<body> <body>

imiss him =(
Friday, April 27, 2007
♥ 10:35 AM

mm i tried to do a not coming online and talking to roger last night..sighs.. i watched like two movies sobs..til i got a headache.. =/ sighs... i managed to not come online tho..which is good i gues.. mmm...

sighs.. but this morning when i woke up..i just felt soo weird..sighs i duno wats wrong with me.. but i was soo slow at everything and blehh i duno..right now..i feel sad and i feel like crying.but..sighs.. i dont want to cry.. =( blehh i miss him soo much right now.. *tears*

i duno wat to blog about.. bleh im just feeling very funnyright now sigh..not a good funny =( my heart feels soo weak..sighs =( and i cant breathe properly sigh and i just feel soo..bleh

arghhh life is soo shit witout hm sighs.. i know mychances are veyr slim and so i know its best for me not to hold on nemoore..but bleh i still wishhh..and dreamm annd hOpe..sighs =( im still waiting..sighs..arghhhhhhhhhhhhh...

ilovehim soo much.bring him bak to me pls..sighs and fast..=(

- dreamer

f a i n t
Sunday, April 22, 2007
♥ 1:59 PM

well last night i had a very interesting experience which i wish i shall not have ever again sighs..
mm it was pros bday last night and so we all went out to sizzlers for dinners..mm..sighs.. we were lining up to get seated and our orders taken.. mm everything was all good.. until we got to near the front of the line...=/ mmm then i started feeling hot..and.. felt a bit sick..>_<
so i leaned against the wall a bit..but then.. everything started going blurry... O_o.. and evyerhting was just moving around very fast and that made me feeel sick =/ sighh and i tried to walk but then i lost balance and so i stumbled n sat down on the floor sigh..
mm tat happened about three times =/ til i reli lost it.. the last time that happend..we were at the counter ready to order..and i really cudnt see anymore.. everything was blurry and i cudnt stand at all.. and so i fell..and hit my head in the same time sigh
mm thens it kinda went black for a while and then i got water..>_< lols zz sighh..

i think.. it was juz..dehydration and maybe lack of food? sigh i duno =/ it was weirdo and i hope it doesnt happen again..mm..

i alwasie wonder how people can just faint and drop ..lol like during choir.. people faint and its scary like shit ..sigh hhaahaha..but then..mm maybe i wasnt tooooo bad last night.. or else iwud hav just dropped dead too =/ mm but like i cud control it a bit..and if i sat down it got clear again..but i just cudnt get up X_x sighh...

anyways after that it got ok.. mmm it was weirdo coz like i got reli reli heated up til i was sweating =/ n then about 2 mins after i ko'd it got reli reli cold..and i was shivering and gettin goosebumps..sigh X_x

arghh i miss roger sigh.. =/ yes i knowthat was random..but i alwasie think about him sighs..and espesh after something reli random and bad happens sighs.. i alwasie think about him sighs..=( i wish that he would hurry up sighs.. i need hm bak soo bad sighs... and dont tell me that im not patient sighs.. i am..iv been waiting for soo long alredi sighhhs

and im still waiting...

sighs.. i never thought that i would ever chase after one person so badly sigh so much.. iv never ever done it before sighs..and i dont plan to do it ever again =X haha sighs.. but i reli do.. i do i do love him alot sigh.. reli more than words can ever say.. sigh i dont know how to describe it and bleh it must be real sighs coz..it been so long.. and my friend sed sumtink about..waiting.. if u wait u figure out what u realy want ...n.. iv been waiting..and i realised that i still really want him.. sighs even after everything that has happend..sighs..i would still give up everything for him .. sighs.. *s2*

aiyahh...

pls get him to hurrry up sighs.. im waiting but i cant wait for soo long too sighs..it kills me every single day not to tlak to him properly in person and to huggg him sigh.. everytime that i see him.. i die..i relireli die inside..sighh coz i cant hold his hand and hug and kiss him whenever i want to..and when i see him sigh ='( *tears*

my heart still beats for him sighs.. it hasnt stopped sigh.. everything that i do still revolves around him sigh and i cant help it sighs it just so natural..=( i dont understand him sometimes..sigh especially now..sobs.. he says that he misses me and he cares about me..that he wants things to be good between us and for us not to fight nemore sigh.. but he alwasie scrws things up when we get good and close again sighs.. to mee..its like hes running sighh iduno whuy tho.. he knows that me and him are good together sighs.. arghh if i cud hav a wweek to be with him again sigh and make him remember eveyrthing tht we had sighhh and make him miss me sighhhh..='(

i wish he would let me in again soon.. very very soon *tear*
it hurts..every day..every night..every moment without him sighs..it reli reli hurts..=( sobs.. shit nothing else in my life matters more than he does sigh.. hes the onli one who can make me smile a real smile sigh the only one who can make me happy and laugh.. sigh hes the one who makes me hav that funy but nice feeling when i see him sighs.. hes the onli one who i hug and it feels..perfect sigh.. it feels warm and everything just fits sighs.. *tear*
bleh! i reli love him more than i can ever explain sighs.. i miss him soo muchh.. sooo soooo much sigh.. even when im talkn to him online or sitting next to him sigh.. i still miss him =( sighs.. it hurts being soo physically close to him but not being able to hav him sigh..hav him as my own again sighs.. =(

ithink bak at all the memories that we had..the times that we went out sighh.and i regret soo much sighs.. i used to not hold his hand when we went shopping in south areas coz id be paranoid that people would see me with him..people being my parents friends sigh and then they will tell my paretns and i die sighh.but i regret sighh soo much..i wish i held his hand every day sighhh every second i was with him sighs *tear* i wish that i wasnt soo fkn gay sigh and i didnt take him forgranted sighhhh.. i feel soo stoopid sighs.. coz i most probably brought this onto myself sighs.. i didnt love him as much as he loved me back then sighs and then blehh im soo stoopid sighs...

arrghh sighs i dont want to cry nemore sighs.. i cant take it ..im soo weak now adays sighs.. i wish i cud be happy again with him sighs.. i wish he wud hurry up and come bak to me sighs.. >_< cries.. my life witout him..sigh reli is incomplete.. i dont say all this stuff to get attention or make people feel sorry for me sigh..its reli how i feel.. yes maybe im love sick sighh.. sigh its true tho..i love him and i miss him and i reli want him bak sigh n life reli feels soo empty and shit witout him with me sighhs.. im not me nemore sigh.. im lost..sighhs.. i cant smile sighs i cant laugh or hav a good time nemore sighs.. all i ever think abot is him sighs even if i try not to and try to hav fun sighs.. in the end..the first and last ting i think about every single day is..him sigh

ilove him more than uwl ever know sigh i love him more than words can say.. i love him every moment and second of the day sighs.. u tell me to let go ..sigh its not easy.. right now..its very impossible for me sigh.. me and him ..sigh wev been thru way tooo much to give up now sighs..

