sigh. uni is bakk.. aiyahh
im not in the mode at all sighs.. id rather be with my gerr sighh...
i told myself to get over him and not to think about him too much sigh..
but im stukk..
and here i am again...
sighh


why wont he just give me another chance..sigh
i know that i would never make the same mistakes again..sigh
i would give up every single thing for u......
and make sure that i never ever hurt u again..
sigh..
im sorry for all the hurt iv caused...
i wish that you would forgive me..
and let me start all over again...
u and me..
sk and rl..
youre all that iv ever wanted..
youre all that i need...
without u...
i really feel asif a huge chunk is missing...
sighs...
babe...
i miss you soo much...
cant u see that i would give up anything and everything for u...
i used to be strong...
sigh...
now i cant even last a day....
my life without u..its incomplete...
sighs...
you reli are my everything...
all that iv ever wanted..
all that i need..


- dreamer .. in love but not loved bak in return..sighh *heartbrokened*

sighh...

its onli been two days since i got bak and im feeeling lonely as ever sighh
today has been the biggest waste of a day everr! and the most boring and lonliest lol sigh =X hahaha ...

i hav a big feeling that this blog is going to be just as depressing as the last blog lol sighhhh =(

aiyahhhh iv done much crying over the past few months.. sighh endless amounts..buckets and buckets fUll lol =X sighh... i know it not a good thing and i want to stop crying .. it hurts soo much waiting for someone..somethihng..that most likely wont ever come bak hahahah siiiiiighhhhhhhhhhh!

*teearrs*

i think i need a reli big cryin session ! lols try and cry it all out so that im all out of tears and then i can be normal agin lol sigh haha but i dont think that is ever going to work too coz .. iv cried soo much LOL but im still crying!!!!!! LOl =(

aghhhhhhhhhhhhh

breakups suckk!!! boi and girls suk!!!!! lol we alls ukkk! =( hahahah sighhhhhs


sighhh iv had many lectures thrown at me the past few months lol sigh.. and yeahh it suks hahaha.. the truth hurts..i reli must let go of him nowww..=( and wait..lol ..

ok no not wait! i cant wait..iv been waiting for soo long alredii.. and u dont wana wait for sometinkn that not gona happen rights? >_< sighhh..so then wat do i do?? =/


argghhh but to me..he is worth the wait.. hes reli all i can see myself with..=( rghhhh its killing me lols hahahaha i know that i mst move on!!!

MOVE ONNNNNNNNN!


sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhh BUT HOWWWWWWWWWWWw

arghhhhh =( *tears*

im too stubborn lol =( arghhh sighhhhhh

blehhhh


- dreamer in love with someone i cant havee =(

It didnt turn out as planned...
im not suprised..sigh...
after all that dreaming.. it seemed just way to good to be true....to come true..sigh..
first the fog..the delay sigh.. signs huh? sigh..
well.. im stoopid.. knowing me.. i alwasie make things worse.. even if i dont intend to and know that what im doing will just make things worse...

sigh wel.. today be the last day...
tonight be the end..
the end of the road..lol sigh.. i still love him..and i know that i alwasie will love him..
he was the greatest thing that ever happend to me..
changed me...
made me who i am now...
and i love him..i love him for him and everything that has happend between me and him..

letting go..

the hardest thing ever..
iv never done this before..not anywher close to this...
he reli is the first love of my life..
maybe i dont understand what love is yet?
i think i do tho..

he makes me feel something that nowun else has ever ever made me feel..
when i think about him or going to see him or just being with him.. something inside of me tingles and .. i just get all butterflies lol.. everywher..=)
its a weirdo..but great feeling..and i love it..and i love him.. sigh *cries*
i dont know if i can get over him ever.....

i know i cant...

a part of me will alwasie be with him...forever...
i need to let go..

