every beat of my heart

L.O.v.E

Monday, April 02, 2007

♥ 10:01 PM

L.O.v.E

A few years back, I thought that love was meant to be the bestest feeling in the whole wide world.
From all the movies and shows on TV, love just seemed like the best thing ever and it always looked like a fairytale, a dream come true.

About two years ago, I found my prince and I fell in love. As I had always thought, it was the bestest feeling in the whole wide world! ^^He made me feel like nothing else in the world mattered, that it was just me and him. My view on life changed, ...I changed. Everything around me and everything that i did every day was differnent now. My life revolved around him. He was my prince...my love. He was everything to me.

We had our fights along the way and my perception on love changed a bit. In the end I came to a conclusion that love is when that one person can make you feel like your on top of the world and then the next moment make you cry and feel hurt like never before! haha. yes, its not a very romantic definition of love and definately not what the movies depict love to be.
But that is how i see love.

He made me feel so special like no one else in the world existed, that everything would be ok because it was me and him against the world. I was at the top of the world with him! But all relationships arent perfect and they arent fairytales like the movies and books.We had our share of rough times and we fought and so that was the crushing, crying hurt part of the definition! hahah. >_< Although our fights werent big they still really hurt me at times because he meant alot to me and him being angry at me just made me feel so shit. sigh.

Mm, i dont think that was a good example for my definition of love hahah sigh. But yeah. Roger is the top of my world, he makes me feel something that no one else has ever made me feel. And now not having him here.. i feel like iv tumbled all the way to the bottom, in a ditch somewhere lol and im crying and im soo hurt, and hes not here to pick me up this time.

I think that stupid movies should stop bullshitting lol sigh. >_< It makes little girls raise their hopes about what love is like and then want to have love. But then in the end, it crushes them because love isnt like the movies, it isnt a fairytale. It fucking hurts! Lol sigh!

I want to make a LAW lol. Sigh a law about love! Lol hahaha. My law on love will state that once you fall in love with somebody and their love is returned back to you (thus, mutual love), by law you are forbidden to fall out of love with the person or else you shall be penalised by death! LOL

LOL it would make the world a happier place too! AND THEN it will be like the movies. A FAIRYTALE! lol. Because in fairytales, you find your prince who becomes your first love and then you get married and live happily ever after~

Thats whuy they call it first love! And thats why you cant get over your first love. So think about it, isnt my law fair? Because if lets say, this guy in the story im going to make up named ROger lol, decides that he wants to break and explore more about single life and falls out of love with ..lets say...mm me! lol hahaa. And then ok, lets look at my characters point of view. lol... since he wont take her back because he is stupid and makes up stupid reasons she has to move on right. But she is so in love with him that its so hard for her to do so and the final option is to rebound on some other random guy (and she does not want to do this). It is unfair for this mr rebound guy because firstly he is being used and she does not really want to be with him. She just wants to get over her lost love.

Ok now lets think of it in his view.. lets say, he goes off and he wants to be single for a while mm but then he realises that he still loves..me.. and so he wnts me back right.sigh. so then mr rebound will get left alone after being used and the purpose of him being used was not even fulfiled lol. >_< So then, isnt it fair if the law was established because it would save another innocent person to have their heartbrokened.. So therfore, i believe that this Law of Love should be made.

Sighs, I guess I now understand why genies can grant you three wishes but none of them may be a wish for someone to fall in love with you.

Well, actually, that has nothing to do with what im talkin about now lol =X hahaha my bad sigh.
The genie thing about not granting you your love wish mm thats about love in general. How love is not a one sided thing. Instead, love is a shared responsibility, something that two people must both give equal amounts to in order for it to work out. Sigh.

Iv learnt alot during this "love" journey lol sigh. And yes the truth hurts. I always knew that but now that its out..I just try to reject it lol sigh. I know its the wrong thing to do but sometimes it just really hurts way too much and lol sigh obviously id rather not know haha sigh. BUT nooo im dealing with it! Im not avoiding it..trust me. I may seem stupid and crazy over this guy and not being able to get over him! Lol but the truth is...I do know wats going on and I know what i have to do and what i should not be doing. I know that what i am currently doing now is a totally wrong way of getting over him lol and its just hurting me even more..lol trust me.. i know.. Im me.. it HUrts..OH it hurts soo bad ..you cant even begin to imagine the pain that im going through right now. sigh.

Love love love. Its sweet but it hurts. Its like medicine.. The bitter ones are the ones that are good for u! lol ok thats not the quote haha but it is something like that =X rofls. mm point being, love isnt perfect, its not like the fairytales we see on tv and read about in novels. Love is bitter, it has its ups and downs. Mmm maybe my medicine is not a good example of love hahaha.

Ok lets refresh that paragraph. Love is like.. a ROLLERCOASTER! hAhah.. oh that is soo true! lol and you all know it! haha sigh. It has its ups and downs. Its a ride that you choose to go on and want to go on.. but it has suprises. MMm, for example, im on a very emotional rollercoaster ride haha ..and currently i am at the point of the rollercoaster after a BIGGg drop, a very SURPRISING big drop lol and the rollercoaster has brokened down and now i am stUck in a ditch at the bottom of this rollercoaster and badly hurted. LOl sigh. And hes not there to pick me up! sigh.

Thats my current status in my terrifying love rollercoaster ride lol its great huh? LOl sigh.

L.O.v.E

I think i may need to look at this love thing in a differnent way now. sigh. Things change yeah, and so do i. And thus my theory on love shall change again haha and when i come to a conclusion i shall tell you lol sigh. For now, i think love is still great lol. Im not against it lol sigh i just hate it right now coz i love him but i can only love him from a distance. I dont know what the hel he is feeling or thinking right now. Sigh but i guess love..is like fate!.. If its meant to be..its meant to be..

Sometimes we just hav to stop pushing it sigh.

mmm iv always understood this lol and told myself to do this..but mm haha for all those who know me.. >_< mm especially roger sigh.. he would understand.

Patience!

I guess that is part of love too.

"All good things come to those who wait"

Patience. I shall wait.. and i shall see where fate brings us~ if its meant to be its meant to be right? hahaha. sigh. Im just stubborn I do admit lol. And i dont like this waiting game. It kills me every single second not being able to hold him or just having him near me as my ger.

Love. I want to love again. I want to be happy again.

Fate. Bring him back to me.

Patience. I shall wait for fate but please if you can HURRY IT UP hahahaha sigh.
i miss him so much.

L.O.v.E

- dreamer [s2]