sigh. well this week has been fuckin epic. a uberly epic rollercoaster ride. sigh.. an emotional one!.. bleh.

a few days ago i was happy :) very happy! wat i wanted deep down inside.. came true! and i thought it was all going to work out..with me and my boy. he basically told me that he liked me, missed me and cudnt stop thinkn about me. gosh. iwas happy :)

but then all that changed yesterday. bleh. yesterday was just fuckin epic full stop. it was just so fuckd up! so much drama. bleh. fucking boys!

i not going to bother going into it. but fuck. basically we "brokeup". bleh. and its fuckd. id uno. my emotions are fucked. i duno wat the hel to feel. bleh.
part of me is relieved that its over finally...coz i guess from the very beginning we both knew it was just not ever going to happen. sigh but then another part of me really misses him now and wishes that he didnt just say all the things he said.

bleh! thats what really fucks me over. coz a few days ago we wer good! very good! it looked hopeful! bleh. but then all of a sudden.. it all came crashin and it fuckn burnt goood. bleh. it ended. kapish. over. done. the end.!

i duno wat to feel. bleh and i went out last night to try to get my mind off things. hmm drank ..a bit. lol =/ sigh. obviously went thru an emo stage which sucked balls. big big balls. bleh. :( sigh oh and i also lost another guy. well not lost lost. coz inever wantd him to fuckn begin with. but he did ask me out on a date tmro but i saw him last night slutting around so i pretty much told him to get fucked.

so i got rid of two guys in one day!.... good job me!

bleh!

its nearly the end of the year and it had to end soo fuckin epicaly? bleh lol. sigh.
and now me and one of my really good friends.. sigh we are in the shits with each other and he just made me fkn cry. like wtf. too much emotions are flowing thru me bleh. i dno wat is happening but im breaking down! :( argh.

i really cant wait til this year is over. i am seriously over it! fuckin really over it! its not like i had a bad year. i wud say it was a fun year. iv done things i never thought id do and iv learnt new things. bleh. again i got semi fuckd over by a guy.but bleh.. wer girls.thats just what happens.. zz. hm but idnt regret anything :)
just that al this shit that happenign now.. argh. its fuckin with me. and i just wana leave it all behind in fucking 2008.

2009. clean start. clean slate. new year. a better year? sigh. just leaving all the crap behind. :(

sigh. i miss him!

i know i know. hes not good for me. iknow i deserve better. and i know hes bein an immature prick about this whole thing right now. fuckin double standards too! selfish adn unfair! argh. i know all this but yet i still like him. wtf is wrong with me lol :(

hmmm i know iwl b ok. i can live witout him. bleh. just that in this moment..this period in time.. i like him. and i do miss him.. sigh adn it sucks right now.. so bad. coz i wish i was still with him :(

my sensible is soo weak! lol. i know wat to do and iknow us breakin up at this time is perfect.. end of the year. new year etc. but gosh. i feeel soo fkn weak. sigh. the desire is burning so bright. even brighter now than before. bleh and im being so stubborn and selfish maybe? sigh.

i duno. im hurting.

- dreamer (lonely)

serenery

i believe that the simple things in life are always the most important
that we should never take the people around us for-granted.
life is never long enough, and is an unexpected journey.
and every obstacle are just life's tests to shape who we are,
that mistakes aren't "mistakes" but learning blocks to better ourselves.
i believe you have to take risks - to live life to the fullest and make the most of what we have.
because we only live once.

~ my goal of book reading still stands this year haha and so now i have decided to just list all the books iv been reading and read
> The Five People You Meet in Heaven - Mitch Albom
> Tuesdays with Morrie - Mitch Albom
> My Sister's Keeper - Jodi Picoult
> Vanishing Acts - Jodi Picoult
> The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
> Deception Point - Dan Brown
> Highway Guitar Rose - Bridget Lowry
> The Pelican Brief - John Grisham
> Adrian Mole: The Wilderness Years - Sue Townsend
> For One Last Day - Mitch Albom
> Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix - JK Rowlings
> Bridget Jone's Diary [the first one]
- Harry Potter and the Half Blooded Prince - JK Rowlings
- Singletini - Amanda Trimble
- Falling Blossom - Peter Pagnamenta and Momoko Williams
- The Deep End of the Ocean - i shall getbak to u lol
- Ugly - Constance Briscoe
- Simply Irresistible - Rachel Gibson

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- feel free to dream with me :)



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