so its getting a little bit stupid now huh?
sigh, it sucks a bit. i find myself coming home from the clubs and the first thing i do is log onto gchat, hoping that today will be the day i finally get to talk to you again. but every morning, its the same. your name is not highlighted green, and you are not there. what am i do to. sigh.

yes it is very stupid considering you technically werent mine. i cudnt touch you, hug, kiss or hold you. sigh. but i am still hooked on you j. and i miss you so much sometimes.

im used to coming home at 5am from the clubs or a big night and i know that you would be there waiting for me :) all id have to do is drop you a msg or poke you. and ud be on like that *click* :) and you would always make me smile! :)

you're like a drug that i cant get over. an addiction. now im suffering from withdrawl symtoms. sigh. i want you back j. come back please. you always seem to make things better.

sigh.

gosh i sound so emo. =/ i been feeling very weird since last night..

i might also add, on a more positive and happy note: GODSKITCHEN was last night and man oh man it was pretty damn good! the line up was definately boss! roger shah, markus schulz and gareth emery <3 very big names of progressive trance, taking us to places we never been before.... hahahaha no not really, but man it was seriously some good trance beats all night :D

but yeah, i think maybe right now i am suffering from post party depression. this always happens after a huge rave or festival.. sigh.. the hype.. then the event.. the epicness.. and then the come down :'( which sometimes takes a long time. lol. hahaha.

ahhh.. sigh, last night was jsut goood. the music was seriously great! and everything was happy dayze :) maybe missing a few variables... hrmm. but even so, it was a good night :) one to rmber for sho! heheh :)

but going home alone.. makes thins sad sometimes. u rmber the times where.. things were different. and even witout physical company, there was always you b. and you made it all worth while. :) wud top my night and id fall aslp next to you :) ahh sigh *love*

come back soon j. you're dearly missed. and i know that i shud get over you.. drugs are obviously bad for you. hahah spesh when youre hooked like i am. argh. that.. is not good.. hahaha. but in slight moderation.. cant be too bad right?
*excuses* hahaha..

ahh time will tell.. ~~

- dreamer (missed out the england v USA soccer game. *devo* - must wake up tmro to watch the replay and cut myself off the world so the score wont be ruined for me!!! lols)

(also, obvi (LOL sigh), missing you j.e.j.)

x

i miss you more than ever now.
i realised this week how much i needed you, and as selfish as this is going to sound, i realised why i needed you. all the things iv sed about love and the perfect guy, still stands the same, dnt get me wrong.. but what iv realised this week is you are my escape! (i know iv already sed this before; you being my bubble and all)

but the past few weeks have really been hell. and i havnt been myself. sigh. all this stress, lack of sleep etc. and just everything has been getting to me. more so when you suddenly disappeared. *sigh*

not to sound over dramatic or anything, but my whole world seemed to have jsut fallen to pieces when you walked away. sigh. really! im on the verge of poverty (lol okay that one is a bit extreme talk), but im down to one job which is really only one shift a week, no study, no family still, friends are being shitty, still no bf, and no you.. and you my dear, you were my escape, my "bf" in our bubble - you are my break from reality, my escape.

and you have been this escape for me for 4 months now.. and with you suddenly gone, itjust feels soo weird and so wrong, like something is missing. and wen things go wrong, and i get angry, or i have a bad day. i dont have you anymore.. i cant run to you and forget about my shitty day and you aren't there to tell me things to cheer me up and smile.. sigh

i know it sounds all a bit selfish, that i want you as my escape, as my distraction. but its not just that you know that right b. <3 sigh.

but its true.. im losing it. the past few weeks.. i duno wats wrong with me but i am just so over it.. it being.. everything.. sigh life. friends. relationships. work. etc.. omg.. soooo over it! i really jsut feel like leaving and running away for a while.. to get away from everything.. sigh to have some time on my own or just away from perth i guess. lol.. sigh...

i want something new. i want something different. i dont want to have to deal wth the same stupid shit from the same stupid people every day. argh. not until they grow up and man up. im really over their shit. soo soo soooooooo over it. lol sigh..

i miss you j.

i wish that you would come back soon and bring back some stability in my life.. or really, just give me back my sanity. lol. it was nice having you around. you were my smething different, my escape from my real life.. its nice to talk to someone that isnt associated with the life that i lead every day. so we dont hav to talk about the same boring shit about the same people. its always different and unexpected with you. a suprise :) a nice one. i loved it. sigh. i love you.

please come back soon. i miss you.

