i guess its about time huh..
man hes put me thru soo much pain and shit this past half year..
hes always thinking that hes right and so i am the one who always have to say sorry and make things better between us..
sigh u know wat, i dont know if i wana do that nemore..hmmm.. i dont think that i should have to say sorry to him all the time when clearly its not always me.. or if its both of us.. i shouldnt have to take the blame for it all...
its not fair...
its really unfair actually.. tears

man, it hurts alot.. i just msgd him saying that.. maybe we should just say bye now coz obviously he doesnt feel the same way and his actions, not sayin sorry and hanging up on me when i try to make things better.. sigh.. obviously he doesnt have time for me anymore.. and he doesnt care as much anymore.. or he would have said sorry to me.. sigh or at least listen to me..
but instead he hangs up.. he doesnt bother msging back to say sorry.. it hurts..

i dont know if i can keep waiting anymore.. it hurts soo bad to wait for .. maybe nothing at all.. sighs.. i cant deny my feelings for him.. i do love him.. sigh but i dont know if this love is fair and going to work anymore.. i wana be happy again.. sigh i dun wana cry.. i hate feeling jealous sigh.. and i wana stop thinkn about him soo much.. cries

sigh i msgd him to say goodbye.. i told him that.. its quite clear now... that theres no more space left in him for me.. sighs that maybe its best that we say goodbye now.. coz he doesnt seem to care as much anymore.. he doesnt care when were together as a couple, and he doesnt care to even keep our friendship strong.. he just uses it whenever he wants.. sighs..

man i duno wats happening atm.. sighs i told him happy bday, merry xmas and happy new year in advance coz we prob wont be seeing each other when the time comes.. sighs.. he replied sayin that i shud not think too much and do something else or else i might regret saying wat im saying.. sighs..

maybe i shud hav left it..? but i replied sayin that its obvious were really screwed and for him to be happy.. i have to go...

tears.. its going to be hard not talking to him or seeing him ... but i guess its all for the best.. cries.. its probably going to kill me..and i am going to regret..cries.. but doing wat me and him are doing now.. isnt gettin anywhere either...

he gives me false hope..cries.. he makes me cry non stop.. but eventho its probably going to kill me.. i guess its for the best.. if he does care.. and want to try..he'wl come back and talk to me and try to make things okay... sighs...

i wonder how long i will last...

i already deleted him off my msn again.. sighs.. man how long is that going to last.. sighs..
how long can i take pretending that im okay.. and that it doesnt hurt.. and to put on my fake smile once again... sigh in front of all the couples.. cries.. mannn.. i cant take it already... tears..

man why am i soo stoopid.. to let myself belong to him.. cries.. he controls me.. man nowun has ever made me cry soo much ever... sighs.. and its been soo long too... blehs
i wonder how much longer it will take for me.. tears...

my heart aches every day..every night.. everything reminds me of him.. sighs.. every memory makes me cry.. bleh.. i cant sleep well at night.. sighs and i cant be myself.. i just feel soo sad.. sighs.. and its soo not worth it..blehs..thers soo many other things that i gta do.. blehh sighs...

man i wana be strong again.. sighs i wana be me again..bleh.. i dont like this sad..stoopid girl who keeps crying over a boy..one boy!..sigh mannnnnnn....
but thats the boy taht this stoopid girl fell in love with and gave up everything for.. cries...

mAn how stoopid is this girl..

sighs..

time to say goodbye... time to try and move on witout him... sighs...
man iwl need soo much help for this one.. blehh.. cries...

its been like.. onli 15 mins since i sent him the sms..and mann im soo loosing it already lols.. sighs.. bleh im soo stressed out.. arghhhhhs *cries*

mannnnn i soo gta be kept occupied.. cries.. coz i cant stop thinking about him.. i think the sleepless nights are gona start all over again.. blehhhh fuk i cant stop crying.. sighhhhh...

shit maybe i reli shudnt hav sed wat i sed to him..
imagine..me saying goodbye to him? ........omg....
cries....

now i just feel like shit.. waiting for him to be like.. no we can be friends.. zz.. BLEh..
FuK SerEne.. stop hoPing for shit that probably wont ever happen ever again..........
MAnnnnn *slap* imma idiot!!!!!!!!

bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh
bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh
bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh
bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh

someone pls kill me!!!! sighssssssssssssss

- dreamer

serenery

i believe that the simple things in life are always the most important
that we should never take the people around us for-granted.
life is never long enough, and is an unexpected journey.
and every obstacle are just life's tests to shape who we are,
that mistakes aren't "mistakes" but learning blocks to better ourselves.
i believe you have to take risks - to live life to the fullest and make the most of what we have.
because we only live once.

~ my goal of book reading still stands this year haha and so now i have decided to just list all the books iv been reading and read
> The Five People You Meet in Heaven - Mitch Albom
> Tuesdays with Morrie - Mitch Albom
> My Sister's Keeper - Jodi Picoult
> Vanishing Acts - Jodi Picoult
> The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
> Deception Point - Dan Brown
> Highway Guitar Rose - Bridget Lowry
> The Pelican Brief - John Grisham
> Adrian Mole: The Wilderness Years - Sue Townsend
> For One Last Day - Mitch Albom
> Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix - JK Rowlings
> Bridget Jone's Diary [the first one]
- Harry Potter and the Half Blooded Prince - JK Rowlings
- Singletini - Amanda Trimble
- Falling Blossom - Peter Pagnamenta and Momoko Williams
- The Deep End of the Ocean - i shall getbak to u lol
- Ugly - Constance Briscoe
- Simply Irresistible - Rachel Gibson

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- feel free to dream with me :)



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