I dont understand how some people can be such morning people.
Its Saturday and its not even 9am, and there are people at the shopping centres walking around when 3/4 of the shops are still closed with their gates down. Why do they even bother coming so early when the only thing open ins groceries?
Which is another thing, who goes shopping for groceries at 8am?? lol I understand the older people, coz its like a retirement home at Coles this morning, but still.. the sales only come up at the end of the day when they try to get rid of all their "fresh" produce before the week is out. You're meant to still be in bed at 10am Saturday morning - I would usually be.

Only reason why today is different is because I had to drop the boyfriend off to work. *yawn* I got paid in maccas breakfast though lol - sausage and egg mc muffin with OJ :) ftw!

Cept I had to drop him off early, and so im waiting outside the library in the morning cold. brr. And I just hogged the whole bench lols. my bad (some lady just looked at me and is now sitting on the cold limestone wall- LOL)

Anyways, Im not sure what this blog is about. I just wonder why people are in such a rush on a Saturday morning. I saw a lady before standing outside CUE and she was knocking on the door (this is 8.30am) trying to get the shop keepers
attention to let her in. lol.. seriously? shopping for clothes at 8.30? she couldnt wait til.. 9? LOL. craziness! If i were the shop keeper id cut sick at this woman coz I would still probably be half asleep lol.

Actually if it wasnt for the maccas and me having to drive this morning, I would probably be half asleep still. Haha I like my weekends in bed. *sigh* I don't know why people judge us who like to sleep in. lol we wake up early every week day,
can't you give us two days of extra sleep time? *zzz*

Ew. i just semi yacked in my mouth. LOL tastes like very acidic OJ... lol. *random* hrmm, maybe coz i downed that OJ a tad too quickly before coz I didn't think I would be sitting out here waiting for the library to open for so long. URGH

I wonder, when I grow old, will I be like these old people so early in the morning, having nothing better to do than to wait for the library to open at 9am, or shop for my groceries at 8am... =/ lol. ahh, I can't wait to get old. :) Kinda...

Kinda as in, growing old with someone, not having to work any more and just looking after the grandkids. :) Sounds pretty nice to me. And kinda just chillin every day and taking it easy.

Anyways, my train of thought has long gone.. about an hour ago..
this always happens when I start doing something else.. lol my bad. sorry yal.

til next time :)

- dreamer

it hurts seeing something you love fall apart. something you have known for all your life come crumbling down. and you feel so helpless when you are left there not knowing what to do - trying to make it better but then never succeeding. now what do you do? now you are left with nothing? broken and lost inside.

you start questioning things, wondering why and how things could change so quickly and so easily. you put yourselves in their shoes and think how could one person be so selfish and how can someone change so much just like that. what ever happened along the way. did we do something wrong? how could this happen?

i dont know what to do to make things better. but i know i have a say. but then again, i duno what to say. and i do not know how to say at all. urgh. its just such a puzzle to me how something so good can be broken just like that. and with no proper explanation. just done. poof. - well i hope theres no poofing around anytime soon. i will try and fix it. sigh. i have to.

anyways, the other day a friend of mine lost his father. sigh. something no child should have to bare at such a young age. your parents are meant to be there for you while you grow up and watch you get married, walk you down the aisle and play with the grandkids as they slowly tumble in. they arent meant to leave you at 21. sigh. my poor benn. i am so sorry that i am not there for him to help him through his grief. at a time like this, one needs their friends and people who care about them around them to lighten the pain. sigh but im not there. and im so sorry. :(

rest in peace mr balford. although i had never got the chance to meet you.. i have heard much about you. and your kids loved you and cared for you like there was no tmro. i was jealous of the relationship that you guys had coz he would put me on hold to talk to you for hours :) and your kids would arrange lunch for everyone to meet just for you. your daily talks and visits. sounds like you guys were so close. and i was looking forward to meeting you when i got back from my trip. :( but this was so sudden and so tragic... i am in shock and i am sad i never got the chance to be englightened by your presence. however, you are in a better place now and may you rest in peace with the angels above. :) you will be in the hearts of many. *s2*

sighs. its scary how life can be so short and so unpredictable. one day you are on the phone talking about your day, laughing over old times and planning a future meeting.. and then suddenly, its all taken away from you. and sometimes you dont even get a chance to say goodbye.

makes you realise that you really cant live life with regrets and that you must take every opportunity that you get. there is no point being sad and angry over something. no point to hold a grudge. life is seriously too short for all that bs. sigh.

i guess actions speak louder than words. but its so hard to try and show her this and make her listen to me. sigh. i guess i can never understand the pain that she is in. i know it must be killing her inside and i feel so sad every time i see her. but i dont know what i can do anymore. and i wish i could help her take the pain away. but i dont know how... i just dont know. and it hurts me inside. and i try to be strong, coz someone has to. and everyone around me seems to be breaking down.

