sigh well i shud hav kept my blog updated..then u wudnt hav to hear it all in one big blog..sigh.. one big sad emo blog..i warn u lol =/ sighs

sigh well it all started the day i got back from singapore/china.. he picked me up from the airport..and man.. he askd me out again..! sigh.. i thought wow.. sigh.. omg.. lol =/ i was happy! reli happy.. but in the same time.. angry at him..coz he was the one who broke up with me int he first place..and when he wants me back..he gets me back.! sigh..

its not like i wanted him to get his way..but it reli took me by suprise..and sigh.. i gave in..sigh
anyways.. our so called attempt only lasted for 9 days..=( sighs.. *tears*

man im soo sad.. sigh like sad sad..as in crying sad..lol sigh.. i guess it dun hurt as much as the first time..but it still hurts bad..sigh.. i reli still do like him.. quite a bit i guess..and yes i know im stoopid and shudnt hav let him in and let him hurt me again..but i dno..sigh.. i guess its the whole first love thing..and sighh i duno.. i guess i kinda lived with him for one and a half years!? sighs..

and the worse thing is..i think that i wud fall for him again! sighs.. now we are just "friends".. but i told him taht that probably wont work out for very long..coz me and him being friends.. hmm sigh.. we were never friends to start off with and we dont hav friends in common..sighs =(
man i do want to be friends with him if thats the only thing that i can have..but then again.. i dnt..
sigh i juz wna be happy again! and i dont know if i can take it ..seeing him and just being.. friends... man that would hurt too coz inside i still love him sighs =( and then the day he goes out with someone else......sigh that wud be the end of.. i duno.. hopefully not me..sigh but it wud hit hard.. sigh and iwl get hurt again for no reason..sighs..

mann im scrwed.. see, i know wats going to happen.. and that iwl get hurt again..but i still go in for more..sigh i still like him..and i still give in to him.. man i still wud do anything to get him back and for him to love me again...sighs.. yes i am young and i shudnt thnk that he is the one and ther are many other people out ther..sighs.. i know that..but right now.. me being the stubborn.. heartbrokened person that i am.. sigh i say that he cud be the one right now.. sighs and i do love him a liddol bit still..sigh in my heart he will alwaise alwaise be there..coz man we had a huge history.. u cant imagine..sighs and it hurts every day not being able to hold him and hug him and call him mine..sigh... it reli breaks my heart.....sighhhs

now.. i duno wat is happening.. well truth be told...we are not together nemore..and i soo gta face that fact! sigh .. and i am! blehh its not like the first time..sigh blehhh but mann it hurts..sigh
sigh i duno.. hes like.. iwl see u once a week to take u grocery shopping..coz he knows that i live home alone..sigh and iguess he kinda does care...well ok not kinda..he does care! sighs
anyways.. i dno wat to do.. im thinkn sigh i cud either stay close and be "friends" with him.. and then mybe one day hewl be lookin forward to see me once a week..sighs and then we cud try again.. sigh but then.. if i do that..i cud get jipped..and then he will reli think of me as a friend and then when he gets another girl..iwl just crumble and die like i hav been doing the past half year.. sighs
the other option being..i jus ignore him.. blehhhh yes ok im sure all of u are telling me to do just this..sigh but man its not easy to let him go..and man i do llike him alot..and i waana see him sigh =( and yes i know its soo not healthy and good for me..blehhhhhhh !!!

anyways..sighhh yes that be my retarded love.. no wait.. not just love life.. this be my life! right now lol..sighh unis being a bitch too.. but i gues tats mostly related to the fact that i lost him for the second time..sigh..

arghhhhhh serene u gta be strong and stop dreaming..sigh.. its not worth it..sigh man iv been dreaming for soo long...

zzz im going to go and try do my tute..

- dreamer

serenery

i believe that the simple things in life are always the most important
that we should never take the people around us for-granted.
life is never long enough, and is an unexpected journey.
and every obstacle are just life's tests to shape who we are,
that mistakes aren't "mistakes" but learning blocks to better ourselves.
i believe you have to take risks - to live life to the fullest and make the most of what we have.
because we only live once.

~ my goal of book reading still stands this year haha and so now i have decided to just list all the books iv been reading and read
> The Five People You Meet in Heaven - Mitch Albom
> Tuesdays with Morrie - Mitch Albom
> My Sister's Keeper - Jodi Picoult
> Vanishing Acts - Jodi Picoult
> The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
> Deception Point - Dan Brown
> Highway Guitar Rose - Bridget Lowry
> The Pelican Brief - John Grisham
> Adrian Mole: The Wilderness Years - Sue Townsend
> For One Last Day - Mitch Albom
> Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix - JK Rowlings
> Bridget Jone's Diary [the first one]
- Harry Potter and the Half Blooded Prince - JK Rowlings
- Singletini - Amanda Trimble
- Falling Blossom - Peter Pagnamenta and Momoko Williams
- The Deep End of the Ocean - i shall getbak to u lol
- Ugly - Constance Briscoe
- Simply Irresistible - Rachel Gibson

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- feel free to dream with me :)



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