo much ever... sighs.. and its been soo long too... blehs
i wonder how much longer it will take for me.. tears...

my heart aches every day..every night.. everything reminds me of him.. sighs.. every memory makes me cry.. bleh.. i cant sleep well at night.. sighs and i cant be myself.. i just feel soo sad.. sighs.. and its soo not worth it..blehs..thers soo many other things that i gta do.. blehh sighs...

man i wana be strong again.. sighs i wana be me again..bleh.. i dont like this sad..stoopid girl who keeps crying over a boy..one boy!..sigh mannnnnnn....
but thats the boy taht this stoopid girl fell in love with and gave up everything for.. cries...

mAn how stoopid is this girl..

sighs..

time to say goodbye... time to try and move on witout him... sighs...
man iwl need soo much help for this one.. blehh.. cries...

its been like.. onli 15 mins since i sent him the sms..and mann im soo loosing it already lols.. sighs.. bleh im soo stressed out.. arghhhhhs *cries*

mannnnn i soo gta be kept occupied.. cries.. coz i cant stop thinking about him.. i think the sleepless nights are gona start all over again.. blehhhh fuk i cant stop crying.. sighhhhh...

shit maybe i reli shudnt hav sed wat i sed to him..
imagine..me saying goodbye to him? ........omg....
cries....

now i just feel like shit.. waiting for him to be like.. no we can be friends.. zz.. BLEh..
FuK SerEne.. stop hoPing for shit that probably wont ever happen ever again..........
MAnnnnn *slap* imma idiot!!!!!!!!

bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh
bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh
bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh
bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh

someone pls kill me!!!! sighssssssssssssss

- dreamer

heartbrokened...

2007-08-01T18:51:00.000+08:00

sigh well i shud hav kept my blog updated..then u wudnt hav to hear it all in one big blog..sigh.. one big sad emo blog..i warn u lol =/ sighs

sigh well it all started the day i got back from singapore/china.. he picked me up from the airport..and man.. he askd me out again..! sigh.. i thought wow.. sigh.. omg.. lol =/ i was happy! reli happy.. but in the same time.. angry at him..coz he was the one who broke up with me int he first place..and when he wants me back..he gets me back.! sigh..

its not like i wanted him to get his way..but it reli took me by suprise..and sigh.. i gave in..sigh
anyways.. our so called attempt only lasted for 9 days..=( sighs.. *tears*

man im soo sad.. sigh like sad sad..as in crying sad..lol sigh.. i guess it dun hurt as much as the first time..but it still hurts bad..sigh.. i reli still do like him.. quite a bit i guess..and yes i know im stoopid and shudnt hav let him in and let him hurt me again..but i dno..sigh.. i guess its the whole first love thing..and sighh i duno.. i guess i kinda lived with him for one and a half years!? sighs..

and the worse thing is..i think that i wud fall for him again! sighs.. now we are just "friends".. but i told him taht that probably wont work out for very long..coz me and him being friends.. hmm sigh.. we were never friends to start off with and we dont hav friends in common..sighs =(
man i do want to be friends with him if thats the only thing that i can have..but then again.. i dnt..
sigh i juz wna be happy again! and i dont know if i can take it ..seeing him and just being.. friends... man that would hurt too coz inside i still love him sighs =( and then the day he goes out with someone else......sigh that wud be the end of.. i duno.. hopefully not me..sigh but it wud hit hard.. sigh and iwl get hurt again for no reason..sighs..

mann im scrwed.. see, i know wats going to happen.. and that iwl get hurt again..but i still go in for more..sigh i still like him..and i still give in to him.. man i still wud do anything to get him back and for him to love me again...sighs.. yes i am young and i shudnt thnk that he is the one and ther are many other people out ther..sighs.. i know that..but right now.. me being the stubborn.. heartbrokened person that i am.. sigh i say that he cud be the one right now.. sighs and i do love him a liddol bit still..sigh in my heart he will alwaise alwaise be there..coz man we had a huge history.. u cant imagine..sighs and it hurts every day not being able to hold him and hug him and call him mine..sigh... it reli breaks my heart.....sighhhs

now.. i duno wat is happening.. well truth be told...we are not together nemore..and i soo gta face that fact! sigh .. and i am! blehh its not like the first time..sigh blehhh but mann it hurts..sigh
sigh i duno.. hes like.. iwl see u once a week to take u grocery shopping..coz he knows that i live home alone..sigh and iguess he kinda does care...well ok not kinda..he does care! sighs
anyways.. i dno wat to do.. im thinkn sigh i cud either stay close and be "friends" with him.. and then mybe one day hewl be lookin forward to see me once a week..sighs and then we cud try again.. sigh but then.. if i do that..i cud get jipped..and then he will reli think of me as a friend and then when he gets another girl..iwl just crumble and die like i hav been doing the past half year.. sighs
the other option being..i jus ignore him.. blehhhh yes ok im sure all of u are telling me to do just this..sigh but man its not easy to let him go..and man i do llike him alot..and i waana see him sigh =( and yes i know its soo not healthy and good for me..blehhhhhhh !!!

anyways..sighhh yes that be my retarded love.. no wait.. not just love life.. this be my life! right now lol..sighh unis being a bitch too.. but i gues tats mostly related to the fact that i lost him for the second time..sigh..

arghhhhhh serene u gta be strong and stop dreaming..sigh.. its not worth it..sigh man iv been dreaming for soo long...

zzz im going to go and try do my tute..

- dreamer

hmmm

2007-07-30T19:39:00.001+08:00

hey well i havnt written in here in ages now..
hmm i was meant to blog something that i wrote on a piece of paper while i was flying above.. i duno where lols.. somewher between beijing and singapore =) lols
mm anyways.. here is the random post that i wrote.. ^^

19th jUly 2007, Thursday at about... 10.30pm..

-* ocean of stars *-

in my many years of flying over many countries and many oceans i have never noticed how beautiful it is outside, high above, in the sky. Above all the buildings tonight however, is definately different to the nights ive travelled in the sky.
There are no clouds. A clear sky - a clear night sky.
And now looking out from my seat window, looking down, all i can see is an ocean of stars.
Its really absolutely beautiful. Specs of night shining brightly. Spread out all over, across the land. It seems magical. Flying above all the stars. at the top of the world, looking down at all the stars. constellations. galaxies.
it is an ocean of stars. it feels as if all your dreams can come true from up here.
you see, nearly every night i look up into the night sky and wish upon the stars....
star light. star bright. first star i see tonight.
wish i may. wish i might. have the wish. that i wish tonight.
now tonight im flying with the stars, above the stars. closer to heaven. perfection. the dream.
from up here it feels like everything can come true. all the dreams. all my wishes upon the night stars. feels close enough to just reach out and pocket a star - a dream.

~~

i wonder where these "stars"/lights are from? its not like all the buildings have a light above it, turned on every night. if that were the case, i would literally be seeing a galaxy from up here. lol so i wonder.. wat are these specs of lights coming from? =P hmm...
it trully is very beautiful thought =) instead of looking up into the night sky and seeing stars scattered all over, you look down. It looks exactly the same~ just lookin down instead. lol
and this time it feels and seems slightly closer, close enough to reach.