its so easy to run away from it all. to just pack up my bags and leave. sigh. but i know that they need me. and iv made him a promise. sigh. i gta do it. i just dont know how...

i really dont know how...

so its getting a little bit stupid now huh?
sigh, it sucks a bit. i find myself coming home from the clubs and the first thing i do is log onto gchat, hoping that today will be the day i finally get to talk to you again. but every morning, its the same. your name is not highlighted green, and you are not there. what am i do to. sigh.

yes it is very stupid considering you technically werent mine. i cudnt touch you, hug, kiss or hold you. sigh. but i am still hooked on you j. and i miss you so much sometimes.

im used to coming home at 5am from the clubs or a big night and i know that you would be there waiting for me :) all id have to do is drop you a msg or poke you. and ud be on like that *click* :) and you would always make me smile! :)

you're like a drug that i cant get over. an addiction. now im suffering from withdrawl symtoms. sigh. i want you back j. come back please. you always seem to make things better.

sigh.

gosh i sound so emo. =/ i been feeling very weird since last night..

i might also add, on a more positive and happy note: GODSKITCHEN was last night and man oh man it was pretty damn good! the line up was definately boss! roger shah, markus schulz and gareth emery <3 very big names of progressive trance, taking us to places we never been before.... hahahaha no not really, but man it was seriously some good trance beats all night :D

but yeah, i think maybe right now i am suffering from post party depression. this always happens after a huge rave or festival.. sigh.. the hype.. then the event.. the epicness.. and then the come down :'( which sometimes takes a long time. lol. hahaha.

ahhh.. sigh, last night was jsut goood. the music was seriously great! and everything was happy dayze :) maybe missing a few variables... hrmm. but even so, it was a good night :) one to rmber for sho! heheh :)

but going home alone.. makes thins sad sometimes. u rmber the times where.. things were different. and even witout physical company, there was always you b. and you made it all worth while. :) wud top my night and id fall aslp next to you :) ahh sigh *love*

come back soon j. you're dearly missed. and i know that i shud get over you.. drugs are obviously bad for you. hahah spesh when youre hooked like i am. argh. that.. is not good.. hahaha. but in slight moderation.. cant be too bad right?
*excuses* hahaha..

ahh time will tell.. ~~

- dreamer (missed out the england v USA soccer game. *devo* - must wake up tmro to watch the replay and cut myself off the world so the score wont be ruined for me!!! lols)

(also, obvi (LOL sigh), missing you j.e.j.)

x

i miss you more than ever now.
i realised this week how much i needed you, and as selfish as this is going to sound, i realised why i needed you. all the things iv sed about love and the perfect guy, still stands the same, dnt get me wrong.. but what iv realised this week is you are my escape! (i know iv already sed this before; you being my bubble and all)

but the past few weeks have really been hell. and i havnt been myself. sigh. all this stress, lack of sleep etc. and just everything has been getting to me. more so when you suddenly disappeared. *sigh*

not to sound over dramatic or anything, but my whole world seemed to have jsut fallen to pieces when you walked away. sigh. really! im on the verge of poverty (lol okay that one is a bit extreme talk), but im down to one job which is really only one shift a week, no study, no family still, friends are being shitty, still no bf, and no you.. and you my dear, you were my escape, my "bf" in our bubble - you are my break from reality, my escape.

and you have been this escape for me for 4 months now.. and with you suddenly gone, itjust feels soo weird and so wrong, like something is missing. and wen things go wrong, and i get angry, or i have a bad day. i dont have you anymore.. i cant run to you and forget about my shitty day and you aren't there to tell me things to cheer me up and smile.. sigh

i know it sounds all a bit selfish, that i want you as my escape, as my distraction. but its not just that you know that right b. <3 sigh.

but its true.. im losing it. the past few weeks.. i duno wats wrong with me but i am just so over it.. it being.. everything.. sigh life. friends. relationships. work. etc.. omg.. soooo over it! i really jsut feel like leaving and running away for a while.. to get away from everything.. sigh to have some time on my own or just away from perth i guess. lol.. sigh...

i want something new. i want something different. i dont want to have to deal wth the same stupid shit from the same stupid people every day. argh. not until they grow up and man up. im really over their shit. soo soo soooooooo over it. lol sigh..

i miss you j.

i wish that you would come back soon and bring back some stability in my life.. or really, just give me back my sanity. lol. it was nice having you around. you were my smething different, my escape from my real life.. its nice to talk to someone that isnt associated with the life that i lead every day. so we dont hav to talk about the same boring shit about the same people. its always different and unexpected with you. a suprise :) a nice one. i loved it. sigh. i love you.

please come back soon. i miss you.

