lol my 5th blog for tonight! hahah..sigh and i promise that this blog will make sense lol compared to the other.. 4 that iv posted today hahah sigh

and this one is sooo special and i felt smart when i thought of this title..lol hahah this blog be titled;

** mona lisa's smile**

hahah sigh.. and we shall begin...(dont laugh..this blog is going to be like no other blog tht iv blogged recently lol..=X it gona be all smart like..sigh something like the title..lol.. i shall try to refrain myself from using the word sigh soo much lol and hopefully i wont ramble on too much about.. mmm my love..lol sighh.. but if i do...i appologise in adavance^^mmm)


**Mona Lisa's Smile** (take 2)

I wonder what Miss Mona Lisa is thinking behind that smile of hers? Is she happy? Is she sad?
I went to Paris in 2005/6 and went to visit this famous smile. She is beautiful and that smile is mysterious!

I never gave it too much thought when I was standing there admiring her smile (the atmosphere was a bit.. not much of a thinking place haha.. there were many people crowding around and alot of noise.. and security guards telling people off for trying to take a picture of her! haha.. sigh not much of a place to think yea?) mmm, mona lisa.. i rmember standing there looking at her.. she was really a work of art. Da Vinci is great lol how did he do it..paint her in that way so that she would always look at u and smile whatever angle you looked at her!? hehe

I wonder what Mona Lisa was thinking when she was sitting there as Da Vinci painted her? Just because of that smile, she became one of the most valuable and famous pieces of art in history!

A smile can be the most deciving attribute of a person. A smile could mean, the obvious reson, happiness and joy, but a smile can also mean sadness and a little white lie. Think about it, the most famous people in the world.. the most well known and richest in the world.. you always see them with a smile on their face.

I am currently reading a book, The Pelican Brief by John Grisham. At the start of the novel there is a part where a well known laywer gets murdered and another member of parliament, and then president, although not a big fan of the well known lawyer, had to give a presentation to the whole nation about the death of these two figures. Ok, this isnt about him smiling lol but the point is, he put on a show. He was even suggested to go to the mans funeral to make the public seem that he cared and is really sad to see the man die. (I am not making the president seem cold hearted lol.. but yeah obviously he didnt wish for the man to die..but he wasnt too sympathetic towards it either..coz he wasnt a big fan and he had caused some problems over the years)

I dont think that people can be happy because of their heirachal status or wealth. lol. I think that their lives are probably worse off than our every day "normal" people lives lol. They may have the money, and the actors and actresses may have their exceptionally good looks and talent...but are they really happy? Behind their smiles that they put out for show on tv, are they really happy? We've all seen interviews with the famous people..lol and most of them hav all been married at least twice! lol >_< i wouldnt call that happy! hahah sigh..and yet, they still can walk down that red carpet with their fancy clothing and their big smiles!

Iv been hiding behind my smile. The other day i lost it and had a cry and my friend was shocked and said to me,
"are you ok? i thought you were over him already coz you been acting fine and u seem ok.."
sighh my smile lol ahhaah.. iv been hiding behind it coz i know that people do not want to hear me ramble on and on about him because it just gets annoying and repetitive and trust me im soo annoyed with myself right now too sigh. But the thing is, nowun really knows wat iv been going through lately, whuy im soo sad and why its soo hard for me to get over him! and no, im not going to go tell the whole world on this blog now my secrets lol hahah.

Mmm, everyone has their secrets.. im sure Miss Mona Lisa had a big secret too! lol she just hiding it all behind that famous smile of hers.

Smiles are deciving.. Looks are deciving.. I smile when i see him, but inside i am breaking down and i just want to cry. >_<" Sigh, i dont want to keep hiding behind my smile though. People think that i am strong, and its true.. i was strong, but now i dont know anymore. I try my hardest to push on and keep living..but right now i feel like my life is stuck because i cant live without him. sigh and i know that it sounds soo childish and stupid sigh. but.. my feelings for him are really.. real. And it just not easy to be me right now.

Sigh, Mona Lisa, teach me how to smile again~

I wonder how she keeps her secret behind that smile of hers. It must be hard. Mm, maybe she secretly loves Mr Da Vinci haha..and so when she looks at him while he paints her, she melts inside and smiles truthfully because she really does love him. Ooh, but maybe, their love is forbidden, and so she cant have him and so she smiles.. a sad smile. Keeping a secret within her that she cant let out.

Mona Lisa.. Mona Lisa.

------------------------------------------------------------------------**

- dreamer (iloveu)

sigh wat a record.. 4 blogs in a day...lol sigh

i reli dont knw wat to blog about..sigh 2 blogs was enough for me alredi ahha sigh...

sigh sigh sigh nah but ..mmm

i just wanted to...

*cry*

lol sighhhhhhhh

sigh sigh sighhhhh...

sigh..

under the stars...

edge of the sea....

theres no one around...

no one but u and me...

we talk for hours...

as time drifts away..

i can stay here forever...

and hold u this wayy..

++ youuuuu...

youre all that i need..... // ur still all that i need sigh

for you,....

id give my soul to keep... // iv given u my soul to keep

u see me,...

love mee... // u used to love me sigh

just the way that i am...

i said for uu..

i am a better (wo)man

i said u are.. // u still are

the reason...

for everything that i do...

id be lost.. // i am lost

so lost...

without u...

id be lost... // i am lost

so lost..

without uu..



