date: 26th march 07, 1.10am

iv been trying to get my internet to work for the past 15 mins sighh but it just wouldnt let me do anything!! sigh just msn would be good! but it wont let me do that either hahah =( sighhhs..

aiyah o wels.. mmm i just got home not long ago from the airport^^ mmm sighhh i dont reli like airports lol sigh..well..i do..and i dont sigh hahaha.. yes and i do not make any sense loL!

mm airports are a place where everyone cries! lol even if u try to be strong..u still cry.. even if u dont show it..its all inside..lol sigh =( *tears* u just try and fight it sigh..>_<

iv had many memories at airports..sigh when i was walking out into the carpark just before on the way home..sighh.. i looked around and a memory came bak to me..sighs =( it was just last year..sigh roger was dropping me off to the airport sigh and then before we went in we sat in the car...pinkyboo was parked under some lamp-post which had a very very bright light lol sigh >_< and yeahh we just sat ther for a while and hugged..and sed our goodbyes sigh before walking into the airport and thennn saying goodbye again hahah sigh =( >_<

sghhs.. airports suck lol =( it makes me cry.. >_< even if i tell myself not to sigh!! i rmber a few times wen leavin perth, china or singapore..i would cry or tear..sighh >_< i rmber once .. this being last year onli =X sighh i tried to hold it all inside when i was at the airport but then when i got on the plane..i lost it big time sigh and hid under the sia blanket and cried non stop for a while sighhh >_< arghh i hate goodbyes sighhh =( stoopid airports >_< bleh

sobs...but some airports are cool! they got alot of stuff to loOk at and to eat lol singapore airport =P heheh sighh >_< perth one is a bit boring =/ amsterdam was coool tho =) lol sighh i cant rmber any other big airports.. and i havtn reli been anywher else lol hahaha.. sighhhs >________<

arghhh i miss him lol =X hahahah i think u all were expecting and just waiting for me to say that sighh X_x waiting in a bad way kinda waiting lol..like..omg she going to do it sooon sighh daymmnit she did it..omg shuttup serene..sigh .slap .slap! lol zzz sighh X_x sorry >_<

for two years of my life.. it has revolved around him! sighh and i still love him and thnk about him soo much =( >_< sigh i cant help it lahh .. its just how i woRK lol =X hahaah arghhh i wish that i had a off button so that i can switch off all my thoughts about him sighh and be happy again =( >_< coz i reli miss him soo much ..and i cant help thinkin about him! sighh....

see, everything reminds me of him...sigh airports, songs, movies.. places..>_< arghh he is still everywher i look sigh =/ i havnt packed much up at all yet sighh.. iv taken off the rings and put the liddol stuffs away sigh..but.. my heart....it still beats for him..every single day..sigh =/ everything that i do still revolves around him.. altho it may not physically seem like it now sighh.. i love himmmmmm soo muchhh arghhh lol.. slap me out of it someone! sighh >_<

i know i know...

trust me i know! i know what i shud be doing..wat i shudnt b doing..and i know that one of the things i shudnt be doing is thinkn and talkin about him sigh >_< mmmm blehh i can try not to talk about him to anyone.. iv done it for a while before..but there are times when i just cant take it and gota let it out.. u know how they say..it better not to keep things bottled up inside of u ..sighh..u gota let it out or else u gona go nuts lol =/ sigh and that is mee nw hahah..sigh and besides, its not like many people read my blog..i think out of my friends..only like three people hav my site address and i doubt they bother reading it too loL coz i know by now.. they..and alL my other pOor friends are sick of hearing me talkin about roger roger roger..sighh.. arghhh and even im sick of myself talkin about him sometimes but like i sed.. I CANT HELP IT! sighh >_<

it just hurts soo much sometimes..to pretend to be strong and not talk about him ! sigh.. i cant do it for soo long..it hurtss...and i gota let it ouT >_< sighh arghhhh.. i wish.. wish soo bad that i could juz let him go sigh but i cant..i wont lol =/ i still hope and wissh that there is a chance..sighh >_<

" .. star light .. star bright .. first star i see tonight ..
wish i may .. wish i might .. have the wish that i wish tonight .. "

*sighs* babe i love uuuuu! arghh come bak to me ahaha >_<

why are boys and girls soo stoopid sigh.. we dont understand each other at all sigh =( mm girls think wayy too much and guys..they just think completely stoopidly and oppositly lol sighh >_< it suks soo baddd coz a liddol misunderstanding can cause utter heartbrokenage sigh and pain for endless nights sighhh =( *tear* it suks soo bad..>_<

if onli they knew how we felt and we know how they felt sigh..it would be perfect..me and ger would still be togther sigh and we could work things out before it all came tumbling down sighhh *tear* blehhh...