- dreamer (waiting...iloveu rl)

lalala...
Friday, April 20, 2007
♥ 8:07 PM

mmm he still cares about me =) hehe..sighs..>_< but..sighh.he stil isnt doing anything about it =( sobs.. i duno whuy im bloggin again and i hope blogger dun be a bitch to me today! lol X_x

mm sigh i cnt talk to him til tuesday btw sigh =/
he got exam tmr and then tutoring all day sunday and then two exams on tuesday!
sigh poor baybi >_<"i wish i cud be with him nowww sighs.. i wud give him his massages while he studys haha sighh and then cook for my hunni sighhh..
when he studies hard..he eats shitly sigh..and it not good for my dearest sigh.. if onli he wud let me in =( maybe after exams..sigh.. i sense ther is something going goood for us..but mm i duno hw long it will take him..sigh i shall wait..>_<

lala...

i dont think iwl be having dinner tonights.. sigh i feel sick..and fat lol last night was at jasmines house and we went to hawkers with her brother lol and we ate at about 11 =/
lol had roti canai lol mmmm..roti..haha im going to go and buy some soon ^^ i miss roti lol..its soo good..and im going to try and put a egg with it lol hahahaha =x mmm.

my head hurts like shit right now..sigh im going to go hav a shower and then start the studying again..one more test to get over and done with for this week! then im freeeeeeee!! heheh sighhhh...well not totally free..i still got another assignment to do and i gta catch up on marketing coz i havnt been this whole week..that be two hours worth of ilecturing..zzz *dies*

which reminds me..im going to go download the lectures now lol..^^

mmm..lala..well today been a very very weirdo and tiring day sighh.. i went to uni at about 11 for a tute..which i didnt prepare for lol..so i quickly ran to the library in the morning to take out the text book lol so i cud read it during tute lol..=/
hehehe..sigh.. i had two exams and one test this weeek okkk..im excused lol mm sighs..

yepp and then i finally turned on my fone..and big smiles* hehehe he misses me =) lol..oki no nt misses but he cares...=) awww he cares alot n he still thinkin about mee..hehe ^_^ sighs.. i love him =( aiyah today i just wanted to see him so i cud give him a huggggggeeeeee huggg =) hehee

sighhhs... mmm.. my fones been dead for about half a day in total sigh.. its charging now..=) mm lalala.. what to do what to do! >_< mm yeah today went to city too to buy mish her late bday present..hope she likes it..=/ lol hahaha its all small stuffs but it coool/good small stuffs^^ lol =X and my leg is reli reli itchy atm! arghhhh..sigh i think its mmm.. dry skin =( sobs..im out of nivea.. my ger isnt here to restock for mee and moisturize me sighhh.. i miss himmmm soo much~

aiyahh.. *dream dream*

arghh i wana talk to him =X haha sigh but i dont want to annoy him coz he is studying =( and he is stressing over his exams..>_< but but lol .. i need to talk to him =( sigh
i miss himmm alredii and it been onli a few hours since he told me he gona be super busy >_<

sighhhh.. ger ger ger.. maybe he will miss me =) coz he hasnt talkd to me in soo long? i duno =X hehe sigh.. i shal try and stay strong..>_< i need to not talk to him soo much to make him miss meeee =X hehehe..and so he can start talkin to me first ^^ ten it be all gooods =) and we be all happy and.. sighh i want him bak hahaha..blehh
arggh..yess im still going crazy over him! sigh.. wat do u expect..it was 2 years people..sighh i love himm and i want him bakkkk lahhh lol =(

mm .. what else to put on this boring blog? mm..
wana see a pic of my ger =X hahaha..



lols..hahah random picture..he looks a bit funny in that one..and so do i =X lol hahah.. we got matchng tatoos in that picture too hahaha =P mmuhahaha..^-^

hrmm... this be a song which i been listening to alot the past few days =X hehe..maybe i shudnt llisten to it too much tho sigh it makes me sad and emo >_< zzz lol haha but its a relli nice song =) im listening to it now tooooo~ eheh*smiles*

Guy Sebastian and Mya - Forever With You

Do you remember how we made it through the rain
Said together we will make you and me in love forever,
Never imagined we would go our separate ways
That my life would be a maze
Hoping to find you at the end

Can we just love again?
Kiss again?
I just wanna be us again
There's no reason to pretend
It's evident that I'm lost without your love
If we just hold each other close again
We can make it to the very end
Baby I will leave you never
I just wanna spend forever with you

How could I forget
Was when you came I knew for sure
What my heart was beating for
How could I take you for granted
And now that your gone
Every day is so unclear
I think I'm running out of tears
How can I get back to life with you here with me

Can we just love again?
Kiss again?
I just wanna be us again
There's no reason to pretend
It's evident that I'm lost without your love
If we just hold each other close again
We can make it to the very end
Baby I will leave you never
I just wanna spend forever with you

If we give up our minds
And let the feeling in our hearts take over
Maybe then we'll see
How this life should be
Before my heart
Falls apart
For you

Can we just love again?
Kiss again?
I just wanna be us again
There's no reason to pretend
It's evident that I'm lost without your love
If we just hold each other close again
We can make it to the very end
Baby I will leave you never
I just wanna spend forever with you