(tear) sighhhhhh im soo lost ...so very very lost without uu....

sighhhhh

- dreamer (very soo very emo atm sigh)

arghhhhhh sighhhhhhhh

after that blog..which i thinK i posted onli about 20 mins go haha sigh i told myself that i was going to try and study and do my tutes..sigh >_< but bleh ...

im so lost right now..sighh and im reli loosing it again sigh..i need to talk about him hahah sigh wel..i dont need to talk about him..sigh but..i wana hug him and i miss him like fkn shit again sigh >_< arghh *kill me* sighhhs...

i cant stop thinkn about him.. sigh and i dont even know wat the hel im thinkn about sigh..its just him!..i cant help it sigh.. i miss him insanely >_< and its killing meeeeeeeee!! sighhhhhhh arghh =( *tears*

i need to get away sigh..
i cant concentrate for anything..uni and all sigh =/ and exams are closing in on me sighhs..theres alredi assignments and tests to be ddone tooo sigh and im soo not ther yet =( >_< im reli not coping atm sigh.. im falling to pieces..

sighhh

i dont know how to explain everything..sigh i cant explain everything sigh.. so u all will just think that im crazy and stoopid coz i cant get over him..sigh..its reli not that easy sigh..

it just feels so bleh without him sigh =/ icant take it.. i cant live a day witout him.. i need to keep myself soo busy..but that just means spending money.. sigh..more like throwing money out the window! and i dont even work so ic ant do that sigh =(

and i cant keep myself busy all the time..coz other people hav their lives too sighh and i gota study! sigh..but i cant concentrate!! sighh *tears* my life is reli one big huge mess atm sighhhhh.. i need to put it all bak together but argh its soo hard sighs and i reli cant do it alone sigh =(

i thinK iv become wayy too dependent on ger sigh.. it just feels soo.. weirdo not to be with him nemore sigh.. every single day..i feel like..soemthink is missing..sigh.. coz i used to be with him every dayy and i would hav someone to talk to on the fone every nigt.. he would say that he loves me sigh and wen i see him i can just hugg him and hold his hand sigh..but now..its soo..bLEH =( *tears*

when we see each other..sighs its soo akwards.. sigh and all i want to do is just hugg him sigh and never ever let go again sighhh >_< and i wana kiss him *tears*
arghhhhhhhhh

i miss talkn to him on the fone..and hugging him everynight.. sighh especially on cold nights..sighhhhhhh i miss him soo much >_< it hurts every day sighhh and i tri to hidE it sighh but..arghhhhh it hurts even more sometiemes sigh =(

sighhhhhhhhh *tears*
i need to move onnnnnnn arghhhhhh

BUT HOW =( !??!

someone tell me hoW! sigh

sigh stars make my wish come truuuuuuuuuu >_< sighhhh
im loosing hoPe.. in everything that i do now sigh =/

sigh..someone pick me up >_<

- dreamer ( dying )

i finally went to icey ice last night..and...>_< it wasnt as great as i expectd it to be lol haha sigh my expectations were too high for this icey ice thing lol hahaha
but i must admit it is pretty coool..like the texture of it! =)
its like..shaved icecream! hahahah^^
thats cooL lol =)

but mm the taste wasnt tooo great...

u know, iv been ther one day onli and iv tried half of the menu!!!!!!! omg =X ahhahha jasmine is soo hoooked onto it =p hahaha.. we had mmm.. peanut (which isnt too nice at all =X) , coffee..(MMMMMM), strawberry (mmmm..but a bit too sweeet) and green tea.. that was ok but it gt a bit weird after a while..lol =P

eheheh now theres onli like 3 more flavours left lOL =x
i think after iv tried them al..imma call it quitz hahahaha

eheh sigh..

anyways today be my day off.. sigh yesterday was a very very long dayy =/ sighhh *tireds*

didnt get home til like 1ish this morning too..sighh and was up 6.30 that day too! lol..stoopid uni..went from like 8am - 4pm sighh and then after that me and jas went to icey ice lOL =X and then we went to broadwayy to get dinners..then mmm picked up mish from uni..then mmm..went to kookai and got random free drinnk lol hahaha then went to kfc for snackage.. mm and then visited eva... then went to iCEY ICE again lol =X hahahah and then mmm... went bak to uni.. waited for the graduation to finis..then went to uncle billys with mish family lol and ate til about 1230am lol then finally got home at about 1 and then KOd =) hehehehehe

and now im here.. mm i feel a bit hungry sigh.. i gota study big time today sgh.. i got two tutes to do =( >_< sighhhhhhhh i hate uni lol =/

aiyahh iwl post more later tonight if i can thnk of anything to post about lol =)

for now...............

TOoOoodles!! lol =X zz

- dreamer

iv been keeping myself from bloggin for the past mmm 5 hours! hahahah sigh hehe
im proud of myself..lol i actually did some study done..sigh altho yes..slow..and a bit sidetracked..lol i did it eventually sighh...

im a bit disappointed about my test tho..sigh i thought idid better..>_< sighh.. o wels.. >_< u get that..i shall try harder the next time =) sighh..

mmm.. i duno wat to blog about today ! lol..
i didnt know wat to blog about 5 hours ago too hahaha.. sighh.. i duno.. mmm

well, there really is nothing much.. im trying to refrain myself from bloggin about tat certain someone =X sigh hahaha and yeahh sigh sorry if i do.. if udont like it..DONT READ hahahahahahh =) sighhs.. =P

mmm.. tmrs i gota long day sigh.. i gota wake up at about 6.30 to catch my 7 bus.. >_< and thens i got a full day til 4pm tmr..sigh..and i gota do my tute too! omg.. sigh coz i didnt hav time to do it tonght...sigh..

i got sooo much catching up to do for uni..sigh..im soo behind =/ its not coz iv been missing classes.. im NO lectures behind =) hehehe.. *woOoot* lols =) mmm but yeahh.. i havnt been stUdying sigh.. i been..bumming and juz being a sad ass moper sighh and i know i gota stop it and start focusing soon coz exams are coming up sighhh and if i do shitty in them..omg serene the super moper will come out! lol hahaha sighhhh...

aiyahhh ..

anyways, i think it is time for me to go to bed >_< my bak, ass and hand is hurting LOL hahaha.. and my neck and shoulder..sighh.. i been sittin in the same position for too long and writting too much >_< my finger lump has grown significantly ! hahahah sighh.. stoopid finger lump lol =X its soo ugly >_< and its on the nice ring finger too sigh which is now currently ringles...arghhhh okok no talkn! lol

hahaha sigh.....

mmm kk wel.. slp tight all~

tmr be icey ice day! Hahahah it will make all my problems go away..lets hope! hahah sigh..... i wonder if this is as good as everyone keeps telln me it is >__< it more expensive than bbt ffs! hahahah =X

lol =P

oki wel..niteniteeessssssssss (*)(s) hehehe

- dreamer

The Five Love Languages

My primary love language is probably
Physical Touch
with a secondary love language being
Quality Time.