... bleh iwl finish this off ..some time.. when i feel like it..sigh things change soo fast.. mannn.. im going to do a new blog..

end of the holidays

2007-07-18T19:05:00.000+08:00

hmm wel im leaving china and going back home to australia tmro.. sighs..
its going to be sad leaving..like it alwasie is when i leave here sighs..=( and this time my grandma is here too..zz sigh so thats another family to face goodbye too! aiyah.. i hope that i dont cry..zz i usually tear up =/ and try to run awaay lol so that nowun can see me hahaha =/ zz NO coMment!

airports suck.. everyones sad.. filled with tears..either happy or sad.. to see someone come back or leave..sighs.. i alwasie end up tearing hahah =/ sigh..
i dont know wat its going to be like when i arrive back in perth airport...sigh the last time that i did..hmm.. i was happy to see him of course but it wasnt wat i expected..in fact it was soo not wat i expected..more like a bad dream that came truu lol..sigh not a nightmare..coz it wasnt sooo bad lols but definately a bad dream sighs =(

it was not like it was planned or anything.. but when i saw him at the airport he was with.. some girl that we both know.. someone that.. im not tooo fond of sighs but she is good friends with one of teh guys that he rides with sighs.. and she was ther to pick up a friend of hers too sighs.. and so yeah.... super akwardness lol =/ sighs

this year..sigh i dont know wats going to happen at all.. mm
u see, last year i went back feeling hopeful.. and yeah just really wishing that he would be mine again sigh since we juz broke up a month or two before sigh and it was kinda jus left ther..not reaally well ok i was in denial lol but.. sigh it was kinda left hanging sigh.. ( i wont bother explaining) mmm...

anyways, yeahh sigh this time.. we are over.. its clear now.. but he still makes it unclear with the things that he says sometimes..sigh and so i dont know wat to expect this time round.. sighs
i told myself not to get my hopes up coz.. bleh.. i shudnt.. iwl prob end up gettin shut down again righT? sighs =( i reli hope not tho.. zz but yeah im tryin not to think too much and obviously i hope for the best..but .. yeah sigh watever happends happens yea and i gues iv been holding onto him for wayy too long..and if its not meant to be..its not meant to be and i shall let go :)

hmmm lol ahhaha sigh we shall see how that works out yea? lols =X

anyways sighhhh wat to talk about...mmmm

wels, i finally got to my 10th book for this year hehehe !! i finally achieved something lol.. LOL ok no no big deal of course lah sighs haha but i did set a goal to read that many books this year and i did it :D hahaha and im happy for myself.. as gay as this blog sounds lol =X hahaha..

i read harry potter one coz of the movie! lols i just heard from my friend that it wasnt that great tho..and that he nearli fell aslp in some parts coz it was that boring =/ zz maybe he jus has bad taste yeA? eeks i hope that its good lol

hmm yes okay well its my last night here with the family so i best get offline lol =x im going to go bowling now hehehehe.. must practice so that when i get bak i can kik rogers ass :D hahahah

hmm excited for perth but.. scared too..sigh.. wish me luck! =)

- dreamer
but now.. the question is who to watch it wiTH????!
eveyones seem to hav watched it alredi! omg sigh..soo sad..hahahah

harry potter

2007-07-17T18:50:00.000+08:00

wells, i finally read the order of the pheonix - harry potter! lols hahah yes i know that im slow..shuttup! lols.. i decided i shud read it coz the new movie jus came out and yeaaa hehehe.. it took me hmmm 3 and a half days to read it.. its thick man... and im not really into all that wizard.. err mystery and magic.. fantasy stuffs lols =X i nearli put the book down near the start lols coz it was ...boring =X lols
but i read it laahhh.. hehehe its okiii.. i dont like the ending tho.. i mean, the fighting part.. its hard to understand and folliow..coz they pull out all these fancy words.. all the spells and everyone shooting at each other with their wands..lols
jheheheh...

hrmmm anyways.. wat to blog about...
today i got myslef a new pair of adidas! hehehe^^ i actually wanted to get a pair of nikes..sigh but then i cudnt find any nice ones.. the ones with the green tick were like.. unko.. i dont kknow how to explain but it suked and so i had to resort to adidas.. not that i dont like the brand! i do lols but the current pair i hav is alredi adidas lols.. and i like nike! i reli doo hahaha and i onli got nike clothes =( i never had a pair of nikes before sigh... hahaha

hmmm anyways im leavin china soon.. back home to perth to study..sigh..
i dont know how im feeeling about going back.. =/ hrmms sigh.. im a bit scared.. i gues.. coz mainly i gta face the music.. music being roger.. sigh =/ *eeeks*

he volunteered to pick me up from the airport too sigh and sed he going to take me to dinner wtih his friends or sumtnk..siiigh. id ont know wat that woman is thinkn !! sigh..
bois shud learn to read between the lines.. they are soo stoopid sometimes it frustrates me lol

sigh anwyays i wont complain now..i reli cbb..im going to try on my new top that i bought today LOL bahahahah...
btw anyone reading this ...

METROS SATURDAY NIGHT! bajhahahahahahah..woot wooot

- dreamer

one tree hill

2007-07-12T10:25:00.000+08:00

omg i got hooked lols..
in two days..i finished the whole one tree hill season 4 =/ zz sigh
its addictive.. stoopid series lols.. and one tree hill isnt too great either .. all that high school drama shit lol..omg.. sigh

sigh im soo tired right nOW.. had to wake up soo early and juz got bak sigh.. im an alien.. oOoh raar.. zzz no comment..

oki sry im wayy too blur..i dont know why i even botherd to try to blog lol...*zZzz*

write more laters~!!

- dreamer (v v v v blur!)

exam results are OUT! lol

2007-07-09T11:56:00.000+08:00

today is the day! lol time to see whether i passed or failed itf! lol =/
this morning i chekd it ..lol my heart was like not pumping right too hahaha it felt weirdo ..lols.. i was scared shitless when the page loaded too lols sigh..
i ...
got ..owned in itf lol sobs hahaha..
but.. luckily for me..scaling!! =P i PASSED hahah WOOOT.. by... u ready for it? lol..
1%.

BAHAHAHAH omg I SUK sigh.. i actually didnt mind resitting that exam coz i know that i wud do alot better! sigh..i made alot of careless mistakes i tell u sigh.. bleh anyways..its over..and i passed so its all good =D hehehe woot woot

lalala..

anyways.. wat to blog about now.. =/

iv read two more books while iv been overseas :) hehehe.. ummms.. some book that my cousin was meant to read coz her bf wanted her to hahah but she didnt want to and thought that it was boring lols =/ yeah so i read it for her hahah..its called adrian mole: the wilderness years. lol.. it was ..intersting i guess lol.. funny at timess.. a bit weirdo rofls.. english humor? lols =X

mmhm.. wat else.. im halfway thru two books atm actually lols..=X hahaha
bridget jones (the first one) and mitch alboms, for one last day lols.. im nearli done with mitch alboms one.. hmm id ont think its as good as the other two books of his that iv read X_x lols.. its the same kinda story though..about life and death =)

hmmm yes oki well this blog took me like 2 hours to write lol coz i havnt really been online lols hahaha

mmm blog more later if i cbb^^

- dreamer

holidays

2007-07-08T21:22:00.000+08:00

hey hey! its holidays lol
mm havnt written here in a while lols..sigh.. been around and about =)
right now im in china, beijing and its HOT HOT HOT here =/ lols..but its good too coz i got my tan back hahaha..but actually, i think the tan came bak in singapore... before i got here hahah =)

i was in singapore for 10 days..=) shop shop eat eat lols..the great singapore sale man oomggg lols.. hahah shopped quite a bit lol and ate quite a LOT lols hahaha =X soo fatty of me lols =/

mmm singaporeans are crazy i tell u.. they introduced a thing.. "late night shopping" .. when i first saw the ad for that i was thinkn..wat the hel! LOl coz omg..singapore shops alredi close late! at like..9.30-10pm every night lol how much later do u want it to be? hahah.. MIDNIGHT?...oh okay! lol O_o

hahahaha its late night shopping the last friday of every month lol.. some shops are open til midnight lols.. or past midnight LOl..i was ther on the last fri of june lol and at 12.10am i was still sitting at charles and keith LOl hahahaha..