[Repeat] ~~ **

its a sweet song huh?? lols =) hehehe sigh i like it for obvious reasons lol ahhaha and also..it does sound nice lah =) hehehe ^-^*

"theres no reason to pretend..its evident..that im lost without your love"

lalala.. sighh iloveuu rL~

oki i think its time for shower and then studyyyyness X_x hehehe.. mmm *smiles*

- dreamer (iloveu)

disappointed at u bloggger
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
♥ 9:39 PM

sigh blogger u disappoint me!
u keep making the same mistakes over and over again...

maybe its a sign..that i shudnt make the same mistakes over and over again..and my mistake wit u blogger is..i KEEP COMIN BAK TO BLOG HERE!

this is my 3rd blog..IM NOT HAPPY BLOGGER! -- RAaaaaaRr_

sighs.. i shall give u another chance..dont disappoint me again!
i mean it!!!!!

*gRrrrrrrrrrrr*

mm duno why im here..
♥ 9:20 PM

why am i here on blogger? =/ lols.i got nothing to blog about..sigh >_< sigh ="/" lol ="(">_< lol ="D" lols ="X" style="font-style: italic;">fly me to the mooon! ~

*~poets often use manny words to say a simple thing
it takes thought and time and rhyme..
to make a poem sing
with music and words iv been playing
for u iv written a song..
to be sure that uwl know wat im saying..
iwl translate as i go along...

fly me to the mooon
and let me play among the stars
let me see wat spring is like
on jupiter and mars

in other words, hold my hand
in other words, darling kiss me

fill my heart with song
and let me sing forever more
you are all i long for
all i worship and adore

in other words, please be truue
in other words, i love you

fill my heart with song
and let me sing forever more
you are all i long for
all i worship and adore

in other words, please be truuue..
in other words, i love youuu~**

soo nice..>_<>"iv got a crush on u"
... iv got a crush on uuu.. sweetie pie! [s2]

sighh.. love songs.. ^^

~when i fall in love...
it will be forever
or iwl never fall in love..

in a restless world like this is..
love has ended before its begun
and too many moonlight kisses
seem to cool in the warmth of the sun..

when i give my heart
it will be completely..
or iwl never give my heart.
and the moment i can feel that
you feel that way too..
is when i fall in love..
with you...


.. sigh lalalala........

- dreamer (loving uuuuuuuuu)

invalid
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
♥ 10:10 PM

sigh i just had my first mid sem exam for this year sigh and it was shit! very very shit! sigh =(
the most shittiest paper that iv ever sat *sobs* sighs..
it was so shit i felt like crying after i walked out of the room sigh..

*stresss*

the past two weeks hav been crazy sigh..this week is going to be the worse of them all sigh..
i did a test yesterday, today was this stoopid exam, tmr i still got uni! and i gta finish an assignmnet which is due in on thurs..i also got an exam on thursday and i got a test to do on friday too! sighs =(

why is life being so hard on mee sigh ..this year has been soo shit right from the very beginning sighs.. =( and it jus keeps getting worse and worse sigh.. if it good..it onli for a few days sigh then it all comes bak crashing down on me sigh.. *tears*

right now im super cold sigh.. i duno wats wrong with me..sigh im wearing soo much but im still shivering sigh =( and my feet are like icey blocks sigh.. they are frozen like crazy sighs =(

arghhh and bleh i reli need to get my focus back coz i gota study for my exam on thursday sigh *cries* i cant take it sighh... this has never happend to me before sigh..usu if i do shit in an exam im ok with it..sigh but blehh this stoopid itf sighh =( i had soo much pressure on me =( sighhs

arghhhh...

bleh bleh bleh...

anyways i shud reli get started sighs.. byebyes

- dreamer (waiting for u to make me happy again sigh)

blogger being gay!
Monday, April 16, 2007
♥ 7:01 PM

grrr..blogger being a bitch to me sigh..and this isnt the first time! sighs.. it cut out like a para or two from my last blogg and blehh sighh..>_< zzz raaar..

anyways..i just finished cookin my random retarded dinner and now eating.. and nw also deciding which unit to study for sigh..i got a test to do by wed.. and i was thinkn of doing that now..but zz my head isnt functionning properly and i mmight take a while to do it and i do not want that! coz i need to study for my EXAM tmr sigh =/ arghh..
so i can either do it now or do it tmr after the exam..sighh..zz i think iwl be too dead by tmr tho sigh =( arghhh..headache..

sighhhhhhhh

wel im going to continue eating lol =/ and i shall blog mre later if i cbb and can think of anyting lol or else i be just wasting space like this blog =X sighhhhhh

lala.. zzzzzzzzzz

- dreamer (imissu)

the center of it all
♥ 6:25 PM

these past days have been very hectic.. craziness to the max indeed sigh..
i say craziness referring to my emotions mostly sigh..

sighhs.. i hav a test to do tonight and an exam tmr night sigh.. im stressed out like shit and roger sigh.. he juz puts more onto the stress sighs.. and i know its my fault coz im the one who keeps thinkn about him sigh =( but that isnt my conscious fault..its my subconscious fault and hearts fault sigh.. stoopid heart and head sighh..

i thnk im expecting too much from him sigh.. and i know that i cant.. but also, if i think about it and all that he has put me thru the past few days sigh.. blehh he is screwing with me sigh..but i knew that it was going to happen and i still let him sigh.. that whuy im angry at myself too sigh coz bleh i let him ..but i cant help it too coz i miss him soo much sighh and i want him bak soo much too sighh >_< sighh ="( even if he has hurt me like shit sighh..omg sighhhhhhh *cries*

life has been a fkn homo bitch to me sighhhhhhh..i hate it ! soo much ! sigh =( thers soo much on my shoulders right now sighh.. i feel like iv been pushed to the ground and kikd around sighh and i relireli cant get up right nww sighhh.. bleh im not strong nemore sigh.. i cant stop ccrying now adays sigh.. arghhhhhh Fukkkkk i wana be happy again

sigh sigh sigh

sigh iwl write more later if i can think sigh..i gota cook now sigh =(


- dreamer (loving uu)