Complete set of results

Physical Touch:		10
Quality Time:		9
Acts of Service:		6
Words of Affirmation:		3
Receiving Gifts:		2

Information

Unhappiness in relationships, according to Dr. Gary Chapman, is often due to the fact that we speak different love languages. Sometimes we don't understand our partner's requirements, or even our own. We all have a "love tank" that needs to be filled in order for us to express love to others, but there are different means by which our tank can be filled, and there are different ways that we can express love to others.

Take the quiz

sigh i know that im not allowed to be doing this and im just hurting myself sighh.. im going crazy! it reli affecting me..sigh my studies and all..*sobs*

iv been trying for the past two hours to try and study! but arrgh i cant get anything in my head..it just goes out >_< sighh =(..and it suks soo bad! i want to study! i wana do well! sigh but i just cant get him out of my stoopid head! and its driving me crazy! sighhh >_<

this year is soo screwed comapred to last year >_< sighhhhhhhh.. i cant handle it! my life is a huge mess right now sigh >_< i gota look after myself.. gota like study and do well..sigh and i gota deal wit this shit not havn roger as my own nemore..sigh its driving me insane! sigh and i reli cant handle it right nowww >_< arghhhh

sigh im loosing it >_< i need someone to reli snap me out of it and hit me sighh >_< arghhhhhhhhh *tears*

i know that ur life is waht u make it..and so to be happy..its ur own doing and u gota make urself feel good about urself and be happy sigh .. and iv been trying i reli hav! sighh my friend just told me that he thought i was over it coz i seemed alrdight..sigh >_< yes.. "seemed".. zzzzzzzzz

iv been keeping it inside so that i dont go annoy ppl and sigh .. im loosing it >_< big time >_< sighhh.. i know ppl are sick of it.. im sick of myself too sigh >_< and im soo nt fkn happy about anything right nowww sighh =X im a HUGE MESs arghhhhhhh *tears* sighhhh sighhh sighhh >_<

argh someone slap me ! arghh =(

my life suks right now...

super super sukkkkyyyyyy

i wana fly away..sigh

i need to get away >___<

*tears*

- dreamer (missin u)

date: 26th march 07, 1.10am

iv been trying to get my internet to work for the past 15 mins sighh but it just wouldnt let me do anything!! sigh just msn would be good! but it wont let me do that either hahah =( sighhhs..

aiyah o wels.. mmm i just got home not long ago from the airport^^ mmm sighhh i dont reli like airports lol sigh..well..i do..and i dont sigh hahaha.. yes and i do not make any sense loL!

mm airports are a place where everyone cries! lol even if u try to be strong..u still cry.. even if u dont show it..its all inside..lol sigh =( *tears* u just try and fight it sigh..>_<

iv had many memories at airports..sigh when i was walking out into the carpark just before on the way home..sighh.. i looked around and a memory came bak to me..sighs =( it was just last year..sigh roger was dropping me off to the airport sigh and then before we went in we sat in the car...pinkyboo was parked under some lamp-post which had a very very bright light lol sigh >_< and yeahh we just sat ther for a while and hugged..and sed our goodbyes sigh before walking into the airport and thennn saying goodbye again hahah sigh =( >_<

sghhs.. airports suck lol =( it makes me cry.. >_< even if i tell myself not to sigh!! i rmber a few times wen leavin perth, china or singapore..i would cry or tear..sighh >_< i rmber once .. this being last year onli =X sighh i tried to hold it all inside when i was at the airport but then when i got on the plane..i lost it big time sigh and hid under the sia blanket and cried non stop for a while sighhh >_< arghh i hate goodbyes sighhh =( stoopid airports >_< bleh

sobs...but some airports are cool! they got alot of stuff to loOk at and to eat lol singapore airport =P heheh sighh >_< perth one is a bit boring =/ amsterdam was coool tho =) lol sighh i cant rmber any other big airports.. and i havtn reli been anywher else lol hahaha.. sighhhs >________<

arghhh i miss him lol =X hahahah i think u all were expecting and just waiting for me to say that sighh X_x waiting in a bad way kinda waiting lol..like..omg she going to do it sooon sighh daymmnit she did it..omg shuttup serene..sigh .slap .slap! lol zzz sighh X_x sorry >_<

for two years of my life.. it has revolved around him! sighh and i still love him and thnk about him soo much =( >_< sigh i cant help it lahh .. its just how i woRK lol =X hahaah arghhh i wish that i had a off button so that i can switch off all my thoughts about him sighh and be happy again =( >_< coz i reli miss him soo much ..and i cant help thinkin about him! sighh....

see, everything reminds me of him...sigh airports, songs, movies.. places..>_< arghh he is still everywher i look sigh =/ i havnt packed much up at all yet sighh.. iv taken off the rings and put the liddol stuffs away sigh..but.. my heart....it still beats for him..every single day..sigh =/ everything that i do still revolves around him.. altho it may not physically seem like it now sighh.. i love himmmmmm soo muchhh arghhh lol.. slap me out of it someone! sighh >_<

i know i know...

trust me i know! i know what i shud be doing..wat i shudnt b doing..and i know that one of the things i shudnt be doing is thinkn and talkin about him sigh >_< mmmm blehh i can try not to talk about him to anyone.. iv done it for a while before..but there are times when i just cant take it and gota let it out.. u know how they say..it better not to keep things bottled up inside of u ..sighh..u gota let it out or else u gona go nuts lol =/ sigh and that is mee nw hahah..sigh and besides, its not like many people read my blog..i think out of my friends..only like three people hav my site address and i doubt they bother reading it too loL coz i know by now.. they..and alL my other pOor friends are sick of hearing me talkin about roger roger roger..sighh.. arghhh and even im sick of myself talkin about him sometimes but like i sed.. I CANT HELP IT! sighh >_<

it just hurts soo much sometimes..to pretend to be strong and not talk about him ! sigh.. i cant do it for soo long..it hurtss...and i gota let it ouT >_< sighh arghhhh.. i wish.. wish soo bad that i could juz let him go sigh but i cant..i wont lol =/ i still hope and wissh that there is a chance..sighh >_<