omg..they are crazy i tell u.lols.. but its fun haha there wer soo many people it ell u..omgosh.. superly packed hahaha.. the sale a few hours past the normal hours arne that great either..lols
i think singaporeans jus like the thought of something new lol.. this is new..hahah midnight shopping..lols...its INSANE lols =X

heheh sigh..

lala.. well now im in china..nothing interesting happening here.. the shopping is a hassle..=/ alwasie have to bargain..and the people here are like..omg..shuttup pls lol haha =X oops.. i mean like.. when u bargain..it gets scary..they scold u sometimes..=/ and ur like..wat thheee lols..
agro i tell u O_o... jhahaha no comment..=/

lalal..

anyways.. i dont know wat else to type anymore..
i shall blog more later in the week...=/

enjoi ur hols ppls^^

- dreamer (lalala)

sigh

2007-06-15T20:46:00.001+08:00

i know that sometimes i ask for too much ..and i expect too much from him..but i cant help it cos im soo used to him being mine..
mm right now im meant to be studying for itf..and i am tryin..im reading and tryin to teach myself.. bt i really reallly need help for this coz im not doing great at all and going to fail.. sighs
so i was talkin to roger about it and asking him whether he can help me and teach me coz i need like 53% to get borderline 50% overall! X_X yes..that bad lol

so anyways, i was asking him and he sed that he cant tonight.. and im like..oh.. i wasnt askin him to come over or anything i just wondering if he could help me..yes i know that this might be sounding really stoopid right now sigh but yeahh bleh roger is roger and he has a huge effect on me even if its just a liddol stoopid thing..

anyways,.. i was like.. hmm wen i want help and ask him ..he is busy and when he is "free" or wants to help me its alwasie the wrong time..sighs.. mmm im kinda bleh at him atm coz like.. he got an exam tmro right but he isnt studying nemore.. coz he knows all his stuff and prepared to ace it..sigh so hes at home.."bumming" and just chatting on msn i guess.. sighs but not to me.. bleh..

mm and he sed that he didnt wana talk about studying for the rest of the night.. bleh sigh he is free to help me obviously but he dont want to huh? sighs.. he confuses me sometimes..coz sometimes he is soo sweet and he still does things that he knows that i like.. for example, i was studying with him at mcl yesterday and then he wnt to lunch and bought me my fav biscuits..sigh and he sed that he bought it just for me.. bleh sigh..

i was reli angry at him yesterdaay too btw..lol sighh.. mmm blehhh he also came over to visit me last night too..reli random of him sigh.. of course im hapy bt i wasnt expecting him to come over today and of all days.. i had an exam this morning which i reali got ownd for.. sigh i didnt study enough coz when he came over he wantd to slp! sighs...

im angry at him coz why does he alwasie get everything that he wants.. he comes over yesterday and he wants to slp so we go to slp.sigh and then when he dont wana help me or teacch me he doesnt.. and i alwasie hav to wait..obviously today ..right now..he is free coz he dont wana study for his exam nemore..sigh and he says the he wants to help me and when he offers i nver want to take it..which is bs.. coz te times that he alwaise asks is alwaise shit time for me.. sighhhh

arghh i dont know wat the hel is happening between us..sigh i dont know wat is going to happen when i go away too..sigh will he miss me? sgh.. i wonder if iwl see him agen before i leave.. he sed yesterday that he wud see me next week sometime..but then he randomli came over last night.. which was shitty too coz i had exam right and needed to study and slp so cudnt reali spend any time with him sighs..

maybe thats why he came over last night..? coz he knew that i h ad to slp earli sigh and so we cdnt spend too much time together? sighs.. i dont know.. im going nuts..and im soo going to fail this exam.. like the other two iv done sighs.. im soo stressed..and angry and arghhh.. i dont know..

i wish that we could hurry up and sort things out..sigh i wish that he wud give us another chance sighs.. it sks soo bad..coz he we still see each other and when we do its great..its like one day every week im the happiest person around sigh.. but then afterwards it usually really hurts coz he goes away again and then im left alone thinkn wat the hel to do.. and wats going on sighs...

i know that im stoopid..but sometimes i think tat its worth it to be like this.. coz at least i get to see him once a week and be happy for once sigh.. although in the end it hurts like shit and i end up cryin sigh.. i still love him soo much and i dont know if i can take not seeing or talkin to him for soo long sigh.. *tears*

its hard..sigh really hard...

i dont know wat to do anymore..sigh i know i must study tho.. bleh but i really need help for this.. if onli he wasnt soo selfish sigh and helpd me out sigh.. mm i guess i cant really call him selfish coz i am too sigh coz i want him all to myself =X lol sigh oki not all..but i want him bak lah..u dont understand how much it hurts to see him and nt be abl to call him by the names that i used to..and not to hear him call me babes and hun and kiss me and tell me that he still loves me....

arghh dreaming suks sometimes man... lol sigh
it doesnt come true...bleh it never has sigh.. why am i such a dreamer..sigh...

[say that u love me - jay r and kyla]

My morning starts to shine
With teardrops in my eyes
And here i am alone
Starting to realize
That my days would be brighter
If i could learn to hide
The feelings that i have for you
Keep hurting me inside

Then my day begins with simple
Thoughts of you
Hoping that tomorrow
Will be me and you
Sharing dreams with each other
And making them come true
Holding one another saying
All i need is you

But will you say
That you love me?
And show me that you care
Say when i need you
You will always be there
But if you go and leave me
This i swear is true
My love will always
Be with you

Now my nights would end
With just one wish
That's you
To hold me in the dark
And help me make it through
'coz the pain that's inside me
Would simply melt away
If i had you here with me
And promise me you'd stay

Repeat chorus 2x..

sigh say that u love me... sighh love me agein... blehh =(
and yes my love will alwaise be with u..sigh its alwaise been with u babes..