"nights are lonely, days are soo sad.. i just keep thinkn about the love that we had and im missing u and nobody knows it but me.." (and ppl reading my blog and ppl i tell lol haha sighhhhhh)

iloveu
Sunday, April 15, 2007
♥ 11:41 PM

sigh atm not much is going thru my head..my feelings are very fuked sighs >_< its al over the place..i feel anger and sadness and love sighh

i duno wat to do anymore sigh

i duno wat to wite and blog about sigh

arghh i just miss him soo much >_< and i love him even more sighhh..

im really dying sighh

i cant explain sighh.. it just hurts soo muchh..

cries

why is he doing this to me sigh...

sigh



arghhhhh

i feellike shitsigh

i wana stop crying

sighhh i wana b happy again sigh


- dreamer (im so lost witout uu..sigh iloveu)

cries.....
Thursday, April 12, 2007
♥ 12:49 PM

ARGHhhhhhhh

i hate it how he can ruin my whole day juSt liKE thAT! sighhhhh *sobs*
its onli midday and im alredi all sad and angry and FUKKKKKKKK seriously sigh =(
i need to study and hE iS SOO ARGHHh *tears*

blehh

i reli dont hav much to say but im soo angry athim right now =( >_< angry and sad sighhhh its kilin me..HE Is kiLING Me!!!!

n i hate myself for letting him affect me soo bad all the time sighhhh over lilddol things too *tears* ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHH

i need a punching bag..it would die right now X_x sighhhs..

OMG I NEEd To STUDy *teARs*

- dreamer ( stressing out like FUKING shit sigh _)

briing him bak to me
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
♥ 11:58 PM

mmm wells today be a very weird but nicest days thiss year sigh.. lols =(
sad and nice in the same time if that is ever possible lol sigh

this morning i had to go to some group meeting in the city for uni stuffs.. mmm then after that i went out for lunch with.. ger >_< hhahah sigh.. obviously that is big yays for me!! but mm i was soo scared =/ i didnt wna say the wrong things or do the wrong stuffs sigh just in case right sigh...

sigh anyways he was waiting at the carpark for me.. mm there we sat in his car for a while .. more than a while actually lol..nearli an hour =/ hah sigh.. mm just randomli talking.. catching up i guess >< sighs

mmm anyways, after thats we drove around to try and find a place to eat lunch ...mmm we ended up stopping in nb at about 1pm and we wondered around tryin to find a plce to eat.. lol we walked for...mmm 30 mins ! LOl =X and then finally gave up and chose some random place we both havnt eaten before and wont be going bak to eat lol =X hahah sigh some random indo place.. >_< it wasnt that great X_x usu when i go out and eat..iwl eat everything that i buy lol..but this time...err haah ..no thanks sigh =/

anyways after that we went to corica..the place where the make the "best apple strudle" in perth haha sigh =) it reli is nice !!! lols.. anyways wwe went ther for "desert" =) we bought two custard and cream eclaire/puffy stuffs lol hahah =) it was ......soo fattening lol

mm anyways after that we went to uni to eat the fat lol near the mmm water..matilda bayy area =) hehe it was nice but a bit windy sigh mm then we went to the car and just sat and talked =)..mm yeahh and instead of studying we did that =) and we napped inthe car too sigh.. it was nice..reli nice..like bak in the days sighs >_<

obviously there were some emo tears during the day hahah sigh =( i cant help it lah =/ i reli do miss him..and being like this with him today sigh..made me sad coz i cant do this all the time like we used to sigh =(

*wishing*

i hope that he misses me sighhh especially after today >__< sighs u know..today was the first time this whole year that i actually smiled an honest smile sighh =(
i miss him soo much sighh =(

*wish wish wish*

sighhhhh *tears*

- dreamer (bring him back to me..sigh)

you wont understand
Monday, April 09, 2007
♥ 2:00 PM

i really dont have too much to say sigh.
in fact, my mind is a mess ..a blank mess and yeah, i dun even know why im here blogging lol coz it wont make sense in the end.. thats wat i know.. lol sigh
today be the last day of the very long easter holiday for 2007. sigh. iv been slakin it off big time since last wednesday =/ i havnt touched any of my books sigh or done anything uni related..

i really should get started because there is soo much i hav to catch up on sigh. but as u know.. my minds been somewhere else.. and arghh i know im stoopid..sigh but im still waiting =/.. i duno wat im waiting for sigh but.. yea.. =( im waiting.. hopefully he will come bak to me..but.. mm..sigh i know that the chances are pretty slim right now..but i still wait..haha sigh..
dont worry.i dont think anyone will understand me.. i hav a retarded way of thinkn..and.. yea .. sigh u wont understand >_<

what to blog about.....?

how am i feeling??

atm i feel very weird actually sigh. i duno.. i feel lost.. =/ the past few days hav been like this actually sigh.. i duno how to describe the feeling.. i juz feel reli lost and blurr..sigh.. i dont think im reli thinking about him that much but like.. i duno.. thers just some stoopid weirdo feeling sigh and it wont go away =( sigh...its killin me tho..i cant concentrate properly which is a super bitch coz i reli need to study for exams sigh.. and assignments and tests =/ sighhh..

my moms leavin soon too sigh.. i feel weird about that too.. i duno.. im happy she is going too coz like lol.but then.. i also dun want her to go too sigh.. once again iwl be lonley sigh and then there is soo much responsibility i hav to do now sigh .. =/ i duno if i can handle it all too sigh... i know that i gota pull myself together sigh..its been way too long alredy sigh...

mmm.

gota start thinkn positively sigh.. =/ iwish that i had a think switch lol so that i can turn it off sighh and i can concentrate on my studies and shit sigh.. daymnit lol sigh whuy arent we like robots haha =/ no feeling, emotions, heart sigh... mm but that would suk tho hahah =/ coz mmm sighh love feels good man >_< sigh =X hehehe

oMg! something happend to blogger and what i just posted got deleted! raaaar omgggg haha soo annoying sighh..i juz blogged soo much tooo sighh.. now i dont know if i can be bothered writting it all over again...