" .. star light .. star bright .. first star i see tonight ..
wish i may .. wish i might .. have the wish that i wish tonight .. "

*sighs* babe i love uuuuu! arghh come bak to me ahaha >_<

why are boys and girls soo stoopid sigh.. we dont understand each other at all sigh =( mm girls think wayy too much and guys..they just think completely stoopidly and oppositly lol sighh >_< it suks soo baddd coz a liddol misunderstanding can cause utter heartbrokenage sigh and pain for endless nights sighhh =( *tear* it suks soo bad..>_<

if onli they knew how we felt and we know how they felt sigh..it would be perfect..me and ger would still be togther sigh and we could work things out before it all came tumbling down sighhh *tear* blehhh...

sigh yes, i know people must think that im insane sighhh and that im ...just insane lol coz i cant stop talkin about him and everything just ends up all about him lol hahaha sighh.. i think im going a bit nuts too zzz.. but blehhh. i dunoo.. ppl say that yeahh ur too young to be like this..ther are more people out ther and stuf...sigh.. i know that by sayng wat im going to say ur juz gona give up hope on me n think that im super stubborn! lol sigh and yes i do admit that i am stubborn sigh.., but wat im going to say is the truth too..>_< it jus might not happen to everyone sigh..or u just dont realise it as much until u loose them sighh >_<

i think...that .. mmm.. it doesnt really matter hw old u are.. (and lets please be reasonable! lol we not talkin about like babies okk..like reasonable age please..16++ lol) mm.. it dun matter how old u are..u could find the one ur looking for sigh.... yes it sounds retarded and all.. blehh i know lol sighh i used to be a full on romantic..lol sigh but time has played around with me and iv changed sigh but i still believe that ther is hope sometimes and the one might b right ther..=/ lol sigh

mm roger was my first love..sigh.. he is my first love* =( lol sighh.. while being with him.. i came to a conclusion, defining being in love as somone who can make u feel on top of the world but then in the next second make ur world crash and bring u to tears !! lol sigh =X i know that is sure not a romantic thing to say hahaha.. but..i think its the truth lol sigh..

think about ur friends.. sigh who has made u feel soo happy! soo special! the best in the world..like nowun else in the world mattered..and u were their everything!!!! sighhh >_<
and that same friend making u cry like never before.. and hurting u more than anyone has ever hurt uuu sighh..>_<

thats what roger made me feel sigh.. i know the crushing down part is like not a good thing to feel lol sighh >_< but i mean like.. small fights.. wenever we fought..it made me sad.!! and even if it were such a small matter sigh..>_< it would still crush me insanely sighh >_<
mm like when i hav fights with my friends ..i do get upset..but i dont start cryin and blehh go crazy hahah sighh =X sighh..but with ger..it was a differnt thing..completly differnt feeling sigh...

he made me feel like ..the top of the world ! lol sigh he knew me inside and out! ..he was literally my other halF sigh..>_< we thought about our future..our house..kids, our life together sighh..>_< *tears* i think that he is the one! =X sighhh no matter how stoopid that sounds.. sighh i think another part of being in love is..sigh u want to be with that someone.. coz i know that i probably can live without him sighh and move on if i relli reli tried and gave it alot of time..sigh but the thing is..i dont want to move on coz i still want to be with him! >_< ssighhhh.. >_< do u understand? lol zzz =( >_< *tear*

arghh sighh >_< i wonder wat ppl think of me when i write all ths stuff haha sigh =X im glad not everyone knows about this site hahahah =D so DONT SHOW ANYONE LOl =P u know who u are sighhhhhh >____<" *sob sob*

sighh yes..airports lol =/ they sukk ! they make u remmeber things.. they make u cryy! sighh they make me miss uu =( soo badly and makes my heart ache sighh >_<" *tears*
hurry and make me complete again sigh >_< *teaar*

"..but unfortunately all i hav to give to u is an imperfect heart..
but its a heart that beats onli for u
listen to this.. if u give me one shot
i will love u forever now.. no man would do beter now
love is a risk but if u giv me one shot
id show u ur the onli girl in the world who cares
give me this feeling
baby thats how i feel about u
ur one in a million
id rather die than live withOut u..
we can do this
so if u give me one shot
we can do it girl..do it girl..."

- one shot, mario vasquez**(8)

sigh.. lala... give me one shot!! ~id rather die than live without u.."*

mm all my heart..all my soul..always stay..never go...(8)

*sigh*

- dreamer (_waiting wishing dreaming loving uu_)

sigh the past few days hav been a bit weird for me..sigh..wel not weird.. but like..i duno O_o sighs... it been prettyshitty too lol coz of the whole no more roger thing lol sigh =(

mmm well on saturday, being yesterday, it was my friends 21st birthday! =) mm happy bday androoo! lol.. he is actually reli gd friends with roger sighs..>_< and so the sukiness began lol hahah sigh.

mm being someones gf or bf..u become their "extra"! lol sigh it is a good and a bad thing lah.. mmm good because u alwasie invite to the parties coz u are their gf/bf >_< lol sigh .. its good and bad lah.. mm anyways, now that me and roger arent together nemore..im not his extra sigh and so i miss out on all the invites to all the parties.. and especially this year being everyones 21st! sighs hahah how sukyy! lol sigh =(

anyways, that not realy whuy im al sad sigh.. im just sad coz i dont hav him nemore..sigh i wana be his extra..not so i can get invited to all the parties..sigh but because i love him and i wna be his extra sigh =(

sigh anyways, bak to being an extra topic lol...