- dreamer (dreams)

im not too sure what i am feeling right now but i think it might be a slight emptiness.
maybe its be the shows that iv been watching, with new love and love broken, death and life and such.. and it might have to do with the sappy love and breakup songs that i am listening to now.. lol. yes, i think that might be it..
also that its a public holiday and there is nothing much to be doing, and i am slightly tired and aching and cant be bothered getting out of bed - no motivation at all.

sigh. but also coz i think i really do miss you.

its times like these i wish that you were here next to me. we would sleep in and only wake up for food when we are hungry :) and then you'd tell me that you love me while you spoon me and kiss me gently.

sigh.

but i will never have that with you.. ever. and the thought of that sucks real bad b.
it was bad enough, that i couldn't touch you, hold you, feel your lips against mine.. but now this.. it feels like a part of me is missing. coz it's been a while baby and iv been so used to seeing you and hearing your sexy voice over the line every day.. and on days like these...

do you remember that sunday we both just stayed in bed chilling out together with asot 2009~~ :) it was nearly perfect.. besides you being 14,000 miles away... ha! sigh. that part was the worst! i dont know how we did it. boy, i dun even know what we were doing.. but you were perfect to me.. you were everything that i am looking for, everything that i want, we were great.. ~

and now writing this, you might find it stupid. and i guess, maybe it is a little.. but we do crazy things when we fall for someone.. even if it was just a bubble, an escape from reality.

you gave me hope. you made me smile. you made me feel something i haven't felt in a very long time. and the fact that we had never touched or physically met.. makes it even more crazy that i fell for you.

you are right; that we have created this bubble where in each other's eyes we are just perfect for each other. we have created a love that no one else would understand, and no one else had a part of. :) it was literally just you and me every time we talked.. :) it was just me and you baby.

and yes, we were both right in thinking that this was just a dream, and wish and hope that it would come true. but the reality is that we live so far apart and we are just two people on a laptop screen. haha. sigh.

i do miss you. i miss the thought of having you. i really wish that one day my dream will come true. and i love you for making me feel special every moment we talked. i love you for giving me hope. i love you.. or at least the thought of you.

i knew that this bubble was going to pop eventually but i didn't think it was soo sudden. and i told myself from the beginning that even if it did pop i wouldn't be so emotional over it. hahaha. ahhh..

honestly im not too sure how i feel. its a weird feeling. coz i knew it was going to end one day, and so i only have myself to blame for feeling the hurt i am feeling right now. however i do not regret.. it was crazy - you and me. but it was great. it made me feel alive again, made me feel warm and loved. you definitely made my days brighter with your cheeky ways and smile.. and il never forget them green eyes babe <3 ehehe.

i don't know how i feel. im so glad i met you. but im so sad you're "gone". its a mix emotion. in a way i feel like i just got out of a relationship.. well, technically i just did huh. but wheres my closure? hahaha. maybe that's why im stuck. you left without saying goodbye :( and i know its not my fault, and things be crazy over there.. but.. no goodbye. it sucks..

my perfection, my escape, my guy that iv come to have known and loved over these 4 months.. suddenly out of my life... its hard to cope with.. its hard to adjust.. i don't really want to adjust.. i kinda want you back. (or the real you, here.<3)

~~ never fade away.. never fading out.. stars aren't so bright, when you're not here.. i'll wait forever my dear... your love, your love.. won't ever.. disappear ~ :)

thankyou for everything b.

i wish that you would come back. and it would be a dream come true if you did come like you said you wanted to. :) it'd be crazy. it would be fun. i'd really be a fairytale. :) haha but thats just a crazy dream that i have. lol. "we" had... ahhh.. "...(yes we are in a relationship)..." hahaha. oh j.