and oso, i dont know if the above stuff even makes sense nemore coz i briefly whent thru it and.. ther are stuffs missing from it too =/ soo errr sorry if it dun make sense sigh..it not my fault.. raar at blogger sigh =(

ok ithink its enough of this bold and italic fontness lol =/ heheh bak to normal now.....

ps. sorry again =/ if anyone even reads this sigh.. argghh im angry lol =(

mm ok.. eerrr i think i was bloggin about being unlucky sigh ahha.. mmm
and then i told u about a movie that i wtched the other day about a very unlucki guy haha =/ whos name is dahl. its a korean movie.

anyways i hav to go out now so iwl finish off this blog later tonght =) (3sumtink-pm)

(11.07pm)

i AM bACkk lol hahaha but with nothing much to say still =X

mmms.. i playd some audition today..its not as good as it used to be =/ mm.. i dno..i played it for about an hr++ jus then..mm i duno lol.. >_< it juz wasnt as good.. i rmber last time i kept wantin to play to get better..haha but like now..i duno..the music is gettin annoying =X and i hv no interest to get bak on haha sigh

mmmm lala...

i duno wat to do..im bored..but im not tired..and i gta wake up earli tmr..but im not tired hahah sigh =/ thers audition but..i dun reli feel like playing.. mm i cud read a book...but when i read i usu wana slp after that and.. i dont hav much l eft in my book so i know iwl finish it and it be still earli and i cant slp yet haah =X
thers msn..but..nowun is reli cahttin to me atm..soo rejected lol =( sighhhems

mmm blehh bored like shit X_x

ohh..

i can tell u about this random thing i waatched last night and finished today during dinners...

it about the bermuda triangle! hahaha..its like a mini series..its got three parts to it.. at firsst (last night) i didnt know..i thought it was like a movie.. hahaha

mm anyways it got the jurassic park guy in it =P hehe and mm i think she from some navy series..i cant rmber wat coz i dont watch it..and then three other random ppl i duno their names lol....ok not makin sense..

ANYWAYS, the main plot of the show is to find out wat causes ships and planes to disappear in the bermuda triangle! mm the jurassic park duude gathers a team of 4 ppls to help him find out wat happening..

its quite mysterious..but the show was a bit too draggy and so it got reli boring and yeah =/ mm but anyways they start experienceing weird stuff too.. they see things which arent reli there >_< lols and mmm their world goes a bit funny and things happen to them and to the people who hav been in those waters too..

mm i didnt like the show lol hahaha it was..retarded i thought =/ pretty shitty hahaha mm but i think that the bermuda triangle itself it pretty wow =) hahaha..

i wonder what really happens out ther..!? X_x in this show..they were sayin how it was to do with time travel.. and that once u pass a certain point u will disappear into thin air and go into a differnt dimension. lol mm so like at the end all the planes and ships which had been lost came bak thru the dimension =/ hahaha..

mmms.. ther was one part wher a commercial plane crashed in that area..and they went down to investigate and see waht happening.. mm.. there is a psychic with the group and he senses that one person is still alive in that plane..and ppl think he is a bit ..crazy obviously lol coz the plane been crashed for a while and it lookd deserted..

mm when they looked aat it they wer like wowww coz the plane was covered in rust and it looked like it been ther for yearrrrsss instead of an hour! =/ and then they found anther plane..this be a fighter plane which was used bak durin the warrr !! and there was a pilot inside..and he lookd like he had been in ther for a few hours onlyy! but in fact, those planes were onli used bak in the 1940s!! >_<

hahaha and when they lookd inside the commercial airline..and found the person..she didnt look like what the psychic expected her to look coz she had aged!!! ..when she got on the plane 2 hours before she wsas only 6 years old..but then when they got her out of the plane..she was a grandma! X_X but she still believed she was 6 years old..and the old man knew she was 6 but nowun else believed..til later of course the other 3 in his group believed hm and solved the whole mystery =X

mmmm.. yes sorry my review of the show is a bit shitty hahaha sigh but u get that and too bad !!! hahaha

mMmms

anyways i think im going to play some audition again.. then i might go to bed =)
im hoping that i can wake up earli tmr to hav a nice big breakfast =) hehe..

im thinkn..

sausage, eggs and french toast =P hehehe

eeek i hope i can get up >_<

mmmmmm okii...goodnights for now =)

- dreamer

mmm
Sunday, April 08, 2007
♥ 10:58 AM

i really dont know wat to blog about today.. sigh.. the past few days hav been..
r e t a r d e d
lol sigh. nothing much has really been happening.. just that.. for this whole week iv been crying =/ sigh i dont know wats wrong with me.. but yeah..this weeek was super break down week for me ha. sigh =(

anyways, it is easter today. how fun. =/ nowun is online..sigh probably gone to church or spending time with family lol sigh.howfun. >_< i got no family here haha sigh and my mom decided to go to church lol =( hahaha so imma loner.. sobs.. aiyahh

sigh i need to start gettin organised..soon.. there is going to be soo much piling up on me >_<>_<>_< sighs and then 2 exams and a test for marketing again =/ sigh arghhh...

this is soo not good haha sigh =( im soo behind in everything right now and so not with it sighh =( i gota clean up my room and stuff too =/ sighs >_< *stress*

anywyas sigh..i really dont know wat else to rite atm..sigh *blurr*

mmm bye...

- dreamer

rip melmo
Thursday, April 05, 2007
♥ 12:10 AM

One year and one day ago lol sigh I remember finishing one of my lectures in the octagon theater.. sigh and then my friend came up to me and was like..
"isit true..>__< are u ok serene?"
and i replied saying....."Huh? is wat truee haha"
*sigh* and then i found out...

Exactly one year ago, one of the sweetest, beautiful and most caring girl iv ever met passed away sigh.