sigh being an extra there are many benfits...
mmm firstly the best thing about being an extra is .. meaning that u actually have someone! lol and ur someones "extra" sigh.. ur "somebodys someone"! =) hehe sighh and it is the greatest feeling ever sighh =(
bleh anyways, another point about being an extra,
u get to go to the parties lol.. ur invited coz ur their gf/bf =)
and then when u hav to chip in for presents its all good coz yeah =) u got someone to share with all the time ^-^hahaha

sigh..going bak to the example of my friends bday ... mm he is 21 this year.. sigh and me and him still talk even tho yeahh.. but anyways..the thing is..he is 21!! everyone who turns 21 deserves a nice big present for their 21st! lol aha sigh >_< but yeah i cant afford that shit lol and like roger and a few of his friends bought him a suit! a very expensive suit ! >_< and they all went out for lunch togethers =( sigh and i wasnt invited and i cudnt chip in for the present obviously! >_< lol sighh so it al sukky >_< hahahaha aiyahhhhhhhh!

anyways yeahh that what i mean about being an extra sighh..it good and bad.>! gets reli bad when ur not the extra anymore sighh coz u cant chip in and ur not invited ..even if u are still friends with the person sigh.. argh it suks!

and i miss roger soo bad its not funny =( i still dont understand whuy he wont give me another chance sigh >_< his reasons are stoopid and he is stoopid for leaving me! >_< lol sigh the other day ..i was being retarded n i told him that he will realise one day that he made a big mistake leaving me =X LOL hahah sighhhhhhhhh =( >_< arghhhhh i misss him!!! blEHHH

i know that i told myself that i wont think and try and move on!! and i amm! i reli hav been! but ther are days when u just cant help it! and u brek down =( and get sad and miss the person like crazy sighhh like how i hv been for the past two days lol sighhhhh arghh..

i just want to hug him sigh =(
i wana hold his hand again..
i wana kiss him sigh >_<
i just want him to call me hun again...
sighhh it suks *tears*

ilove him =(

- dreamer

weds are alwaise a shitty and long day for me sigh bt iv never been this tired in my life lol haha sighs..


i woke up at about 6.45ish and caught the 7am bus to the city.. me and mish prety much slept through the whole bus trip lols sighh *zZzzzz* i was soo dead lol hahaha


anyways.. we got to uni a bit late coz of the trafic.. sigh and then we went to our marketing class..sighh it was soo empty haha stoopid 8am classes sighs.. nowun bothers!! i dont know why I bother!!!!!! lol hahah sigh O_o aiyahhh


mm it was a very long cold tiring class.. sighhs i was reli hungry too ..and cudnt eat my mango coz it would be a mess X_x sobs.. so waited an hour then quickly got out of class to go to the sun and the ref !! lol hahahah.. got myself a seat and ate my mango =) hahaha thens later we went to the library..to "study"...


wells.. everyone else studieD lol but iw ent to get more foood and then went to sleeep on my marketing book =X xahaha sighhhs..>_< i must hav been reli tired..coz i actually kod for a bit lol sighh =/ until some person walked past and wind blew in my face and he was looking at me hahaha =X and i was like.......LOL oops =X


sighhhh anyways after the library went to tute and nearli fell aslp ther too hahah but the coldnesss kept me awake coz i started gttin goosebumps =( coz it was fkn freeeeezing LOL O_O sighhhhh..>_< mmmm after that was brek again sghh and i had to meet up with my group for marketing..but i was too dead and blurrr hahahah i dont think i helped very much today rofsl sighs..>_<


alala..sighh after tht i had my last class =D finally * hahahha sigh..but iwas a 2 hour class and omg its soo boring sighhh and its in the cold lecture room again..same one as this mornings =X sighhhhh >_< the first hour..omgggggg i kod lol but it sukd coz i was sittin like middle..so the lecturer could see me and i couldnt slp.. n also..i cant slp sitting up =X i need to lean on sumtinks or else my head will keep bobbing =X hahaah sighhhs >_______< arghh and it bobbed soo many times LOL hahah coz i cudn keep myself awake hahaha sighhhh


lukily ther was a break in between sigh and iwent outside anddied lol hahah i went to lie down on the lawn in the sun and slpt for like 10 mins hahah X_X then went bak in for round two sighhhh >_____<


anywyas it was finally over..this be about 4pm now sighhh and time to go homeeeee =D hahaha sigh unfortunately the bus was pretty packed so i didnt get a side seat and so i couldnt slp again!!!!!! argggggggggh sighh....


kept koing tho and bobing my head hahahaha.. poor woman on my right lol =X hahahahah sighhhs..sorry haha =P


zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz


anyways, i got home and died .. hahahaha i slpt til like 8.30PM ahahahah and woke up to watcH house and then follwing that was prison break.. mmhmmm.sighs...


then i watched extreme make over lol X_X and then mmm late show with david letterman..but it was hosted by adam sandler lol and it was the first ep i actually watched the full thing lOl >_< hehe adam is funny =X lol =P


yep yep and then after that i came online coz i got too bored sighh >_< and yeahhh blehh and now since i slpt before im soo not tired now sigh which suksss but i got a headacheeeeeeeee and that suks more lol sighhhhhh =(


aiyah today been a pretty shitty day sighs >_<


sigh sigh sighhh


anyways i cant think nemore..my brain hasnt reli been on all day LOl o_O haahah.. i shal stop talkn =P hhaha... sighs..


goodnights peoples =)


- dreamer (headache sigh..missing him tear..)

mmms nothing much really has been happening since i last blogged lol sighs.. same ol same ol boringness in my life =( hahaha

progress on gettin over him.. mmm progressing lol haha sighs.. obviously iwl never fully get over him =/ but. so far..its going ok =)

but iv been gettin reli fatty the past few days! hahah =/ especially since my paretns came bak =/ i been eating..ALOT!!! haha and today be my mothers bday =) hehehe so we had a feast >_< soo very big feast and i feel soo fat now X_X hahahaha sighs...

mmmmm...