- dreamer (missing u)

curly hair

2007-06-14T21:07:00.000+08:00

my curly hair ~tuesday night 12th june..

heheh onli lasted one night but it was worth it and pretty and curly! lols

i was soo excited ahaha =Pp ..sigh

hmmm this is a gay post..just a pic of me and my hair.. =X i shall put up more pics... X_X

...hmm me and ger with my curly hair..=/

mmm i dont know wat else to put up..sighs.. yes that pic looks retarded coz i was sittin on his lap so im reli close to the camera..=X shuttup sigh....

yep oki.. err.. sigh

- dreamer (iloverogerness)

time to say goodbye

2007-06-14T20:51:00.000+08:00

i thought that this time when i go away it would be easier to say goodbye to him.. to be able to leave without a tear.. oki no not possible, let me rephrase.. not too many tears.. lols sighs mm
today i was at uni studying with him..and i finally told him that im leaving..in 6 days... lol =/ sighs and the reaction i got wasnt great lol.. well it was nothing..it was like he didnt really care.. sigh i tried not to let it affect me and kept reminding myself about wat people been telling me ..how if he doesnt miss or care then he doesnt deserve me sigh..

yes i know that it has been a very long time already and i should be over him by now.. mm like i said many times before too.. nowun really understands all that iv been going through.. thers been many things happening still which makes things really confusing and hard to let go sighs..

but i alredi knew that yes.. i hav to get ovr him eventually and i planned that this would be the time sigh.. its a one month holiday.. away from here.. away from him.. sigh.. i dont know if i can take it..but i know that i have to do this..it will be good.. get my mind off things hopefully and come back happy again.. well at least come back witout him being my first priority all the time..

its actually exam times right now.. and i have one tmro morning and i havnt really studied enough for it lol but im still here blogging.. meaning my priorities are very screwed over right now haha coz he is still number one to me..sighs.. it shudnt be like this tho huh!? sighs

mm sighs.. i know its time to let go ..its hard.. very very hard.. i dont know whats wrong with me.. i shudnt be stressing over one boi for soo long at this age too sigh.. the first cut is the deepest huh! sighs.. it really is.. he really cut me reli reli deep..sighs..

anyways today i tried to say goodbye to him witout crying.. and i didnt! but i did tear once..coz it wud be the last time i see him in a very long time..and things will probably change alot when i get back.. all the things that been happening will have to stop and things will really be differnt.. if he doesnt want us to be together nemore then ..iwl hav to really let go of him and stop being jealous about all the people arond him sigh.. and try to be friends huh? sighs...

mm he saw me cry i tink..and he knows that this is hard for me coz he knows how i feel about him stil.. sigh and he told me to stop being a retard and that he was going to see me next week before i leave....=/

i told him no.. coz i didnt want him to think that i onli teard/cried coz i wantd him to feel bad and to come and see me..coz tats really not wat i was doing sigh.. today i thought was the last day i wud seee him for a whle..and although it wasnt as nice i thought it would be sigh.. i knew that i had to go and stop seeing him and think about my exams.. sighs....but then i cant help it if im sad la lol.. i do love him and it hurts to hav to say gooodbye to him again..sighs..

mmm i dont know wat is happening now tho..i dont want to talk to him about it or bother him sighs.. i need to study and he needs to study sighs..i just wish..pray ..that he wud miss me while im away.. sigh and when i get back he will give us a try again sighs... i reli wish that wud happen.. sigh.. bt i shdnt be gettin my hopes up *slap serene* lol sighs.. arghhhhhhhh

im stressed about everything..and scared about leaving these holidays..but it will be good for me and him..sighs.. its me time huh..sighs.. must stop stressing ...lol sighhhhhhhhhhh

i actually had a really good weekend sigh.. on saturday i went to his majestys theatre with him and his mom and bro..to watch a chinese play called butterfly lovers.. its like a chinese version of romeo and juliet.. it was reli sad and i cried a few..many times lol haha sigh..it was fun tho..we dressed up and got pretty .. hehe sighs...

mmm and then on tuesday ..i got my hair curled at toni and guy ! and it was great lol haha it lookd soo hot lols sigh and yeahh i dont know.. no comment lol.. i got to see roger on tues too to show off the hair lol sighs..

i shall put a pic up lol =X .. lol dont mind my vainness lol sighs...actually iwl put it on the next post coz usu when i put up photos halfway thru a blog it screws up the WHOLE post and iget angry and hav to edit it all sighs.. annoyingness.. lol

mmmm sigh oki well i shud reli get bak to study.. exam tmro at 9.. argh sigh.. how the hel do u write 3 essays and do 30 mcq in 2 hours..TWO HOURS ONLY! ..*dies*

s i g h

i hope things get better sooon sigh...

- dreamer (still loving uu...)

im not okay..

2007-06-05T18:06:00.000+08:00

its been a while since iv blogged huh..sighs.. wats been going on? ...lol no suprises..? im not okay stil... i stll miss him..i still love him.. i still cry over him.. i still want him back..sigh.. im still stuck over him and i dnt know how to get out of it...

iv been tryin to focus on just studying and all..sigh and not thinkn about him soo much.. im leaving soon anyway sigh.. i duno how imgoing to take this one.. im thinking of just leaving without calling or saying goodbye..sigh but i dont want to too..i wana see him and hug him for maybe the last time ever and tell him that i still and always will love him no matter wat..tears..

but then..i d uno.. cries..i think that if i leave witout tell him he cud get angry but it prob easier for me.. ? i duno.. i dont like him to see me cry.. the person that he went out with was strong..and i never cried..sigh.. i dont like crying..and i hate it so much sigh..i hate myself soo much lately sigh..

thers so many things that iv been doing which just keeps screwing things up between us..sigh.. i dont want things to get worse.. but i dont know wat to do anymore.. its soo hard not being with him... sighh

the last few weeks iv been spending alot of time with him actually..and i thought that its been all good..and we been happy when we spend time together..sigh.. and i miss it soo much.. him being with me for a whole day..breakfast lunch and dinner sigh..i miss him hugging me to sleep every night and him waking up next to me and then complaining about how my room is soo bright inda morninng and the light alwaise wakes him up..cries..

i miss having proper meals and cooking breakfast for us every morning..and him brushing up and making his stoopid loud gurgling noises..sigh..i miss him soo bad..its not funny..i cant take it sometimes..and i keep crying even when i tell myself not to..sigh.. i dont know how to let go of him.. cries..he reli means the world to me.. cries...

the first cut reli is the deepest..i dont think iwl ever completely get over him..and i dont really want to.. i still wish every night that he will come back to me..and that me and him will be us again and be happy and this time really work things out and solve our problems and be happy and do everything that we planned to do together...

our house..our family..our random holidays that we plann..sighh... i love him soo much.. and i hate it that all of our plans and our dreams are juz bleh.. left ther and it can never be done..sigh.. i hate it that he doesnt try.. coz wev been thru soo much.. eveyrthing..literally and.. its blehh fukd that he jzu wana throw away a whole two years .. sigh.. two reli reli great years.. cries

i dont know how to think about everything..when i go away on holiday..i know i hav to get over him..but part of me doesnt want to too coz i hope and wish every day that he will come bak home to me.. sighs.. and i reli pray that he will miss me soo much when i go away sighs.. i hope every night that he will miss me and he will realise that he still does love me.. cries...

i know its been soo long.. and i know i shud be over hm by now..sigh.. but hes juz.. eveyrthing to me..sigh.. iv planned my future with him..and im just so used to having him around every single day and being with me and loving me..sigh .. now adays..every single day seems soo much colder and longer..sighh i cant take it most of the time....

it jus seems like the day never ever ends.. i dont want to get out of bed...sighh i wish sometimes that i cud just slp forever..sighs.. its better than having to face such a long boring slow lonely sad day sighhhhh....

time flies by soo slowly when ur sad huh sighs...

teach me how to be strong again...
teach me how to be happy..