Dearest Melindy~

I cant believe time its been soo long alreadi sigh.. so much has happend sigh.
i remember i wrote u like a liddol letter last year when i found out sigh.. >_<
i rmember reminicing about the past that we had..all the fun times that we shared back in year 8 9 and 10 lol =) sigh.. highschool life..
i rmber telling u about my life and wats been going on sigh and how i found someone that i think may just be the one sigh and that u would be proud of me sigh

sigh mel..

so much has happend over the past year..sighh.. good and bad sigh.. lately it juz been soo bad sigh. and i dont understand how u do it..sighh

ur soo strong mel sigh..one of the strongest persons iv ever met mel sigh. how did u do it? sigh. i wish i cud be as strong as u right now.. i cant take it sighh.. iv been feeling like completly giving up sighhhh..

life has been hard on me the past few months sigh.. i wish i were strong like before sigh..i wish i were strong like u melmo sigh. ur soo brave..>_< sighh if i cud hug u right nowww it wud be like huuuge huggnesss haha sighh =) sigh i miss u mel..

i wish u were stillhere.. sighh im sorry that we drifted apart too sigh after year 10 we both kinda split our seperate ways a bit sigh. but i guess we still talked every now and then and we still had our memories to laugh about =) sighh..

mel.. do u rmber the notes that we used to write to one another lol.. i rmber one of them especially hahah i dont know why lol sigh..i think it was in year 9 lol .. at that time u liked andrew carrr lol and i like.. giarry haha sigh omg.. >_< soo long ago sighh.. and then in the note i rmber u sayn to me to keep all the notes forever and ever hahah sigh =)

hahah awwwi just went thru a whole box of them haha sigh *smiles* memories..

eventho ur gone melly iwl never forget uuu and ur beautiful smile =) hehe sighhhs..
tHank u for all the memories mel sigh ur an awsome girl who il never ever forget =) hehe [s2]

sigh mel.. i wish u were here.. ur still soo young sigh.. it wasnt fair when they took u away from us sigh.. but i hope that ur in a better place now sigh.. u deserve all the best !!! ^^**

never stop smiling mel.. ur smile alwasie managed to light up the whole class and everyone around you felt so much better just being around uu sigh ^^

you know, before i started writing this blog.. sigh i was crying.. coz i miss u and i realised so much has happend during this year and its gone by so ..well, fast and slow sigh.. that one be hard to explain sigh .. >_< haha.. sighh.. its nice reminicing tho.. and now the tears are gone.. heh see, even if u are soo far away..u make me smile mel =) hhehe sighs.

i love u and miss u melmo
smile alwasieeeeeeeee ^_^

ur friend alwaise and forever~

*rest in peace melmo*
30 july 1988 - 4th april 2006

- dreamer

.. mm i guess its things like this that makes u treasure ur life even more sigh..some things can onli be done once and no mistakes can be made sigh.. >_<
.. sigh loveu mel

dont ever take ur loved ones forgranted
Wednesday, April 04, 2007
♥ 7:39 PM

the biggest mistake that i made in this relationship sigh.
was taking gers love forgranted..

its tru wat they say... u dont know what u got til its gone..sighh

he realli did care and love me sigh..and i took it all forgranted sigh. if only i knew better.. sigh dont we all wish that we could see into the future haha so we can stop the bad things like this from happening sigh =/ mmm...

i guess.. im here to say i screwd up and i hope that u all dont make the same mistake ever sigh.. coz once u loose them sigh its too late.. u realise all these things but ur chance of making anyting better or showing and provin to them that u still love them..sigh.. its too late sometimes.. and then u regret ..everything sigh

there are a few things that i know i definately did wrong in my rel sighh and if i could i would go back and erase them all sigh and then maybe now ger would b with me right now and i wouldnt hav to blog about all this sad stuff..instead iwl be hugging him and gettin ready to go to bed and slp sighhhh..

"wat ifs.."

my gosh they suk ahah sighhhhh.. but i guess we gota let go eventually and move on or else..its just not living nemore sigh.. right now im not living sigh.. im stuk..very very stuk! haha sigh..

aiyah...

i guess this be lesson #1 sigh.. never take him forgranted..he is the bestest thng that ever happend sigh.. learning by loosing him.. sigh it hurts... soo bad.. undescribable pain sigh..


- dreamer (trying to move on...stil loving u)

dees bday photos
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
♥ 9:20 PM

oh yeah i forgot to add this in too..

its a link to site for dees bday photos..

they are quite the random i must warn u all lol =)

http://s144.photobucket.com/albums/r198/secfan69/?start=0

mmms enjoyy*^-^*

- dreamer

blur
♥ 8:56 PM

mmms today has been a very retarded weirdo day sigh..
i duno wats been happening sigh..
i just been feeling very weirdo sigh.. i guess its coz of roger lol but yeah..i duno..sigh
it was very weirdo feeling sigh..
i just bummed around all day at uni ..like totally spaced out =/ sigh..
i duno wats happening to me...sigh
life is suky and feels like every day is going soo slowly sigh..
its reli driving me insane sigh..
hurry up and let me get over him sigh.
or hury him up to his senses and take me bak lol sigh..
aiyah sigh sigh sigh...
anyways i should be studying right now..sigh
i got two tutes to do by tonight sigh..
arghh..im soo not with it though sigh..
i keep thinkn about him and only him..sigh..
trust me man i wana study sigh..
exams should be fun..lol pfft..sigh
argh going crazy hahah sigh..

- dreamer (sighing)

L.O.v.E
Monday, April 02, 2007
♥ 10:01 PM

L.O.v.E

A few years back, I thought that love was meant to be the bestest feeling in the whole wide world.
From all the movies and shows on TV, love just seemed like the best thing ever and it always looked like a fairytale, a dream come true.

About two years ago, I found my prince and I fell in love. As I had always thought, it was the bestest feeling in the whole wide world! ^^He made me feel like nothing else in the world mattered, that it was just me and him. My view on life changed, ...I changed. Everything around me and everything that i did every day was differnent now. My life revolved around him. He was my prince...my love. He was everything to me.

