i know that sometimes i ask for too much ..and i expect too much from him..but i cant help it cos im soo used to him being mine..
mm right now im meant to be studying for itf..and i am tryin..im reading and tryin to teach myself.. bt i really reallly need help for this coz im not doing great at all and going to fail.. sighs
so i was talkin to roger about it and asking him whether he can help me and teach me coz i need like 53% to get borderline 50% overall! X_X yes..that bad lol

so anyways, i was asking him and he sed that he cant tonight.. and im like..oh.. i wasnt askin him to come over or anything i just wondering if he could help me..yes i know that this might be sounding really stoopid right now sigh but yeahh bleh roger is roger and he has a huge effect on me even if its just a liddol stoopid thing..

anyways,.. i was like.. hmm wen i want help and ask him ..he is busy and when he is "free" or wants to help me its alwasie the wrong time..sighs.. mmm im kinda bleh at him atm coz like.. he got an exam tmro right but he isnt studying nemore.. coz he knows all his stuff and prepared to ace it..sigh so hes at home.."bumming" and just chatting on msn i guess.. sighs but not to me.. bleh..

mm and he sed that he didnt wana talk about studying for the rest of the night.. bleh sigh he is free to help me obviously but he dont want to huh? sighs.. he confuses me sometimes..coz sometimes he is soo sweet and he still does things that he knows that i like.. for example, i was studying with him at mcl yesterday and then he wnt to lunch and bought me my fav biscuits..sigh and he sed that he bought it just for me.. bleh sigh..

i was reli angry at him yesterdaay too btw..lol sighh.. mmm blehhh he also came over to visit me last night too..reli random of him sigh.. of course im hapy bt i wasnt expecting him to come over today and of all days.. i had an exam this morning which i reali got ownd for.. sigh i didnt study enough coz when he came over he wantd to slp! sighs...

im angry at him coz why does he alwasie get everything that he wants.. he comes over yesterday and he wants to slp so we go to slp.sigh and then when he dont wana help me or teacch me he doesnt.. and i alwasie hav to wait..obviously today ..right now..he is free coz he dont wana study for his exam nemore..sigh and he says the he wants to help me and when he offers i nver want to take it..which is bs.. coz te times that he alwaise asks is alwaise shit time for me.. sighhhh

arghh i dont know wat the hel is happening between us..sigh i dont know wat is going to happen when i go away too..sigh will he miss me? sgh.. i wonder if iwl see him agen before i leave.. he sed yesterday that he wud see me next week sometime..but then he randomli came over last night.. which was shitty too coz i had exam right and needed to study and slp so cudnt reali spend any time with him sighs..

maybe thats why he came over last night..? coz he knew that i h ad to slp earli sigh and so we cdnt spend too much time together? sighs.. i dont know.. im going nuts..and im soo going to fail this exam.. like the other two iv done sighs.. im soo stressed..and angry and arghhh.. i dont know..

i wish that we could hurry up and sort things out..sigh i wish that he wud give us another chance sighs.. it sks soo bad..coz he we still see each other and when we do its great..its like one day every week im the happiest person around sigh.. but then afterwards it usually really hurts coz he goes away again and then im left alone thinkn wat the hel to do.. and wats going on sighs...

i know that im stoopid..but sometimes i think tat its worth it to be like this.. coz at least i get to see him once a week and be happy for once sigh.. although in the end it hurts like shit and i end up cryin sigh.. i still love him soo much and i dont know if i can take not seeing or talkin to him for soo long sigh.. *tears*

its hard..sigh really hard...

i dont know wat to do anymore..sigh i know i must study tho.. bleh but i really need help for this.. if onli he wasnt soo selfish sigh and helpd me out sigh.. mm i guess i cant really call him selfish coz i am too sigh coz i want him all to myself =X lol sigh oki not all..but i want him bak lah..u dont understand how much it hurts to see him and nt be abl to call him by the names that i used to..and not to hear him call me babes and hun and kiss me and tell me that he still loves me....

arghh dreaming suks sometimes man... lol sigh
it doesnt come true...bleh it never has sigh.. why am i such a dreamer..sigh...

[say that u love me - jay r and kyla]

My morning starts to shine
With teardrops in my eyes
And here i am alone
Starting to realize
That my days would be brighter
If i could learn to hide
The feelings that i have for you
Keep hurting me inside

Then my day begins with simple
Thoughts of you
Hoping that tomorrow
Will be me and you
Sharing dreams with each other
And making them come true
Holding one another saying
All i need is you

But will you say
That you love me?
And show me that you care
Say when i need you
You will always be there
But if you go and leave me
This i swear is true
My love will always
Be with you

Now my nights would end
With just one wish
That's you
To hold me in the dark
And help me make it through
'coz the pain that's inside me
Would simply melt away
If i had you here with me
And promise me you'd stay

Repeat chorus 2x..

sigh say that u love me... sighh love me agein... blehh =(
and yes my love will alwaise be with u..sigh its alwaise been with u babes..

- dreamer (missing u)

serenery

i believe that the simple things in life are always the most important
that we should never take the people around us for-granted.
life is never long enough, and is an unexpected journey.
and every obstacle are just life's tests to shape who we are,
that mistakes aren't "mistakes" but learning blocks to better ourselves.
i believe you have to take risks - to live life to the fullest and make the most of what we have.
because we only live once.

~ my goal of book reading still stands this year haha and so now i have decided to just list all the books iv been reading and read
> The Five People You Meet in Heaven - Mitch Albom
> Tuesdays with Morrie - Mitch Albom
> My Sister's Keeper - Jodi Picoult
> Vanishing Acts - Jodi Picoult
> The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
> Deception Point - Dan Brown
> Highway Guitar Rose - Bridget Lowry
> The Pelican Brief - John Grisham
> Adrian Mole: The Wilderness Years - Sue Townsend
> For One Last Day - Mitch Albom
> Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix - JK Rowlings
> Bridget Jone's Diary [the first one]
- Harry Potter and the Half Blooded Prince - JK Rowlings
- Singletini - Amanda Trimble
- Falling Blossom - Peter Pagnamenta and Momoko Williams
- The Deep End of the Ocean - i shall getbak to u lol
- Ugly - Constance Briscoe
- Simply Irresistible - Rachel Gibson

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- feel free to dream with me :)



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