*cries*

i didnt think it would be this hard.. sighhh
i thought that over my holidays.. i partially did it..but i guess i was off..wayy off..sighh..
its soo hard...
when i saw him..i broke down inside..sigh
and i just wanted to hug and kiss him and tell him how much i love him and miss him..and want him and need him soo muchhh! arghhh
but its all fukd nww..
its all over...

sighh...

cries..

i gta sstop crying...sighhh
it hurts..
i cant breath..sighh

i love u soo much roger...
i will alwasie love u..sighh


-- 22nd feb... sighh

my last serenade.. i love u ger..sigh =( *cries*


- lost dreamer (broken hearted)

sighs, well today be the day when our dear friend jasmine the chickn leaves leeming!! sobss...! hahaha
iv known her since hrmmm.. lol im not sure actualy =X sumtime during highschool! and over the years we hav had many many great and retarded memories! hahah.. sighs.. but now she is leaving meee and leeming!! =( *tears*


she was the one who would come over and watch random late night movies with me coz we were alwasie lonered and bored hahaha.. and then we would go out for random gelares at night =P hahaha.. and taking the last bus home lols.. then driving home illegally =X lol hahaha.. that old car of urs chikn.. very very scary! lols =X hahaha..


hmmm.. chikn chikn chikn!!! now she is leaving..going up north!! lol hahahah ok wel not exactly north north..but.. closer to north! LOl =/ hahahah.. sighs.. great one chickn! zzz hehehe ^^


anyways... dear chickn! we will all miss u here down in the southside! lols.. u better come visit meeee =P hehehe.. so much for our running and walking we planned to do lols.. now u must gym with me hahah since ur soo close to my uni hahah =) and then next year u better get into uwa with me LOl haha ~~~ heheheh **


oki doki wel.. gahaha that be my blog for my dear chickn today! =)
iwl blog more later after i eats!! hahaha *^_^*


- dreamer ducki!!

(errr..i tried to upload a pic of u ahahaha but..it not working atm..coz.. id uno how to read chinese! =X stoopid china made my blogger all chinese LOLS and i dont know how to change it back to english hahaha =X iwl figure it out and put ur pic up when i get bak home !! heheheh)

wow.. surprised? im happy this val day! lol hahah..sighs...
im not the happiest! rofls but it will do for now considering the circumstances i am in atm hahah sighs... ^^

i sent him the poem i made for him and wrote him and email and all and it all gooddss hehe =) he read it and yah nothing weirdo.. we are talkin nows on msn =) and it all gooods hehe *woooooots* sighs.. biggg relief hahah ^-^

sighhhs.. anyways.. today be valentines days.. i hope u al are gooods =) sighs.. everyone has happy val day on their nicknames dedicated to their gfs/bfs lol sighs.. its sweet..sighs ..i wish i had a valentine this year too =( that certain guy lol sighs hahahah o wells.. at least we are ok todayys.. *fingers crossed*

hmm ohh, jasmine my dear chickn friend sent me this last night for val day heheh ^^ its sweeet and i would like to share it wit u all lols hahah

　 愛愛愛　　　　　　 愛愛愛
　　愛愛愛愛愛　　　　愛愛愛愛愛愛
　愛愛愛愛愛愛愛　　愛愛愛愛愛愛愛
　愛愛愛愛愛愛愛愛愛愛愛愛愛愛愛愛
　 愛愛愛愛愛愛愛愛愛愛愛愛愛愛愛
　　 愛愛愛愛愛愛愛愛愛愛愛愛愛
　　　 愛愛愛愛愛愛愛愛愛愛愛
　　　　 愛愛愛愛愛愛愛愛愛
　　　　　 愛愛愛愛愛愛愛
　　　　　　 愛愛愛愛愛
　　　　　　　 愛愛愛
　　　　　　　　 愛

heheh pretty huh! sighs..i wonder if it will turn out on my blog =X lols haha o wels.. if it dun.. its a heart made out of aiiis (愛) hehehe ^-^ siiiighhhs..
my dear chickn friend is leavin the SOUTHSIDE lol hahah sighs.. noo it suks coz now who will be my late night movie night gal lol =X hahahah that didnt make sense i know hahaha sighs..>_< but yahh..me and chickn! we have some great random times together we do! lols hahaha..

sighhhhs this year gona be very very differnt..no more chickn.. no more roger sighhh.. argghh lol aiyahh..*sighs*

*wish wish wish*

hopefully my dream will come truue yea sighs =)

kk wels...