i reli hav nothing else to blog about today haha sighs.. im just bored =(

aiyah been feeling a bit weird lately lol sighs X_x zzzzzzz.. no comment on that tho sighs >_<

ok wel i m going to try and study! =)

listening to michael bublé !! hehehe he is goooooood =) lols *randoms*

kk bYEeeeee


- dreamer ( feeling weirdo and fatty )

hmm right now i am watchng pirates of the caribean! haha
its near the end now..lol quite retardely funny! =) hahaha.. mm the three guys are fighting over the chest and the keyy..lol for all their different reasons..but they dont realise that the bad guys are after them noww lol and just stole the chest LOL hahahahahahah.. and one of them just sed..AIYAHHH! AHHAHAHAH

OMGGOSHHH LOLLLL


mmms..


sighs anyways..today been an interstingly boring day lol =X haha sighs.. i woke up a few times this morning because people been calling me.. lol sighss and then i cleand up my room and the house =) hehehe~


mmms and last night i cut up mangoes and made them into mush LOL hahahah so that i can make my icecream tonight..if i go out and buy craem tonight too X_X zzz hahaha sigh im too lazy =( sighhs.. i reli reli need to study! =(


sigh anyways..t he movie jus ended lol..



mmm wt to blog about today.. >_< mmmmm...


hahahah i reli dont hav a clue ahaha sighh... zzzz


iwl go now and study hahaha
LOL no wait..after HEROEs hahahah =X blehhhhh addictive heheh =)
im onli on like ep 3 atm sigh hahahaa....


ok well.. iwl rite more later maybe =)


- dreamer

sigh from saturday onwards i knew that my life would never be the same again sigh...
it was the second shittiest ..worse moment of my life sigh....
obviously it has to do wit that one guy who broke my heart sigh .. i think i alredi blogged about it actually sigh...


anyways..im here to do a quick blog..sighh.. i jus did a test online.. and i studied for it too..like for a few hours..reading the chapters..i did the revision quizes too and omgosh.. when i did the quiz..sighhhh.. i thought it was ok..like..not that hard..>_< sighhs.. but then!.. when it was ovr and i got my mark sigh..i reli was shocked! =X like omgosh i felt so weird! sighhhs

coz like omoghs sighhhhhh soo unexpected sigh and omgosh..sighs..i feel soostoopid and i wold like sumone to hit me sigh =( argh i feel like shit!!!!!!
today has been SHIT


VERY VERY SHIT!

sighssssssss......


i hate it =( sobs..sighs.. this morning i missed my bus and got to uni late..sigh but that was ok..it was when i got to uni and started tolkn to somoene..sighh..i had a breakdwon =( and teard over roger..sighh and then couldnt be bothered going to class sigh coz ..i was all sad and crying =( sighhhhhh...


so i missed the first half of the lecture and lied down on oak lawn looking up at the sky with kim sighhhhhh and cried =X lol sighhhhhh........aaRGHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh


whuy does my life suk soo bad right now?? i reli dont understand! AT ALL..sighh
iv tried soo hard to make things better.. do more things.. go out.. keep myself busy..sigh.. i been tryin to be better person lol bleh but everything just isnt turning out right for me AT ALL!! SERIOUSLY! NOTHING!


my world right now is sooooooo upside down! its a mess! A COMPLETE MESSS!!! and altho iv been tryin soo hard and tryin to pick myself bak up!! it juz keeps crumbling down and crushing meeee!!! IT SUKS N IT HURTS SOO MUCHHHHHHHH


whuy is the world soo unfair to me ..sighhhhhh whuy nowww of all times.. why does all bad things hav to come in like a fkn gROUP! zzzzzz sighhhhhhhhh

roger breakin upwith me was bad enough okkkkkk i m still tryin to deal wit that even sighhhhhhh!!!! and now all this shit.. fkn hell..wats wrong with my lifeeeee!! sighh..wat did i ever do wrong...........


sigh i fell in love and then ended up gettin my heart ripped out and jumped on sighhhhhh

i try to study and do well but instead i fuk up my test sighhhhhhhhh

arghhhhhhhhhhhhhh


*CriEs*


its soo unfair..sighhhhhh...ARGHHHHHHHHHh


- blehhhhhhhhhhh

my last serenade.. today.. i promise..


today will be the last day i sit around waiting for him..
i must move on.. iv known it for a while and today is the dayy!


gta stop crying.. stop wishing and hoping that he will come back to me...
i gota move on ..live my life..sigh and be happy again..=)
i can live without him..
i know i can..
im just stubborn and i love him still...
mmm...


yes..it dun mean i will stop loving him..
u can never forget someone who meant soo much to u..
and ur first love...
i will move on..but he will remain in my heart..i know it..
i cant help it..
but i can help myself from being all sad and shit..
sigh...


i know it took me a while...
well.. iv been thinkn it ..but never really doing it..
that be stubborn serene for u..


anwayys.. my last serenade..
i think by now the whole world knows how much this guy means to me..
lols..sigh and.. if u know my position..u know how hard this is for me too..
mmm sigh..but im trying.. im tryin reli hard.
and the truth hurts...


the truth is..
eventhough i love him soo much..
i will never hav him as my own again...
not now at least....
i gta move on..
no matter how hard it hurts..
and how much i dont want to...


love hurts..
iv learnt it the hardest way possible..
but we gota learn from our mistakes..
how we do it is our own choice..
like i said.. iv learnt it the hard way..
wel im learning it nw...
lols sigh...


we cant hold on soo long.. we might be waiting around forever..
and we cant control anything except for ourselves...
we change every day.. with everything that we face in our life..
and we gota be strong.. no matter waht hits u and what comes in the wayy..sigh
life is full of suprises..but life isnt very long either..
its unexpected, things happen every day..
u face life and death situations every day....
any day could be ur last day..so u gta make the most out of life..
wat u hav now.. wat u do every day...


sigh im learning still.. i know im still young..
and iv faceed many crazy ass problems lately..especially the past two years...
iv experienced many things..
love..
hate..
betrayal..
sigh and everything that iv come across has moulded me into who i am now...
sigh im glad that i met this guy..
he made me realise what love is..how it feels..
to be loved and loved bak in return is the most beautiful feeling u could ever have..
but u cant hav love if one side if giving the loving and the other is not...