if i cud have onli one wish..i wud wish for him back forever.. i know thers many other ppl out ther in the world etc etc..but hes my first love and i reli reli do l ove him and i can reli see forever with him..yes i know im young..but blehh.. when u feel wat i feel.. u just know that hes the one..and u cant let him go ..its soo not easy.. it hurts.. every day... witout him...sigh

s i g h

iloveu so much**

- dreamer (come back to me..s/2)

make my dream reality

green mint m&m cooOokies =D

2007-05-21T18:52:00.001+08:00

omgosh about ten mins ago i took three trays of cookies out of my oven =D

hehehe i combined two recipes together to make this super recipe =P hahaa ok..no i wont call it super but..its been serene-afied! lol =Pp

lols but..the sad thing is.. some of them .. quite a number of them got burnt around the edges coz i went to vacuum the house =x and i didnt think it wud take that fast for them to cook >_< sigh o wels.. anywys i got inspired by this random blog i came across.. su yin! omgosh she makes the most awsumess cakes everrrrrrr lol

http://cookingismypassion.blogspot.com/ << u gota check it out one day! seriously! omg

hehehe yes she has recipes for so many things lol and omgosh they look soo good hahah.. oki my cookies that i made just then..dont match up to hers =( hahaha.. but practise makes perfect righT? >_< i shall try again when ifind the stoopid electric blender! YES I bLENDEd EVERYTHING WITH A F***n WhISK! omggggg.. soo tiring! =x

anyways.. here are the ingredients =D

1 1/2 cups of plain flour
1 1/2 tsp of vanilla essence
1 large egg
1 1/2 tbs of milk
90gm butter
3/4 cups brown sugar
180gm dark cooking chocolate
1/4 cocoa powder or..milo =P hahaa
1 tsp bicarbonate soda

++ extra: marshmellows, nuts, chocolate chips.. i put green mint m&ms lOl MMMMM hmm

how to make it all.. lol

+ mix together the butter and the sugar and blend til creamy
+ when creamy mix in with egg milk and vanilla essence
+ combine the flour, bicarb and cocoa powder in a seperate bowl
+ mix in dry combination slowly (about 1/3 eaach time) and add in the melted chocolate =D
+ can throw in your chocolate bits, marshmellows etc into ur mixture
+ section your mixture into balls and place them on a baking trayy
+ put them in the oven and wait =D

they are omggggg delicious hahah XP haha i shall add a picture of my creation .. =P

*drooOols* hehee the house smells soo goood heheh =)

oki well imma go pack them ups now =D heheh

- dreamer

how do i...

2007-05-20T17:25:00.000+08:00

sigh the past week has been ...a mess sigh.. its all going down hill sigh..nothing seems to ever go rite nemore.. *tears*

i dont understand wat went wrong sigh i dont know how to make it all better...

worse of all.. i dont know how to let him go.. cries

i know that its timee.. and that i hv to do it soon.. im onli hurting myself every day sigh and thinkn of him wont make him come bak to me.. tears

but how...

tell me how ..cries

he is reli my dream come true.. i wud rlei do anythng..sigh.. i still dont understand whuy he wont let me in again sighs.. we are good.. we can be good.. sigh..

patience righT? sighs....
i dont know if i can take it nemore....

sighs....

- - - - -

*how do i...*

[w]hen you left me you took my entire heart
it was the worst that anyones ever made me hurt
everytime im alone i think of you
and whenever i close my eyes all i can see is you

wat hurts the most is seeing you during school
and not being able to walk up to u and kiss you like i used to
my head is a mess and i get so confused
how do i say hello when all i want is to talk to you

i dont know wat to do anymore
how do i make u love me once more..
i miss those times wen it was just you and me
just us together and nothing else to worry

how do i talk to you when all i wana say is i love you
how do i smile when inside im broken and blue
tell me how do i make u love me again
coz witout ur love all i feel is emptiness and pain

we can be soo good together
we can make our love last forever
wat went wrong ..wat did i do
tell me wat to do to get bak with you

how do i...
baybi tell me how do i...

- - - - - -

how do i live my life witout u by my side
how do i smile witout pretending im happy
how do i make u fall in love with me again
how can i make things better...

tears

how do i make u mine again....

it wud make my life complete... s2

- dreamer ( i love u rL more and more every day... tears )

arghh hw do u do it..sighs

2007-05-10T20:00:00.000+08:00

argh bleh.. i cant take it man..sighs.. i tried not to talk to him while we both online ..zz and he didnt even talk to me.. arghh it suks..seeing him online and not talking to me.. like wongy sed..sighh u wonder who else hes talkn to coz ur not that important to him nemore sigh and then u just sit tere waiting for him to talk and hope tat he misses u..sigh blehh omgggggggg it sukS!
i lost it juz then.. and i sed hi..but..he didnt even reply..well he did..but then we didnt start talking.. he isnt talkn! sigh *heartbreaks*

arghhh i duno how he does it sigh.. i feel soo bleh when it comes to him.. when hes around or when im talkin to him ..i feel soo ..differnt.. >_< i get scared and my heart beats faster than usual.. and then i get sad ..sighhhs.. arghhh im tryin to keep myself distracted and to move on and wat not zz but arghh. i reli reli do love him ..and i reli miss him..every single night..and i duno wat to do..

right now..myheart feels soo heavy.. like its drowning in my own tears.. sigh.. its beating soo slowly sighs and sometimes it hurts sigh.. i feel like crying but im tryin not to.. i feel a tear forming in my eye and ready to go sighs.. i feel like shit..and all this coz he isnt talkn to me! =( arghhh.. help me sighs.. help me pls.. i duno wat to do..

argh seriously..wat does he want from me.. sighs.. blehhh arghh and blehh why cant i juz hav him bakk sighs.. iv been soo patient and iv been waiting and putting up with all his shit that hes been throwing at me.. iv seriously had the worse year so far.. and its all because of him..

one person..

shit the tear has come out..zz sighs i still feel all bleh and clogged up inside tho sighs =( i cant talk properly coz my throat is stuk .. it wants to cry but.. i dun want to cry lol..sigh =(

arghhhhhh negative energy! sighs =( arghh sryy to everyone zz i know iv been a pain in the ass lately sighs im tryin mann sigh trust me.. that whuy i havnt been online in soo long sighs.. the net now adays makes me soo sad and depressed..coz like i sed earlier..sigh i see him..and i wana talk to him zz but we cant talk like we used to sighs.. =( and i get all sad zz coz blehhhhhh hees online but we dont talk as much as i want to talk to him sighs.. and blehh =( i just miss him soo much..

being offline suks too tho coz its so lonley and then i think about him too sighs.. blehh no matter wat i think about him all the time? sigsh =( hahaha blehh i cant help it.. im sure some of u will understand wat im on about sighs..>_<" blehh im stuck ! sigh soo stuk.. and i cant get out at all..

arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i wana run away sometimes.. blehhh but i know thaat running away aint gona make things go away or make anything better sighs.. blehhh it just suks..being stukk.. zz it suks soo bad! ARGHH i juz wna hug him again sighs.. i wana kiss him and tell him i love him and hear him say it bak to me..sigh =( i wana stay at home and offline and just be with him.. watchin tv or eatin dinner together.. and thens not worying about anything else.. just me and him all over again sighs.. i wud give anything for that.. tears

i wish that he misses me sighh i wish that he thinks about me every night sigh i wish that he still has feelings for me and i wish that he wud give me another chance sighs.. i wishhh soo bad that i can hav him again every day and every nght sighs .. my heart reali aches for him sighs.. i juz feel so bleh and empty without him with me in my life sighs.. nothing ever seems to go right for me now adays sighs.. everythign alwasie fuks up and i hav the shittiest days ever sighs...

bleh sigh.. cries.

how do i make him mine again? sighs

arghh i must study sigh.. blehh

iwl rite more laters sighs...