We had our fights along the way and my perception on love changed a bit. In the end I came to a conclusion that love is when that one person can make you feel like your on top of the world and then the next moment make you cry and feel hurt like never before! haha. yes, its not a very romantic definition of love and definately not what the movies depict love to be.
But that is how i see love.

He made me feel so special like no one else in the world existed, that everything would be ok because it was me and him against the world. I was at the top of the world with him! But all relationships arent perfect and they arent fairytales like the movies and books.We had our share of rough times and we fought and so that was the crushing, crying hurt part of the definition! hahah. >_< Although our fights werent big they still really hurt me at times because he meant alot to me and him being angry at me just made me feel so shit. sigh.

Mm, i dont think that was a good example for my definition of love hahah sigh. But yeah. Roger is the top of my world, he makes me feel something that no one else has ever made me feel. And now not having him here.. i feel like iv tumbled all the way to the bottom, in a ditch somewhere lol and im crying and im soo hurt, and hes not here to pick me up this time.

I think that stupid movies should stop bullshitting lol sigh. >_< It makes little girls raise their hopes about what love is like and then want to have love. But then in the end, it crushes them because love isnt like the movies, it isnt a fairytale. It fucking hurts! Lol sigh!

I want to make a LAW lol. Sigh a law about love! Lol hahaha. My law on love will state that once you fall in love with somebody and their love is returned back to you (thus, mutual love), by law you are forbidden to fall out of love with the person or else you shall be penalised by death! LOL

LOL it would make the world a happier place too! AND THEN it will be like the movies. A FAIRYTALE! lol. Because in fairytales, you find your prince who becomes your first love and then you get married and live happily ever after~

Thats whuy they call it first love! And thats why you cant get over your first love. So think about it, isnt my law fair? Because if lets say, this guy in the story im going to make up named ROger lol, decides that he wants to break and explore more about single life and falls out of love with ..lets say...mm me! lol hahaa. And then ok, lets look at my characters point of view. lol... since he wont take her back because he is stupid and makes up stupid reasons she has to move on right. But she is so in love with him that its so hard for her to do so and the final option is to rebound on some other random guy (and she does not want to do this). It is unfair for this mr rebound guy because firstly he is being used and she does not really want to be with him. She just wants to get over her lost love.

Ok now lets think of it in his view.. lets say, he goes off and he wants to be single for a while mm but then he realises that he still loves..me.. and so he wnts me back right.sigh. so then mr rebound will get left alone after being used and the purpose of him being used was not even fulfiled lol. >_< So then, isnt it fair if the law was established because it would save another innocent person to have their heartbrokened.. So therfore, i believe that this Law of Love should be made.

Sighs, I guess I now understand why genies can grant you three wishes but none of them may be a wish for someone to fall in love with you.

Well, actually, that has nothing to do with what im talkin about now lol =X hahaha my bad sigh.
The genie thing about not granting you your love wish mm thats about love in general. How love is not a one sided thing. Instead, love is a shared responsibility, something that two people must both give equal amounts to in order for it to work out. Sigh.

Iv learnt alot during this "love" journey lol sigh. And yes the truth hurts. I always knew that but now that its out..I just try to reject it lol sigh. I know its the wrong thing to do but sometimes it just really hurts way too much and lol sigh obviously id rather not know haha sigh. BUT nooo im dealing with it! Im not avoiding it..trust me. I may seem stupid and crazy over this guy and not being able to get over him! Lol but the truth is...I do know wats going on and I know what i have to do and what i should not be doing. I know that what i am currently doing now is a totally wrong way of getting over him lol and its just hurting me even more..lol trust me.. i know.. Im me.. it HUrts..OH it hurts soo bad ..you cant even begin to imagine the pain that im going through right now. sigh.

Love love love. Its sweet but it hurts. Its like medicine.. The bitter ones are the ones that are good for u! lol ok thats not the quote haha but it is something like that =X rofls. mm point being, love isnt perfect, its not like the fairytales we see on tv and read about in novels. Love is bitter, it has its ups and downs. Mmm maybe my medicine is not a good example of love hahaha.

Ok lets refresh that paragraph. Love is like.. a ROLLERCOASTER! hAhah.. oh that is soo true! lol and you all know it! haha sigh. It has its ups and downs. Its a ride that you choose to go on and want to go on.. but it has suprises. MMm, for example, im on a very emotional rollercoaster ride haha ..and currently i am at the point of the rollercoaster after a BIGGg drop, a very SURPRISING big drop lol and the rollercoaster has brokened down and now i am stUck in a ditch at the bottom of this rollercoaster and badly hurted. LOl sigh. And hes not there to pick me up! sigh.

Thats my current status in my terrifying love rollercoaster ride lol its great huh? LOl sigh.

L.O.v.E

I think i may need to look at this love thing in a differnent way now. sigh. Things change yeah, and so do i. And thus my theory on love shall change again haha and when i come to a conclusion i shall tell you lol sigh. For now, i think love is still great lol. Im not against it lol sigh i just hate it right now coz i love him but i can only love him from a distance. I dont know what the hel he is feeling or thinking right now. Sigh but i guess love..is like fate!.. If its meant to be..its meant to be..

Sometimes we just hav to stop pushing it sigh.

mmm iv always understood this lol and told myself to do this..but mm haha for all those who know me.. >_< mm especially roger sigh.. he would understand.

Patience!

I guess that is part of love too.

"All good things come to those who wait"

Patience. I shall wait.. and i shall see where fate brings us~ if its meant to be its meant to be right? hahaha. sigh. Im just stubborn I do admit lol. And i dont like this waiting game. It kills me every single second not being able to hold him or just having him near me as my ger.

Love. I want to love again. I want to be happy again.

Fate. Bring him back to me.

Patience. I shall wait for fate but please if you can HURRY IT UP hahahaha sigh.
i miss him so much.