- dreamer (dreams)

im not too sure what i am feeling right now but i think it might be a slight emptiness.
maybe its be the shows that iv been watching, with new love and love broken, death and life and such.. and it might have to do with the sappy love and breakup songs that i am listening to now.. lol. yes, i think that might be it..
also that its a public holiday and there is nothing much to be doing, and i am slightly tired and aching and cant be bothered getting out of bed - no motivation at all.

sigh. but also coz i think i really do miss you.

its times like these i wish that you were here next to me. we would sleep in and only wake up for food when we are hungry :) and then you'd tell me that you love me while you spoon me and kiss me gently.

sigh.

but i will never have that with you.. ever. and the thought of that sucks real bad b.
it was bad enough, that i couldn't touch you, hold you, feel your lips against mine.. but now this.. it feels like a part of me is missing. coz it's been a while baby and iv been so used to seeing you and hearing your sexy voice over the line every day.. and on days like these...

do you remember that sunday we both just stayed in bed chilling out together with asot 2009~~ :) it was nearly perfect.. besides you being 14,000 miles away... ha! sigh. that part was the worst! i dont know how we did it. boy, i dun even know what we were doing.. but you were perfect to me.. you were everything that i am looking for, everything that i want, we were great.. ~

and now writing this, you might find it stupid. and i guess, maybe it is a little.. but we do crazy things when we fall for someone.. even if it was just a bubble, an escape from reality.

you gave me hope. you made me smile. you made me feel something i haven't felt in a very long time. and the fact that we had never touched or physically met.. makes it even more crazy that i fell for you.

you are right; that we have created this bubble where in each other's eyes we are just perfect for each other. we have created a love that no one else would understand, and no one else had a part of. :) it was literally just you and me every time we talked.. :) it was just me and you baby.

and yes, we were both right in thinking that this was just a dream, and wish and hope that it would come true. but the reality is that we live so far apart and we are just two people on a laptop screen. haha. sigh.

i do miss you. i miss the thought of having you. i really wish that one day my dream will come true. and i love you for making me feel special every moment we talked. i love you for giving me hope. i love you.. or at least the thought of you.

i knew that this bubble was going to pop eventually but i didn't think it was soo sudden. and i told myself from the beginning that even if it did pop i wouldn't be so emotional over it. hahaha. ahhh..

honestly im not too sure how i feel. its a weird feeling. coz i knew it was going to end one day, and so i only have myself to blame for feeling the hurt i am feeling right now. however i do not regret.. it was crazy - you and me. but it was great. it made me feel alive again, made me feel warm and loved. you definitely made my days brighter with your cheeky ways and smile.. and il never forget them green eyes babe <3 ehehe.

i don't know how i feel. im so glad i met you. but im so sad you're "gone". its a mix emotion. in a way i feel like i just got out of a relationship.. well, technically i just did huh. but wheres my closure? hahaha. maybe that's why im stuck. you left without saying goodbye :( and i know its not my fault, and things be crazy over there.. but.. no goodbye. it sucks..

my perfection, my escape, my guy that iv come to have known and loved over these 4 months.. suddenly out of my life... its hard to cope with.. its hard to adjust.. i don't really want to adjust.. i kinda want you back. (or the real you, here.<3)

~~ never fade away.. never fading out.. stars aren't so bright, when you're not here.. i'll wait forever my dear... your love, your love.. won't ever.. disappear ~ :)

thankyou for everything b.

i wish that you would come back. and it would be a dream come true if you did come like you said you wanted to. :) it'd be crazy. it would be fun. i'd really be a fairytale. :) haha but thats just a crazy dream that i have. lol. "we" had... ahhh.. "...(yes we are in a relationship)..." hahaha. oh j.

i love you.

and i will remember you. ~

- dreamer (hope)



sigh. i feel so emo, this is stupid. lol. and yes this is about a guy...
but its not the same as any of the other guys that i have mentioned on this epic blog of boy rambles :P haha. *sigh*
this guy... he was different...

he was my perfect guy <3

we made a bubble, which was just so perfect...

just you and me,
our perfect, made up reality

he made me smile, he made me laugh.. he could cook, he loved his family and parents, he was sweet, caring, romantic, funny, lame, dorky!, cute, retarded, totally hot, amazing smile, green eyes, tall, sexy, charming, smart, he loved life, he loved music and he could even dance.. he said what was on his mind, he would tell me that he loved me, tell me that he missed me and cared, that i mattered and that i was amazing :) he.. was.. amazing. :) he really was perfect.