HAPPY vaLENTINES DAYyyyy


- dreamer *all smiles*

well, tomro be the lovely valentines day! sighs.. bleh its a nice day when u have someone to spend it with sighs but.. when u dont its just so depressing! sighs..

so then whuy did they even invent this dayy!? people...couples..can celebrate their "love" and relationship on their anniversaries.. u can have one every month ffs lol sighs..

valentines day is sweet yes..but sighs.. it suks when u just break up with someone lol =( hahaha so obviously this blog gona be sad and depressing lol =x hahaha if u love valentines day soo much i suggest u dont read sighs hahaha >___<"

hmms.... ok i wont go all emo on u all sighs.. just that valentines day is unfair for all the people who dont have anyone to share this special day with! sighs.. iv never had a valentine til i met my ger.. and i had two valentines with him =) sighs..it was the best ever! myfirst valentine! lols =) sighs..and it was perfect.. the past two years we'v had a bit of tradition going on too.. we alwasie double dated lol..with two of our other friends kalvin and shayy! =) hrmm ..
i think this be because kalvin was the one who actually introed me and roger ^^ and thus making it ..me and roger *smiles* lols

aiyah, anyways.. the first valentines day together, we all went to the revolving restaurant =) and the bois bought us a bunch of roses each ^^ hehe *wow is all i can say* lols XP the roses the restaurant..everything! it was just...wow sighh..

the second year, last year, we went to a thai restaurant in northbridge! hehe that was a funny experience coz roger and kal couldnt take the hotness hahaa and in the end it was onli me and shay eating most of the food lols =P hahaha..sighs..

sighhhs.. this year however, im not even in perth sighs..and kal and shay gona spend their valentines day by themselves finally ! hahahah.. they prob see it as a relief rofls so they can get up to ..who knows wat LOl =P hahaha..sighs...

usually, im bak in perth by now.. coz of tmro! *valentines day* sighs...

last year i rmber i told ger i was gona be bak on val day..but instead i came bak one day earlier.. and then called him when i got home =) but that tool thought i was someone else when i called him LOL! geees hahahah =P i guess he didnt exepect me to be bak home one day earlier =) hehehe..sighhhhs.. *smiles* ^____^ i miss him..sighs..

i wonder how valentiines day will be like for him tmr..? sighs.. i wonder if he misses me?! sighs..


*anytime - brian mcKnight*

"do i ever cross your mind anytime..
do u ever wake up reaching out for me..
do i ever cross your mind anytime..
i miss you..."


sighs.. aiyahh valentines day! usualy i would be ok.. going out with my sbbs buyin roses for each other for fun lols hahah..coz back in the days..we would be single and juz crazy =) hahaha sighs. but then there was roger..sighs and i fell head over heels with him! haha sighs..

aiyah..

hopefully tmro wont be too bad sighs..=/ and i can sleep tonight lol =X haha sighs.. i actually wrote him a poem ..i made it a while ago..=/ and was planning on sending it to him tmro for valentines day..lol sighs..bt then yeah..i dont know if i should..coz i dont want to ruin anythng or make him think anything..bleh lols..its very hard to explain! zzz.. trust me..u dont want me to explain hahah..it makes no sense watsoever! lols =) hahaha..im saving u ok trust me on that! =)

sighs..but yes.... i duno... arghhhhh

im so scares about going home this year..sighs usually..i would leav as fast as possible to be with my ger again =) coz i miss him soo much.being away from him for like two months! arrrghh lols.. sighs.. but this year.. i dont know.. a part of me cant wait to get home coz i can see him again and be close to him sighs..but then im scared too coz..i dont know wahts gona happen? what do i say to him? how do i act around him? arghh i dont know if i can control myself from crying coz i miss him soo much lol sighs =( it suksss!!!