- dreamer (missing him more than ever sigh)

** its soo true.. wat hurts the most..is being soo close .. them just standing ther..sigh but u can onli love them from a distance now.. coz they dont belong to u nemore sigh.. and all the memories u hav ..sigh how last time u cud just hug them straight away when u see them.. u can kiss them and hold their hand whenever u wanted to.. sigh.. nw ..hes just standing right ther.. talkin to u sigh right in front of u..i wudnt even call it a distance sigh but u cnt do anything.. u cant tell them that u miss them that u love them and u wana be with them forever sigh.. u just hav to pretend and smile and keep talking sigh and hope that they will hug u when u say goodbye tears.. it hurts so bad...to keep all this inside of u sigh for him not to feel the same nemore like he used to sigh.. u think about how he used to hold u sigh and how he wud hug u and whisper in ur ear that he wud love u forever and ever tear.. u rmber the times that u had with him.. how nothing else in the world mattered as long as u wer with him cries.. it hurts soo much not to be able to have him as my own nemore sigh.. it hurts to see him and to talk to him.. its hard..i gta pretend when i talk to him ..coz i cant talk to him normally nemore sigh.. im soo scared and blehh my heart reli hurts..i just wish i cud run up to him and hug him and tell him how sorry i am and how much i love him and alwasie will and he will forgive me and take me back and give us another chance..cries.. i wish he wud take me back..cries.. i wish he will love me again like he used to..tears..my life suks soo bad witout him in it..cries.. i duno wat to do nemore..cries..bring him bak to me....tears iloveurl**

blEh'd

2007-05-06T13:55:00.001+08:00

hrmms wel this weekend has been a bit fukdish haha sighs...

i shud first tell u about my terrible friday !! sighs.. it was reli such a bad luck day for me sighs. firstly i missed my bus at my area! and the shitty thing about it is..i came earli too! two mins earli and i saw it come out the other end ffs! that reli pissed me off sighs.. anyways.. i had to make it to tute right...coz last week i missed it coz of the same stoopid reasons!!
[raaaaaar @ bus]

sighs so i walkd to south streeet.. but.. it fukn started raining on me !!! so i walked thru the rain for 20 fkn mins and still missed my bus so i had to wait for another bus..which wud obviously make me late for class alredi sighs.. anways.. u knw wat.. when i got to the friggn bus stop it stopped raining!!! fukn raaaaaar
[raaaaaaaar @ raiN]

sighs.. anyways i finally got on the stoOopid bus and hoped that it wud get to city very fast so that i cud maybe catch the 55 past bus and onli be like 5 mins late for class! sighs.. but ... guess what!! TRAFFiC jAM!!
[raaaaaaaar @ traffic jaM]

ffs ..sersiously cud my day get any worse.... the answer is.. YEs! lol..=/

i got to the busport and ran to the platform c.. and went down the escalator and saw the bus and rann..but the bus... left! =/ *cries*
[double fukn raaaaaar @ uni bus!]

sighs so i had to wait for the 11am bus.. obviously gona be super late for class alredi coz my class..starts at 11 ! lol =/ sighs anyways.. guess what!? the FUkn bus cAME lATE!!!!!! LATE!
it came at 11.10!!!!!! TEN FUKN PAST!! and it takes about ten mins to get to friggn uni too!
[raaaaaar @ uni bus AGAIN!]

fuk sighs... wel i got on the bus and went to uni and got to class at...HALF pAST! btw ther is onli 45 mins in one class! haha =X sighh FUK! blehhhhhh.... i was scaared to walk into clas..>_< but i did in the end rofsl =/ how shittyly embarrassng sighs.. it was supeerly fukd in the ass! sighs

so how great was my morning!??? =)

sighs.. the rest of the day was average..nthing spectacularr.. and when i got home i just had the biggest headache ever and died for the rest of the night sighs.. ='(

that be my friday! how great was it!

-----

hmm now saturday.. mmm it started out goood.. i did some gardening, fixed my pool and washed some clothes.. but then roger started with me online again sighs and we ended up havn a huge fight over a stoopid misunderstanding which i even sed sorry to like a hundred times sighs.. it was the most shittiest thing ever and blehhh sighs.that obviously ruined my day !

blehhh.. yeah the rest of the day i didnt do much at all..i sat online.. played some pictionary.. tried to do some of my assignment and then..mmm.. jennie came over so we went to walk to farmer jacks to get some pizza for dinner! and a movie ^^

we watched the HoliDay! and ate our double bacon cheeseburger pizza =P lol mmm.. and pigged out on chips =X ..wel i did =X hahaha sighs then after that we played ps.. til.. late.. and i had a headache rofls then kod and went to slp =)

----

yes and today be sunday! mm i shud do some gardening X_x ahaha sigh but.. ... lol =X gardening =X zzz.. sighs.. yeahh havnt done anything yets.. i woke up about 30 mins ago and im supeer hungry atm sigsh =( mmmmm...yes...

ok well.. iwl write more again lateers^^

- dreamer (blEh'd)

mm confused

2007-05-02T10:32:00.000+08:00

first of all.. i wud like to say that i hav never been so ripped off by a watermelon in my life.. this watermelon that i bought.. omg loooks soo red..but ITS NOT FKN SWEET AT ALL! it tastes like shit! rofls hahahaha.. i think its probably the most shittiest tasting watermelon iv ever tasted! and im being dead serious rofls =X hahaa.. i love my watermelons so this is very very disappointing =(

mm sighhs anyways would u like to know how my day started?

wells.. i woke up and could get myself out of bed for about... forever lol hahaha sighs but i did eventualy and ran to the bus stop and made it ther just on time! 10.08am! ON THE DOT!! lols.. and i waited for.. 5 mins and the bus..didnt come!!! RAAAAAAAR~ if it came earlier i wud see it coz it makes a looop and comes out the other side where i can see it.. but..it didnt come out!! meaning it didnt comeeeeeee !! meaning i miss my tute! arghhhh sighs =( stoopid bus!!!!

and now i hav to do a makeup tute..which is at 1.. but that means that i cant make it to my group meeting to see the guy for my assignment! blehhh coz tute is 1-2 then there is a class 2-4! sighhh and the guy is onli freee 1-3!!! stoopiddnesss..! what a fukd up day! lol sighems..

mm sighs anyways last nght was weird.... i had a group meeting which finished at about 7.. and then roger came to pick me up.. firstly we studied a bit at mcL and thens we went to broadway to eat dinners.. and the food was fkn shit! lol sighs.. mm but we ended up havin a fight =/ sighs and then in the car on the way home he sed sorry to me and thens held my hand like we used to when we sat in the car together..sighs it was nice of course...sighs then wen we got bak to my house we ended up just chatting and doing hwk and listening to music..it was so nice!! it was like how we used to be bak in the days sighs.. s2* but then wen he sed he had to leave to go home.. my heart sank ...sighs and then he took some of his stuff that he left behind from when we were together...and it just felt soo shitty! sobs.. and now i duno wats happening! i duno whether he really misses me or he just came oveer to collect his stuff? sighs =( the feeling suks soo bad sobs*

i dont know wat he wants sighs.. but i reli want him bak sighs =( i wana hold him again and hug himm every dayyy! sigh i wana stop cryin and sayin goodbye like its the last time i might ever see him again sighs.. it suks..sayin goodbye to hm =( sighssssss.. ger ger germ.. iloveu sighs

sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh put me out of my misery man sighs.. blehhh argh just bring him bak to me already sighs =( *tears*

bleh FKN WATERMELOn it making me feel sick! sighs =(

arghh sobs.. im going to lie down sighs.. everywher hurts sighs..

