i thought that this time when i go away it would be easier to say goodbye to him.. to be able to leave without a tear.. oki no not possible, let me rephrase.. not too many tears.. lols sighs mm
today i was at uni studying with him..and i finally told him that im leaving..in 6 days... lol =/ sighs and the reaction i got wasnt great lol.. well it was nothing..it was like he didnt really care.. sigh i tried not to let it affect me and kept reminding myself about wat people been telling me ..how if he doesnt miss or care then he doesnt deserve me sigh..

yes i know that it has been a very long time already and i should be over him by now.. mm like i said many times before too.. nowun really understands all that iv been going through.. thers been many things happening still which makes things really confusing and hard to let go sighs..

but i alredi knew that yes.. i hav to get ovr him eventually and i planned that this would be the time sigh.. its a one month holiday.. away from here.. away from him.. sigh.. i dont know if i can take it..but i know that i have to do this..it will be good.. get my mind off things hopefully and come back happy again.. well at least come back witout him being my first priority all the time..

its actually exam times right now.. and i have one tmro morning and i havnt really studied enough for it lol but im still here blogging.. meaning my priorities are very screwed over right now haha coz he is still number one to me..sighs.. it shudnt be like this tho huh!? sighs

mm sighs.. i know its time to let go ..its hard.. very very hard.. i dont know whats wrong with me.. i shudnt be stressing over one boi for soo long at this age too sigh.. the first cut is the deepest huh! sighs.. it really is.. he really cut me reli reli deep..sighs..

anyways today i tried to say goodbye to him witout crying.. and i didnt! but i did tear once..coz it wud be the last time i see him in a very long time..and things will probably change alot when i get back.. all the things that been happening will have to stop and things will really be differnt.. if he doesnt want us to be together nemore then ..iwl hav to really let go of him and stop being jealous about all the people arond him sigh.. and try to be friends huh? sighs...

mm he saw me cry i tink..and he knows that this is hard for me coz he knows how i feel about him stil.. sigh and he told me to stop being a retard and that he was going to see me next week before i leave....=/

i told him no.. coz i didnt want him to think that i onli teard/cried coz i wantd him to feel bad and to come and see me..coz tats really not wat i was doing sigh.. today i thought was the last day i wud seee him for a whle..and although it wasnt as nice i thought it would be sigh.. i knew that i had to go and stop seeing him and think about my exams.. sighs....but then i cant help it if im sad la lol.. i do love him and it hurts to hav to say gooodbye to him again..sighs..

mmm i dont know wat is happening now tho..i dont want to talk to him about it or bother him sighs.. i need to study and he needs to study sighs..i just wish..pray ..that he wud miss me while im away.. sigh and when i get back he will give us a try again sighs... i reli wish that wud happen.. sigh.. bt i shdnt be gettin my hopes up *slap serene* lol sighs.. arghhhhhhhh

im stressed about everything..and scared about leaving these holidays..but it will be good for me and him..sighs.. its me time huh..sighs.. must stop stressing ...lol sighhhhhhhhhhh

i actually had a really good weekend sigh.. on saturday i went to his majestys theatre with him and his mom and bro..to watch a chinese play called butterfly lovers.. its like a chinese version of romeo and juliet.. it was reli sad and i cried a few..many times lol haha sigh..it was fun tho..we dressed up and got pretty .. hehe sighs...

mmm and then on tuesday ..i got my hair curled at toni and guy ! and it was great lol haha it lookd soo hot lols sigh and yeahh i dont know.. no comment lol.. i got to see roger on tues too to show off the hair lol sighs..

i shall put a pic up lol =X .. lol dont mind my vainness lol sighs...actually iwl put it on the next post coz usu when i put up photos halfway thru a blog it screws up the WHOLE post and iget angry and hav to edit it all sighs.. annoyingness.. lol

mmmm sigh oki well i shud reli get bak to study.. exam tmro at 9.. argh sigh.. how the hel do u write 3 essays and do 30 mcq in 2 hours..TWO HOURS ONLY! ..*dies*

s i g h

i hope things get better sooon sigh...

- dreamer (still loving uu...)

serenery

i believe that the simple things in life are always the most important
that we should never take the people around us for-granted.
life is never long enough, and is an unexpected journey.
and every obstacle are just life's tests to shape who we are,
that mistakes aren't "mistakes" but learning blocks to better ourselves.
i believe you have to take risks - to live life to the fullest and make the most of what we have.
because we only live once.

~ my goal of book reading still stands this year haha and so now i have decided to just list all the books iv been reading and read
> The Five People You Meet in Heaven - Mitch Albom
> Tuesdays with Morrie - Mitch Albom
> My Sister's Keeper - Jodi Picoult
> Vanishing Acts - Jodi Picoult
> The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
> Deception Point - Dan Brown
> Highway Guitar Rose - Bridget Lowry
> The Pelican Brief - John Grisham
> Adrian Mole: The Wilderness Years - Sue Townsend
> For One Last Day - Mitch Albom
> Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix - JK Rowlings
> Bridget Jone's Diary [the first one]
- Harry Potter and the Half Blooded Prince - JK Rowlings
- Singletini - Amanda Trimble
- Falling Blossom - Peter Pagnamenta and Momoko Williams
- The Deep End of the Ocean - i shall getbak to u lol
- Ugly - Constance Briscoe
- Simply Irresistible - Rachel Gibson

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- feel free to dream with me :)



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