its been a while since iv blogged huh..sighs.. wats been going on? ...lol no suprises..? im not okay stil... i stll miss him..i still love him.. i still cry over him.. i still want him back..sigh.. im still stuck over him and i dnt know how to get out of it...

iv been tryin to focus on just studying and all..sigh and not thinkn about him soo much.. im leaving soon anyway sigh.. i duno how imgoing to take this one.. im thinking of just leaving without calling or saying goodbye..sigh but i dont want to too..i wana see him and hug him for maybe the last time ever and tell him that i still and always will love him no matter wat..tears..

but then..i d uno.. cries..i think that if i leave witout tell him he cud get angry but it prob easier for me.. ? i duno.. i dont like him to see me cry.. the person that he went out with was strong..and i never cried..sigh.. i dont like crying..and i hate it so much sigh..i hate myself soo much lately sigh..

thers so many things that iv been doing which just keeps screwing things up between us..sigh.. i dont want things to get worse.. but i dont know wat to do anymore.. its soo hard not being with him... sighh

the last few weeks iv been spending alot of time with him actually..and i thought that its been all good..and we been happy when we spend time together..sigh.. and i miss it soo much.. him being with me for a whole day..breakfast lunch and dinner sigh..i miss him hugging me to sleep every night and him waking up next to me and then complaining about how my room is soo bright inda morninng and the light alwaise wakes him up..cries..

i miss having proper meals and cooking breakfast for us every morning..and him brushing up and making his stoopid loud gurgling noises..sigh..i miss him soo bad..its not funny..i cant take it sometimes..and i keep crying even when i tell myself not to..sigh.. i dont know how to let go of him.. cries..he reli means the world to me.. cries...

the first cut reli is the deepest..i dont think iwl ever completely get over him..and i dont really want to.. i still wish every night that he will come back to me..and that me and him will be us again and be happy and this time really work things out and solve our problems and be happy and do everything that we planned to do together...

our house..our family..our random holidays that we plann..sighh... i love him soo much.. and i hate it that all of our plans and our dreams are juz bleh.. left ther and it can never be done..sigh.. i hate it that he doesnt try.. coz wev been thru soo much.. eveyrthing..literally and.. its blehh fukd that he jzu wana throw away a whole two years .. sigh.. two reli reli great years.. cries

i dont know how to think about everything..when i go away on holiday..i know i hav to get over him..but part of me doesnt want to too coz i hope and wish every day that he will come bak home to me.. sighs.. and i reli pray that he will miss me soo much when i go away sighs.. i hope every night that he will miss me and he will realise that he still does love me.. cries...

i know its been soo long.. and i know i shud be over hm by now..sigh.. but hes juz.. eveyrthing to me..sigh.. iv planned my future with him..and im just so used to having him around every single day and being with me and loving me..sigh .. now adays..every single day seems soo much colder and longer..sighh i cant take it most of the time....

it jus seems like the day never ever ends.. i dont want to get out of bed...sighh i wish sometimes that i cud just slp forever..sighs.. its better than having to face such a long boring slow lonely sad day sighhhhh....

time flies by soo slowly when ur sad huh sighs...

teach me how to be strong again...
teach me how to be happy..

if i cud have onli one wish..i wud wish for him back forever.. i know thers many other ppl out ther in the world etc etc..but hes my first love and i reli reli do l ove him and i can reli see forever with him..yes i know im young..but blehh.. when u feel wat i feel.. u just know that hes the one..and u cant let him go ..its soo not easy.. it hurts.. every day... witout him...sigh

s i g h

iloveu so much**

- dreamer (come back to me..s/2)

make my dream reality

serenery

i believe that the simple things in life are always the most important
that we should never take the people around us for-granted.
life is never long enough, and is an unexpected journey.
and every obstacle are just life's tests to shape who we are,
that mistakes aren't "mistakes" but learning blocks to better ourselves.
i believe you have to take risks - to live life to the fullest and make the most of what we have.
because we only live once.

~ my goal of book reading still stands this year haha and so now i have decided to just list all the books iv been reading and read
> The Five People You Meet in Heaven - Mitch Albom
> Tuesdays with Morrie - Mitch Albom
> My Sister's Keeper - Jodi Picoult
> Vanishing Acts - Jodi Picoult
> The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
> Deception Point - Dan Brown
> Highway Guitar Rose - Bridget Lowry
> The Pelican Brief - John Grisham
> Adrian Mole: The Wilderness Years - Sue Townsend
> For One Last Day - Mitch Albom
> Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix - JK Rowlings
> Bridget Jone's Diary [the first one]
- Harry Potter and the Half Blooded Prince - JK Rowlings
- Singletini - Amanda Trimble
- Falling Blossom - Peter Pagnamenta and Momoko Williams
- The Deep End of the Ocean - i shall getbak to u lol
- Ugly - Constance Briscoe
- Simply Irresistible - Rachel Gibson

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- feel free to dream with me :)



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