- dreamer (loving u still.. waiting for u to come bak to me again sighs.. hurry up ger..sobs)

imiss him =(

2007-04-27T10:35:00.000+08:00

mm i tried to do a not coming online and talking to roger last night..sighs.. i watched like two movies sobs..til i got a headache.. =/ sighs... i managed to not come online tho..which is good i gues.. mmm...

sighs.. but this morning when i woke up..i just felt soo weird..sighs i duno wats wrong with me.. but i was soo slow at everything and blehh i duno..right now..i feel sad and i feel like crying.but..sighs.. i dont want to cry.. =( blehh i miss him soo much right now.. *tears*

i duno wat to blog about.. bleh im just feeling very funnyright now sigh..not a good funny =( my heart feels soo weak..sighs =( and i cant breathe properly sigh and i just feel soo..bleh

arghhh life is soo shit witout hm sighs.. i know mychances are veyr slim and so i know its best for me not to hold on nemoore..but bleh i still wishhh..and dreamm annd hOpe..sighs =( im still waiting..sighs..arghhhhhhhhhhhhh...

ilovehim soo much.bring him bak to me pls..sighs and fast..=(

- dreamer

f a i n t

2007-04-22T13:59:00.000+08:00

well last night i had a very interesting experience which i wish i shall not have ever again sighs..
mm it was pros bday last night and so we all went out to sizzlers for dinners..mm..sighs.. we were lining up to get seated and our orders taken.. mm everything was all good.. until we got to near the front of the line...=/ mmm then i started feeling hot..and.. felt a bit sick..>_<
so i leaned against the wall a bit..but then.. everything started going blurry... O_o.. and evyerhting was just moving around very fast and that made me feeel sick =/ sighh and i tried to walk but then i lost balance and so i stumbled n sat down on the floor sigh..
mm tat happened about three times =/ til i reli lost it.. the last time that happend..we were at the counter ready to order..and i really cudnt see anymore.. everything was blurry and i cudnt stand at all.. and so i fell..and hit my head in the same time sigh
mm thens it kinda went black for a while and then i got water..>_< lols zz sighh..

i think.. it was juz..dehydration and maybe lack of food? sigh i duno =/ it was weirdo and i hope it doesnt happen again..mm..

i alwasie wonder how people can just faint and drop ..lol like during choir.. people faint and its scary like shit ..sigh hhaahaha..but then..mm maybe i wasnt tooooo bad last night.. or else iwud hav just dropped dead too =/ mm but like i cud control it a bit..and if i sat down it got clear again..but i just cudnt get up X_x sighh...

anyways after that it got ok.. mmm it was weirdo coz like i got reli reli heated up til i was sweating =/ n then about 2 mins after i ko'd it got reli reli cold..and i was shivering and gettin goosebumps..sigh X_x

arghh i miss roger sigh.. =/ yes i knowthat was random..but i alwasie think about him sighs..and espesh after something reli random and bad happens sighs.. i alwasie think about him sighs..=( i wish that he would hurry up sighs.. i need hm bak soo bad sighs... and dont tell me that im not patient sighs.. i am..iv been waiting for soo long alredi sighhhs

and im still waiting...

sighs.. i never thought that i would ever chase after one person so badly sigh so much.. iv never ever done it before sighs..and i dont plan to do it ever again =X haha sighs.. but i reli do.. i do i do love him alot sigh.. reli more than words can ever say.. sigh i dont know how to describe it and bleh it must be real sighs coz..it been so long.. and my friend sed sumtink about..waiting.. if u wait u figure out what u realy want ...n.. iv been waiting..and i realised that i still really want him.. sighs even after everything that has happend..sighs..i would still give up everything for him .. sighs.. *s2*

aiyahh...

pls get him to hurrry up sighs.. im waiting but i cant wait for soo long too sighs..it kills me every single day not to tlak to him properly in person and to huggg him sigh.. everytime that i see him.. i die..i relireli die inside..sighh coz i cant hold his hand and hug and kiss him whenever i want to..and when i see him sigh ='( *tears*

my heart still beats for him sighs.. it hasnt stopped sigh.. everything that i do still revolves around him sigh and i cant help it sighs it just so natural..=( i dont understand him sometimes..sigh especially now..sobs.. he says that he misses me and he cares about me..that he wants things to be good between us and for us not to fight nemore sigh.. but he alwasie scrws things up when we get good and close again sighs.. to mee..its like hes running sighh iduno whuy tho.. he knows that me and him are good together sighs.. arghh if i cud hav a wweek to be with him again sigh and make him remember eveyrthing tht we had sighhh and make him miss me sighhhh..='(

i wish he would let me in again soon.. very very soon *tear*
it hurts..every day..every night..every moment without him sighs..it reli reli hurts..=( sobs.. shit nothing else in my life matters more than he does sigh.. hes the onli one who can make me smile a real smile sigh the only one who can make me happy and laugh.. sigh hes the one who makes me hav that funy but nice feeling when i see him sighs.. hes the onli one who i hug and it feels..perfect sigh.. it feels warm and everything just fits sighs.. *tear*
bleh! i reli love him more than i can ever explain sighs.. i miss him soo muchh.. sooo soooo much sigh.. even when im talkn to him online or sitting next to him sigh.. i still miss him =( sighs.. it hurts being soo physically close to him but not being able to hav him sigh..hav him as my own again sighs.. =(

ithink bak at all the memories that we had..the times that we went out sighh.and i regret soo much sighs.. i used to not hold his hand when we went shopping in south areas coz id be paranoid that people would see me with him..people being my parents friends sigh and then they will tell my paretns and i die sighh.but i regret sighh soo much..i wish i held his hand every day sighhh every second i was with him sighs *tear* i wish that i wasnt soo fkn gay sigh and i didnt take him forgranted sighhhh.. i feel soo stoopid sighs.. coz i most probably brought this onto myself sighs.. i didnt love him as much as he loved me back then sighs and then blehh im soo stoopid sighs...

arrghh sighs i dont want to cry nemore sighs.. i cant take it ..im soo weak now adays sighs.. i wish i cud be happy again with him sighs.. i wish he wud hurry up and come bak to me sighs.. >_< cries.. my life witout him..sigh reli is incomplete.. i dont say all this stuff to get attention or make people feel sorry for me sigh..its reli how i feel.. yes maybe im love sick sighh.. sigh its true tho..i love him and i miss him and i reli want him bak sigh n life reli feels soo empty and shit witout him with me sighhs.. im not me nemore sigh.. im lost..sighhs.. i cant smile sighs i cant laugh or hav a good time nemore sighs.. all i ever think abot is him sighs even if i try not to and try to hav fun sighs.. in the end..the first and last ting i think about every single day is..him sigh

ilove him more than uwl ever know sigh i love him more than words can say.. i love him every moment and second of the day sighs.. u tell me to let go ..sigh its not easy.. right now..its very impossible for me sigh.. me and him ..sigh wev been thru way tooo much to give up now sighs..

- dreamer (waiting...iloveu rl)

lalala...