theres a few things that iv thought about..like the possible scenarioes that could happen lol =X sighs hahaha sighs... hrmms.. obviously iv thought about the best that could happen loL! hahah..and that makes me smile like crazy lols hahah..and it woul dbe my dream come truee! sighs.. yeah but i dont want to think about the good thngs first and onli coz..it might not happen lol =x haha sighs so i dont want to get my hopes up or anything! sighs =X blehh..

so iv thought about all the negatives! and how everythng could go wrong? hahaha >__< well.. kinda.. not reli go wrong..but i duno how to explain sighs! zzz im fukd taht all hahah.. it suks coz i cant sleep at night ! =( i cant stop thinkn about him! sighs..

i mean, its been two years..and my whole life has been based around him! everything i do is to do with him! >_< rofls ="/">_<>i do love him! and i want to be with him! sighs!!

love suks man! hahaha and it hurts sighhhh...

i guess all i can do now is wait for another week..then i finally see him again ! rofls sighs..arghhh then we shall see what happens next sighs X_x *eeeeK*

anyways..happy valentines day to allof u out ther for tmr..sighs...
i think the biggest lesson iv learnt from all of this is...


never take the one u love forgranted.. never take anything forgranted.. sighs...
if u really love someone.. dont be stoopid lols..and make sure that they know that u love them every single day sighs.. and make sure u never loose them....


sighs...


" i carry your heart..
i carry it in my heart... "


mmm


- dreamer.. in love still lol sighs..


**have you ever - brandy**

have u ever loved somebody so much it makes u cryy
have u ever needed sometink soo bad u cant sleep at night
have u ever tried to find the words but they dont come out right..
have u ever...

My Last Serenade - Joey Moe


Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm (4x)
Don’t be surprised
That these are my last words
My last hour of my last day
I’ve taken all the sorrow
I can bear yo
And now I think I’ll turn
Turn and walk away
As wipe cause the tears are building up in my eyes
Feel like I got nothing left to love in my life
20 years of age and its time to say goodbye
Cause I don't even want to try
To make it through the night
Tell them to forget the show tonight (And I don’t wanna sing)
Tell them I’ve given up alright (And it don't even mean a thing)
Make sure the headlines say (I did it for love)

Chorus
With you it all fades away,
There’s no more words to say
No more you and me,
Cause the music left with you
And now I’m alone on the balcony
With no more songs to sing,
Only this last serenade
And you know I sing it for you

It won’t be a lie
If I told you my life was hurt
Spring, summer, winter and fall
Tell me what to do with this fame ya’ll
And do my songs matter at all?
Tell them to forget the video (And I don’t want to dance)
Tell them I have left the city yo (And I’m not coming back)
Make sure the headlines say (I did it for love )

Chorus

Anything, I’ll do anything
Please make me whole again
You’re the reason why I sing
Anything, I’ll do anything
Please make me whole again
You’re the reason why I sing


With you it all fades away,
There’s no more words to say
No more you and me,
Cause the music left with you
And now I’m alone on the balcony
With no more songs to sing,
Only this last serenade
And you know I sing it for you
(Come home, Come home)

heys!

wells, last night was my dads company annual spring festival dinner thing! hahah =/ it was very ...hmm rofl wel it wasnt that good as the past years..=/ quite the boring this year lol =Z hahaha hmmm anyways we all got dressed up and yeah.. ^^ lols

theres nothing much to reali talk about it..hahah >__< like i said it wasnt that great..so nothing eventful happend that night =X hahaha sighs.. i was so bored i used msn on my dads fone for like 10 mins hahahahah X_X


hmm anyways.. what to talk about today..sighs..


hmmm would u like to hear about my stoopid boi troubles? lol sighs..=( zzz i know u dont but who cares..hahah sighs.. wells.. whats happening now is.. he isnt talkn to me? i duno..i think this time he might hav actualy blocked me or sumtink! lol =/ sighs..