like a friend keeps telling me.. love is not a one sided thing.. the key to a relationship or
anything is consent..
without consent..ther is nothing.. u need two people to giv in the same amount and effort into
the relationship.. it cant be done by just one person..sigh


iv been lectured like crazy over the past few months.. over and over again..
sigh iv been listening.. taking action ..loljhaha mmmm. iv tried..
i reli have tried reli hard to move on...sighhh
mmm and yeahh i know taht crying wont get me anywher...
i gta face life as it comes to me..sighh..
cant predict the future..or have everything tat i want...


dreams dont come truue that easily...
that is all a fairy tale..
i gota snap out of it sigh..
im not that young nemore.. i gta grow up lol sighh
my dream to be with him isnt going to come tru..sigh not for now..


sigh...


so from today onwards..i promise ishall move on..
i will try to stop thinkn about him..
live my life as i used to before him...
be happy..
sigh...


life is unpredictable.. it is short... sighh
we gota make the most out of it.. =)
no point moping around.. pourin my eyes out for him...
i shall find me another u...


i wil..


- - - - - - - - - - - -
in•ex•o•ra•ble /ɪnˈɛksərəbəl/
Pronunciation[in-ek-ser-uh-buhl]
–adjective


1. unyielding; unalterable: inexorable truth; inexorable justice.
2. not to be persuaded, moved, or affected by prayers or entreaties: an inexorable
creditor.


lol that what my friend keeps tellin me haah sighh he posted it on his msn nick name for mee
too and told me to look it up lol sighhhs

mmm u cant change how a person feels.. u cant make anyone fall in love with u…
just like genies .. lol..they can grant u three wishes as u please..but they can never make someone fall in love with u…
its not fair..lol sigh
but now I understand… =)

- - - - - - - - - - - -


sighhs..


- dreamer : last serenade.. moving on without u... *^-^*

sigh...
tears...


right now im a wreck again..lol sigh i havnt cried in soo long..sigh.
iv been holding it back..trying to be strong.. pretending that im moving on..
but i lost it that day.. the day that i nearli died..
you..the first thing that came to my mind..
the first thing that comes to my mind every morning..
and the last thing that i ever think of...
you..


im soo lost..soo very very lost without u..
sigh.. iv been trying to hold back my tears...
to be strong and try to live my life without you...
but when i get lonley..at night before i sleep...
i think about you....


"for you.. youre all that i need..
for you..i give my soul to keep..
you see me, love mee..
just the way i am..
i said, for u..i am a better man..

i said..u are the reason for evertyhing that i do..
i would be lost..so lost..without you...
id be lost... so lost without you.."


your really all that i could dream for ...
the perfect guy for me....
my sweetheart.. my love..my life...
my whole life revolved around you....
and now your gone...sighh
how do i move on... it was two years...
two great years....sigh my best years of my entire life..
i love u ...soo much...
i cant stop thinkin about you..sighhh
i wish that you were here..holding me tight like u used to..
looking me in the eyes and tellin me that you love me too...


cries...


you mean soo much to me...
and im trying soo hard...sigh...
iv held back the tears...
i wnt you to be happy..sighh...
but without u...
im soo lost..
my life seems meaningless without u...
sigh...
babe....
ilove u...sighhhhhhhh


i know waht u wnt.. want u dont want..sighh
so i wont make the same mistakes again..sigh
i promise..sighhh
so i sit here..waiting...for u..
to want me back...
to love me again..
gives us a second chance..
id wait forever for u...sighhh
forever and ever and a day...


"i carry your heart with me(i carry it in my heart)
i am never without it(anywhere i go you go,my dear;
and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)

i fear no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)
i want no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)"


my heart still beats for u..every single day...

i love u rl.


- lost dreamer.. (waiting for u to come back to me..sigh)

well today was a very eventful dayy!! with one particular highlight.. experience lol sighs...


today is my dayy off uni and so we decided to go to ikea..coz friends had to buy stuff and i want to do up my room.. =) hehe sighs..anyways.. firstly, they were late to pick me up! hahaha.. but o wells..anyways.. we were nearli there..about two roads awayyy lols..and then....BANG!! and POP lol =X hahaha sighhh..


some guy turned without looking at us and then both cars hit and andrews front bumper came offf and POP went the airbag lols and then a whole lot of smoke came out everywher... *eeek* sighs


mmmms lol... it was a very interesting experience which i hope wont happen again! LOl hahaha sighs mmmm


yes after that we all felt a bit weird haha coz like.. if we were going a liddol bit faster.. the guy could hav hit us like on the side and then...err not coools!! lucky for the bumper lol it saved us hahaha =X if it didnt hit the bUmper and hitt the car instead..err lol reli not cool!! sighs


mmms sigh anyways after that we were jus sitting around waiting to get picked up by andrews cousin lol sighhhs. yeahh and nowun got hurt which was gooood =) bt like the car got hurted very badly lols and i shall post a pic of it soon when i download it onto my computer >___< sighs...


yeahh but like..the moments after it happend..wen like we were all in partial shock lol =X mm yeahhh the first person i thought about was.....lol haha sighh roger obviously =X sighh.. imagine if i died =X sighhh >_______< arghhh i wonder if he would realise that he still loved meee sighh lol X_x eek* i know i shouldnt be thinkn like this haha sighs..but yeahh that what i thought after the crash...roger...
i really love him still sigh.. i wish he just knew how much and gave me another chance..


sighhh roger roger roger..he makes me cry haha sighh =X zzz.. iv been tryin hard tho sigh i think everyone can see that ..=) lol sighh.. but yeahhh i still love him heapps haha sighhh ...arghhh

ANYWAYS..