sigh yes, i know people must think that im insane sighhh and that im ...just insane lol coz i cant stop talkin about him and everything just ends up all about him lol hahaha sighh.. i think im going a bit nuts too zzz.. but blehhh. i dunoo.. ppl say that yeahh ur too young to be like this..ther are more people out ther and stuf...sigh.. i know that by sayng wat im going to say ur juz gona give up hope on me n think that im super stubborn! lol sigh and yes i do admit that i am stubborn sigh.., but wat im going to say is the truth too..>_< it jus might not happen to everyone sigh..or u just dont realise it as much until u loose them sighh >_<

i think...that .. mmm.. it doesnt really matter hw old u are.. (and lets please be reasonable! lol we not talkin about like babies okk..like reasonable age please..16++ lol) mm.. it dun matter how old u are..u could find the one ur looking for sigh.... yes it sounds retarded and all.. blehh i know lol sighh i used to be a full on romantic..lol sigh but time has played around with me and iv changed sigh but i still believe that ther is hope sometimes and the one might b right ther..=/ lol sigh

mm roger was my first love..sigh.. he is my first love* =( lol sighh.. while being with him.. i came to a conclusion, defining being in love as somone who can make u feel on top of the world but then in the next second make ur world crash and bring u to tears !! lol sigh =X i know that is sure not a romantic thing to say hahaha.. but..i think its the truth lol sigh..

think about ur friends.. sigh who has made u feel soo happy! soo special! the best in the world..like nowun else in the world mattered..and u were their everything!!!! sighhh >_<
and that same friend making u cry like never before.. and hurting u more than anyone has ever hurt uuu sighh..>_<

thats what roger made me feel sigh.. i know the crushing down part is like not a good thing to feel lol sighh >_< but i mean like.. small fights.. wenever we fought..it made me sad.!! and even if it were such a small matter sigh..>_< it would still crush me insanely sighh >_<
mm like when i hav fights with my friends ..i do get upset..but i dont start cryin and blehh go crazy hahah sighh =X sighh..but with ger..it was a differnt thing..completly differnt feeling sigh...

he made me feel like ..the top of the world ! lol sigh he knew me inside and out! ..he was literally my other halF sigh..>_< we thought about our future..our house..kids, our life together sighh..>_< *tears* i think that he is the one! =X sighhh no matter how stoopid that sounds.. sighh i think another part of being in love is..sigh u want to be with that someone.. coz i know that i probably can live without him sighh and move on if i relli reli tried and gave it alot of time..sigh but the thing is..i dont want to move on coz i still want to be with him! >_< ssighhhh.. >_< do u understand? lol zzz =( >_< *tear*

arghh sighh >_< i wonder wat ppl think of me when i write all ths stuff haha sigh =X im glad not everyone knows about this site hahahah =D so DONT SHOW ANYONE LOl =P u know who u are sighhhhhh >____<" *sob sob*

sighh yes..airports lol =/ they sukk ! they make u remmeber things.. they make u cryy! sighh they make me miss uu =( soo badly and makes my heart ache sighh >_<" *tears*
hurry and make me complete again sigh >_< *teaar*

"..but unfortunately all i hav to give to u is an imperfect heart..
but its a heart that beats onli for u
listen to this.. if u give me one shot
i will love u forever now.. no man would do beter now
love is a risk but if u giv me one shot
id show u ur the onli girl in the world who cares
give me this feeling
baby thats how i feel about u
ur one in a million
id rather die than live withOut u..
we can do this
so if u give me one shot
we can do it girl..do it girl..."

- one shot, mario vasquez**(8)

sigh.. lala... give me one shot!! ~id rather die than live without u.."*

mm all my heart..all my soul..always stay..never go...(8)

*sigh*

- dreamer (_waiting wishing dreaming loving uu_)

serenery

i believe that the simple things in life are always the most important
that we should never take the people around us for-granted.
life is never long enough, and is an unexpected journey.
and every obstacle are just life's tests to shape who we are,
that mistakes aren't "mistakes" but learning blocks to better ourselves.
i believe you have to take risks - to live life to the fullest and make the most of what we have.
because we only live once.

~ my goal of book reading still stands this year haha and so now i have decided to just list all the books iv been reading and read
> The Five People You Meet in Heaven - Mitch Albom
> Tuesdays with Morrie - Mitch Albom
> My Sister's Keeper - Jodi Picoult
> Vanishing Acts - Jodi Picoult
> The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
> Deception Point - Dan Brown
> Highway Guitar Rose - Bridget Lowry
> The Pelican Brief - John Grisham
> Adrian Mole: The Wilderness Years - Sue Townsend
> For One Last Day - Mitch Albom
> Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix - JK Rowlings
> Bridget Jone's Diary [the first one]
- Harry Potter and the Half Blooded Prince - JK Rowlings
- Singletini - Amanda Trimble
- Falling Blossom - Peter Pagnamenta and Momoko Williams
- The Deep End of the Ocean - i shall getbak to u lol
- Ugly - Constance Briscoe
- Simply Irresistible - Rachel Gibson

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- feel free to dream with me :)



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