we had a fight...hmm "fight" it was reli retarded and stoopid..sighs..i duno.. sometimes it feels like he does miss me..but he keeping himself from feeling anything lol =X sigh but i dont want to think anything or else iwl be fukd hahaha sigh.. and then wait ..but be waiting for nothing yea! lol..sigh dont worry about me..sigh seriously, i think things out like crazy sighs.. so i knwo all the consiquences and shit with everything i do sighs..but yeah sometimes..eventho i kno all this.. rofls i still make the stoopid mistake sighs coz..afterall imma girl man hahaha =/ zzzz

yes i know i juz gave shit to all the gals hahah =X ooops sorry sighs.. hwo about..im me =( and right now..im head overheels with this guyyy sighhhh

*have u ever - brandy* LOl


hmmm.... yeah so i duno..havnt talkd to him in a few days sighs.. like wen i go on he suddenly goes off =( sigh so i duno wat the fuk that is about sighs =( but yeah i hope that we be ok..and still be friends =( sigh..coz yeah..honestly, i also dont know how long we can be friends for..sighs coz like..me and him..wev never rlei been friends! =/

like we met thru a friend and juz talkd on the net alot lols..but we onli met twice before we actually went out =X hahah ok that might sound dodgy sigh but he is the most not dodgy guy ever ahaha =) sighhs.. yeah so the third time we met we started going out haha =) sighs.. but yea we talkd on the net for like 4 months or more? yeah sighhh =( i miss him still >_<
u dont just get over someone after being with them for like 2 years sighhh that easily =(..

yeah anyways., like i said, i duno how to be friends wit him..iv been trying and all sigh but i think in the end..it wont work very well coz his firneds..iv met them all and they are all..smart and like..they all not like me? =X me and roger are like..each others opposites =( which was good for us..we were like everything we wernt...=/ ok that didnt make sense hahah sigh....

he was everything im not..and im everything he is not! lol =/ we do hav things in common..like our music is kinda similar.. we both like the same music i gues.. umm.. clothes hahaha =X no comment =) hmm.. we both are pretty lazy..as in like to sleep heheh sighs.. mmmm i duno.. sighhhs...


it suksssssssssssss


zzzzzzzz


sigh anyways i hope he will talk to me soon..=/ sighs.. i dont know what to do anymore.. hopefully going bak home wont be as hard as i imagine =( zzz *fingers crosssed*
or even better, hopefully my shooting star will make my wish come true..sighs or maybe it was there for a differnt purpose =/ sighs hahah..zzz

the night ..the last night i saw him.. before i left, after we broke up sighs.. i saw a shooting star =) while i was hugging him..sighs.. and i made my wish..>_< sighs.. i duno.. maybe it was a star to m ake it come true or maybe.. i duno for someting else? new start? zz i duno.. maybe.. telling me that my wish did come true..sighs and im just being stubborn sighs..

coz ..sigh i rember wishing on a star one night..ths was like..aGES ago sighhh..months and months ago sighs..i think me and roger juz got in a fight or sometings and we were very rocky =( sigh so i wished upon that star to show me whats realli going on? hmm if me and roger were reli meant for each other sigh and to tell me before the end of the year =/ sighs and look what happend =X zzz...

but then maybe.. u know how they say.. let the one u love go and if they come bak their urs..sighs. hmm id uno fuk i think too much ahahah sigh.... =(


2o07 = serene gone crazy

lol.. i thnk alot of ppl can agree on that one sigh...


- dreamer

theres just some things that u dont want to know huh..sighh

i miss him =(

my net hasnt realy been working the past few days..sighs it suks!! havnt been on msn in soo long..cries..i miss it hahah =(

lalal.. anyways.. i would like to announce that iv read another two books !! hahah =P yayyy so now im half way ! yay 5 more to go =D hahaha WOoOOT go meeee =Pp

i read ummm.. vanshing acts by jodi picoult and highway guitar rose by bridget lowrey (i think that is how u spell her name) >___< hahaha she is an australian writter..
iv had this book for years now.. coz i did some random bookclub with my mother haha when i was in primary school and i met this person haha and she gave us her book obviously =P

hmm she has an interesting way of writting..hmm im not a big fan tho x_X hahaha..zzz it was an ok book i guess.. easy to read.. hmm about teenagers, life, family and friends, teaching teenagers, controlling ur kids hahah =X zzz...