i love you.

and i will remember you. ~

- dreamer (hope)



sigh. i feel so emo, this is stupid. lol. and yes this is about a guy...
but its not the same as any of the other guys that i have mentioned on this epic blog of boy rambles :P haha. *sigh*
this guy... he was different...

he was my perfect guy <3

we made a bubble, which was just so perfect...

just you and me,
our perfect, made up reality

he made me smile, he made me laugh.. he could cook, he loved his family and parents, he was sweet, caring, romantic, funny, lame, dorky!, cute, retarded, totally hot, amazing smile, green eyes, tall, sexy, charming, smart, he loved life, he loved music and he could even dance.. he said what was on his mind, he would tell me that he loved me, tell me that he missed me and cared, that i mattered and that i was amazing :) he.. was.. amazing. :) he really was perfect.

its crazy. spesh if you actually know the whole story. our "relationship" is definately not an ordinary one. :) which.. i dont know, is good and bad.. there are times where i thought that this is just very bad and unhealthy for both of us.. and cant be doing any of us good lol. sigh.. but in the end, he was always there for me when i was down and needed cheering up. or even when iv had a great day, he just made it that little bit more better :) and he wouldnt even have to say a thing... we cud just stare at each other for hours and not say a word.. and just the thought that he was right there beside me made me feel so much better :)

wow i sound like a hel emo who just got dumped! lols... when and if i decide to spil how it all went down etc. you'd lol and be like o.O""""""" ahahaha sigh. really something that you dont do in your every day life...or relationships.. i hope. lol :) which makes him.. and us all the more special <3

he loved for me for me and genuinely loved spending time with me :) it has nothing to do with sex and money. it was all about us. our bare selves (not literally). of course there was a physical thing going on, but because of the circumstances, that had nothing to do with our relationship.. sigh...

he really was.. is my perfect man. :)

and now it sucks so bad, coz he is gone. and its going to be so hard to find a new guy like him.. coz in our bubble, he is the one. the one that i want to end up with in the end. my perfection. i didnt really know it at the time, but now i see it. he was like a fairytale, my dream...

and yes, we all know that dreams come to and end and we must wake up eventually. and that bubbles.. no matter how pretty they are when they glisten in the sunlight, and how peaceful they look when they just float and bounce in the air... in the end, it pops, and the magic is gone.

i knew that our bubble was going to have to pop eventually, but i didnt think that it was going to be this sudden. :(

*oops, this always happens.. i get distracted, or tell someone about what im thinkn on msn and then i lose track of my flow lols.. and then i always end the blog hel random and suddenly.. fails!!*

sigh.

anyways. i miss him already. i hope he comes back soon.

x

serenery

i believe that the simple things in life are always the most important
that we should never take the people around us for-granted.
life is never long enough, and is an unexpected journey.
and every obstacle are just life's tests to shape who we are,
that mistakes aren't "mistakes" but learning blocks to better ourselves.
i believe you have to take risks - to live life to the fullest and make the most of what we have.
because we only live once.

~ my goal of book reading still stands this year haha and so now i have decided to just list all the books iv been reading and read
> The Five People You Meet in Heaven - Mitch Albom
> Tuesdays with Morrie - Mitch Albom
> My Sister's Keeper - Jodi Picoult
> Vanishing Acts - Jodi Picoult
> The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
> Deception Point - Dan Brown
> Highway Guitar Rose - Bridget Lowry
> The Pelican Brief - John Grisham
> Adrian Mole: The Wilderness Years - Sue Townsend
> For One Last Day - Mitch Albom
> Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix - JK Rowlings
> Bridget Jone's Diary [the first one]
- Harry Potter and the Half Blooded Prince - JK Rowlings
- Singletini - Amanda Trimble
- Falling Blossom - Peter Pagnamenta and Momoko Williams
- The Deep End of the Ocean - i shall getbak to u lol
- Ugly - Constance Briscoe
- Simply Irresistible - Rachel Gibson

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- feel free to dream with me :)



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