L.O.v.E

- dreamer [s2]

cry
Sunday, April 01, 2007
♥ 10:36 PM

sighhh...

why dont i run out of tears? iv been cryng soo much for this one stoopid person sighh >_<>_< the tears wont stop flowing sighhh..
i can bet u that if i collected all my tears or if it wernt all absorbed into my pillows sigh.. i could have u a bucket full of tears by now sigh.. *tear*

sighs.. today has been a pretty shitty day..
all day three of my toes on my left foot hav been numb and giving me a stinging, painful tingling sensation >_< ALL DAY! its still tingling ffs! lol sigh =/ blehh

mmm wat else.. i been havin a stoopid headache on the left side of my brain too! =/ bleh wats with the left side of me haha sigh >_<>_<

life is still.. pretty.. SHIT lol sigh >_<

aiyahhh

i feel like emailing him and telln him to stop fkn around with my heart sigh X_X zzz i dont dare to tell him in person or online >_< as in like..instant replyageing lol haha sigh but i know via email he wont reply too sigh.. argh..i duno wat i want! sigh.. i gues i dont reli need him to reply..
his reply would be to action sumtink i gues..sigh but then i also want a reply haha sigh bleh wat the fuk am i on about i don tknow >_< sighhhhhhhhhhhhhs

i think iv been listening to too much of bsb - never gone cd.. >_<>_< the songs on that album are soo emo haha sigh but i like them..they soo relate to me! hahah sigh =X zzz

that brings me to another point i was suposed to bring up a while ago but i forgot hahas sigh =/

why are all the nice sounding songs all sad depressing emo songs? hahah sigh...

ok well i agree, not all of them..>_<>_< there are many nice fast songs yes lol but mm im not talkin about them right nowwwww .raaar....

sighs.. love songs are nice.. breakup songs are nicer lol haha sigh >_<>_<>_< sighh ="/">_<

** i still - backstreet boys** << i love this song! haha sigh out of all the songs on this album i think this be my favourite =) sighs..

like all the other songs in this album its about a breakup...and one party is heartbrokend ike shit and wants the other bakkk.sighhhhhhhhhh

~who are u now..
are u still the same or did u change some how
what do u do..
at this very moment when i think of u

and when im looking back
how we were young and stoopid
do u rmber that..?

no matter how i fight it
cant deny it
just cant let u go

i still neeeeeeed u
i still care about u
though everythings been sed and done

i still feeeeel u
like im right
beside u

but still no
word from u

now look at me
instead of moving on
i refuse to see
that i keep coming back
yeah im stuck in a moment
that wasnt meant to last (to last)

iv tried to fight it
cant deny it
you dont even know

that i still neeeed u
i still care about u
though everythings been said and done

i still feel u
like im right
beside u

but still no
word from you

noooooo...noo
i wish i could find u just like u found me then i
would never let u goooo...

though everythings been said and done
i still feeel u
like im right
right beside uuu

but still no
word from uu... ~

sighhhhems.. i still love uuu =/

- dreamer ( sitting waiting wishing )

birthdays!
♥ 2:10 PM

firstly, happy birthday to dee, jess and alvin gor =)

hehehe.. these three people had parties last night u know! lol and i onli could go to one =( hahah sigh o wels.. >___< studio =")">_< sighhhhh ="(">_<"

sacrifices must be made lol =/

mmm anyways, after visiting alvin and the bois at hit studio i went to metroz with dee and the rest hehehe.. ^^it was very empty at first, but then it slowly built up =) hehehe yayyyers =Pp
mmmm

what to drink: 3 b151, 1 vodka redbull, 1 smirNoff ice

ahah yeah that all i had at the club >_< i was quite moneyless too .. mm before the club i had a bit of tiger beer (eww..lol alvin ran out of smirnoff ice =( hahaha), mmm some more smirnoff (straight and mixed) at dees house.. and yeahh on kahlua with milk lol =P hahahahah.. *soo random* hehehe =)

yeap yep..

mMmms..metroz was quite okii.. bumped into quite a few peoples.. ppl that i havnt seen in ages too lol =) hehehe mmmms.. it was very tiring for the feet tho =/ hahaha i danced non stop with liddol jennie^^ heheheh and we left at about 4ish i thinks =)

mmm yeah the music was ...average..it got better during the end of the night hah but then by then people wntd to go home alrdi sigh haha o wels..>_< it was ok i gues..

mmm i duno, im not a huge fan of clubbin nemore =/ sigh im soo..over it hahaa..sghh
last night when i was dancing i kept thinkn of roger =/ sigh hahaha not like every second but like.. mmm i thought aboUt him sighh and ..i wud giv up clubbin for him man sigh >_< arghhh

blehhhhh sigh i shall not go emo in this blog =X haha sigh *refrain* lol

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...

lala blehhhhh

anyways i gota do a CA quiz (onlinE) by tonigt sighs so i guess i shud start studying now ..
mmMms..sighems..

- dreamer (missing u)


& dream a little, dream with me

serenery

i believe that the simple things in life are always the most important
that we should never take the people around us for-granted.
life is never long enough, and is an unexpected journey.
and every obstacle are just life's tests to shape who we are,
that mistakes aren't "mistakes" but learning blocks to better ourselves.
i believe you have to take risks - to live life to the fullest and make the most of what we have.
because we only live once.

~ my goal of book reading still stands this year haha and so now i have decided to just list all the books iv been reading and read
> The Five People You Meet in Heaven - Mitch Albom
> Tuesdays with Morrie - Mitch Albom
> My Sister's Keeper - Jodi Picoult
> Vanishing Acts - Jodi Picoult
> The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
> Deception Point - Dan Brown
> Highway Guitar Rose - Bridget Lowry
> The Pelican Brief - John Grisham
> Adrian Mole: The Wilderness Years - Sue Townsend
> For One Last Day - Mitch Albom
> Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix - JK Rowlings
> Bridget Jone's Diary [the first one]
- Harry Potter and the Half Blooded Prince - JK Rowlings
- Singletini - Amanda Trimble
- Falling Blossom - Peter Pagnamenta and Momoko Williams
- The Deep End of the Ocean - i shall getbak to u lol
- Ugly - Constance Briscoe
- Simply Irresistible - Rachel Gibson

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