2007-04-20T20:07:00.000+08:00

mmm he still cares about me =) hehe..sighs..>_< but..sighh.he stil isnt doing anything about it =( sobs.. i duno whuy im bloggin again and i hope blogger dun be a bitch to me today! lol X_x

mm sigh i cnt talk to him til tuesday btw sigh =/
he got exam tmr and then tutoring all day sunday and then two exams on tuesday!
sigh poor baybi >_<"i wish i cud be with him nowww sighs.. i wud give him his massages while he studys haha sighh and then cook for my hunni sighhh..
when he studies hard..he eats shitly sigh..and it not good for my dearest sigh.. if onli he wud let me in =( maybe after exams..sigh.. i sense ther is something going goood for us..but mm i duno hw long it will take him..sigh i shall wait..>_<

lala...

i dont think iwl be having dinner tonights.. sigh i feel sick..and fat lol last night was at jasmines house and we went to hawkers with her brother lol and we ate at about 11 =/
lol had roti canai lol mmmm..roti..haha im going to go and buy some soon ^^ i miss roti lol..its soo good..and im going to try and put a egg with it lol hahahaha =x mmm.

my head hurts like shit right now..sigh im going to go hav a shower and then start the studying again..one more test to get over and done with for this week! then im freeeeeeee!! heheh sighhhh...well not totally free..i still got another assignment to do and i gta catch up on marketing coz i havnt been this whole week..that be two hours worth of ilecturing..zzz *dies*

which reminds me..im going to go download the lectures now lol..^^

mmm..lala..well today been a very very weirdo and tiring day sighh.. i went to uni at about 11 for a tute..which i didnt prepare for lol..so i quickly ran to the library in the morning to take out the text book lol so i cud read it during tute lol..=/
hehehe..sigh.. i had two exams and one test this weeek okkk..im excused lol mm sighs..

yepp and then i finally turned on my fone..and big smiles* hehehe he misses me =) lol..oki no nt misses but he cares...=) awww he cares alot n he still thinkin about mee..hehe ^_^ sighs.. i love him =( aiyah today i just wanted to see him so i cud give him a huggggggeeeeee huggg =) hehee

sighhhs... mmm.. my fones been dead for about half a day in total sigh.. its charging now..=) mm lalala.. what to do what to do! >_< mm yeah today went to city too to buy mish her late bday present..hope she likes it..=/ lol hahaha its all small stuffs but it coool/good small stuffs^^ lol =X and my leg is reli reli itchy atm! arghhhh..sigh i think its mmm.. dry skin =( sobs..im out of nivea.. my ger isnt here to restock for mee and moisturize me sighhh.. i miss himmmm soo much~

aiyahh.. *dream dream*

arghh i wana talk to him =X haha sigh but i dont want to annoy him coz he is studying =( and he is stressing over his exams..>_< but but lol .. i need to talk to him =( sigh
i miss himmm alredii and it been onli a few hours since he told me he gona be super busy >_<

sighhhh.. ger ger ger.. maybe he will miss me =) coz he hasnt talkd to me in soo long? i duno =X hehe sigh.. i shal try and stay strong..>_< i need to not talk to him soo much to make him miss meeee =X hehehe..and so he can start talkin to me first ^^ ten it be all gooods =) and we be all happy and.. sighh i want him bak hahaha..blehh
arggh..yess im still going crazy over him! sigh.. wat do u expect..it was 2 years people..sighh i love himm and i want him bakkkk lahhh lol =(

mm .. what else to put on this boring blog? mm..
wana see a pic of my ger =X hahaha..

lols..hahah random picture..he looks a bit funny in that one..and so do i =X lol hahah.. we got matchng tatoos in that picture too hahaha =P mmuhahaha..^-^

hrmm... this be a song which i been listening to alot the past few days =X hehe..maybe i shudnt llisten to it too much tho sigh it makes me sad and emo >_< zzz lol haha but its a relli nice song =) im listening to it now tooooo~ eheh*smiles*

Guy Sebastian and Mya - Forever With You

Do you remember how we made it through the rain
Said together we will make you and me in love forever,
Never imagined we would go our separate ways
That my life would be a maze
Hoping to find you at the end

Can we just love again?
Kiss again?
I just wanna be us again
There's no reason to pretend
It's evident that I'm lost without your love
If we just hold each other close again
We can make it to the very end
Baby I will leave you never
I just wanna spend forever with you

How could I forget
Was when you came I knew for sure
What my heart was beating for
How could I take you for granted
And now that your gone
Every day is so unclear
I think I'm running out of tears
How can I get back to life with you here with me

Can we just love again?
Kiss again?
I just wanna be us again
There's no reason to pretend
It's evident that I'm lost without your love
If we just hold each other close again
We can make it to the very end
Baby I will leave you never
I just wanna spend forever with you

If we give up our minds
And let the feeling in our hearts take over
Maybe then we'll see
How this life should be
Before my heart
Falls apart
For you

Can we just love again?
Kiss again?
I just wanna be us again
There's no reason to pretend
It's evident that I'm lost without your love
If we just hold each other close again
We can make it to the very end
Baby I will leave you never
I just wanna spend forever with you

[Repeat] ~~ **

its a sweet song huh?? lols =) hehehe sigh i like it for obvious reasons lol ahhaha and also..it does sound nice lah =) hehehe ^-^*

"theres no reason to pretend..its evident..that im lost without your love"

lalala.. sighh iloveuu rL~

oki i think its time for shower and then studyyyyness X_x hehehe.. mmm *smiles*

- dreamer (iloveu)

disappointed at u bloggger

2007-04-18T21:39:00.000+08:00

sigh blogger u disappoint me!
u keep making the same mistakes over and over again...

maybe its a sign..that i shudnt make the same mistakes over and over again..and my mistake wit u blogger is..i KEEP COMIN BAK TO BLOG HERE!

this is my 3rd blog..IM NOT HAPPY BLOGGER! -- RAaaaaaRr_

sighs.. i shall give u another chance..dont disappoint me again!
i mean it!!!!!

*gRrrrrrrrrrrr*

baybi_dreamer

Retirement

i don't know how....

withdrawl symptoms

escape

i will remember you *s2*

*click*

a new year (:

rest in peace

honeymoon over..

Flight of the Conchords - Sello Tape

the hole, holier than perth.

John Mayer lead me the way...

the lakehouse

Throw Rocks at Boys

Got myself into another boylemma

Cheaters and Liars

i feel so weak.

letting my guard down

im so confused.

"Happily Ever After"

Boys and Booze

Examinations and Distractions

hmmmm...

My Love At First Sight.

hmmm

sigh i sigh i sighhhh!

springtime :)

boys boys boys

PS. I Love You

THE DARK KNIGHT!!!!

morning sunshine

new love

mMmmm eye candy :P

sunday mornings rain is fallinggggggggg

dont know when i wrote this one..lols this is like super mass bloggin sesh :P

02 04 08

My Undecided and Unforeseeable future

OMG I MISsS U MY DEAR INTERNET

Bust a move

stress attack! bleH*

start!

Aus Day 08

Freshman ^^

Bubbly

25th jan ~ deprived

iPod touch

Someone to Watch Over me (8)

Heath Ledger.................and Utt

deprived

new year 2008

the catch that got away

its been a while

To have you back..

get stuff off my chest

today it shall begin...

happy birthday to me

October

bday bday bday

LINKIN PARK

pretenders

uni sucks!

rule 1: do not expect anything from boys

goood days!!

"just one of em days"

Sickness!

hard to say goodbye

the good ol days~ 2o05

deferred exams

sick sick sick.. so much pain

*magical mystical moonlight*

got myself in a big muddle lol =/

such a nice dayy todayyy

hehe yayers

jealousy!

growup time..sigh

i did it!

waste of the weekend...

weekends

bored

i will remember you s2

click

magical mystical moonlight