sighh *tears*


today was very blehh.. hahah the accident lol.. ahaha sigh but besides that it was quite the intersting.. it was the first time that i went to a police station too! lols =X haha sighhh it was in woop woop land up north..where some guy got rapped in front of the police station!?? LOL WTF !! hahah O_O


and the northies give southies shit lol.. omgosh id rather live south anyday hahahahah sigh.. who gets rapped OUTSIDE of a police station! hahahah X_X omgosh scaryy and weirdo and retarded =P hahahahah

yep yep.. anyways.. mm after police station we stil went to IKEA !! hahahah =X

finally got ther like after 3 hours hahahah.. we wer meant to get there by 11..the original plan lol..but then coz they picked me up late and coz of the crash..we didnt get tther til nearli 2pm hHAHAHahah =X and then we spent about two hours there =)


i love ikea =) hehee but the one here is pretty shitty lol haha sighh >_< but i shall go bak again soon coz i wana go buy some shelves and storgage stuff for my room ..
mmmm yeah...


anywys.. today was a very interesting..hot...eventful day! lol =) hahahaha.. went to many furniture shops around osbourne park lol.. got into a car crash lol.. mmm and yeahh hahahah..


sighh...


anyways im going to shower and go coook myself some dinner..sighs... uni tmr..got alot of hwk to do >_< sighhhs =( hahah
aiyahhh *sighhs*


- dreamer (blurr)


mmm.. if i die tmr..or anytime soon.. i would like roger to know that i love him like crazy still haha sighh and i wil alwasie love him =( haha sighhh altho i try to hide it and i know i have to move on..sighh .. my heart still beats for him no matter how much it hurtss and been brokend...sighh

and to my friends..thanK u for everythingss! =) u guys hav been great to meee and i love u tooo..but sorry not as mmuch as roger lol..>__< hahaha

aiyahhh


i love u rL 4eva and evEr and evErr and a daY~
- sk.

heyy alls!

i havnt written here in a while lols..sighs..mmms..wells..whats been happeninG? wels.. ALOT has been happening the past week lol... firstly there was uni starting all over again sigh.. it suks hahah uni does! lols.. soo boring and the weather is soo hot! *sizzles* lols..sighs... dies of heat !!! hahaha

mmms... well first week of uni.. nothing very interesting lah.. my timetable is prety retarded lol.. i got mm thursdays off =) mmm kinda got monday and tues off too lol coz i onli got one lecture! wat a waste of time huh! sighs.. espesh coz i live soo far away and i got no car nemore lol,..sighs =(

mmmm anyways hahaha..

i had a very eventful weekend this week =) hahaha.. mmm been tryna keep myself occupied rmber? haha =D hahaa newayyy...i think my hair right now is VERy retarded LOL i can feel it =x ...haha *Randoms*

mmm yes well.. on saturday morning me and chickn went to the gymm for an hour and a half lols..we did some yogalates! hahahah X_x yoga + pilates! lols mm very interesting but extremely tiring LOl sighs mmm yes and then after that we went to broadway to eeat lunchies hahaha and then had a shower then we went bak to uni again to studyyyy like geeekybums! hahaha X_X

mmmms..after a short while we got hungry again lOLS..and so we decided to put our books to rest and then go to nb to eat some diners! hahahaha..
we had utopia! =) *MMMMMMMMMM* hehehe it was good..sooo homely =D hehehe..
yep yep..and thens.. we went to mmmm timezone to burn off our fatttyneesss hahah =) and then met upw ith sarahh ! coz it was her bdayyy! and she asked us to come out lOl zzz.. yep uyep..mmme then wonderedaround with them..lol then more timeszone hahaha..

we did mmm.. about 40mins of ddr NON STOP lol zzzzzzzz...deadness hahahahha.. soo tired after taht and sOO HOT hahah! sighhs X_x
anyways the night was still young LOL.. we met up with evavaz and then went to mmmm.. mustang bar to meet up with sarah and thems again... then went to pot blak ..and ended up singing the random songs they played there hahaha =X

mmms then timezone again LOL then mmm KARAOKE! hahahah woooot =P
karaoked til 2am inda mornings then decided to go home hahaha.. drove down to evas house adn then had PIZZA lOl =X 3am supper >___< zzzzzzz soo fattening lOl hahahahha

sighs yepp yep..
but goood =D

yep and then........

today..this very morning me and jas went to gym again LOl to do body combat..n die LOl hahaha..soo tiring!!! =X zzz.. but our exercising was not over yet! Lol.. we went down to nb again with stef for some dim sum! mmmmm hahahah we ate too much tho! Lols.. zzz..but o welss =) we burnt it off again at...yes u guessed it lOL

TIMEZONEEEEEEEEEEEEEee!! hahaha WOOOOT

mmm but i couldnt take anymore cardio LOL hahaha so i died =)

and yes now im here..zzz
not making much sesne..
lol

iwl go now!

=)


- dreamer (tired and hot and ...coping) lol =)

serenery

i believe that the simple things in life are always the most important
that we should never take the people around us for-granted.
life is never long enough, and is an unexpected journey.
and every obstacle are just life's tests to shape who we are,
that mistakes aren't "mistakes" but learning blocks to better ourselves.
i believe you have to take risks - to live life to the fullest and make the most of what we have.
because we only live once.

~ my goal of book reading still stands this year haha and so now i have decided to just list all the books iv been reading and read
> The Five People You Meet in Heaven - Mitch Albom
> Tuesdays with Morrie - Mitch Albom
> My Sister's Keeper - Jodi Picoult
> Vanishing Acts - Jodi Picoult
> The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
> Deception Point - Dan Brown
> Highway Guitar Rose - Bridget Lowry
> The Pelican Brief - John Grisham
> Adrian Mole: The Wilderness Years - Sue Townsend
> For One Last Day - Mitch Albom
> Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix - JK Rowlings
> Bridget Jone's Diary [the first one]
- Harry Potter and the Half Blooded Prince - JK Rowlings
- Singletini - Amanda Trimble
- Falling Blossom - Peter Pagnamenta and Momoko Williams
- The Deep End of the Ocean - i shall getbak to u lol
- Ugly - Constance Briscoe
- Simply Irresistible - Rachel Gibson

evavas blogger
chicknjas blogger
my photO site hehe
link
link



- feel free to dream with me :)



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