the two main characters were both 15 years old and they ran away from home..and yeahh..it is a pretty ok book..i guess paretns should read this hahaha =X coz it teaches them a bit how to control their kids..=X hahaha they gota understand things! =P

u know how sometimes we do things and then parents just go ape shit and then in the end u get a hueg argument rofls..zzz yeahhh they gota understand that we are growin up ffs! we need our social life! hahah it is important to us now..=/ zzzzzz

they need to learn to let go of us a bit..coz we are growing uP! and eventually..we wil be married and having our own kids..sigh so they gota understand that one day we will be gone forever ! rofls.. wel not gone gone! hahah but like,. u know... not stayn with them nemore =/ zzzz sighs..

sighhh iv been on this page for the past two hours now i think lols hahahah

i been on and off haha =X zzz i keep forgeting about bloggin haha coz im using msn! it been soo long msn =( i miss it too much hahahaha zzz...
sighs...

anyways.. the other book.. vanishing acts.. is about a girl who is kidnapped from her mother by her FatheER! when she was a liddol girl and brought up to be someone else she isnt.. like her name changed and her father changed his name.. adn she alwasie thought her mother died in a car accident..

sighh this book is ok i guess.. um not as good as my sisters keeper tho hahah but yeahh it a good read =) and i cbb writtin nemore rofls..im too blurr atm zz =X been at this blog for too long hahahah

kk wels..hope all is good for all reading hahaha

and hopefully i can write another blog soon if the net dont die on me =D hehehe


-dreamer

sigh i dont know wats going on sigh.. imiss him =/ bleh havnt talkd to him in like a weeek...zz sigh i wonder what hes doing >__< myabe he blocked me? zzz sigh...arghhhhh
i duno bleh bleh bleh... time to let go huh? ..sigh


hmm i actually came online to complain about my headache and what iv been doing the past week sighs..but then now im on..i duno..dun feel like anything nemore..zz sigh i juz wanan talk to him =(..

i wrote him an email two days ago sigh.,.but he never replies to my emails =(.. sighhhhhh argh serene ur stoopid and should stop thinkn about everything sigh.. =X arghhh


theres onli another 17 days left here..til i see him =/ sighs.. im so scared! i duno what is going to happen..zz how everything is going to be? will he miss me?? =( or will it all be where we left off at.. sigh that meanning that.. iv really lost sighs..and then i finally gota face the truth huh sigh..blehhh =( *tears*

im going crazy =( im sure everyone knows that by now..sigh im sure as hel sick of hearing myself lol =/ zzzz argghhhhh its killing me! sigh..kill me! =(

sigh...
"happy two year anni ger"....zzzz sigh

serenery

i believe that the simple things in life are always the most important
that we should never take the people around us for-granted.
life is never long enough, and is an unexpected journey.
and every obstacle are just life's tests to shape who we are,
that mistakes aren't "mistakes" but learning blocks to better ourselves.
i believe you have to take risks - to live life to the fullest and make the most of what we have.
because we only live once.

~ my goal of book reading still stands this year haha and so now i have decided to just list all the books iv been reading and read
> The Five People You Meet in Heaven - Mitch Albom
> Tuesdays with Morrie - Mitch Albom
> My Sister's Keeper - Jodi Picoult
> Vanishing Acts - Jodi Picoult
> The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
> Deception Point - Dan Brown
> Highway Guitar Rose - Bridget Lowry
> The Pelican Brief - John Grisham
> Adrian Mole: The Wilderness Years - Sue Townsend
> For One Last Day - Mitch Albom
> Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix - JK Rowlings
> Bridget Jone's Diary [the first one]
- Harry Potter and the Half Blooded Prince - JK Rowlings
- Singletini - Amanda Trimble
- Falling Blossom - Peter Pagnamenta and Momoko Williams
- The Deep End of the Ocean - i shall getbak to u lol
- Ugly - Constance Briscoe
- Simply Irresistible - Rachel Gibson

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