its crazy. spesh if you actually know the whole story. our "relationship" is definately not an ordinary one. :) which.. i dont know, is good and bad.. there are times where i thought that this is just very bad and unhealthy for both of us.. and cant be doing any of us good lol. sigh.. but in the end, he was always there for me when i was down and needed cheering up. or even when iv had a great day, he just made it that little bit more better :) and he wouldnt even have to say a thing... we cud just stare at each other for hours and not say a word.. and just the thought that he was right there beside me made me feel so much better :)

wow i sound like a hel emo who just got dumped! lols... when and if i decide to spil how it all went down etc. you'd lol and be like o.O""""""" ahahaha sigh. really something that you dont do in your every day life...or relationships.. i hope. lol :) which makes him.. and us all the more special <3

he loved for me for me and genuinely loved spending time with me :) it has nothing to do with sex and money. it was all about us. our bare selves (not literally). of course there was a physical thing going on, but because of the circumstances, that had nothing to do with our relationship.. sigh...

he really was.. is my perfect man. :)

and now it sucks so bad, coz he is gone. and its going to be so hard to find a new guy like him.. coz in our bubble, he is the one. the one that i want to end up with in the end. my perfection. i didnt really know it at the time, but now i see it. he was like a fairytale, my dream...

and yes, we all know that dreams come to and end and we must wake up eventually. and that bubbles.. no matter how pretty they are when they glisten in the sunlight, and how peaceful they look when they just float and bounce in the air... in the end, it pops, and the magic is gone.

i knew that our bubble was going to have to pop eventually, but i didnt think that it was going to be this sudden. :(

*oops, this always happens.. i get distracted, or tell someone about what im thinkn on msn and then i lose track of my flow lols.. and then i always end the blog hel random and suddenly.. fails!!*

sigh.

anyways. i miss him already. i hope he comes back soon.

x

well hello again (:
its been so long since iv written here. hehe. sigh. and it seems like the only time i come back to write is when i have guy problems huh! hahaha..

well, dont worry. today isnt so much like that (kinda) :) its just a new year - 2010 :) so its time to look.. back and forward i guess; look back on the events of 2009, and look forward for the new year and hopefully all the great memories to come :)

sigh. well id have to say that 2009 for me was truly an eventful one :) one of the best years iv had in my life so far :) the new friends that i have made this year.. and the things that we got up to ;) haha.. seriously epic times! and friends that will be in my life forever i hope <3

*sigh* - dw its a good sigh..i think. haha. i duno, i just watched one tree hill (yes i know its a hel oldskul show.. haha and NO its not some stupid highschool series like the OC and 90210!!) yeah.. but OTH is just.. so like.. deep! haha. and its not like those other bullshit highschool series.. coz its actually about life. and its not fully dramatic (cept for that crazy nanny scene)! but its a good show and im suprised iv watched 7 seasons of it.. haha crazyness... i am not sad okay! :(

sigh. i honestly not sure what i want to talk about.. haha i jsut hav a weird feeling inside of me right now.. its a kind of heavy feeling.. but its not bad.. i duno, just thinkn about things... lost in deep thought abbout life... lol i duno, nothing in specific really... just looking back on my life so far :)

my playlist right now is helpin with this feeling i thnk. lol. its all slow acoustics :) with deep meaningful lyrics hehe~

(gosh, things havnt changed much with me huh - all my blogs still dont make sense and are a complete essay of rambles =P my bad. hehehe)

sigh.. life..

what to do what to do...

im a bit scared honestly. i know i may have said this a few times, but it is really time for me to grow up. and to get my life sorted and on track for real..

oops, i did it again..like i always do.. hah i left my blog to do somthing else.. and umm.. 2 hours later... lols =X my bad...

sigh now its time for me to go to sleep. will cntinue this another day when i feel emo again... lols...

- dreamer xx (missing u.. kinda, maybe, perhaps, possibly...)

serenery

i believe that the simple things in life are always the most important
that we should never take the people around us for-granted.
life is never long enough, and is an unexpected journey.
and every obstacle are just life's tests to shape who we are,
that mistakes aren't "mistakes" but learning blocks to better ourselves.
i believe you have to take risks - to live life to the fullest and make the most of what we have.
because we only live once.

~ my goal of book reading still stands this year haha and so now i have decided to just list all the books iv been reading and read
> The Five People You Meet in Heaven - Mitch Albom
> Tuesdays with Morrie - Mitch Albom
> My Sister's Keeper - Jodi Picoult
> Vanishing Acts - Jodi Picoult
> The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
> Deception Point - Dan Brown
> Highway Guitar Rose - Bridget Lowry
> The Pelican Brief - John Grisham
> Adrian Mole: The Wilderness Years - Sue Townsend
> For One Last Day - Mitch Albom
> Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix - JK Rowlings
> Bridget Jone's Diary [the first one]
- Harry Potter and the Half Blooded Prince - JK Rowlings
- Singletini - Amanda Trimble
- Falling Blossom - Peter Pagnamenta and Momoko Williams
- The Deep End of the Ocean - i shall getbak to u lol
- Ugly - Constance Briscoe
- Simply Irresistible - Rachel Gibson

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- feel free to dream with me :)



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